<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Whatever You Say, Professor by TiffanyToms</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28178430">Whatever You Say, Professor</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiffanyToms/pseuds/TiffanyToms'>TiffanyToms</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, jily - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Light Bondage, Poor Life Choices, Professor Potter, Slow Burn, Smut, Student Lily, Teacher James, Teacher-Student Relationship, Wet Dream</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:34:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>99,992</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28178430</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiffanyToms/pseuds/TiffanyToms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In her final year at Hogwarts, Lily Evans has a new professor. The only problem is, former classmate Professor Potter is the only man she's ever had a crush on. Can they be good and stay away from each other? Or does destiny (and their pesky little shared dreams) have other plans for them?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Jily - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Guess Who’s Back?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Just discovered this site - already posted on FF!</p><p>Hey guys! I'm going to be honest here – I actually just wanted to write a smut piece with James as a professor and Lily as his student, but then I couldn't stop thinking about HOW this would authentically work, and what their motivation would be... So yes, it starts off rather tame, but gets downright filthy by the end... so you have been warned!</p><p>***If you're here just for the smut (no judgment) it starts on Chapter 17</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Her emerald eyes glinted mischievously as she leaned down over his chest, her fingers splayed teasingly over his warm pectoral muscles. She looked as though she was glowing from the inside out, part Veela if he had to guess. Her deep red hair cascaded over her shoulder and tickled the delicate skin of his cheek. “All right there, Professor?” she asked, her gorgeous face a mere centimeters from his.</p><p>He felt his lips crack into a smile as his hands moved up her milky thighs of their own accord. He still wasn’t quite used to the title, but he’d roll with it.</p><p>“Professor?” Her velvety voice was laced with concern now. James was confused. <em>What had just gone wrong? Nothing was wrong.</em> <em>This is bloody heaven.</em></p><p>“Professor?”</p><p>James Potter snapped out of it, his eyes opening to the harsh reality of where he was: the Transfiguration classroom. It wasn’t the first time he’d fallen asleep there… it was, however, the first time he’d fallen asleep and woken up as the teacher.</p><p>“Uh— yes?” he stammered, his eyes focusing on the 3rd year in front of him. This was going to be a long school year…</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>“I heard it’s James Potter,” said Dorcas Meadowes, Lily’s best friend.</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes, really over this bullshit. “For fuck’s sake, will you <em>let it go.</em>” Lily’s friends had been on her case about her little schoolgirl crush for years now. It didn’t even matter that they were currently 7th years and James had left Hogwarts three years ago. “That was ages ago.”</p><p>“And yet… you’re still not over it,” Dorcas said with a sly wink. “No, but really, I did hear it was him.”</p><p>“Ha ha,” was Lily’s sarcastic reply. There was no way on earth that James Potter, <em>thee James Potter, </em>was teaching during Professor McGonagall’s sabbatical. <em>No fucking way.</em></p><p>“Okay… find out for yourself,” Dorcas said walking towards the class with her hands up in mock defense.</p><p>McGonagall had announced quite suddenly the week prior that she was off to Korea to study ancient shape shifters. Lily thought it sounded more like a vacation than anything, but she supposed the teacher deserved some time off. McGonagall had been fighting against Voldemort and his Death Eaters for who knows how long and they had finally been vanquished. Lily still couldn’t believe it. It had been eight years since she had found out she was a witch and nearly just as long that she’d known that her kind — Muggle-borns — were being hunted by the worst of them. Then this summer, all of a sudden, a baby had done Voldemort in. Poof. <em>Like magic. </em>His followers had dispersed overnight and all her bullies and tormenters now roamed the halls, wand in hand, looking lost for purpose. If they hadn’t made her life a living hell, Lily might have felt bad for them… <em>Yeah right, not in a billion years.</em></p><p>The girls rounded the corner into the classroom to find a spot with the rest of the Gryffindors. <em>Ah shit, where’s my quill? </em>is the last thought Lily had right before being poked, rather harshly she might add, in the ribs. “What Dorc-” Then she saw what: James Potter, wearing black slacks and a grey knit sweater, was lounging against McGonagall’s desk. His arms were crossed, but he gave her a lazy smile as their eyes met over the heads of her classmates. She tried to keep her face neutral, but a “Whaaaaat…” still escaped her lips.</p><p>“I TOLD you,” Dorcas said, gently pulling Lily by the arm, somehow knowing she’d stay rooted to the spot otherwise.</p><p>“Did you? This can’t be real.” Lily could feel a blush spreading across her cheeks. This was a bit of a disaster really. She’d imagined running into James later, when she was perhaps in her 20s, as a successful potions master. He, a renowned Auror, had come to her for help with his new case. He’d see how much she’d grown, how wise she was now, and just —<em> I don’t know </em>— fall in love. This was not how she’d pictured their reunion — with pumpkin juice breath and barely combed hair.</p><p>“You look fine,” Dorcas whispered in her ear, seemingly reading her thoughts.</p><p>Lily kept her head down and unpacked her things on her desk.</p><p>“Good morning class,” James announced, a whole lot more confidently than he currently felt. “As you know, Professor McGonagall is gone for the rest of the school year, so I will be filling in for her.”</p><p>“Aren’t you a bit young to teach?” Zaire Zabini asked haughtily. Lily scoffed when she saw her former best friend, Severus Snape, sneering sitting besides him. If looks could kill, James didn’t stand a chance.</p><p>James swung one leg over the other, still leaning against his desk. <em>Looking like a damn GQ ad.</em> “I suppose I am young. But if I’m old enough to fight Death Eaters, I’m sure I’m old enough to teach some spells.”</p><p>Lily scanned the room. It looked as though she wasn’t the only girl blushing… the girls from Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, hell, even one Slytherin, all had stupid grins on their faces. <em>This is not happening. This year is too important to have a dumb crush. This year is N.E.W.T.s!</em></p><p>“Prove it,” Snape snarled. Lily could tell James’ comment about Death Eaters had gotten under his skin. After all, it was Snape’s affinity for the Dark Arts that had ultimately driven a wedge in their friendship.</p><p>James rolled his eyes and pushed off the desk. “If only to get you guys to listen up.” There was an audible collective gasp as James’ arms lengthened to the ground as hooves and his untidy black hair elongated to majestic antlers. James had just transformed into a magnificent stag.</p><p>“Bloody brilliant,” Georgina, a Hufflepuff, squealed as she animatedly clapped her hands. Lily had to agree; she remembered McGonagall doing just that to wow all of them first year. (Albeit a two meter tall stag was a little more impressive than a tabby cat.) If he wanted to prove he was a worthy Transfiguration teacher, the class had gotten the message loud and clear.</p><p>The stag tilted his prongs to the board, took a leap, then became James once more. “Now, if my introduction has been quite sufficient, Professor McGonagall has left me a list of topics we need to cover before your end-of-the-year exams, and I’d assume you may want to get started rather than harping on about how wildly good <em>I </em>am at the subject.” Lily didn’t have to see his eyes to know that James had made that comment at Snape’s expense. Snape had <em>always</em> hated Potter for what he’d gripe on for hours were his “privileges” and how the upperclassman got everything handed to him with zero talent. Lily had always just let him ramble and nodded, not wanting to fight with her friend about something so trivial. It hadn’t been until 4th year that she’d finally started forming her own opinion about the messy-haired Quidditch captain and Head Boy… Course, at that point, he’d become a bit of a Hogwarts celebrity.</p><p>“So, please pair up, and if you’ll open to page 216, you’ll see instructions on how to transform your parter’s noses.”</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>James removed his glasses and splashed water on his face in the comfort of his living quarters. It amazed him that he’d lived in the castle for seven years and never really wondered where the teachers actually lived. Sure, McGonagall had on many occasions had to come out in her dressing robe to reprimand the Marauders for one late-night prank or another, but he’d never stopped and thought about where she went afterwards.</p><p>Now look at him, sleeping in his own luxury flat. The ceilings were high and his windows looked out towards the Quidditch pitch. James was sure an enlargement spell was in play, because there was not this much room in the castle for all the professors’ chambers to be so large.</p><p>James let himself fall into his king bed, reminiscing about his first day. The 1st through 3rd years had been easy enough. Some of them still seemed to be learning how to hold their wands, so a few tricks here and there were likely enough to keep them entertained. However, everyone 4th year and above <em>remembered </em>him. He supposed the 4th years had only witnessed him as a Head Boy — when he had his shit together a bit more — but the rest remembered what a giant pranking prat he’d been. James groaned. It would be a bit tougher to earn the respect of students if they could vividly recall him hexing all the ghosts to have red eyes and fangs on Halloween… although — as he’d adamantly pointed out then — wasn’t the whole point of Halloween to be scared shitless? He tried brushing this reasoning aside. He’d have to be enforcing the rules now, not thinking of more and more creative ways to break them. James rubbed his eyes. <em>Sirius was right. This was a terrible idea.</em></p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>“Sooo?” Dorcas pushed, sitting with Beth Van Steen (their other friend) in front of Lily in the Gryffindor common room.</p><p>“Sooo what?” Lily said nonchalantly, pushing her hair back as she pretended to read over her Charms essay.</p><p>Dorcas rolled her eyes. “Oh shove it. The only bloke you’ve ever fancied, the <em>only</em> one, is back, and you don’t know what my ‘so’ means?” Beth nodded in agreement.</p><p>Lily grinned despite herself. “So… yeah. Okay, I’m a little bit excited,” she admitted, “but he’s our professor.” She annunciated every syllable of the word.</p><p>Beth smiled. “So what?”</p><p>“Soo,” Lily continued, already getting peeved with the word, “that’s that.”</p><p>Dorcas made a face. “Okay killjoy, I’m not saying we should plan how to get you two alone so you can finally express your long-seated desires but—” she turned to look at Beth, “wait, actually, why the hell not?”</p><p>Beth giggled. “Yes! This is a <em>sign</em> Lily!”</p><p>“A sign?!” Lily exclaimed. “Yeah, a sign that it never would and never <em>will </em>happen.”</p><p>“How do you figure?” Dorcas said, narrowing her eyes at her.</p><p>“Because…” Lily was really flustered now. “He’s. Our. <b>Professor</b>.”</p><p>“Oh come on, Lily! He’s only 20 and you’re 17. That’s hardly illegal.” Beth reasoned, accepting Dorcas’ high five.</p><p>“You two are incorrigible.”</p><p>“Nah…” Dorcas said. “We just have normal teenage libidos that we’re really hoping will rub off on you one of these days.”</p><p>Lily threw her homework at her friend. Then quickly snatched it back realizing it wasn’t quite done.</p><p>“All right. Well, I have to go finish the prefects schedule with Benjy and you know I have to have my wits about me around that one… so I’ll be off.”</p><p>Dorcas groaned. “Good luck.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Lily sighed.</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>The next week passed quickly enough, with James becoming used to his new position while Lily tried to get accustomed to seeing him in it. She found herself spending a little extra time in the morning charming her hair just right and applying her makeup a little less carelessly.</p><p>“Miss Evans, may I have a word?” Lily’s heart skipped a beat upon hearing that phrase at the end of Transfiguration class Friday night. She could hear Dorcas squeal, but her mind was racing, never actually having gotten into trouble before. <em>What’s this about? </em>Her nose transformation hadn’t been that bad. At least her transformation had matched Dorcas’ dark skin color, unlike Benjy Fenwick’s hot pink one, or the completely disfiguring one Snape had given his partner. The poor lad had had to go to the hospital wing to remedy the damage and Lily had a sneaking suspicion that Snape had done it on purpose.</p><p>As the rest of the class filed out, Lily timidly walked towards James’ desk where he was tidying up some papers. “You wanted to see me, Professor?”</p><p>James looked at her over his glasses, smiling. “Don’t worry, you’re not in any trouble,” he said correctly reading her visage. “It’s Lily right?”</p><p>Lily’s heart sank. <em>He doesn’t even remember your name. </em>If he had noticed her disappointment, he didn’t let on. “Yeah, Lily. Like the flower.” <em>You dumbass. He KNOWS what LILLIES are.</em></p><p>James’ smile stretched farther. “Well Lily-like-the-flower, can I ask you a question?”</p><p><em>Oh no</em>. Lily’s head spun. <em>He’s on to you. He’s gonna ask what the hell your problem is and point out that it’s </em><em>so</em><em> inappropriate to drool over a professor like this. </em>“Yes, sir.”</p><p>James chuckled, his tongue slipping out to wet his lips as his eyes twinkled. He leaned over his desk towards her and Lily was overcome with the fact that they had never actually stood this close before. <em>Well, not since he’s been back.</em> “How am I doing?” he whispered.</p><p>“W— what?” Lily stammered a little too quickly.</p><p>James motioned around the room. “Teaching. How am I doing? To be honest, I feel like a bit of a tosser most of the time I’m up here.” His hand went through his hair nervously — a habit Lily remembered all too well.</p><p>“Oh no!” Lily replied. “No, you’re doing great! I love the practicality of it. So many of our classes focus so much on the theory, it’s always great when we can be hands on in class and you’re really good at that…” she trailed off, not liking where her dirty gutter mind was going.</p><p>James flashed the most dazzling smile and she felt herself melting. “All right, well, if it’s good enough for the Head Girl, that’s probably a good sign. Thank you.”</p><p><em>He knows you’re Head Girl, but he forgot your name. </em>Sigh. She’d take what she could get of course. She decided to tease him a little bit. “I mean, you’re no McGonagall… but you’ll do.”</p><p>James smirked. Lily internally let out a sigh of relief knowing she hadn’t gone too far. “Well, no one can top Minnie.”</p><p>“Minnie?” Lily’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Maybe I shouldn’t ask…?” James grinned wickedly at her. She felt like she was on a roll. “You going to the game tomorrow, Professor?”</p><p>James had cleared his desk now. “Oh, who’s playing?”</p><p>“Gryffindor versus Slytherin.”</p><p>James’ eyebrows shot up his forehead. “You know I have to see that. We have anyone good on our team still?”</p><p>And just like that, Lily felt like the barrier between student and teacher had fallen and James was just another Gryffindor ready to kick some snake tail. “Well, we have me now,” Lily admitted sheepishly.</p><p>“Huh, no kidding… what do you play?” James asked, genuinely curious.</p><p>“Keeper.”</p><p>James pushed away the thought of Sirius saying something completely demented like, ‘If she’s a Keeper… she’s a keeper.’ “When’d you start?”</p><p>“5th year…” Lily said innocently.</p><p>James racked his brain. “Did you ever try out earlier? I could have used a good Keeper you know. Ours bloody sucked. Got distracted by any shiny ray of light.” James huffed thinking about Mundungus.</p><p>Lily smiled; she remembered him. “I was too scared to try out sooner I guess.”</p><p>“Scared?” James asked puzzled. “Why? You don’t strike me as the fearful type.”</p><p><em>You. </em>“Well, Professor, I’m sure you’ve noticed I’m kinda skinny. It’s terrifying having people who try to kill you in the halls then have free rein to pelt Bludgers at you on the pitch.”</p><p>She had meant it as a joke, but she saw his face darken. “Of course.” James flicked his wand erasing the lesson plan from the board. “Make sure to get some rest, Miss Evans. I expect a win tomorrow.” Then he strode towards the back door.</p><p>“Yes, sir,” Lily replied to her shoes, wondering if she’d done something wrong. She walked to the Great Hall for dinner, ready to answer Dorcas and Beth’s inevitable incessant questions.</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p><em>No shit, she had every reason to be terrified. </em>James mentally kicked himself for asking her such a stupid question. He remembered how crazy the halls had been at times with Death Eater wannabes getting emboldened by Voldemort’s steady rise to power.</p><p>Muggle-borns across the school had been targeted left and right, and Lily had been one of them. The pretty little redhead with the almond eyes. James sighed. Of course he remembered her and her name. In his effort to sound like he wasn’t picking favorites, he’d pretended as though he hadn’t been sure of it, but the pain that flashed behind her eyes wasn’t worth it. Of course he remembered the girl he’d gotten a black eye for, having defended her from Avery after he tried hexing her between periods. He’d told his mates it was because he was the Head Boy, and it was the right thing to do… which it was… but he’d always kept a bit of an eye out for the witch with the crimson hair and the green eyes. Course to admit that he fancied a 4th year would have been social suicide… and his friends would never have let it go.</p><p>Now here she was. Still skinny, but she’d grown into herself more. James tried not to focus on any body part in particular. She’d gone from pretty to drop dead gorgeous. James groaned, hitting the back of his head against his door. These were not thoughts very becoming of a professor.</p><p>‘What bloke becomes a professor at 20?!’ Sirius’ indignant line bounced around his head. ‘You just stopped <em>being</em> a teenager yourself. Bet Dumbledore must be mad desperate, mate.’ James finally agreed with his best friend’s assessment.</p><p>He decided he’d skip dinner tonight and just raid the kitchen’s later. James was at least grateful the Marauders and him had so thoroughly mapped out the school while they’d been there, never quite getting enough of Hogwarts’ mysteries… his classmates’ lack of absolute, drop-everything and go, intrigue of the castle <b>baffled</b> him.</p><p>Students’. His <em>students’ </em>lack of intrigue.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Past Demons</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The cool October air rippled through him as he made his way to the Quidditch pitch alone. James internally apologized for all the times he’d been a git to the professors here; it could be pretty lonely without your gang of friends beside you.</p><p>“Yeh all right there, James?” James looked up (really up) to see the friendly face of the gamekeeper.</p><p>“Hi Hagrid. Going to see the game as well?”</p><p>“Reckon I should, eh?” the half-giant said jovially.</p><p>“Brilliant, let’s go!” James said, already feeling like less of a loser.</p><p>They sat at the top of a stand and James took in the sight. He’d say he finally felt at home, but realized flying in the air would have been much nicer.</p><p>“So, who you rooting for?” Hagrid joked.</p><p>James flicked his wand and his robes turned scarlet with gold trimmings as an answer.</p><p>“Nice one!” Hagrid shifted on the bench, and James felt the whole thing buckle. He silently cast a reinforcing charm on the wood.</p><p>“Would you…?” James motioned towards Hagrid’s outfit.</p><p>“Well, I suppose why not,” Hagrid replied abashed. James waved so that the giant’s clothes matched his own. Hagrid looked down at them appreciatively and James felt his child-like exuberance radiating off of him. He had always known Hagrid was all right.</p><p>James’ eyes scanned the pitch looking at which of his students were playing. Some of the players had clearly dropped Transfiguration class, but those he recognized as his former peers. If he recalled correctly, that Mulciber fellow had been downright nasty. It looked as though James’ former beater had become the team captain. <em>Not the worst choice,</em> he thought as his eyes wandered toward the goal posts. Lily’s hair was pulled back in a tight pony and she looked fiercely determined. He couldn’t help but smile at how cute it was.</p><p>“Lily’s my favorite,” Hagrid declared.</p><p>“Pardon?” James feigned innocence and hoped he hadn’t been staring too long.</p><p>“Lily, the Keeper,” Hagrid pointed, “She’s my favorite on the team. Every time they knock her down, she gets right back up. Born fighter that one. And ye’ couldn’t find a nicer girl than Lily.” Hagrid seemed very proud of her.</p><p><em>Think of something professory to say, think like a professor!</em> “Yes. Brilliant student.”</p><p>“That she is!” Hagrid agreed happily.</p><p>They watched as the game got steadily more violent and it seemed like more than a few Bludgers were pelted Lily’s way. <em>Maybe it’s a good thing we were never on the team together, </em>James thought. Worrying about her would probably have been far too distracting. <em>Not that you could save her from anything. </em>A bitter taste spread in James’ mouth. Suddenly the pitch was the last place he wanted to be.</p><p>“I have to go,” James said abruptly, startling Hagrid.</p><p>“Yeah, all right. See ye ‘round James.”</p><p>James couldn’t even bring himself to say bye, and instead began miserably trudging back to the castle alone. What had been the point of being an Auror if he couldn’t save a best friend? Alice Longbottom had been his Head Girl, his rival Chaser, hell, he’d even been one of her bloody bridesmaids as she married Frank. And she was gone now. Dead. For no reason other than Voldemort had been threatened by her son. Her damn 15-month-old <em>baby. </em>A shiver ran down James’ spine thinking about it. Course the baby survived and was living with his grandmother, but James still couldn’t believe Alice was gone.</p><p>He’d felt like such a failure after that: failure at his profession, failure as a friend. Sirius had tried to cheer him up, but <em>he</em> hadn’t cracked. Sirius was still an Auror. James had needed out. He couldn’t walk into work every day knowing what he hadn’t been able to stop. It had broken him.</p><p>Sometimes he wondered if Minerva had offered him the job at Hogwarts as a lifeline seeing he was a drowning man. Then he realized he was just being a self-centered git. <em>Not everything’s about you. </em>Ugh, he needed to talk to Sirius.</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>“Really?!” Lily let out an exasperated sigh as she looked out the window towards the Great Lake. Benjy had insisted she needed to do rounds tonight, knowing full well there’d be Gryffindor celebrations. (Well, at least Lily thought it was obvious there would be.) She figured he was still trying to punish her for rejecting all his advances. By the water’s edge she saw a lone figure. She looked at her watch. <em>Oh, this guy is so busted.</em></p><p>She stormed out of the castle towards him. “OY!” she yelled just before seeing his moonlit face and realizing who it was. She cursed herself for not recognizing his hair from the back. <em>But who expects to find a professor sitting alone by the lake at 10 at night?</em></p><p>James quickly tried to mask the face he had been making, but Lily had seen it — he looked lost and miserable. “Miss Evans,” he said surprised.</p><p>“Oh Merlin, so sorry Professor, I thought you were a naughty student,” Lily stammered, her face growing hot with embarrassment.</p><p>“Naughty student, eh?” James couldn’t help but cock up an eyebrow. “Would hate to think about what my punishment would have been.”</p><p>“Probably just a reaming; I was in quite a good mood.”</p><p>“Ah yes,” James said, looking over his shoulder at her, his body still facing the lake reflecting the beautiful full moon. “Great job today, by the way.” His eyes traveled to the ground.</p><p>Lily decided to sit next to him. “Thank you, you saw it then?” she asked hopefully.</p><p>“The first half, yes.” Lily’s heart sank. Guess it wasn’t a good enough performance to stay.</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>They sat in silence for a moment, looking over the lake, a distant howl sounding in the background. James wanted to tell her how much he’d loved her kick-save, but he thought that might have been a tad too specific.</p><p>“So…” Lily began tentatively. “Whatcha doing out here?”</p><p>James smiled at her and Lily felt her insides warm like she’d just chugged a pint of Butterbeer. She noticed his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes though. “Just thinking about an old friend.”</p><p>“Oh.” Lily let the answer linger between them. <em>Stupid girl. Probably thinking about some bird he used to snog right here and you — a student — is ruining it for him. </em>Lily was just about to go, but a question that had burned in her mind since she first saw him back at Hogwarts bubbled to the surface. “Professor, can I ask you a question?”</p><p>“Shoot,” James said.</p><p>“Why… why are you teaching now? Weren’t you an Auror?”</p><p>James recoiled like he had been stung. <em>Look, even Lily is disappointed in you. </em>He ruffled his hair while she tried backtracking.</p><p>“I’m so sorry — you don’t have to answer that, it was terribly personal, I’m sorry —“ she blabbed.</p><p>“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’ve been thinking about my shortcomings here too—”</p><p>“No!” Lily exclaimed, her eyes wide. “No, that’s not what I meant at all—”</p><p>“Lily,” he said finitely, placing one of his hands on hers in her lap (if Lily hadn’t been in the midst of panicking, she might have felt the jolt of electricity run through her), “it’s all right. Why don’t you go enjoy your victory party? You more than earned it.”</p><p>“Okay,” Lily breathed, wanting to cry. <em>Fucking idiot. </em>She walked back to the castle miserably, looking over her shoulder once to see he’d returned to his lake vigil. <em>Blasted fucking idiot you are. </em>She trudged to her common room — rest of her round be damned — to find her friends.</p><p>“What’s wrong with you?” Dorcas asked from the couch where she was tying her dark locks into a messy bun. It seemed that the party had died and only a few Gryffindors were chanting and swaying in the corner.</p><p>“Is it that obvious?” Lily cried as she flung herself face forward into the soda. “Kill me now,” could be heard mumbled through the pillows.</p><p>“What is it?” Beth asked, patting Lily’s back from her spot on the floor. “Benjy on your case again?”</p><p>“I WISH!” Lily exclaimed turning her face out. Both of her friends looked at her in shock. “Okay, not really, but I made a complete ass of myself in front of Potter tonight.”</p><p>“Explain…” Dorcas clearly needed juicy details.</p><p>“Well,” Lily started miserably, “I saw him sitting by the lake, but I didn’t know it was him, I thought it was a student out past curfew, so I had to go over and reprimand him—”</p><p>“Naturally. Ooh, I like where this is going,” Dorcas joked.</p><p>“No, because he looked so sad. Like, so, so sad, I never remembered him looking so sad at school right? I mean him and his mates were always joking and having fun and… I don’t know, happy! And then I had to go and ask him what he was doing, and he said thinking about a friend — you know, probably some super fit, way more in his league girl — but <em>then </em>I had the nerve to ask why he quit Auroring,” the grins started to slip off of her friends’ faces, “and the way he looked at me…”</p><p>“Oh no, Lily… ” Beth said, “you didn’t.”</p><p>“What?” she asked defensively, “I mean, aren’t you guys curious? Who quits being an Auror?!” Lily propped herself onto her elbows so she could see them dead on.</p><p>“Lily,” Dorcas put her hand on Lily’s shoulder. “You know what happened, right? The night You-Know-Who was stopped?”</p><p>“Yeah, ‘Boy Who Lived,’ got it.”</p><p>“Oh Lily, you really need to get the Daily Prophet over the summer.” Beth’s eyes were looking at Lily so pityingly.</p><p>“You guys know Tuney would kill me if there were any more owls over, it’s already bad enough as it is.” Lily patently left out the part about a monthly newspaper subscription being a little too expensive for her already abysmal budget. “Why? What I miss?”</p><p>Beth and Dorcas exchanged a commiserating look; they knew so much more about the Potters and other pureblood families by virtue of family gossip. Beth decided to be the one to break it to her. “Lily, the boy’s mum was Alice Longbottom, one of James’ best friends. He was supposed to be their Secret Keeper, but James thought it would be too obvious being that he was an Auror, so he made them use one of Frank’s friends for the Fidelius Charm instead. The guy snitched and You-Know-Who killed them both. He feels responsible.”</p><p>“They say he was the one to find their bodies… if you believe what Skeeter writes anyway.”</p><p>Lily’s face was frozen in horror. He’d found his best friend’s dead body? He’d wanted to protect her… and he couldn’t. Lily felt an icy pit drop in her stomach. <em>You insensitive dreadful bitch.</em></p><p>“They even did an internal investigation to see if he was fit to be an Auror, figured Mad-Eye should have benched him since he was still recovering from the deaths of his parents to that Dragon Pox outbreak that got around last May. He was cleared of course, but fuck the Ministry for putting him through that.”</p><p>“Holy mother of Merlin…” Lily felt like she was going to cry, “I had no idea.”</p><p>Beth resumed her circles on her back. “We know Lily, we know.”</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>Lily had stared at her professor that Monday morning for what felt like hours, willing herself to think of a way to apologize to him. This was also what she’d done most of Saturday night and all of Sunday, but to no avail. There really seemed like no good way to rectify her complete idiocy.</p><p>“Easy there, you’re going to burn a hole in him,” Dorcas whispered. Lily looked at her sharply. This was absolutely no laughing matter.</p><p>Mercifully, class ended soon after and Lily approached James, deciding just groveling would be her best course of action.</p><p>“All right there, Miss Evans?” James asked, but his back was turned to her, fiddling with his blackboard.</p><p>They were alone again. “I just wanted to apologize. I had no idea. I’m the idiot who studies everything but current events.” She saw his back relax.</p><p>He turned around. “So you <em>don’t</em> think I’m some loser who couldn’t hack it at my day job?”</p><p>“No—” Lily began horrified, but then saw the corner of his mouth twitch. She hit his chest before she could think about it too much. “Oh you little…”</p><p>James clutched at the spot she’d just slapped, feigning injury. “Oh Evans, you wound me.” She couldn’t help but smile up at him, fully appreciating how tall he was. He looked as though he could put his chin on the top of her head had they been in an embrace. Now… that’s all she really wanted.</p><p>James noticed the change in her face and swallowed thickly. “Well. Thank you for… telling me that,” he finished lamely.</p><p>Lily smiled; was she making him flustered? She pressed her luck. “You excited about Hogsmeade?”</p><p>“Hm?” James had just gotten distracted by the gentle slope of her collarbone and was really hoping to finish this conversation before she caught him staring at anything other than her eyes… again.</p><p>“Hogsmeade on Saturday: are you going?”</p><p>She tilted her head. <em>Fuck, there she goes being cute again</em>. “Uh, yeah. Think I’m going to grab a drink with my mate, Sirius.”</p><p>She smiled brightly, “Oh yeah. I remember! Would be nice to see him again.”</p><p><em>Great, </em>he thought. She’s excited to see Sirius. He couldn’t blame her. He was notorious with the ladies, and thoroughly <b>not</b> her teacher. “Right. Well… I’m sure he’d love to see you too.” <em>Could she stop smiling at me so much? </em>It was turning his mind to dragon dung.</p><p>“Well, I’ll see you both Saturday then.”</p><p>James ran a hand through his hair. “Um, hopefully I’ll see you Wednesday too, as we have class…”</p><p>“Right.” Lily’s face flushed and James groaned internally, she was too, too adorable. “Of course, duh.” She backed up to go to the door but her legs collided with the front desk, making her tumble. James went to catch her, grabbing her arms and setting her back on her feet. They were both blushing bright red.</p><p>“You okay?” His hand was in his hair again.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, just a klutz,” Lily said looking anywhere but at him. “See you later,” she waved as she bolted out the door.</p><p>James held his hand up lamely. <em>That was awkward. </em>He internally cursed himself.</p><p>On the other side of the classroom wall, Lily was leaning back against the stone, eyes sealed shut. Yeah, that was probably the least smooth she’d ever been in her life… but she thought as she bit her lip, he seemed nervous as hell too. Lily smiled knowing she’d caused this reaction within him, and allowed herself a tiny ray of hope, definitely feeling a thousand times better than when she’d woken up.</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>James sent an owl that night:</p><p>
  <em>Padfoot, please come to The Three Broomsticks on Saturday, I </em>
  <em>need</em>
  <em> would love to talk to you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                                                                    Prongs</em>
</p><p>He knew Sirius would never stop laughing at him when he told him his dilemma… but he needed to talk to someone… badly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Cracking</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The week seemed to drag on for James, who wanted nothing more than to see his mate. It didn’t help that on Wednesday’s double class with the 7th years he couldn’t stop his eyes from drifting towards one particular student. He noticed the way she bit her bottom lip ever so slightly when she wrote down her notes. He was mesmorized by how her hand was cradling her neck as she looked up at him, captivated by his lesson. He was intoxicated by the sweet smell of her perfume (<em>what was that flower?</em>) when he made his way over to her to correct her wand-work. He touched her hand and it had felt entirely too intimate. Her skin was soft, but surprisingly cold, and it made James want to pull her close, hold her hands and warm them up. Warm her up. Bite that lip the way she did. <b><em>Stop it.</em></b><b></b></p>
<p>She really wasn’t helping. He’d wondered if something had been in his teeth from the intensity of her stare on Monday. She had apologized like she’d been up all weekend wanting to. <em>Of course she </em><b><em>hadn’t</em></b><em> known, it made sense… the world doesn’t revolve around you. </em>Now here she was, looking at him in… awe? James had always known he was especially good at Transfiguration, but nothing made him appreciate it more than the wordless rapture she was giving him now.</p>
<p><em>Oh fuck. </em>He felt a stirring in his pants. <em>No, you bloody idiot, not </em><b><em>now</em></b><em>. </em>He sat at his desk, hoping no one would find it terribly strange. “Well, keep practicing.” It worked, the students’ chatter continued around him. <em>Think of Slughorn, think of Slughorn. </em>James exhaled loudly. <em>Oh thank Merlin</em>, the tightness in his trousers dissipated. Slughorn: now there was another professor obsessed with Lily. He’d heard him rave about her on more than one occasion at the teachers’ table in the Great Hall. ‘You know James, she may even be as good of a potioneer as your father, Merlin rest his soul.’ That comment had been a real emotional roller coaster ride. James wondered if there was a single soul in Hogwarts that didn’t harbor a secret crush on Lily Evans.</p>
<p>Class ended, but James decided to stay behind the safety of his desk a little while longer, at least until his redheaded temptress had vacated the vicinity. He saw her look over her shoulder on the way out, offering a little smile. He returned it in spite of himself.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“Oh, I bloody called that one.” Sirius was grinning from ear to ear, apparently thoroughly enjoying his mate’s new predicament. “So, hot for student, eh? Which one, do I know her?”</p>
<p>James looked around their booth, making sure no one was in earshot. “Will you <em>please</em> keep it down,” he hissed. “And I’m not hot for just anyone, finding one girl particularly distracting, s’all.”</p>
<p>“Oh, ooooh, is that what the kids are calling it nowadays? ‘I’d like to get distracted with that one,’” James rolled his eyes at Sirius, which did little to deter him. “It’s not that sultry redhead is it?”</p>
<p>James’ neck snapped to look at him, nearly spilling his butterbeer. “<em>What</em>?”</p>
<p>Sirius tilted his head back, letting out a bark-like laugh. “You’re kidding me, right?”</p>
<p>James tried looking innocent. “What?” he repeated.</p>
<p>“Oh come on, Prongs, we knew you didn’t want to, but you <em>fancied</em> that little 4th year.”</p>
<p>“Come off it… we?”</p>
<p>Sirius considered him. “All right, just me. But I’d be a pretty lousy best mate if I didn’t catch your wandering eye. Plus, I always knew there had to be a reason you were never shagging anyone.”</p>
<p>James’ face reddened as he took a swig of his drink. “I have shagged before, Padfoot.”</p>
<p>“Not in school you haven’t,” Sirius countered dryly. “Honestly Prongs, what was the point of making the map if you weren’t gonna use it to find empty broom cupboards to christen? Speaking of which, you still using it?” Sirius leaned over the table excitedly.</p>
<p>James sighed. “And what exactly would I be using the map for, huh? Monitoring for students out of bed?”</p>
<p>Sirius’ face sank, “Blimey… I told you this teaching thing was a mistake. All of Hogwarts, none of the fun.” The Three Broomsticks’ door opened and a group of girls entered, a cool blast from the outside following them. James didn’t need to look long for his eyes to land on the fiery mane of Lily Evans. She was scanning the room while taking off her winter robe, revealing a periwinkle blue sweater that clung to the curves of her body and tight jeans. She looked taller than usual, and James’ gaze dropped to see her heeled boots. She looked like a snack. His eyes drifted back up, only to find her lips curled into a half smile, as hazel locked onto green. <em>Fuck.</em></p>
<p>Sirius looked over at James, who was now chugging his drink, having just caught this whole exchange. “Unless… oh yeah. You’re done for.” He thudded on James’ back in mock concern.</p>
<p>“Oh bugger off,” James said, not in the mood. This couldn’t keep happening. She was a student. “It’s my responsibility to be the adult here.” His eyes still followed the girls finding their own booth on the other side of the bar.</p>
<p>“Well, looks like she’s an adult now too.” Sirius’ eyes twinkled.</p>
<p>“Sirius…” James warned.</p>
<p>“James…” Sirius teased. “Honestly, I don’t see the big problem. You’re both of age. And judging by that,” he pointed between them, James quickly swatted away his hand, “you both want it pretty bad.” Sirius’ eyebrows wiggled.</p>
<p>This had been a mistake. He’d needed someone to tell him how barking mad his thoughts were and to shame him for ever having had them in the first place… not egg him on and try to make him feel as if it were okay: like duh, every teacher wanted to throw one of their students on their desk and absolutely destroy them. No big deal, just normal Hogwarts business.</p>
<p>James’ inner turmoil was cut short when a blonde, peppy girl walked right up to their table, staring straight at Sirius. James recognized her as one of his Ravenclaw students. “Hi Professor. Sirius.” She looked very hopeful.</p>
<p>Sirius shot him a look and kicked him under the table. James knew exactly what was going on: she had been one of his mate’s conquests, he’d completely forgotten her name, and now he was desperately waiting for James’ reintroduction. It was crazy just how much he could glean from his friend’s face. As much as he wanted to sit back and enjoy someone else squirming, he knew he couldn’t let Sirius sweat too much.</p>
<p>“So Sirius…” the blonde continued, “how have you been?”</p>
<p>“Uh…” Sirius stalled.</p>
<p>James jumped in. “Well, <em>Matilda, </em>did you know he’s an Auror now?” Sirius gave James a look that screamed, ‘I owe you one.’</p>
<p>“Is that right?” Matilda cooed, her eyes still laser focused on Sirius.</p>
<p>“Indeed it is… Matilda.” Sirius grinned proudly. James shook his head. “What, she’s not my student,” Sirius whispered to him cheekily.</p>
<p>Matilda giggled and James scooted out of the booth, more than a little uncomfortable. “Off to the loo,” he announced to no one in particular as the blonde had already taken his seat. He hoped he’d given them enough time to catch up, but when he returned, he was met with the sight of them entangled, Matilda’s mouth open so wide it looked as though she was trying to swallow his face whole.</p>
<p><em>Ugh. </em>James shuddered making his way to the bar. <em>Not his student, </em>he repeated Sirius’ logic, <em>just a girl who he used to hook up with finding him at a bar and continuing where they left off…</em></p>
<p>“What can I get you, love?” Rosmerta asked James, flashing him a smile.</p>
<p>“Whatever’s the strongest please, stat,” James replied rubbing his eyes under his glasses.</p>
<p>The young bartender smiled knowingly and then turned to look over his shoulder. “And you?”</p>
<p>“Just a Butterbeer, please.” James knew that voice.</p>
<p>“I got it,” James said, putting some coins on the table. Rosmerta winked at him and went to get the drinks.</p>
<p>“You didn’t have to do that.” She was standing right beside him now, and James had to admit, it was a nice change for her to be nearly eye level with him. <em>Nearly.</em></p>
<p>“Oh really? Weird, I thought professors always had to buy their top pupils drinks. School tradition.” From the corner of his eye, he saw Lily’s face crack into a smile.</p>
<p>“Well then, guess I’ll have to keep studying extra hard. And they say being a nerd has no perks…” She was flirting. Oh, she was definitely flirting. “Lost your mate?” She tilted her head and some of her hair escaped from behind her ear. James fought with everything he had not to push it back.</p>
<p>James looked behind him at Sirius and Matilda’s ongoing tonsil battle. They should really get a room. “Yeah… he’s catching up with old friends.”</p>
<p>Lily’s eyes followed his. “I’ll say.”</p>
<p>They burst out laughing turning back to Rosmerta as she handed them their drinks. “One Butterbeer and one Liquid Death.”</p>
<p>“Cheers!” James said to Rosmerta, then clunked Lily’s glass.</p>
<p>“Cheers,” Lily smiled sweetly, bringing her glass to her lips. They maintained eye contact as they both took their first sip. She was truly so beautiful. Her skin was porcelain and her nose was straight and as cute as a button. Her lips were full and now there was a faint line of foam resting above them.</p>
<p>“You have a little…” James trailed off, pointing at his own upper lip.</p>
<p>“Oh,” Lily said embarrassed, darting her tongue out to clean it up. <em>That was a mistake. </em>James transferred his weight from one foot to another, looking at the ground. He missed Lily’s proud grin at his clear reactions to the sight of her.</p>
<p>“Wait, what are those?” James asked, now staring at her feet.</p>
<p>Lily remembered what she’d put on that morning before trekking to town. “Ha, those are my reindeer bootie covers.” Off of James’ blank stare, she continued, “It’s a silly Muggle thing, keeps snow from getting in my socks.”</p>
<p>James chuckled. “Doesn’t sound silly, sounds bloody brilliant to me.” Lily was glowing. “Plus you know I’m partial to stags.”</p>
<p>Lily pushed her stray hair back just like James had wanted to. She looked up at him shyly. “Yeah, me too.”</p>
<p>Okay. James wasn’t an idiot. He knew when he was being flirted with and: This. Was. It. Denying that that’s what was going on at this point would be foolish. He broke his hazel eyes away and took a swig from his drink. His thoughts raged on inside of him. Yes, this was a bad idea. <em>Yes</em>, he was better than this. <em>Yes</em>, he owed her better. <b><em>Yes</em></b>, he absolutely was loving the feeling she was giving him. The Gryffindor inside of him was roaring proudly, telling him to throw caution to the wind and go after this girl. But a tiny, annoying voice lingered: <em>no.</em></p>
<p>“So, isn’t there some poor bloke who’s missing your company right about now?” As soon as the words came out of his mouth, he realized it sounded less like a write-off and more of a round-about way of asking if she was single… which hadn’t been his intention… right?</p>
<p>“Very old-fashioned of you to assume I’m into blokes.” James eyes went wide as saucers.</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sorry, that was so narrow—” his words slowly came to a halt as he saw her devilish look. “You’re yanking my chain aren’t you?” Lily let out a mischievous little laugh. “Miss Evans, you cheeky little…”</p>
<p>“Little what, Professor?” Lily feigned innocence. James just drank from his chalice. His cheeks were starting to hurt from all this smiling Lily had him doing. He had to admit, it had been a while since he felt this… content. “And no, to answer your original question. No blokes. I find the boys in my class rather…” she stared across the room. James followed her gaze and saw Benjy using his wand to simultaneously pour three Butterbeers in his mouth, most of the contents spilling out and dribbling down his chin, “lacking.”</p>
<p>“Well Miss Evans,” James noticed his own voice was deeper now, more mature, “you’ll be out of here soon enough, and then you’ll have your pick of the litter.”</p>
<p>“I highly doubt that. Boys I like usually don’t notice I exist.”</p>
<p>James swallowed thickly. How could he correct this clear fallacy professionally? “If they’re not noticing, they’re daft.” <em>Nailed it. </em>Surely she had to know she was stunning. Hell, <em>he’d </em>noticed her when he was 17. James mentally kicked himself for not acting on his feelings then… he’d thought it would have been so weird at the time. At least <em>then</em> she wasn’t his student… but now she was a woman. <em>And let’s be honest, I definitely wasn’t a man yet at 17. </em>“I should probably go back to school. Sad to report that lesson plans don’t write themselves.” James pointed over his shoulder, “And I doubt they’ll be finishing up any time soon.” Lily looked, yeah, they really didn’t look like they were going anywhere.</p>
<p>“Oh, James — sorry — Professor?” James stomach fluttered a bit with the slip of his name.</p>
<p>“Yes, Miss Evans?”</p>
<p>“I was wondering,” she started timidly, “would it be possible for you to teach me how to be an Animagus? I know it’s not on the N.E.W.T.s, but McGonagall learnt from Dumbledore back when he taught, and I don’t know who else could teach me, and I feel like it would be dead helpful in the real world, but if you’re too busy, I totally get it,” she rambled.</p>
<p>James took in her face — this looked pretty important to her. “Of course we can try. Not guaranteeing anything because it’s some really strong, and highly dangerous, magic, but from everything I’ve seen from you, we should be able to make it work.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Professor!” Lily beamed.</p>
<p>James chuckled. “Course. How about after class Fridays? You’re my last lecture for the day.”</p>
<p>“You sure that won’t interfere with your social calendar?” There she went, teasing him again.</p>
<p>“I think I’ll manage.” James adjusted the collar of his robe and absentmindedly leaned in to kiss her cheek as a bye. It was only when he retracted that he remembered, <em>WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! </em>Her face was blushing so profusely he thought he could feel the heat from where he was standing. Clearly they were both English… being Muggle-born had nothing to do with knowing this was how friends greeted and said bye to each other when out and about in all of Europe… right? <em>Right??</em></p>
<p>She could no longer look him in the eye, <em>maybe way too creeped out by you and your lack of boundaries</em>, James worried. “See you, Professor.”</p>
<p>James nearly bolted from the bar, hoping to all things magical that no one had just seen him kiss his student’s cheek. This was getting a little ridiculous, he should have a little more control over his emotions and impulses; he used to be an Auror for crying out loud. But no, Lily was a wrecking ball to his composure, tearing down the walls he’d built ever since his world had completely fallen apart around him. James bent his head and pushed through the cold back to the castle.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“What was <em>that</em>?” Dorcas asked wickedly, having just scampered over to where Lily was still standing frozen on the spot.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Lily replied honestly. Her cheek was still on fire from where his lips had touched her skin. It had just been a peck goodbye, but it made Lily hungry for more. She wanted his lips to be all over her body and consume her like she was the air he needed to breathe. <em>What were</em> these feelings? Lily had never felt more like a horny, primal witch. She was a woman possessed.</p>
<p>Dorcas pulled her back to the table where Beth sat with her chin resting on her clasped hands, looking up at her. “Well…?” she asked expectantly.</p>
<p>“Well, what?” Lily responded defensively, sitting down and crossing her arms over her chest. Was this interrogation-style follow up going to become a thing? “Were you both watching me?!”</p>
<p>“Well, duh,” Dorcas said rolling her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “After you didn’t come back after a hot minute, we had to make sure you weren’t kidnapped or something. By Benjy—”</p>
<p>“—Or Snape,” piped in Beth.</p>
<p>“Or Connor. Or basically any of the boys here.” Beth nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>“All right, all right, gotcha,” Lily said flicking her wrist. Her other hand went instinctually to her cheek still trying to hold on to the feel of his lips against her skin.</p>
<p>“So?!” Dorcas practically screamed at her friend, trying to break through the trance she was currently experiencing.</p>
<p>“You guys,” she laughed, “it was nothing.” Lily felt oddly protective of the interaction she’d just had with James. At this point she was fairly certain he, at the very least, was attracted to her physically. She’d seen his eyes appreciatively roam her body, seen how his gaze had locked with hers just a second too long over the rim of his glass. Lily bit her lip thinking of the jolt she’d felt in her core from that prolonged look. She now understood the term eye-fucking. But, she also saw he was trying to be good. She’d witnessed him biting his tongue a couple times when she was goading him on to flirt. She didn’t want to get him in trouble, but like hell she was going to be the one to stop this thing she felt bubbling between them… whatever it was. “He’s just so hot,” she sighed.</p>
<p>Beth giggled. “Yeah, well, he seems to think you’re not too shabby yourself.” Lily smiled into her lap. It was always nice to hear some confirmation on the way you’re feeling to make sure you’re not just going insane.</p>
<p>Dorcas snorted. “Yeah, doesn’t hurt that you’ve gone up a cup size and finally grew into those gangly arms of yours since he saw you last.”</p>
<p>Lily blushed looking out of the window. Breasts aside, she knew she wasn’t the same girl she’d been when he’d left school. Playing on the Quidditch team had made her more confident in her skin, being Head Girl had made her more articulate and assertive, and no longer being threatened on a daily basis while at school had finally allowed her to loosen up a bit and just be herself. Things were looking up. She, Lily Evans, was going to crack James Potter.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Fighting Destiny</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following week ticked by at a glacial pace. Lily wanted nothing more than for it to be Friday evening, ready for her private lesson with her favorite professor. She found small solace in seeing him at meal times, looking more and more comfortable at the head table every time she saw him. She noticed he’d try to sit with Hagrid, unless Slughorn intercepted him and insisted he dine by his side. Lily had caught James’ eye one time this happened and gave him a pitying smile (she did after all know all about Slughorn having set his sights on you). His mouth had formed a lopsided grin in return. Lily felt butterflies finding flight in her stomach.</p>
<p>Mercifully, Friday came and Lily took in the sight of the Great Hall decorated to the nines in Halloween cheer, twirling around to capture all of it. Hagrid had really outdone himself with hundreds of jack-o-’lanterns, bats flying in every which direction in the sky, and haunted noises bellowing from the corners of the room. Lily loved Halloween. She was so enthralled she didn’t notice a certain professor proudly taking in her gleeful wonderment from above.</p>
<p>She sat with Beth and Dorcas. “You missing the feast again for Slug Club?” The latter asked nonchalantly, swinging a sausage link into her mouth.</p>
<p>“Yes,” said Lily, happy not having to lie. She <em>was</em> omitting that she was going to have a private lesson with Potter first, but she normally didn’t eat before one of Slughorn’s parties anyway as he tried to stuff everyone with so much food there. James was her dirty little secret for now.</p>
<p>“Bummer.” Dorcas shifted her attention to Beth and Lily tried to suppress her grin. She could not wait.</p>
<p>After Transfiguration class, Lily, now sitting front row, told Dorcas to go on as she needed to talk to Benjy about the prefects schedule. Dorcas left, probably to go find Beth, and Benjy approached her vacant spot. “You wanted to see me?” He seemed rather hopeful.</p>
<p>Lily, Benjy, and James were the only ones remaining in the classroom. Lily shrugged her shoulders, pretending not to have a clue what he was on about. “No, I didn’t.”</p>
<p>Benjy’s face scrunched up. “But you just said—”</p>
<p>“No, I didn’t,” Lily replied sassily.</p>
<p>Benjy looked to James, but only witnessed his back, unable to see he was currently sniggering into the board he was clearing. “Okay… see you at Slug Club then.” Benjy lumbered out the door.</p>
<p>“Ice cold, Evans,” James drawled, turning around and looking at Lily impressed. Lily shrugged and stepped closer to him, looking rather proud of herself also. “What… you don’t want people knowing you fancy hanging out with me?”</p>
<p>Lily twirled her wand between her fingers. “Something like that. Think of what that would do to my reputation.”</p>
<p><em>Those twinkling green eyes are going to be the death of me, </em>he thought. “You liked the decorations, huh?” James asked, crossing his arms over his chest.</p>
<p>Lily took a moment to take in his broad shoulders before she registered what he’d said. Her face split into a smile as she responded. “Yes! Halloween’s my absolute favorite! Just something so different about it, you know? Something in the air…” she trailed off.</p>
<p>“Agreed.” James couldn’t stop feeling how special she was. Lily had this fire inside of her, a real zest for life that made her irresistible. Why didn’t any other girl make him feel this way? He felt unstoppable with her… He felt like this was it.</p>
<p>“Did you help Hagrid decorate?”</p>
<p>There he went, smiling like a buffoon again. “Yeah, transformed all the school’s flies into bats. Seems Filch hasn’t been doing that great of a job — there were rather a lot more than I expected there to be.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m sure he’s quite pleased.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure.” They stood there a bit awkwardly, both wanting to continue flirting, but both knowing they were still there under different pretenses. “Shall we…?”</p>
<p>“Yes, please,” Lily said removing her school robe and flinging it toward her chair and then turning back to him, rolling up her sleeves along the way.</p>
<p><em>Oh come </em><b><em>on</em></b><em> woman. </em>James groaned internally. She was wearing a white button up and grey pleated skirt that couldn’t have been anywhere near standard uniform length. James’ mind flashed to the dream he’d had of her the night prior… and how everything that had transpired in it would have been entirely too possible in <em>that </em>skirt.</p>
<p>“Right…” he was so clearly flustered, looking anywhere but at her. If sexual tension had a color, it would have been bathing the room in a bright red glow. She looked up at him expectantly. “Do you have any questions to start with?”</p>
<p>“Yes, actually. When did you learn how to be an Animagus?”</p>
<p>James supposed now that Remus was out as a werewolf and he was being lawful himself, it couldn’t hurt too much. “5th year. Learnt with my mates to hang out with our werewolf friend. Was a tad stupid, but we’re all registered Animagi now that Voldy’s gone, so, no harm, no foul.” Yeah, he guessed he was bragging a bit, sue him.</p>
<p>“Wow…” Lily licked her lips. “You taught yourself? So young?”</p>
<p>“We were highly motivated to help our friend work through his… furry little problem.”</p>
<p>Lily tittered. “And really smart.”</p>
<p>“No need to butter me up, Miss Evans, I’ve already agreed to teach you.”</p>
<p>Lily shrugged. “Never hurts.” She walked over to his desk and hoisted herself up onto the edge, crossing her legs. James knew what tonight’s dream would feature if he had any say in it. “So, I can’t choose my animal?”</p>
<p>“Correct.”</p>
<p>“But it’s supposed to be indicative of your personality?”</p>
<p>“Also correct.”</p>
<p>“So, what makes you a stag?”</p>
<p>James pondered this a while. “I suppose it’s hard for me to say myself. But the ancient Celtics believed stags to signify leadership, honesty, pride…” He decided to keep virility off the list.</p>
<p>“Interesting.” Lily shifted. "None of the books I could find on the subject covered the clothes aspect.”</p>
<p>James finally fully looked at her. “Clothes aspect?”</p>
<p>She was twisting one of her long strands of hair around her finger and James knew she was wrapping him in the same way. “Yeah. When you turned to and from a stag, your clothes came with you. You didn’t just come back buck naked.” He appreciated the pun.</p>
<p>There was a beat. <em>I can play that game too, you saucy little minx. </em>“Thinking about me naked, Miss Evans?”</p>
<p>“No, Professor. I was thinking about why you weren’t.” Her lips were slightly parted and she was leaning her body towards him, making James aware her shirt was slightly too small with the buttons gaping in all the right places. <em>Has this woman just had a growth spurt? Shrunken her clothes? Taken a lesson on the art of the tease?</em></p>
<p>He relished her banter, but decidedly pressed on. “Well, you have to learn to take your clothes with you. It’s not an obvious step, but one you’ll be hard-pressed to learn if you’d like to remain in people’s good social graces.”</p>
<p><em>I’ll hard press you. </em>Lily bit her tongue.</p>
<p>James misinterpreted the look on her face. “Don’t worry, we’re not anywhere near that step. I was thinking today we could figure out what animal you’d turn into. After all, it really helps to know which animal to concentrate on in order to shift.” James motioned for her to come stand by his side and watched her eagerly approach. “First step is we’re going to work on creating a corporeal Patronus. More often than not, your Patronus is the same as your Animagus. So, what we have to do—”</p>
<p>“<em>Expecto Patronum!</em>” Lily roared, scaring the shit out of an unprepared James. Lily’s doe sprang forth from her willow wand, leaping around the room. Lily smiled at James’ astonished expression. “Impressed?”</p>
<p>“Yeah… I had no idea you were left-handed.” Lily snorted at his joke, which had been a lie. James had noticed their first class. “Nice one, wow…” his eyes still followed her glowing doe prancing about, “well, there goes my lesson plan.”</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Lily sighed sheepishly.</p>
<p>“Please,” James looked down to her, “never apologize for being brilliant.” He gave her a wink. “That doe, though.” James walked over to his desk, rummaging through his books.</p>
<p>“Do you know what that symbolizes, Professor?”</p>
<p>“Depends which folklore you ask.” His hands landed on the correct book and started flipping through the pages. “Most seem to agree on grace, kindness, love…” His fingers stopped, as did his mouth from saying, ‘Symbolizes a female animal that will drive a stag mad with lust.’ “Here we go. Slughorn tells me how talented you are with potions, so this one shouldn’t be too hard for you.” He passed the book to Lily. “It’s an Animagus Potion. You have to make it with some of your hair just like Polyjuice. It’ll help you transform the first time so all the other times can have a bit more muscle memory behind it. First time is definitely the hardest, but trust me, it’s more than worth it. Gets loads easier.”</p>
<p><em>Stop it, you gutter troll, </em>Lily told her racing thoughts. “Thank you,” she said skimming the potion’s instructions. Her heart sank when she saw it would take a whole moon cycle. <em>Guess that’s a pause on the private lessons.</em></p>
<p>“I’ll let Slughorn know you’ll be using some of his supplies. I’m sure he won’t mind,” James said matter-of-factly.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she repeated sincerely, turning to face him.</p>
<p>He ran his hand through his hair, messing it up. “Sorry my lesson wasn’t longer. I should have known you could already do a Patronus.” He looked quite embarrassed.</p>
<p>“Oh no worries. I just figured I should learn it in case the war didn’t end, you know?”</p>
<p>James nodded knowingly. “Of course, very smart.” He saw Lily’s eyes linger on his lips. They darted back up to him.</p>
<p>“So, you coming to Slughorn’s party?” she asked hopefully, clutching his book to her chest. It was not lost on James that she was continually inviting him to things.</p>
<p>James sighed. “Yeah, I guess I can’t avoid him now that I’m a professor, huh?” Slughorn had always tried to collect him given his father had invented Sleekeazy Hair Potion.</p>
<p>Lily tried miserably to suppress the mirth spreading across her face. “No, you very much cannot.”</p>
<p>“Ugh, protect me from him will you?”</p>
<p>“I’ll do my best,” Lily turned to collect her bag and walked towards the door.</p>
<p>“Oh, Miss Evans?” he called after her, “What was your thought? For the Patronus, I mean?” Dang his curiosity.</p>
<p>Lily blushed. “It’s kinda personal…”</p>
<p>“Right.” His hand flew back in his hair. “Of course, forget I asked.”</p>
<p>Lily bit the inside of her cheek. “Um, it’s silly, but… it’s this dream I have for the future.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” James replied, glad she’d trusted him enough to tell him that much. “Doesn’t sound silly at all.”</p>
<p>She blushed and turned back to leave, dropping her quill along the way. She smirked and went to pick it up, very much aware of what she was doing. She flipped her hair back over her shoulder. “See you, Professor.” She waited till she was out of the classroom and down the hall to savor the wide-eyed, open-mouthed stare she’d caught on James’ face. After all, James now knew that Lily owned a pair of red lacy knickers.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p><em>She’s coming for my soul, </em>James thought while he was taking a cold shower in his quarters. He’d been so impressed, and so damn turned on, by what Lily had done just now: a real corporeal Patronus. Hell, James knew Aurors who had never managed to conjure one. She <em>was</em> special. She was talented… and she was way too good to be brought down by him: a washed up Auror who’d come back here as some sort of escape from reality. She was pure, sure, she <em>really</em> seemed to want his body, and Merlin did he want to fuck her six ways to Sunday, but she deserved more than that. Her Patronus was a bloody doe for crying out loud. She deserved love.</p>
<p>‘<em>And you’re a stag’ </em>James imagined Alice’s voice. She’d always believed in fate and destiny, and had always tried to rope James into her romantic ramblings. He remembered one particular patrol round with her where she’d harped on about how lucky he was to have an animal Patronus, while hers was incorporeal because it would be that much easier for him to know he’d found his soulmate. <em>Soulmate</em>. He’d thought she was mental… What he wouldn’t do to talk to her now. She’d maybe squeal with delight that James, her infamous bachelor mate, finally admitted to having <em>feelings… Or she’d be disgusted I am abusing my position like this.</em></p>
<p>James groaned and rested his forehead against the cool wet stone of his shower wall, letting the water rain down his toned and exhausted body. He was going to need to take up flying again. Or continue taking three showers a day to clean his filthy, salacious mind.</p>
<p>He moaned as the image of Lily’s red lacy bum popped back in his mind. Clearly shame wasn’t going to help him with this particular image. His hand traveled down to give himself some much needed release.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Slug Club</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>James Potter was late. Lily kept furtively scanning the room, waiting to see a mop of messy hair poke out from the crowd. </p><p>Slughorn patted her shoulder, bringing her back to reality. “Any ideas on where you’ll be applying next year, Miss Evans?” Lily shuddered. James calling her that just sounded so much sexier. </p><p>“I’ve only just started researching, Professor. Not quite sure yet,” she admitted. </p><p>Slughorn patted his huge belly. “Ho ho, well I do suggest you get on that quick! The best jobs will be filling up before you know it! James!” he transitioned abruptly. “Do you still have any of your father’s old colleague contacts, perchance?” </p><p>Lily turned, startled by the fact that James had seemingly snuck up on them. He was wearing deep blue dress robes with silver buckles. His hair looked damp, but was still in its usual disheveled state. Lily felt her heart do a backflip. </p><p>“Yes, actually, who’s asking?” He gave Lily a little nod of acknowledgement.</p><p>“Why, our little Miss Evans of course! Such a fine potioneer she is. How I wished she could have met someone like your father. Now the poor lass only has me to talk about potions with. What a pity.” Slughorn laughed, then got distracted by an appetizer walking past. “Now you hold on just a second,” he said chasing the waiter. </p><p>Lily turned to James. “Don’t you look awfully.... Ravenclawesque.”</p><p>“Well, my little Miss Evans,” James joked, “I can’t go making the other Houses jealous. Have to show good faith all around, and all that.” He looked at Lily’s black lacy dress with bell sleeves. James couldn’t help but ponder if her panties still matched. Her almond eyes were lined in black on the outer corners and her thick hair was styled in gentle waves going down her back. She looked absolutely bewitching. “You look very nice yourself.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Lily replied. He thought watching the blush blossoming across her cheeks was thanks enough. </p><p>“I miss anything good?” James asked looking around the room. He caught the eye of about three different girls, all of whom giggled and turned away after being caught staring. </p><p>“Nope,” Lily sighed, “unless you find group ice breakers to be the height of fun.” </p><p>“Ah... not especially. Well, enjoy the party, Miss Evans. If you’ll excuse me,” James put his hand on her shoulder as he passed her, causing Lily’s head to naturally lean into him. She wished the contact would last, but she saw him move through the crowd looking like he was going nowhere in particular. Lily admitted to herself that she already missed him. </p><p><em>You’ve got to stop hanging out with her,</em> James chastised himself. <em>People are going to fucking notice. </em>James ended up by the punch bowl and moodily poured himself a cup. It wasn’t his fault that he gravitated to the most interesting person in the room. The fact that he wanted to bang her was a superfluous detail; it was only bad if he acted on it, right? Just spending <em>time</em> with her wasn’t a crime, was it? He wanted to be able to sit with her and hear her life story, see all her quirks, find out what made her tick. <em>Then, if the sparks are there, yeah sure, we can see what happens</em>. James scoffed, <em>If the sparks were there</em>. There hadn’t been a moment so far where he didn’t feel like pushing her up against a wall and kissing her until the universe came to a standstill. </p><p>Benjy interrupted his thoughts. He was a blond bloke with big muscles and an air of privilege about him. James could tell he was used to getting what he wanted one way or another. James knew Benjy didn’t have the most raw talent in his class, but he worked really hard, and for that, James had to give him a modicum of respect. </p><p>“Potter,” Benjy said brutishly. </p><p>“<em>Professor</em> Potter,” James corrected. </p><p>“Right. Professor Potter, I can’t get an ‘A’ on an essay.” </p><p>James looked at Benjy quizzically. “It’s still a passing grade, isn’t it?” </p><p>“Yeah, I know,” Benjy pressed, “but it’s not good enough. I need to get at least all ‘EE’s. I am Head Boy after all.” James could tell this was something Benjy pointed out a lot. </p><p>“I don’t see how the two are related.”</p><p>Benjy started looking annoyed. “Because... I have to set a good example... I can’t be getting bad grades.”</p><p>“Mr Fenwick, it wasn’t a bad grade. It just wasn’t your best work. If you want a better grade, you’re just going to have to write a better paper.” James hoped he wasn’t being too harsh, but at the same time, this seemed like pretty obvious stuff.  </p><p>Benjy bulldozed on, “But I have so many Head duties, I don’t have all the time in the world for everything.” </p><p>That was a weak excuse and James hoped he knew it. He wanted to point out that Lily had the same duties, and Quidditch practice, and had still managed to write a stellar essay… but he thought it best to keep her out of it. “Well, you’re at this party, aren’t you?”</p><p>Benjy walked away grumbling about “networking” and James let out a sigh of relief. He wasn’t really great at mollifying people. That had always been more of Remus’ strong suit. </p><p>Benjy strutted straight over to Lily. “Potter’s a git.”</p><p>“Pardon?” Lily asked, not wanting to assume that everyone was always thinking about James like she was.  </p><p>“You heard me. <em>Professor</em> Potter is a git.”</p><p>Lily figured she’d bite. “Why?”</p><p>Benjy began his rant about the unfairness of expectations on students today and how Potter hadn’t been that good of a student himself, so who was <em>he</em> to decide that he, the Head Boy, had written a subpar essay to begin with? </p><p>Lily waited for him to catch his breath before interjecting, “You know he was a Head Boy too, right? If anyone knows what you’re going through, it’s probably him.” </p><p>“But that’s different though,” Benjy said brushing her off. </p><p>“How do you figure?”</p><p>“Well, James had Alice as his Head Girl, didn’t he? She probably did all the work while he just slacked off with all his mates he was always galavanting around with. He probably just fucked her here and there to pay her back for it.” </p><p>Lily wrinkled her nose at him in disgust. “What?” Benjy looked at her like there was no way she could have found anything he’d just said offensive. “Oh come off it, <em>we’re</em> not like that. <em>We’re</em> equals.” Lily thought of how she’d led the last four prefects meetings, but bit her tongue. “But,” he leant down to whisper in her ear, “I wouldn’t object to a little shagging if you want to release some of your stress on me, if you know what I mean. I’m here for you…” </p><p>Lily took a step back, closing her eyes and rubbing her temple. “Benjy, I told you, I don’t like it when you say stuff like that to me.”</p><p>“Psh. Lighten up, Evans. It was only a joke,” Benjy said covering for his bruised ego. “We all know you’re not my type. Not into gingers.” He laughed looking around the room to see if anyone was listening. </p><p>“I’m not laughing,” Lily said sternly. </p><p>“Okay, fuck, get over yourself,” Benjy said. “You’re always so fucking uptight. Prissy little Evans who’s too good for everyone. No wonder you’re alone.” He gave her a full body once-over and then wandered off. </p><p>Lily could feel angry tears prickling at the corner of her eyes. She looked around for a kinder face, but saw Severus instead. Her former best friend was staring at her with a smirk from the corner of the room like a bat. She remembered shortly after calling her a Mudblood, he’d cornered her in the hall after another exam. He’d tried to apologize, saying he didn’t mean it, and how he was actually in love with her. She’d snapped at him and told him he must not know what love was, because love would never hurt her the way he had. He’d then grabbed her and kissed her. She’d slapped him straight across the face. She would never forget how he flew into a rage and hissed at her, “Fine! Go shack up with the assholes I know you want to, you fucking slag.” And that had been the end of it. <em>A virgin and somehow a slag at the same time</em>. Every time some bloke hounded Lily, asking her out or coming on to her brutishly, Snape had been there. Silently judging her for their opinions on her, like she could control the men surrounding her. Like it was her fault, and if only she hadn’t rejected <em>him</em>, none of this would be happening. Lily couldn’t understand the depths of his arrogance that he couldn’t see he was just like every one of these assholes thinking Lily owed him something. </p><p>Lily ran from the party, unable to stay a second longer. Hot tears streamed down her face when she thought she was alone, running towards her dorm. She almost missed the sounds of another pair of footsteps pounding along behind her. </p><p>“Lily! Wait!” She turned around to see James running up behind her, clutching his side. “Merlin, you’re fast,” he panted. “Or I’m just really out of shape.” </p><p>“P-professor?” She stammered unsurely. Was she in trouble? <em>Technically, I guess you’re not supposed to run down the halls?</em></p><p>James came closer, seeing her face properly in the candle lit corridor. Lily really hoped her mascara wasn’t streaming down in sad little rivers. “You’re crying... what’s wrong?” His pointer finger curled and stopped a single tear making its way down her cheek. His touch was so delicate, like he was afraid to break her.</p><p>“Oh it’s stupid,” Lily tried saying casually with a chuckle as she rubbed away the moisture under her eyes. James didn’t step back. </p><p>“Try me.”</p><p>Lily looked up at him. Was he entrancing her? She noticed the specks of gold strewn within the hazel of his irises. It was weird how everyone was fascinated with her eyes — his seemed much more beautiful to her. </p><p>“Did Benjy say something?” James lightly pushed.</p><p>Her mind transported her back to being 15 and Avery hitting her with a curse from behind while she had been walking to Herbology. She’d fallen into the grass with a shooting pain spreading across her spine. She’d just been able to roll herself over in time to see 17 year old James (o<em>r was he 18 already?</em>) punching Avery in the face and starting an all out brawl with the Slytherin crew. They’d dispersed like cowards when the rest of the Marauders came to back up James. James, bloody and beaten, had rushed over to her stuck on the ground. </p><p>“All right, Lily?” he’d asked so gingerly. </p><p>“I can’t move my legs,” she’d cried, and he’d wiped away her tears just as he was doing now. </p><p>“It’s okay, Madam Pomfrey’s gotten me back from worse, don’t worry.” His smile had been so genuine, so consoling, and she’d felt extremely guilty about the blood she was witnessing start to pool underneath his sensitive eye skin. She’d nodded and managed a shadow of a smile. </p><p>“I’m gonna pick you up okay?” Lily had put her arms around his neck. She’d felt his arm snaked around her waist, but not the one carrying her legs and had been so terrified. She’d snuggled her face in the crook of his neck and just breathed as he rushed her to the hospital wing. She was hit by his same delicious smell then as she smelt now... she could only describe it as <em>Quidditch</em>. </p><p>“Lily?” His use of her name brought her back from the memory. </p><p>“It’s nothing really,” Lily insisted, feeling rather foolish. Boys being hormonal prats failed to compare to thinking she’d been paralyzed. “Some guys just treat me like shit because I won’t go out with them, s’all.” </p><p>James felt like there was more to the story, but didn’t push. “Guys are dicks,” he said plainly. </p><p>Lily couldn’t help but laugh. “Guys are dicks,” she agreed. </p><p>His mouth twitched into a frown. “I’m sorry you have to deal with that.” He couldn’t help but feel a fresh wave of shame washing over him. He was one of those guys; he was a dick that wanted her just like them. </p><p>“Not your fault,” Lily said quietly, her eyes scanning his face. “Can I ask you something?” This was becoming a bit for them.</p><p>James’ eyes darted to her lips, realized he was standing far too close, and took a small step back. “Any time.”</p><p>Lily took a small step towards him, closing the distance once more. She craved his intimacy. “Benjy mentioned Alice being your Head Girl... is that the friend you were thinking about at the lake?”</p><p>James’ eyes glossed over and he looked at a random portrait on the wall. “Yes.”</p><p>“What was she like?” Lily kept her eyes glued to his face, seeing if she was pushing him too far. </p><p>“Alice? Oh boy, she was...” he smiled at the thought, “you would have loved her. She was kind, and loyal, a Hufflepuff, but we didn’t tease her about it too much.” Lily laughed. “She was this little firecracker. Kinda bossy, but only because she knew you could do better.”</p><p>“She sounds like she was a great witch.” Lily bit her lip. </p><p>“Oh she really was.” James looked at his feet. “I really miss her.” </p><p>Lily’s hand instinctually grabbed his and she gave it a little squeeze. He was hurting too, and she just wanted to take that pain away. He looked back at her with a little smile, squeezing back. <em>Bad idea, bad idea... </em>but Lily couldn’t help it. Her curiosity was killing her. “Did you two...?” She trailed off hoping she didn’t have to say more. </p><p>“Did we what?” James’ brow furrowed. </p><p><em>Oh come on</em>. “Did you two ever...?”</p><p>Realization flashed across his face. “Me and Alice?? No! Merlin no, she was like the older sister I never knew I needed.” Lily let out a secret sigh of relief. “She kept me and the boys in check.” There was an uncomfortable pause. “Why’d you ask?” </p><p>Lily felt her skin needle with discomfort. “Oh, just, something Benjy said. I should have known he was full of it.” She really didn’t want to continue with what he’d said.</p><p>“What he say?” James asked. </p><p>Lily took a big breath.  <em>Ughhhhh.</em> “He was just blabbing about his grades.”</p><p>“What’s that got to do with Alice?” James looked really cute when he was confused. Lily considered kissing him instead of answering. Who knows, might have been less awkward. </p><p>“He said you didn’t really know what it was like to be Head Boy because Alice did everything for you…” Lily tried to say the last part really quietly, “because you were sleeping with her.”</p><p>James looked livid, mouthing a ‘wow'. “You’re right. I woulda run from the room crying too.” His free hand ruffled his hair. </p><p>Lily tilted her head to the side. “I’m sorry, he’s such a git.” </p><p>“Yeah, I’ll say. Yikes, sorry you have to work with him so much.” </p><p>“I know,” Lily groaned and let her head drop into his chest. James’ arms stiffened at his sides, one hand still holding hers, he realized. Had she not been a student, he would have probably rubbed her arms, pulled her into a hug, done <em>something</em>. Now he was just the blithering idiot considering patting her on the head or pushing her away as to not breathe in any more of her sweet smell. Trying to figure out what it was had kept him up at night, driven mad by the lack of methods to look up scents. He caved and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her head. </p><p>“It gets better you know.” </p><p>Lily sank into his embrace, winding her arms around his stomach, feeling at home for the first time in a long time. She tried to keep from focusing on how hard his muscles felt against her. “I sure hope so.”</p><p>They stayed like this for a while, neither one wanting to leave, neither one of them wanting to ruin this moment. </p><p>“Are you coming in?! I haven’t got all day, you know,” the Fat Lady barked, breaking James and Lily apart. Lily couldn’t help but notice his hand had flung right back into his hair, and how happy it made her. </p><p>“Yes, yes, all right, <em>Neville Longbottom</em>,” Lily recovered, pushing her hair behind both ears as the portrait to Gryffindor’s common room swung open from hearing the password. She stepped in and looked back at James, still standing there, his hands in his robe pockets, surveying her through his glasses. He looked like he wanted to come in with her but knew better. “Goodnight, Professor.”</p><p>His lips curled upwards gracefully. “Goodnight, Miss Evans.”</p><p>The portrait closed and James whistled up to the ceiling. He was in so deep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Perchance to Dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That Saturday at Quidditch practice, Lily was an absolute wreck. Every time there was even a second of downtime, she’d find her mind wandering back into the warm arms of her crush, feeling his velvet robes brush against her cheek as his body molded around her—</p>
<p>“EVANS!” Her captain roared, clearly furious Lily hadn’t even moved her broom a millimeter to block a goal.</p>
<p>“Yes, sorry, dozed off,” Lily tried to cover. “Won’t happen again.”</p>
<p>Sarah Bell circled her wildly, holding her bat a little too threateningly for Lily's taste. “I don’t know what the <em>hell</em> is wrong with you but FIX IT.” Damn she took Quidditch seriously.</p>
<p>“Aye aye, Captain,” Lily mumbled, willing herself to make it another hour before she could go daydream in peace.</p>
<p>Later, she trekked back to her dorm room, remembering Dorcas and Beth were in the library cramming for their Muggle Studies test. She plopped herself down on her bed, kicking off her boots, wondering what she should do with the rest of her day. A wild idea struck her… she <em>was</em> bored… and she needed to stop images of James from clogging her every waking moment… She bit her lip. She’d never really been the masturbating type. She’d never looked down on it or anything, she’d just never really understood what exactly she should be touching herself to… Lily pulled out her wand, closed her bed curtains, and cast a muffling spell. <em>Okay, that was the easy part. </em>She looked down at her body unsurely as she laid flat and tried to relax. <em>Here goes nothing. </em>She slipped her hand down her pants and tentatively started exploring, finding her nub and lightly pressing on it. Getting accustomed to the sensitive feel, she slowly led her fingers in circles, willing her mind to wander. James’ bright eyes popped into her head and she stifled a little moan. He was giving her a cocky grin as his head titled into his own palm. He looked at her through luscious lashes and said, “Go out with me, Evans.” Her hips buckled into her hand as she brought her free fingers up to massage her breast. She noticed he too was wearing his Quidditch uniform. She groaned and rolled onto her stomach. Something told her she was about to start humping her pillow.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>James paced across his chamber, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do. Replaying moments over, and over, and over couldn’t be healthy, and it sure wasn’t helping. He was done ruminating; he needed a plan of action and he needed it now.</p>
<p>He marched over to his quill and wrote to Sirius, praying if they met again, this time would be a little longer and more productive.</p>
<p>
  <em>Padfoot, you up for a visit to Hogwarts? The witch hump still opens. Come whenever.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                                                   Prongs</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> P.S. Please don’t snog any more of my students in front of me.</em>
</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>After coming hard, Lily had drifted into a blissful sleep… or she so thought.</p>
<p>
  <em>She was wandering through the halls in an elaborate green dress with her hair elegantly pinned at the nape of her neck. She felt weightless and glided up a set of stairs, recognizing it as the way to the Astronomy Tower. She pushed open the door and saw the back of the dark blue robes she hadn’t been able to get out of her mind all weekend.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“James?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He turned around at the sound of her voice and his eyes roved their way up her body. Lily felt like a divine, worshipped creature under his longing stare. He took two long strides and grabbed her waist, pivoting them so she was stuck between the stone wall and his hard body, pressing up against her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She gasped at the contact.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Lily…” he purred and his breath tickled her exposed neck. “I’ve been waiting for you.” His hand cupped her face tenderly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Well, here I am. What are you going to do to me, Professor?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>James snarled as he started leaving a hot trail of kisses along her neck, gently biting along the way. His nose rubbed along her earlobe before skimming it lightly with his teeth. He whispered, “Whatever I damn want.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Lily gasped as she felt him start to bunch up her skirt to her waist and then lift her legs off the floor by her ass, pinning her up. “I’m gonna make you mine.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Lily’s head dropped back, as she felt her core pulsate in anticipation. Fuck, she wanted him. All of him. “Then fucking take me.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He didn’t need telling twice. She felt him push inside of her and she cried out in pleasure, her nails digging into his neck to stay tethered to this earth. She moaned as his body came crashing into hers over… and over again. “James… ” She could barely take it any more, she wanted this feeling to consume her, to end her if it so wanted, she no longer cared. For the love of anything holy in this world, all she wanted was to not let him stop touching her, destroying her, not let his cock stop from hitting all the right places within her. “James…” It was halfway between a plea and a prayer, but she wasn’t quite sure what she was even asking for, all of this was so new to her…</em>
</p>
<p>“LILY!” Lily was startled awake with a very embarrassed looking Beth. She could hear Dorcas crying with laughter on the bed over. She instinctually went to pull her bed sheet up to her chin to cover herself, but then realized she was actually lying on top of it, still fully dressed.</p>
<p>“Wh— what happened?“</p>
<p>“Uh… you were, sorta… moaning in your sleep.” A fresh peal of laughter started to her left.</p>
<p>“Shut <b>up</b>, Dorcas!” Lily hissed. She turned back to Beth. “How could you hear me? I did <em>Muffliato</em> and everything.” She wanted to sink into her bed and die.</p>
<p>Beth stared at her guiltily. “I’m sorry… when we got back, it was still so early, so I checked behind your curtains to see if you were really asleep. I must have disturbed the spell…”</p>
<p>Lily pushed her pillow over her face. She would truly never hear the end of this one.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Across the castle, James had just bolted upright in his bed, sweaty and mysteriously sticky. “Ah shit.”</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“Hoo-hoo, off to see <em>James</em>, <b>James</b>!” Dorcas teased, moaning in a way Lily assumed was mocking her. </p>
<p>“Shut UP,” Lily threatened, at her wits’ end.  She was not going to let her friend ruin her favorite class by trying to embarrass her. They walked in and Lily’s heart nearly burst when she finally saw him again. James gave her a small smile from the windowsill where he was currently perched, and she couldn’t help but return it. A shiver ran down her body thinking about the state she’d seen him in last, namely, inside of her.  </p>
<p>Dorcas poked her in the ribs and tried whispering in her ear, no doubt to make another joke at her expense; but Lily swatted her away. When she looked back at James though, he looked almost angry, staring at Dorcas. <em>Is he being protective? </em>Lily thought. <em>I mean, Dorcas is harmless, just being a bit annoying at the moment...but it’s not like she means it maliciously, any anger at her would definitely be overkill.</em></p>
<p>James didn’t look at her any more for the entire class. With one minute to spare, a completely depressed Lily noticed a messy scrawl appear on the corner of her notes. ‘Please stay after class.’ She looked up, but he gave no acknowledgement her way. <em>Well, it had to have been him, it is some pretty dope magic after all</em>. She looked down to reread it, but it had already disappeared from her parchment. </p>
<p>Finally, James dismissed the class and Dorcas got her bag together and slung it over her shoulder. “Ready for Potions?”</p>
<p>“Uh, go on without me, I need to finish these notes. I’ll catch up.” Lily said, really committing to scribbling chicken scratch on the bottom of her paper. </p>
<p>Dorcas rolled her eyes at her and looked back at James conspiringly. “Uh huh. Okaaaaay Lily, enjoy...!” She left the room laughing. </p>
<p>Lily chanced a glance at James sitting behind his desk. His face was red and he looked so pissed. Lily assumed it was not a good time to remark how incredibly turned on she was. </p>
<p>She was almost afraid to break the silence. The classroom door slammed shut behind her making her jump in her seat. “Merlin!” she yelped. She put her hand over her heart. “James, you scared me.”</p>
<p>He sat back in his chair, her use of his name, <em>his first name,</em> not lost on him. <em>It’s your fault you know. You chased after her... of course she’s going to tell her friends. It’s only natural. </em><b><em>Fuck</em></b><em>. </em>James tried leaning back further, pushing his eyes into his skull with both hands. He’d been so scared to even ask her to stay with how Dorcas was acting that he’d had to resort to secret notes. A rather clever spell he’d come up with, but now was not the time to bask in his own brilliance. </p>
<p>“Professor...?” she asked delicately. “Are you okay?” Lily had no idea what she’d done wrong, but she really wanted to fix it. </p>
<p>“Miss Evans,” he started slowly. She couldn’t help but note the formality in his voice. The air in the room seemed frozen and the space between them spanned kilometers. “I realize now that I’ve—“ <em>fucked the fuck up? Been a complete and utter dolt?</em> “been acting inappropriately around you—“</p>
<p>“I don’t think so,” Lily cut him off. </p>
<p>“No, I have, and as your professor, it’s entirely my fault. I’ve crossed a line that shouldn’t have been crossed.” </p>
<p>Lily thought he looked panicked. “Where’s this coming from? I don’t understand.” She was so confused. </p>
<p>“I mean, clearly you’ve been talking to Miss Meadowes, and I—“</p>
<p>Lily’s brows shoot up her forehead. “No, I haven’t!” </p>
<p>James looked at her quizzically as if to say, ‘Then what the fuck was that?’ And it dawned on Lily: James had thought Lily had told her friends all about their rising chemistry when he’d seen Dorcas teasing her in class and had gotten spooked. Rumors did have the tendency to fly in Hogwarts... </p>
<p>Lily was actually relieved. “No! Professor, you misunderstood the situation.” She allowed herself to slump forward on her desk, releasing a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding in. She couldn’t believe she’d nearly lost him over a miscommunication.</p>
<p>James looked at her hopefully, “Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Lily smiled. “I haven’t told my friends anything about us, I swear. Well, I mean, not since 4th year,” she hastily tacked in. She wasn’t about to start lying to him now. </p>
<p>James cocked his head to the side. “4th year?” </p>
<p>Lily’s cheeks were tinged with pink. “Please don’t ask...” she begged. </p>
<p>James got up and moved toward her desk, sitting on its corner. “Okay, you can tell me about that one later.” Lily was so happy to see the worry had disappeared from his face. “But then what was all that about?” </p>
<p>Lily’s face turned a shade pinker. In her panic, she’d actually forgotten what Dorcas had been teasing her for in the first place. She bit her lip and looked at him sitting right above her. So deliciously close, but not nearly close enough. “Any chance we can put a hold on that one too?” </p>
<p>James chuckled at her attempt to thwart him. His fingers reached out and cupped one of her rosy cheeks. “Zero chance.” </p>
<p>Lily closed her eyes and leaned into his hand. <em>Here goes nothing.</em> “Dorcas was teasing me...” <em>come on Evans, just blurt it out</em>, “because she heard a dream I was having...”</p>
<p>James lightly moved his thumb back and forth across her blush, enthralled by it.  He hoped he could make her face flush for him like this every damn day. <em>Even though I really shouldn’t be touching her in the first place, but hell, I’ve already done this… so what’s a little bit more of it? </em>James’ thoughts raged, embarrassed with just how little self control he seemed to possess around this woman. “How do I factor in here?” His voice was barely above a whisper. </p>
<p>Lily could hear her own heavy breathing and she fluttered her eyes open to look at him. She swallowed, hard. “Because apparently I was moaning your name.”  </p>
<p>James’ fingers stilled on her cheek and it looked as though he had the wind knocked out of him. Lily could tell his mouth had gone completely dry. “Is that so?” His voice was husky and laced with desire. Lily felt her insides clench. “What exactly were we doing?” Lily watched his lips crack a smile, loving his teasing demeanor. He continued, pulling his hand back, “I’m sorry I was an arse just now. I really thought you’d told your friends.”</p>
<p>Lily knew he was trying to pivot the conversation away from the one she truly, desperately wanted to have. But she didn’t want to blow off his concerns either. She reached for his retreating hand and held it. “James, I’d never jeopardize your job like that. I know what it means to you.” She offered him a smile, wanting to make sure he never had to doubt her again. “Besides, you’re clearly destined to be a professor. Even in my dreams you were teaching me...”</p>
<p><em>Nice segue back,</em> <em>Evans...</em> James knew she had him right where she wanted him. <em>Don’t bite, don’t bite. </em>“Yeah?” <em>Idiot. </em>He swore her green eyes were twinkling. </p>
<p>“Yep. Well, you were walking me through something I’d never done before.” Lily was proud of her subtle, pain-free attempt at letting him know she was a virgin. </p>
<p>James’ eyebrows twitched and he looked at her curiously. “Lily... where were we?”</p>
<p>“Uh, the Astronomy Tower. Why?” She was unprepared for the shift in mood.</p>
<p>James turned his head towards the windows, mulling this development over. “Huh.” <em>Could it be...?</em></p>
<p>“What is it, Professor?” </p>
<p>“Miss Evans, in your dream, your perspective was from inside your own body, yes? Not as an outsider looking in?”</p>
<p>“Yeah...”</p>
<p>James continued, “And me teaching you... um, did the lesson start...” </p>
<p>Lily saw him struggle. Half of her wanted to watch him squirm, the other half that had no idea where he was going with this won out. “It started against the wall.”</p>
<p>James’ eyebrows disappeared behind his lustrous hair and he jumped towards his desk, rummaging through books. <em>Maybe he really is a professor at heart. </em>Lily thought watching him. She was trying to talk dirty to him and he had just disappeared to go find <em>a book. </em></p>
<p>“Professor?” she questioned gingerly. <em>What is he looking for? His restraining order documents?</em></p>
<p>“I thought I had it here somewhere,” he mumbled to himself, tossing books over his shoulder. “Ah, screw it, fancy going to the library with me, Evans?” He reappeared from behind his desk looking adorable.</p>
<p><em>Yeah, let’s fucking go. </em>“Don’t you have another class?”</p>
<p>James looked at his pocket watch. “Eh, we got five minutes.” He lazily pointed his wand over his shoulder and a piece of chalk flew up and started writing, ‘Everyone please open your books to chapter seven and start reading about <em>The Ethics of Forced Transfigurations.</em>’ “Come on, let’s go!” He grabbed her hand, spinning her around as they sprinted to the door. Although he had to drop it at the threshold, Lily couldn’t help but feel his infectious excitement spread to her.</p>
<p>“What is it?” she called after him, racing to keep up.</p>
<p>“I’m not really sure yet!” he hollered over his shoulder.</p>
<p>They went through a passageway Lily was pretty sure she’d never seen before and then James abruptly skated to a halt, causing Lily to bulldoze into him, not having expected to be outside the library quite that soon. “Oof!”</p>
<p>James looked at her sprawled out on the floor and smiled wickedly. “Miss Evans, whatever are you doing down there?” He stuck out his hand and pulled her up.</p>
<p>She landed back on her feet right in front of him and her eyes demonstrated her point as she smirked: “Unexpected roadblock.”</p>
<p>He took a beat then carefully entered the library. The sudden light thread of his steps made Lily think he must have been at least a little bit scared of Madam Pince. “Let’s see,” he turned into one of the rows, “Legilimency… Legilimency…” James’ long fingers ran over the books. “Gotcha,” he said, pulling one out and cracking it open.</p>
<p>“Sorry, Professor? What’s Legilimency have to do with my,” <em>sex </em>“dream?” Lily watched as he rapidly flipped through the pages, his eyes darting to and fro.</p>
<p>“Ah, not this one,” James mumbled, plopping the book back and dragging her to the Restricted Section. She had always wanted to snog someone’s brains out in here, but she had the distinct feeling that’s not what was about to happen. Off her bewildered expression, he said, “Honestly, it’s more likely to be here; would explain why I remember it so much.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I still don’t understand…”</p>
<p>James was skimming books again. “I think you may be a Legilimens.”</p>
<p>Lily blinked her eyes three times fast. “Like, I can read people’s minds?” She’d learnt about the power briefly, but it had been framed as really Dark Magic, so her research had been pretty superficial.</p>
<p>“Yes, that’s one aspect, infiltrating people’s brains to see what’s there, but another aspect is implanting thoughts. Usually works best with eye contact, but I think very powerful witches and wizards can get in without that. Like when their target’s minds are vulnerable.”</p>
<p>Lily was putting the pieces together now. “Like when they’re asleep?”</p>
<p>“Precisely!” James was beaming; Lily felt sick.</p>
<p>“Professor” Lily’s voice cracked, causing James to look up from his book worried, “you saw my dream?”</p>
<p>James took a step toward her, wondering the best way to comfort her. Although he knew it wasn’t his fault, James had just confirmed that he’d seen something very private, personal… He’d gotten so caught up in being a part of her desires that he’d forgotten about the impact on her of knowing he’d even seen them in the first place. He thought about lying to her, but suspected unless they worked on this, it would only keep happening. “Yes.”</p>
<p>Lily’s mouth opened like she’d been punched in the gut. “So basically… I forced you…” she licked her lips, her mouth felt like the Sahara and her breathing had gotten choppy, “I made you—”</p>
<p>James suddenly got where she was going with this. “No! Lily it wasn’t like that.” Well, it was actually exactly like that, but he’d wanted it. <em>Fucking Merlin, how the fuck am I supposed to explain this? Either: ‘Yes, you pushed a sex dream in my head and it was very, very naughty, 50 points from Gryffindor, bad girl’ or it was ‘It’s okay, I wanted to have sex with you, so you doing that to me was really no biggie.’ </em>He settled on: “You didn’t know.”</p>
<p>Tears started pooling in Lily’s eyes. “I’m so sorry, I never meant to…” she tapered off looking at the ceiling and James knew all her energy was focused on not crying in front of him.</p>
<p><em>Fuck it. No amount of dignity is worth watching her feel this way. </em>James’ hand cupped her cheek, making her look back to him. “Don’t be sorry.” She sputtered like she was going to protest, so he continued, “Until you mentioned it, I thought the dream was mine.” The line hung heavy in the air. His eyes bore into hers, flicking between the two, trying to ensure she got his meaning, if only so the pain he saw there would fade away.</p>
<p>“You did?” A tear still escaped, but James saw her calming.</p>
<p>He sighed. There’d be absolutely no coming back now: all his cards were on the table. He was lying in front of her with his shield down, bare and vulnerable. He was ready to put everything on the line for the witch with the emerald eyes. “Yes.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” They were so close in this narrow aisle that she got distracted by the light freckles that were scattered across his olive skin. <em>He’d thought the dream was his own… he thought </em><em>he</em><em> was the one dreaming about having sex with you… which means…</em></p>
<p>A chair scrapping a few rows down made them jump apart, remembering that some students may have a free period and they were, in fact, not alone.</p>
<p>Lily tried regulating her breathing back to normal. “So, what was it like for you?” She saw his brows twitch so clarified, “I mean, was I like, controlling you?”</p>
<p>“Mm…” James considered, “it was like I was a puppet, I guess. My body was moving on its own accord, so I was just kinda… experiencing it.” <em>Move on, move on… </em>“Everything I said was a surprise to me, but that’s what it always feels like in real life too.” He gave her a saucy wink.</p>
<p>“Wow,” she said, her brows furrowing.</p>
<p>He didn’t want her going down this path again. “But that’s basically what regular dreams feel like, innit?”</p>
<p>She exhaled through her nose with a slight grin. She appreciated him making her feel like less of a monster.</p>
<p>“Here, look at this,” he picked up the book he’d found to show her a passage.</p>
<p>
  <em>Although exceedingly rare, thee true Legilimens can transfer thoughts unto his victim’s mind for all sorts of purposes. Thee victim shalt not know his brain wist tampered with, but </em>
  <em>shalt accept thee foreign imagery as his own. Whist Legilimency is a field of magic that can be learnt, thought implantation is a skill one must be bornth with.</em>
</p>
<p>He gave her just enough time to read the paragraph and then snapped it shut. She couldn’t be sure, but she thought the book’s title was <em>101 Ways to Torture Thine Enemies. </em>“So, I was born like this?”</p>
<p>“Appears so.”</p>
<p>“But, I can’t read anyone’s mind, Professor,” she pointed out.</p>
<p>“Right, because you haven’t been taught to. Yet,” he added. “That part needs to be trained. But it sounds like with you, you’re already doing it very powerfully on the subconscious level…” His hand was tousling his hair again as he continued talking to himself. “But like you said, it’s projection instead of intrusion.” He looked back at her. “Do you mind if I research this a bit more before coming up with a game plan? It seems like some pretty intense magic.”</p>
<p>“You’re going to help me?” she asked hopefully.</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. <em>Anything to get to spend more time with you. </em>“I’m thinking we’ll have to approach it just like Occlumency, which I can teach you—“</p>
<p>“You know Legilimency and Occlumency?” Lily interjected.</p>
<p>“Well yeah, Voldemort used it all the time, so it was part of Auror training. But even he needed eye contact… not really sure how to defend in my sleep.” James bit his lip and Lily felt herself being pulled to him once more.</p>
<p>“Huh.” Lily did not like any comparisons between herself and the most evil wizard of all time. “Do you use it often?”</p>
<p>James bent his head towards her. “Do I oft read people’s minds? No way!”</p>
<p>Relief washed over Lily. <em>He’s already seen your wet dream though, pick your battles. </em>“Ever?”</p>
<p>James was at her eye-level now, smiling gently. “Never. Unless they ask me to. Unethical and all that jazz.”</p>
<p>“Good.” She tilted her head slightly.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” He needed to know.</p>
<p>Lily chortled. “I’m mortified and afraid to ever sleep again, but sure.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be. We’ll figure this out.”</p>
<p>“Promise?”</p>
<p>James flashed the biggest smile yet. “Promise. Besides, if it happens again… it wouldn’t be the worst.” He started strolling past her and Lily felt her insides start to glow. “By the way, Miss Evans, just think I should tell you… No one’s first time is that good.” He grinned at her and she was freshly horrified but somehow still giggling. <em>Guess he did pick up what I was putting down. </em>“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll probably have twenty 1st years ready to ask me if it’s all right to transform someone into a ferret ‘if they really had it coming.’” And with that, he was off.</p>
<p>Lily sank to the floor with her forehead in her palms. <em>What the </em><em>fuck</em> <em>just happened. </em>So she’d had sex… while James was there to watch. But not really? Or like, she’d masturbated <em>with</em> him? <em>On him</em><em>?</em> Lily shuddered. There was probably a reason this power was normally not in the hands of a horny barely-legal adult. It was downright problematic.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Trying Hard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next few weeks passed in a blur as teachers started going over midterms and pressing on their students that they were woefully unprepared for N.E.W.T.s and should all probably just drop their classes to save themselves the embarrassment of failing. “Well, if he really wants me to,” Dorcas had after a particularly stressful Charms lesson.</p>
<p>Lily was especially on edge. Even though they’d beaten them, Captain Bell was not impressed with <em>how much </em>they’d beaten Hufflepuff by and had called for doubling practice times. What felt even worse than her body’s complete exhaustion was the fact that Professor Potter had not come to watch the game.</p>
<p>They seemed to have fallen back into regular professor-student relations in class and it was killing Lily. She had no idea how deeply she could yearn for something she’d never truly had.</p>
<p>Lily had no idea that James had gone to Dumbledore to ask with help for an anonymous student’s Legilimency problem. James had known how exceedingly rare indeed her power must be when even Dumbledore had been baffled by the (general outline) of the problem, and had promised James to mull it over himself. He’d thought if Dumbledore couldn’t solve their dirty little problem… no one could.</p>
<p>Every time Lily had tried to speak with James one-on-one, it seemed like another student was also coming up with one question or another. Lily would usually mumble the answer under her breath and just turn away dejected.</p>
<p>James noticed. He saw Lily trying to engage with him, but he was trying to stay strong. He knew everything was different now and honestly, he no longer trusted himself alone with her. If she batted her eyelashes at him just one more time, he knew he would have done anything she asked of him, professional decorum be damned. And frankly, it scared him shitless. So, James thought it wise to keep his distance as much as he didn’t want to. He thought it was probably for the best — for both of them.</p>
<p>“We need to talk,” Benjy said roughly, blocking Lily’s view at the end of a Transfiguration class.</p>
<p>Lily could see James freeze at the blackboard and knew he was now eavesdropping with all his might.</p>
<p>“Why,” Lily groaned. She had a feeling this was about two of her Ravenclaw prefects not getting along.</p>
<p>“You’ve seen Shah and Rogers at each others’ throats. We need to do something,” Benjy complained.</p>
<p>“All right, well, if it bothers you so much, why don’t <em>you</em> do something about it?” Lily had barely slept the night before; her insomnia was getting worse.</p>
<p>“Jeez, don’t get your panties in a twist, I just thought you’d be better at dealing with this,” he stated like it was obvious.</p>
<p>“And why’s that?” Lily was pissed.</p>
<p>Benjy leaned forward whispering, “Because you’re a girl.”</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes. “Oh, I hadn’t noticed." Lily stood up to her full height. “Let them sort it out. They’re old enough. They probably just need to shag it out.” <em>Oops, did I just say that aloud? </em>From the front of the room, James nodded his head to the blackboard: he found this to be an accurate assessment.</p>
<p>Benjy looked her up and down disgustedly. “You’re like the worst Head Girl ever, you know that?” He walked out the door muttering to himself.</p>
<p>Lily sighed, putting her last book in her bag. From the corner of her eye, she saw Severus glide towards her. <em>He’s still here too?! </em>She squeezed the bridge of her nose and exhaled slowly from her mouth. “Not now, Sev.”</p>
<p>“You’ve been avoiding me all year,” Severus countered, clearly hurt.</p>
<p>“Yes. And I’ve been waiting for you to get the hint.”</p>
<p>A menacing flash crossed his eyes. “What happened to you? You’ve changed.”</p>
<p>“Yes,” Lily sighed. “For the better: I no longer fraternize with people obsessed with blood status.”</p>
<p>Snape looked down to the hem of his robes. “I never cared about yours…”</p>
<p>Lily started to feel her anger rising again. “Sev, that doesn’t make it better,” she hissed through her teeth. “So I’m your <em>one </em>Muggle-born friend. So what? If you don’t think the <em>rest </em>of us deserve rights, that means you don’t see me as an equal. We’ve talked about this.”</p>
<p>Snape’s beetle eyes focused on her pleadingly, but didn’t contradict her. “I miss you.”</p>
<p>Lily crossed her arms in front of herself protectively. “I miss you too,” she admitted, “but we can never be friends again. Ever. Do you understand that?”</p>
<p>Snape reached to grab her wrist, but suddenly retreated like he’d been stung. Both his and Lily’s heads turned to James, honestly having kind of forgotten he was even still there — in his own classroom.</p>
<p>“I think she gave you an answer.” Lily saw he was trying to keep his face neutral, but she sensed protective anger bubbling just below the surface.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t talking to you, Potter,” Snape spat, his hands clenching into fists.</p>
<p>“Oh, well in that case, carry on.” James flicked his wand and bowed and Lily couldn’t help but wonder what he was playing at.</p>
<p>When Snape turned back to her and started opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish, she understood: James had taken away his voice. Snape turned beet red and spun back to him, brandishing his wand like a sword. James wordlessly defended himself with a protection spell and then <em>Expelliarmus</em>ed Snape’s wand into his own open hand. “You can get this back in an hour. If you ask real nice.” James smirked and Snape gave him one last furious glare and stormed off.</p>
<p>James expression turned a little more glum and he tentatively touched his temple. “Ahh… I probably shouldn’t have done that.”</p>
<p>Lily approached him gratefully all the same. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>James grinned at her. “Don’t mention it,” he chuckled. “Just feeling guilty for any girl I’ve ever given grief, s’all.”</p>
<p>Lily knew at this point that was not ’s’all’ but she didn’t press him. She wanted to get them back on track — at least the track she wanted to follow — but she didn’t know how. “I’m about to start brewing the Animagus Potion,” she started off conversationally. “It’s almost full moon.”</p>
<p>“Oh good, bout dang time.” James was being polite, but his expression was restrained. Lily hated it.</p>
<p>Lily almost said, “I miss you,” but she didn’t want to recycle a line James had just heard Severus use on her, even though the words had never rung more true.</p>
<p>“Did Snape and you ever…?” <em>It’s like he read my mind…</em> Lily pushed that thought away: he had said he didn’t do that, so she believed him.</p>
<p>“No. Merlin, no. We were best friends,” Lily explained. She didn’t want to get into the fact that he’d wanted to be more, that wasn’t on her.</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p><em>Hm. </em>Was he just as curious about her as she was about him? She cut to the chase. “He called me a Mudblood.”</p>
<p>James’ face was exaggeratedly horrified. “What a fucking git.”</p>
<p>“Professor!” she lightly chided.</p>
<p>James carried on, “Sorry, but damn, always knew I hated that kid.”</p>
<p>Lily sighed. “He wasn’t always that bad. ”</p>
<p>James snorted. “I never liked how he looked at you.”</p>
<p>Before Lily could question when he meant, and why <em>he</em> was looking at him, and <em>what that </em>meant, a burly black dog came trotting happily through the door, wagging his tail a mile a minute. James thought the dog looked rather smug as it surveyed the scene he’d just walked into; Lily didn’t notice and squealed as she got on her knees and opened her arms out wide. “Puppy!” she cooed.</p>
<p>“Lily, wait—” James tried to warn, but it was too late, Padfoot had already bounded up to her and was giving her slobbery, wet kisses across her entire cheek.</p>
<p>“Aw, he’s so sweet! Professor, is he yours?” Lily asked, giggling as Padfoot booped his nose to hers. “You’re such a good boy, aren’t you? Aren’t you?”</p>
<p>Sirius barked.</p>
<p>“Aw, do you want some scratchies?” Lily stood back up and scratched down his back, settling on his butt. She looked back at James. “I used to have a dog: they all love the butt scratchies!”</p>
<p>James glowered at the dog as his tongue lollygagged from his mouth. His big grey eyes looked back innocently as one of his back paws started involuntarily kicking. “Okay, that’s enough,” James deadpanned.</p>
<p>Lily pulled back hurt and confused. “Oh. Sorry, didn’t know I was bothering you.” Sirius looked from her to James and let out a loud exhale. James pointedly ignored him.</p>
<p>“You’re not, Miss Evans. Good luck with your potion tonight.”</p>
<p><em>Cold. Ice cold. </em>Lily pet the dog’s head sadly, looking into his eyes. <em>Even this dog feels sorry for you. </em>“Thank you.” She couldn’t even look back at him, so she just kissed her new dog friend on the forehead. She gave his ears one last ruffle. “Nice meeting you, buddy.” And she sullenly walked from the room.</p>
<p>James magicked the door closed and Sirius reemerged as himself. “What the bloody hell was that?” he barked. James hit him on the back of the head and then sunk into his chair. “Ow! And what was that for?!”</p>
<p>“That was for snogging my—” he quickly backtracked, “another student in front of me.”</p>
<p>Sirius smirked hard as he dragged over a chair and straddled it to face James. “Come on, that was hardly a proper snog. I mean, if you think <em>that’s </em>how you kiss, no wonder you’re single.”</p>
<p>James rolled his eyes. “Ha ha. Aren’t you single?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but that’s by choice.” Sirius winked at him. “So, what’s up? Just wanted to hang… or?”</p>
<p>“How are you doing?” James deflected.</p>
<p>“Uh uh. Spill. What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Damn Sirius for knowing him so well. He threw his head back. “Padfoot, I’m so screwed.”</p>
<p>“Mentally, emotionally?” He cocked an eyebrow at him. “Physically?”</p>
<p>“All the above…?”</p>
<p>“WHAT? You didn’t!” Sirius stood up so fast he knocked over his seat.</p>
<p>James flicked his wand absentmindedly, clearly used to Sirius’ theatrics, fixing the chair. “No. Not exactly.” He looked so miserable.</p>
<p>Sirius’ whole face crinkled in confusion. “How can you ‘not exactly’ screw someone? Is this new youth lingo again? I feel so old now.”</p>
<p>James smiled at his friend. “You’re not old Padfoot. And I didn’t screw anyone… but she’s a Legilimens.” James knew Sirius would know who the ‘she’ in question was.</p>
<p>Sirius’ jaw dropped wide open. “Oh shit! She read your mind? She knows?!”</p>
<p>“No.” James propped his elbow onto his desk and slumped his body against it. “Worse. She shared her thoughts with <em>me.</em>”</p>
<p>“Okay…” Sirius said trying to keep up, “so let me guess: she told you with her thoughts that she wanted to shag you? Hate to break it to you buddy, but you don’t have to be a Legilimens to read the way that girl looks at you.”</p>
<p>James couldn’t help but smile proudly. Sirius always knew how to cheer him up. “Yeah. But it wasn’t quite like that. She didn’t exactly <em>say</em> she wanted to fuck me, she just kind of… did.”</p>
<p>“In your mind?”</p>
<p>“In my sleep. She unknowingly brought me into her sex dream. She doesn’t know how to control it yet, but she was controlling me… or at least what I was seeing.”</p>
<p>Sirius let out a long whistle. “Damn. That’s kinky, any chance she could fancy me next?” James threw a shoe at him; neither of them knew whose it was or where it had come from. Sirius dodged it. “Sorry, but you have to admit it, if you weren’t in the position you’re in, it would be pretty hot.” He pushed his silky hair back. “Actually, nope: still hot.”</p>
<p>James slammed his forehead onto his desk. “Ugh, what am I supposed to do?”</p>
<p>Sirius scooted his chair closer. “Okay, being totally serious here… what exactly is the problem?”</p>
<p>James looked up at him incredulously. “The problem Padfoot is that I have a <em>student</em> who’s made it pretty clear that she fancies me, but every bloke in this school hits on her, and she <em>hates</em> it, so I don’t want to do that to her, <em>plus I’m her professor,</em> but now she’s pushing thoughts into my head, <em>and I’m only human,</em> and I want to reciprocate because I want her so bad, but she’s special you know, so I want to protect her, I want to help her control her power, but I’m afraid proximity to me is going to make it worse, so I don’t want to trigger her anymore than she already is being triggered, but I told her I would help her, but <em>then</em> I realized that there’s no way in hell <em>I </em>can be the one to do that, because if I’m the one teaching her Occlumency, she’ll inevitably get into my thoughts and see what a perverted little git I am, and I don’t want her to look at me like that because once she sees my mind, it’s game over.” James took a huge breath. “So, I’ve been staying away from her, and it’s killing me.” <em>God that felt good to get off my chest.</em></p>
<p>Sirius took a beat to absorb everything he’d just heard. “You really like her, don’t you?”</p>
<p>James looked out the window. “Yes.” His answer hung in the air. “Sirius, she’s all I can think about.”</p>
<p>Sirius bit the inside of his mouth, contemplating this. “And you can’t quit and be an Auror again?”</p>
<p>“No,” James said seriously, “at least not yet.”</p>
<p>Sirius knew he was still processing a lot of shit and pushing him back into the job before he was ready would be the quickest way to loose him. “Well… if you don’t want to get sacked and you really like her… I think you gotta wait.”</p>
<p>James took off his glasses to rub his eyes.</p>
<p>Sirius continued, “It’s already November, right? That’s, what? Half a year and she’ll be out of school? You can pursue her then, see if she just fancied the authority figure part of you or not,” James shot him a withering look, “and no one will get in trouble.”</p>
<p>James sighed. He knew his best friend was right, but he didn’t think it would be that easy. “Yeah?” he said half hoping he would change his mind.</p>
<p>“Yup. And I think you’re right; you should probably try to stay away from her in the meantime.”</p>
<p>A strong desire to punch a wall shot through him. This was going to be the hardest few months of James’ life.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Lily looked out of Gryffindor Tower, watching the snow flutter all around. The sight normally filled her with so much joy, but tonight, she felt nothing. <em>Why’d he turn so cold? </em>He’d told her her dream had been all right, and now… silence. She was so ashamed. Even starting a very complicated potion earlier that night, Lily’s usual therapy, had done nothing to placate her.</p>
<p>Even worse, she was so, so horny. The last few patrol rounds she’d given so many snogging couples she’d found in cupboards and empty classrooms detentions that Filch had actually approached her and asked her to stop sending him so many victims. Apparently the castle was now ‘clean enough’ and delegating any more work would be ‘stressful.’</p>
<p>Lily decided she needed to have another solo session and retreated to her bed, convinced Beth would not make the same mistake with her curtains twice.</p>
<p>Contented, she drifted off into another dream. Only this time, she was in a purely white, bright room. She turned around and there he was, James Potter, staring at her mutely. “Oh fuck…” she whispered. She was pretty sure what was happening this time. She looked around but it was only them, amongst vast emptiness. “Professor, are you there?” James just continued to stand there motionless, giving her a sexy smolder. It looked like he was either about to shag her senseless or eat her alive. “Of course you can’t say,” she mumbled.</p>
<p>She concentrated on him really hard. “Yes,” James said nodding his head. She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes frowning. “No,” he said shaking his head.</p>
<p>“Fuck!” she yelled looking around the room, as though an exit could have magically appeared. She had just confirmed she was in complete control of him now. “I’m so sorry, James. I swear I’m not doing this on purpose. I’ll try to find a way out, or to wake up, or however I’m supposed to make this stop.” She fumbled around desperately, getting more flustered with every passing second, but there was absolutely nothing else there besides them. “It’s your fault you know!” She spun back to him angrily. “You said—” Lily’s breath got caught in her mouth and she swallowed hard. James was now standing there shirtless, his mouth slightly agape in a way that was cute and dead sexy at the same time. “Uh oh,” she let out softly. She bit her plump lower lip and let her eyes wander down the planes of his chest. She was vaguely aware that she didn’t actually know what James looked like shirtless, so her mind had just given him the bod of a professional Quidditch star she’d seen in <em>Witch Weekly</em>. <em>It works. </em>Before she could stop herself, James had leaned into her, pulling her hair back gently at the scalp, exposing her neck to him. “Oh, I’m sorrysorrysorry,” she panted as he began kissing and sucking on the skin there. She lolled her head back into his grasp, her hips pushing into him instinctually. “No, nonono, sorry, sorry, sorry,” she chanted, somehow trying to ignore how good she was making him make her feel, trying not to give in to the burning need building between her legs. But then she remembered this was basically just her masturbating with an audience.</p>
<p>“<b><em>Ah</em></b>!” she yelled bringing her hands to her temples. James’ body flew backwards and suddenly he was wearing a full body dragon onesie complete with horns and a tail. Lily couldn’t help but giggle at the absurdity of it. But it had worked, he looked so fucking adorable that she only wanted to snuggle with him. Soon she’d doubled over with laughter as her hand absentmindedly cradled the spot on her neck he’d just ravished. In all her guffawing, she missed James’ mouth twitch ever so slightly.</p>
<p>Once she regained her breath, she sat down with her legs crossed and hit her palm to her forehead. <em>Okay think.</em> She’d done a bit of light reading on Occlumency after James had brought it up, but it had seemed all about <em>the other person</em> fighting it, not about her preventing how to invade minds in the first place. She figured she had nothing to loose and tried clearing her mind. “Blank and empty… blank and empty.” Lily was horrible at this. “Are <em>you </em>even trying?” she snarled looking at James; focusing on self-restraint was draining all her patience.</p>
<p>But it looked as though he actually was trying: his eyes were fluttering and his dragon onesie was slowly morphing into black robes.</p>
<p>“James?” she whispered hopefully, getting to her feet as his honey hazel eyes focused on her. She realized he was no longer wearing his glasses. A smile slowly bloomed on his face, and she couldn’t help but mirror it. “Oh James, thank—”</p>
<p>But Lily was cut off when James’ mouth came crashing down on hers with the passion of a thousand suns. His lips were soft and they hungrily coaxed hers open so he could deepen the kiss. His arms engulfed her and her fingers traveled through his hair as she tried to commit every touch, every feel, every taste to memory. She sucked on his bottom lip gently and loved his soft moan in return. She faintly registered that he tasted of Firewhiskey, but then again maybe it was because her mind, her soul, and her loins were on fire, brought to life by this kiss from the wizard who owned her heart.</p>
<p>Lily felt like she was flying, and she never wanted to come back to the ground.</p>
<p>When they finally broke free, they were both breathless and panting.</p>
<p>Lily brought her palms to rest on his chest while he still held her and planted sweet kisses on her nose and forehead.</p>
<p>She looked at her fingertips. “Did I do that?”</p>
<p>James smiled at her, chuckling. “No, that was all me.” He tilted his head. “Sorry.” He didn’t look even remotely sorry.</p>
<p>She looked up at him, close enough to see those gold specks of his irises she loved so much. “Okay, but how would I know? How do I know <em>I </em>didn’t just <em>want </em>you to do that, and then say that?”</p>
<p>“Hm,” James contemplated as his arms tightened around her like he never wanted to let go. He kissed the top of her head. “You brilliant, beautiful witch you… how to trick you.”</p>
<p>Lily laid her chin on his chest so she was looking straight up at him. “Good luck,” she chimed. She partially already knew it was really him. She could never dream up a man who could make her feel like this.</p>
<p>His face lit up. “I know!” He pulled a quill out of thin air and drew something on his hand. “Think of a number, any number.”</p>
<p>Lily scrunched up her nose; James couldn’t resist the urge to lightly bite it. Lily giggled and pushed him away. “Fine! 68.”</p>
<p>“Hm, look at that. Nope.” He showed her his palm: he’d drawn a slice of pie.</p>
<p>Lily started laughing once more. “You said a number, Professor, not a dessert!”</p>
<p>James grabbed the finger she was currently pointing at him accusatorially and brought it to his lips for a tender kiss. “Pi is a number, Miss Evans… or do they not teach you maths in Muggle elementary school?” he teased.</p>
<p>She wanted to kiss that smirk right off his face, and she was about to, but suddenly he yelped, “Ouch!” and faded away, and she awoke to the canopy of her bed. She looked at her watch: 3:08 am. She hadn’t been awoken… had he?</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Across the castle, James was pushing a pillow off of his face. “Oy! What was that for?” he asked extremely frustrated by the untimely interruption.</p>
<p>From the couch, Sirius said, “You were sleep-talking, was annoying as hell.” He rolled over and a snore told James he was asleep again.</p>
<p>His eyes landed on the empty Firewhiskey bottle on the counter. He sank back into his pillows. He’d kissed Lily Evans. Sorta. <em>Kinda.</em> And he wanted to do it again. James sighed, staying away from her hadn’t even lasted twelve hours.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Playing with Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Wow, I’m <em>so glad</em> I came here to dispense all my wisdom,” Sirius said thickly through a mouthful of pancakes. “Looks like it really sunk in. Really worth it.”</p>
<p>James smiled at him sheepishly. He’d just used his Invisibility Cloak to sneak off to the kitchens to grab two plates of food for them to enjoy in the peace and quiet of his own chambers. No student was allowed to ruin the sanctity of his Saturday… save one.</p>
<p>“Also, how are you so chipper, isn’t your head killing you?” James sighed at the question. The two of them <em>may</em> have drank a little — way — too much the night before since Sirius had been ranting about ‘when in Hogwarts’ and how they ‘deserved some fun.’ While it had been a little — ton — of fun, it looked as though Sirius really regretted it this morning. “And you don’t have any Hangover Potion,” he grumbled under his breath.</p>
<p>“I feel kind of excellent actually.” James suppressed a grin.</p>
<p>Sirius shook his head. “You complete tosser.” James had told Sirius first thing in the morning about how Lily had brought him into another dream, but then figured out how to give him control over himself. Or how he had figured out how to get control of himself… who knew, it was all a bit hazy.</p>
<p>“But just, the raw power she has,” James mused, “it’s incredible.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah, you kissed her, she’s an exquisite snog, we get it.” Sirius rolled his eyes. “So you gonna send her flowers now, or <em>dream</em> flowers?” James threw a pancake at Sirius, but he just caught it in his mouth like a Labrador and ate it. “Thanks, mate.”</p>
<p>James chuckled. Honestly, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Now that he was a professor, he’d never been more confused while at Hogwarts. His mind wandered back to Lily (had it ever really left?) ”How she can control her mind like that…” James made his hands mime his brain blowing up. “I mean, she was able to stop her desires <em>while asleep</em>, and then I have control for one second, <em>one second, </em>and what’s the first thing I do? Snog her for dear life.”</p>
<p>“Well, don’t be too impressed.” Sirius drank some juice. “Not snogging you isn’t that hard. I mean, look, I’m not doing it right now.”</p>
<p>“Oh shut it,” James replied testily, really wishing another shoe would just magically appear in his hand.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>By Sunday, Sirius had finally gone home after James had practically escorted him to the witch statue passageway himself. James had to admit, he felt immensely better having seen his friend and thanked the heavens for the day he met him. He would be so hopelessly lost without having him to lend his (very sarcastic, sometimes rude, normally highly accurate) ear. Sirius had given James a lot to ponder, namely to be wary if Lily actually liked him, or just wanted to work her sexual frustration out on a “young, innocent, doe-eyed professor,” as Sirius had put it. James hadn’t pointed out how on the nose he’d been in that description.</p>
<p>James was practically frolicking down the halls when he happened upon the very object of his late night musings.</p>
<p>“Professor?” she seemed pleasantly surprised.</p>
<p>“Miss Evans.” It was so late, he hadn’t bothered with his Invisibility Cloak; turned out being a professor had at least one perk. “What are you still doing out and about on a school night?”</p>
<p>She walked up to him. “You know, I could ask you the same thing.” James’ eyebrows shot straight up. ”Professor,” she added cheekily.</p>
<p>“Well, I was going for a late-night snack, care to join?”</p>
<p>Lily’s nose scrunched up in confusion. James had a vivid flashback to how last time she’d done that with him, he’d bit her. He reddened at the thought. “But, the Great Hall was cleared hours ago?”</p>
<p>James looked scandalized. “Are you telling me Miss Head Girl doesn’t know where the kitchens are?”</p>
<p>“Are you telling me former Mr Head Boy does?” she countered.</p>
<p>He’d found his verbal sparring equal. “Miss Evans, I knew by 2nd year. Come with me.” He turned on his heel and led her across the hall and down the stairs. “Clearly you’ve never had a Hufflepuff friend,” he said as they passed the entrance of the House’s common room.</p>
<p>“I have too!” Lily protested.</p>
<p>“Not a very good one.” He smiled at her and leaned next to the painting of the bowl of fruit. “Tickle the pear.”</p>
<p>“Excuse me?” Lily said incredulously as her chin dropped.</p>
<p>“You heard me,” he crossed his arms and looked at her playfully. “Do it.”</p>
<p>Her eyes still looking at him skeptically, she did as he had commanded. When the pear giggled, she jumped back clapping her hand to her face and watched it turn into a door knob.</p>
<p>James couldn’t help but snicker at her. “What did you think was going to happen?”</p>
<p>“When I’m around you, I never know.”</p>
<p><em>Touché, Miss Evans, tofuckingché. </em>He opened the door and put his hand on the small of her back. “After you.”</p>
<p>Lily walked in memorized by the magnitude of the room and how it was laid out just like the Great Hall above it. “No really, how did you find this?”</p>
<p>“My friends and I did some highly questionable things to a lot of the portraits, let me tell you that.”</p>
<p>Lily shook her head looking up at him endearingly. Her follow-up questions were interrupted as two house-elves came rushing to greet James. “Mr Potter! So nice to see you this evening! What can we get for you?”</p>
<p>“Hello Pinky, Dusty, lovely to see you as well. Can I please get a slice of treacle tart and Miss Evans will have…?” He turned to her.</p>
<p>“I’ll have the same, thank you.” The house-elves bowed deeply and were off. “Wow. This is pretty cool. Thanks for showing me.”</p>
<p>They sat down at the edge of one of the tables across from each other. James’ gaze followed Lily’s hand as she brought all her hair to one side of her neck. He lingered there… if his forays into her fantasies had taught him anything, it was that Lily loved having her neck kissed. He tried not thinking too much about how he’d love nothing more than to take advantage of her weak spot.</p>
<p>When he looked back up, her eyes were piercing into his soul. “Got something to say?” she asked him slyly.</p>
<p><em>Oh, so many things.</em> He sighed, clasping his hands on the table in front of him and leaning on to them. “I have to give you more credit, I have <em>no</em> idea how you were able to control your dream like that, or were letting me finally move, but thanks,” he said rather shyly.</p>
<p>Lily smiled proudly. “Yeah, any time.”</p>
<p>James continued. “No, seriously. I don’t think I could do that.” He felt his blush deepen. “Well, I think we both saw, I couldn’t.” He was jittering one of his legs like crazy.</p>
<p>“Do you regret it?” Lily’s eyes were searching his, trying to read him.</p>
<p>“No, not at all.” One of his hands reached for hers, resting on the table between them. James found himself leaning in further. “Was it okay… That I kissed you?” James was acutely aware that they hadn’t done it before, even in dreams.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Lily whispered, her eyes flickering between his and his slightly parted lips. “I mean I wanted to do it myself… but not if you weren’t actually into it, you know?” He gave the slightest nod, utterly and completely transfixed by his proximity to her. “Think it would feel the same in real life?”</p>
<p><em>There’s only one way to find out.</em> James’ tongue moistened his lips in anticipation. He swallowed and Lily watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down. Lily was so close to him now, he was getting drunk on her scent, her delicious floral aroma. His hand came up to delicately touch the side of her face and he watched rapt as her eyes flitted closed and her face tilted slightly. He knew she wanted him to kiss her, and he was about to give in.</p>
<p>“Here you go Mr and Miss! Two slices of treacle tart and two glasses of warm milk with honey! Enjoy!”</p>
<p>It had happened so fast, but the intrusion had been enough to ruin their moment. James hastily grabbed his glass of milk and explained, “It helps me sleep.”</p>
<p>“Hm,” Lily replied, drinking from hers too. <em>Is it always so hot in here?</em></p>
<p>They ate their tarts in silence for a few long, uncomfortable minutes. “This is good,” James finally offered.</p>
<p>“Yeah, delicious.”</p>
<p><em>Oh, kill me now. </em>“I wish we knew what was causing the whole dream connection,” he tried.</p>
<p>“Oh, I think I figured it out. It happens when I masturbate to you and then fall asleep.”</p>
<p>James’ fork clattered loudly, echoing through the entire hall as he dropped it on his plate and started choking on his last bite of tart. “Re-r-really?” he sputtered between coughs.</p>
<p>“Mmhm,” she said innocently finishing off her milk.</p>
<p>James remembered Lily flashing him her panties. This witch could play downright filthy when she wanted something.</p>
<p>“Sorry for disturbing you Mr Potter, but this just arrived for you from Mr Dumbledore.” If there was one name that could get James to stop gaping at Lily, it was probably this one.</p>
<p>“Oh, thank you,” James said accepting the small scrap of parchment.</p>
<p>“Everything okay?” Lily asked concerned.</p>
<p>“Hope so. Just says to meet him at his office and the password.” Suddenly James felt like he was a student again at Hogwarts, and not in a good way. <em>Shit, does he know? How does Dumbledore </em><b><em>always</em></b><em> know? </em>“I should probably go,” James said anxiously getting up from across from her.</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course,” Lily said mirroring him. “Good luck.”</p>
<p>He gave her a small smile and a kiss on the cheek for good measure. James truly couldn’t help himself. He started walking out the portrait door, but then turned back. “Oh by the way, my nipples don’t look anything like that. They’re far less hairy.” If he was going to get fired, he might as well lay everything on the line, at least the important stuff anyway.</p>
<p>Lily giggled and absentmindedly started playing with the bottom of her sweater. “Duly noted.”</p>
<p>He flashed her the brightest smile yet, and was gone.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>He was probably getting sacked. There was no way around it, what could he possibly say, ‘I didn’t kiss her, not <em>really</em>, and yes, I was just about to really really, but I was interrupted, so ha, look at me! I’m such a good professor!’? Something made James think Dumbledore would not entertain this excuse. </p>
<p>Despite being terrified and embarrassed by the looming sacking which would result in probably the shortest tenure in the history of Hogwarts, James couldn’t help but grin. Lily Evans had been masturbating to him. He felt absolutely looney, but somehow the prevailing emotion in his heart was pride. </p>
<p>That she’d even told him what triggered the dreams had been so cheeky. She wanted him to know she touched herself when she thought of him in the privacy of her own bed. She wanted him to know that it was his face she came to. James groaned as he thought of Lily sprawled out in her bed, red hair spilling across her pillow as her fingers played with herself making her body hum with satisfaction. He imagined her legs spreading wider as her self exploration grew wilder, her hips bucking up to her imaginary fantasy... him. She had been picturing him. </p>
<p>James’ own loins were now screaming to be addressed and he decided he needed to make a quick pitstop before he could face anyone, let alone his own firing squad. When James was safely in his own room and his hand was on himself, he remembered: she’d been caught moaning his name. Thinking of her doing it some more while her toes curled did him in. </p>
<p>After he’d cleaned himself up and was about to go upstairs, a realization hit him: he’d never actually seen Lily naked. This shouldn’t have been as much of a shock to him, but somehow it was. When she’d shown him them having sex, they’d both remained dressed, and before he’d kissed her, she’d taken off his shirt, but kept on her own. “Huh.” He’d imagined her body writhing with his own so many times, he’d created his own vision for her just like she’d done with him.</p>
<p>James then immediately chastised himself because these were not the kinds of thoughts to go to the Headmaster’s office with. <em>Merlin help me.</em></p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“<em>Peskipiksi Pesternomi,</em>” James said sadly making the gargoyle grant him access to his imminent doom. </p>
<p>He trudged in and knocked on the door. “Professor Dumbledore, sir? Are you still in your office?” <em>Please don’t answer, please don’t answer. </em></p>
<p>“Why yes, come in.” <em>Damnit. </em></p>
<p>James pushed open the door and was greeted by the familiar funny little noises coming from all around the circular room. Behind Dumbledore, Fawkes croaked. </p>
<p>“Good evening, James, I’m so glad I caught you before you retired for the night.” <em>Wait. Did he not know where I was? Who I was with? Why I was with her?</em></p>
<p>“Yes, just had my nightcap of milk,” James said trying to cut the tension in his stomach. Dumbledore’s eyes twinkled over his half-moon spectacles. James felt as though he could never get an accurate read on the old wizard.</p>
<p>“Yes, well, I will try to make this brief.” <em>Here it goes... bye Hogwarts. </em>“Are you still in contact with the student who’s getting their mind infiltrated through their dreams?” <em>Wait, was this a trick question? </em></p>
<p>“Yes.” </p>
<p>His wizened voice continued, “Good. I was able to track down a witch who’s experienced the same phenomenon, through an ex-lover I’m afraid. She was able to come up with a potion to take before sleeping that would help keep her mind protected.“</p>
<p><em>Oh</em>. “So they have to take it for the rest of their life? The student?” <em>Not me, definitely not me. </em></p>
<p>“Unless they can learn advanced Occlumency or the attacks stop, yes.” <em>Wouldn’t exactly call them ‘attacks’ per say, more like unexpected, fully awesome, virtual sex sessions. </em>James considered Dumbledore’s solution harder. Damn, he thought he knew Occlumency pretty well. Guess he needed more practice... or more motivation to actually keep her out. </p>
<p>Dumbledore continued, “Here is the first dose, if you’ll please give it to them.” James reached out to collect the offered vial. “I have instructed Slughorn to make more tomorrow so the student can have as much as they need to feel safe.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, Professor.” Somehow now James felt even more guilty, Dumbledore was unknowingly painting Lily out to be the bad guy and himself as the hapless victim.</p>
<p>“Something on your mind, James?” Dumbledore was surveying him, noticing everything. </p>
<p>“Yes, actually. This doesn’t do anything for the student who’s accidentally doing the mind intrusion, she—“ <em>crap</em>, “needs help too.”</p>
<p>Dumbledore pressed his fingertips together pondering this. “Ah, true, true. Must not forget the accidental aggressor.” James wanted to defend her, but bit his tongue. He’d already said too much. “I shall see if I can schedule a time for an Occlumency lesson. It sounds as though she needs to learn to protect her mind from itself in sleep, not an easy feat to learn. Most people cannot protect their minds from themselves in waking hours.” James got the uncomfortable feeling he was looking at him a little too pointedly. “May I inquire what year she is in so I can schedule them all for the lesson?”</p>
<p>James was grateful Lily wouldn’t be singled out. “7th year.” </p>
<p>“Ah. Easier to learn, harder to schedule,” Dumbledore chimed. He looked down moving some papers around. </p>
<p>“Thank you for doing all this, Professor.”</p>
<p>“Of course, of course.” James turned around to go back to his quarters, amazed he’d get to live to see another day.</p>
<p>“James?” Dumbledore called gently. James’ back stiffed. </p>
<p>“Yes, sir?” </p>
<p>“Do make sure the potion gets drank tonight. We don’t want to have any more unfortunate slip ups.”</p>
<p><em>Oh fuck. He knows</em>. </p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“Blimey James, I just left, what could possibly already have gone wrong?” Sirius said through the two-way mirror. James had forgotten his and could have kissed him when he saw Sirius pull it out of his pocket at the end of his visit this weekend. Sirius had muttered, ‘So I don’t have to trot on over here every time you have a wet dream.’ </p>
<p>“He <em>knows</em>!” James hissed in a panic. </p>
<p>“What? Who knows what?”</p>
<p>“Dumbledore! He knows I kissed Lily in my dreams and then nearly again just now in the kitchens—“</p>
<p>Sirius’ reflection smacked his forehead at this new information. “You are truly hopeless, do you know that?” </p>
<p>“Yes, it’s been very well established, let’s move on!” James pressed. </p>
<p>“Okay, well have you been fired?”</p>
<p>“No! Surprisingly,” James admitted. </p>
<p>“Okay, then he doesn’t know,” Sirius said plainly. </p>
<p>“You sure? Dumbledore knows everything that happens here.”</p>
<p>“Mostly yes. But <em>why</em> would he keep a professor who’s snogging students?” </p>
<p>“Student. Singular.” </p>
<p>“Right. Snogging his one true love, a student.” </p>
<p>“I don’t know, you know Dumbledore does weird shit.”  </p>
<p>“Yeah. I don’t see the angle though. What he say?” Sirius inquired. </p>
<p>James explained the whole interaction complete with ‘slip-ups’ and a poignant look.</p>
<p>“Oh shit. Maybe he does know.” </p>
<p>“<em>Right</em>?? I feel like I should resign.”</p>
<p>“No, don’t do that, like you said, Dumbledore does weird shit, but it’s always for a reason.” Sirius looked at James pensively. “But for fuck’s sake, please drink that potion.” </p>
<p>James uncorked it. “Bottoms up,” he cheered, glad he had someone to hold him accountable. </p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>James Potter woke up feeling like the biggest dick. Not only had he shut Lily’s mind out, if she’d masturbated that is (good Merlin he hoped she had), but as he was falling into a listless slumber, he’d had a realization: he was a huge hypocrite. </p>
<p>He, the guy who wouldn’t last two seconds without his best mate, had practically prohibited Lily from talking to anyone about them. She must have been so alone in this. James rubbed his hands into his eyeballs. <em>Selfish dick, dick, dick</em>. </p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Lily came to class early the next morning. She whispered to him, knowing they didn’t have much time before others would start to show, “Is everything okay?” She was clearly still worried about Dumbledore’s note.</p>
<p>He gave her a weak smile, feeling terrible. “Yeah. I have to talk to you though.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” The color looked like it was draining from her face and he wanted to take it back, realizing that it was a crummy thing to say, but Benjy had just strutted into the room. </p>
<p>The rest of class, James couldn’t concentrate knowing how much his words had just hurt Lily. He ended up making them read a chapter from their textbook so he could write, “You look so beautiful when you take notes... or you know, any time you do anything” on the page she was reading before it faded away. He saw the corners of her mouth pull up into the tiniest smile. </p>
<p>At the end of class, Dorcas dragged her out of the room, but she threw a furtive glance over her shoulder at him. James vowed he’d find her later that day to tell her what was going on. He owed her that much. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. First Real Kiss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That night, James pulled his map out, determined to find Lily on one of her rounds or intercept her coming back from Quidditch. As it turned out, she was in the potions lab. <em>Duh, working on the Animagus Potion.</em></p><p>He walked to the dungeons, saying hi to a few students who giggled at him when he passed. “Hi Miss Liping. Miss Chang. Mr Diggory.” They all turned bright ruby in return. He ruffled his hair and pushed open the door, finally at his destination.</p><p>Lily’s deep red mane was pulled off her face and she was hyper-focused on the potion in front of her, a cute smudge on her forehead. James allowed himself a moment to watch her work, away from everyone else’s prying eyes. Her fingers gracefully danced across her workspace and her wand was magicking a ladle to stir her concoction. Her face really was carved by the gods themselves; but James couldn’t stop thinking about all the qualities she possessed that he currently couldn’t see: her fearlessness, her kindness, her witty candor. He smirked to himself.</p><p>“Hello there,” he finally spoke.</p><p>Lily jolted at her stool. “Professor, I didn’t see you.” She looked at him leaning against the doorframe, looking all sexy, and wondered how long he’d been watching her. She noticed his hair looked as though he’d just gotten off a broom, <em>or endured an hours long shag session. </em>Her heart filled with joy. “You know, for someone whose parent invented a hair styling potion, your hair always looks rather… roguish.” Her mouth twitched as she finally landed on the word.</p><p>He came up to her. “Ah yes, well what started off as an act of adolescent rebellion turned into a lifelong habit I can’t quite seem to break.” <em>Much like you, </em>he thought.</p><p>“Mm,” she hummed. Her face darkened. “You wanted to talk to me?”</p><p>“Yes.“ James was snapped back to reality. “Well, first I wanted to apologize.”</p><p>“You did?” Lily asked confused.</p><p>“Yeah, I realized how unfair it was to ask you not to talk to your friends when I was talking to mine.”</p><p>Lily couldn’t help but smirk. “You’ve been telling your friends about me, Professor?”</p><p>James grabbed her free right hand and interlaced their fingers, noticing her sparkly purple nail polish. “I might have, yeah.” He brought her dainty hand up to his mouth and gave her knuckles a chaste kiss, looking up at her through his lashes.</p><p>“That does seem mighty unfair,” she teased. “Guess that’s the burden I must carry…”</p><p>He smiled at her hyperbole.</p><p>She continued, “Honestly, I’m fine. As long as I have you.” Her face turned a little pink. “Speaking of, I couldn’t see you last night.”</p><p>James looked at her bubbling potion contritely. “Yeah, about that—”</p><p>Slughorn entered the class loudly. “James! Just the man I was looking for! Your potion is ready.” James and Lily had jumped apart. “Oh yes, looking at Miss Evans’ handiwork, are we? It’s coming around splendidly if you ask me! Hopefully we have a lightning storm soon, or we’ll have to wait until next moon cycle I’m afraid.” He busied himself going through his cupboards.</p><p>Lily mouthed to him, ‘Your potion?’ James kicked himself. Maybe next time he should cut to the important stuff first, and flirt afterwards. Lily really messed with all his logical reasoning skills.</p><p>His eyes still on her, James answered Slughorn, hoping she knew he’d explain when they were alone. “Thank you, Professor. I’m sure they’ll really appreciate it.”</p><p>Slughorn waddled over to them. “Call me Horace, m’boy. You’re just like Miss Evans. Here it is,” Slughorn handed James seven vials of what looked like liquified onyx. “A week’s supply. You can tell that poor sucker I’ll have a new batch for him next week.” He started back to his cupboard to lock it up. “Dream invasion. What will these kids think up next!”</p><p>James caught Lily’s expression from the corner of his eye: she looked like she’d been punched in the gut. <em>Fuck. </em>“Thank you, Pr— Horace,” he called after Slughorn’s retreating figure.</p><p>“Make sure you lock up after you’re done, Miss Evans,” he called over his shoulder, blissfully unaware of the bomb he’d just dropped on the pair. He closed the door and was gone.</p><p>Lily turned to him, and he could practically see the steam coming out of her ears. “You told Slughorn about me?!”</p><p>“Let me explain—”</p><p>“Telling your friends about me is cute, Potter, telling my other professors? Not cool!”</p><p>“Lily—”</p><p>“I mean, it’s such a violation of trust!” she ranted.</p><p>“LILY,” James said firmly, holding on to her shoulders and making her face him. The fact that she apparently used his surname when she was mad was not lost on him. “Please let me explain.”</p><p>“Fine.” She blew away a stray lock of hair that had escaped her ponytail from off of her face.</p><p>James tried not focusing on just how cute she looked when she was angry with him, causing this on purpose would probably not be good for either of their health. “I did tell Dumbledore,” Lily’s jaw dropped open, so he rushed on, “but anonymously and only because I couldn’t figure out how to help you myself. And he figured it out. Not who you were, but how to help,” he added quickly. Lily seemed to calm a little bit. “So, now Slughorn thinks he’s making this protective potion for another anonymous student.”</p><p>Lily bit her tongue. “Oh. So you have to take a potion every night? That’s quite the drag.”</p><p>James gave her a lopsided grin. “I think I’ll manage. Oh… and Dumbledore is going to schedule all 7th years for an Occlumency lesson. He may know you’re a 7th year.” He took a deep breath. “And a girl.”</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. “Anything else?”</p><p><em>Ugh, this part wasn’t fun. </em>James became acutely aware he had his hands on her again, so he dropped his arms lamely to his sides. “I—” he struggled, “I think I may need to… hang out with you a little less. For the time being.” Lily gave him a crestfallen look that nearly broke him. “There’s just probably a lot of suspicion going on right now.” James selfishly wanted to continue with how they were going, but he knew if word got out, her reputation would be ruined too. He could be kicked out, but she’d have to stay and deal with all the leers and bullying that would follow. He just couldn’t put her through that if there was any chance they could be caught. “I want to be extra careful.”</p><p>“Okay,” she said meekly.</p><p><em>Fuck it. </em>He pulled her into his chest, kissing the top of her head as he wrapped his arms around her. How could anything that felt this right, this <em>good</em>, be wrong? He just didn’t want her to be sad another day in her life. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I wish I was just your classmate again.”</p><p>Lily tightened her grasp around his waist, nuzzling into him. “Well, you’re only my teacher for six more months, right?”</p><p>He smiled into her hair, so relieved. She was counting down the days too? His stomach was doing somersaults. “We should be able to manage to control ourselves until then, right?” He’d meant it as a statement, but even his own ears picked up on his inflection.</p><p>Lily gave him a little squeeze. “Whatever you say, Professor.”</p><p>James could die in her arms right now and be perfectly okay with it.</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>The next few weeks, they really did try to keep a proper distance from each other. Their fingers sometimes accidentally brushed in the halls, and they’d often catch the other staring at meal times, but for the most part, they really were on their best behavior. Course, Lily was slowly going mad with desire, masturbating almost every night now. She kept secretly hoping he’d slip up and forget to take his potion, but so far, he never had.</p><p>“Ready for today?” Beth asked Lily cheerfully at breakfast one Saturday.</p><p>“Huh?” Lily looked up from her coffee.</p><p>“Oh no you don’t, you are coming,” Dorcas insisted. Both Lily’s friends had become quite used to her near-permanent distracted state.</p><p>Lily suddenly remembered their plans to go to Hogsmeade to shop for dresses for the winter formal. Lily had thought she’d be busy chaperoning it, but it turned out Hogwarts was getting the teachers to do that. Hearing this had sent Lily’s mind into overdrive… as well as half of the student body’s it seemed. Everywhere Lily went, she heard witches whispering about ‘Professor Potter’ and whether they thought he’d bring someone, and if not, whether they had a shot at a dance with him. Lily had nearly snapped at a pair of them finding her patience growing thinner the longer it got since their potions chat. He’d made it sound like he’d wait for her, and she’d held on to that notion like a lifeline. But now that it was December, a little reassuring reminder of his feelings wouldn’t hurt.</p><p>The three Gryffindor friends made their way merrily to the neighboring town, talking about the style and colors of their dream dresses. Beth and Dorcas readily agreed Lily should get an emerald green one.</p><p>“So, has anyone asked you to the dance yet?” Beth brought up in a way Lily knew was trying so hard to be casual.</p><p>“Yes…“</p><p>“And have you said yes to anyone?”</p><p>“Nope,” Lily said cheerfully, making a snowball with her mittens.</p><p>“Lily! All the good ones will be gone soon! If you don’t like the ones asking, ask the one you like! That’s what I did, and voilà!” Dorcas was very proud of herself and Lily loved her confidence.</p><p>“I’m glad you’re going with Patrick, but I think I’m just gonna go solo.” Off of Dorcas’ scandalized expression she continued, “It’s really not that big of a deal, I mean there are only like, what, two slow songs all night? The rest is all of us just in a mosh pit, so it’s not like it matters if I’m there with someone or not.”</p><p>Dorcas rolled her eyes. “Fine, but don’t complain when both Beth and I are in the bushes snogging our faces off.” Beth turned bright red and looked at her boots.</p><p>“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Lily answered, throwing her arm around Dorcas’ shoulder.</p><p>Beth went back to staring at Lily intently. “You’re not waiting on someone specific, are you?”</p><p>“No.” It was almost true, she knew James couldn’t ask her, so why waste any energy hoping for the impossible.</p><p>Dorcas turned to Lily, her mouth open wide. “Oh no, you’re totally still pining for Potter, aren’t you? That’s why your curtains are shut so tightly every night!”</p><p>Lily shoved her away roughly. “You guys are the worst.”</p><p>Soon they were all inside the dress shop, Beth and Dorcas trying on at least twenty dresses each. Lily didn’t need to: as soon as she saw a forest green one in the back, she knew it was the one.</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>The Friday that marked the end of term was also a full moon, meaning by the end of the night, her potion would finally be complete. Lily had first cursed her luck for not being able to squeeze in one last bit of magic to learn before winter break, but she guessed this way she was being forced to focus on more frivolous things like the last winter formal of her school career. It would have been a little upsetting if the Animagus transformation had gone horribly awry and Lily was forced to attend the dance in hooves. Then again, maybe it would keep her feet from hurting by the end of the night even if she’d destroyed everyone else’s.</p><p>At the end of Transfiguration class that night, she had to approach him. She’d been such a good girl and, quite frankly, knew if she didn’t ask him, she’d spend the entire dance swiveling her head looking to see if he was coming.</p><p>“Miss Evans,” James said pleasantly, “don’t you have a formal to be getting yourself ready for?”</p><p>“Are you going?” Lily blurted out. “I mean, are you going to be there?”</p><p>James smiled at her, leaning back against his desk. “Yes, I’ll be there. They put me on decorations <b>and</b> chaperoning duty. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think I’m being hazed.”</p><p>Warm relief spread across Lily’s chest. “Ha, it’s your fault for doing such a good job for Halloween. And in that case, I guess I should start getting ready,” she gave him a little wink, “don’t want to disappoint my audience.”</p><p>As Lily started walking away, James called after her, “Hey, you’re not gonna wish me luck?”</p><p>Lily’s brows furrowed. “On what?”</p><p>James brought his hands up incredulously. “On the decorations!”</p><p>Lily laughed, “Well, you didn’t wish me luck with getting ready!”</p><p>James crossed his arms and looked at her seriously. “Because you’re going to look breathtaking no matter what.” He saw the blush he’d been hoping to elicit creep across her face. “I’ll see you tonight.” He left to his personal quarters.</p><p>Lily strode away thinking: she’d been such an amateur. She’d felt like she had all the power in the world whenever she’d done something physically cheeky. But here was James, completely disarming her with just a few simple words. <em>Five more months… five more months, </em>she told herself as she pranced up the stairs to her friends.</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>After Beth had helped her style her hair, Lily felt amazing. She looked at herself in the mirror and beamed. Her hair was elegantly pinned to the nape of her neck with a few loosely curled tresses framing her face. Her makeup subtly accented her eyes while a light gloss made her lips pop a little too. She’d skipped the rogue, knowing if James was there, she’d be blushing all night anyway. The dress looked made for her body, and with the help of some magic, hung on to the small of her back and then scooped up to a halter. Its silky fabric left nothing to the imagination. Her friends had informed her it was the perfect combination, Dorcas coming up with the term ‘sophisticated shaggability.’</p><p>Soon, Lily’s friends’ dates arrived for them, giving Lily small pitying looks as though she’d been stood up. She tried to ignore them and they all took a couple shots (Beth the most enthusiastically) as a pregame.</p><p>As the group walked down the stairs to the Great Hall, Lily couldn’t stop the childish cheer from building in her stomach as she took in the decorations all around her. On top of the usual pine trees, it looked as though every centimeter of the ceiling had floating twinkly lights, there was fake snow falling to just above the tallest person’s head (Hagrid), and there were a couple sparkly purple shooting stars zooming across the sky every now and then. “I love magic,” escaped her lips softly.</p><p>Her eyes came down to the entrance of the Great Hall, and she immediately saw James. He was standing next to Hagrid with a forgotten champagne glass in his hand, looking up at her spellbound with his lips slightly parted. His robes were black tinged with the darkest red and he wore a little bow tie. Lily bit her lip finding it almost difficult to be on the receiving end of a look laden with that much marvel. She knew it must be the very same look she was giving him.</p><p>“Come on,” Beth gave Lily’s arm a little squeeze, and if she’d just caught their exchange, Lily was eternally grateful she didn’t mention it.</p><p>Lily descended the rest of the stairs and was immediately greeted by Hagrid. “Lily!” he called her over.</p><p>“Hello gentlemen,” she said coyly, but was whisked into a bear hug by Hagrid who spun her around. As soon as he put her down she did a quick check to make sure everything was still covered. “Well, it’s good to see you too, Hagrid,” she laughed.</p><p>“Sorry, jus’ have a lot o’ holiday cheer, if you know wha' I mean,” Hagrid spoke directly into her face, and she smelt a whole lot of mead, so she was pretty sure that she did know.</p><p>“Happy Christmas, Hagrid.” She smiled up at him.</p><p>He patted her on the head. “Happy Christmas, Lily.” He walked off.</p><p>
  <em>And then there were two… surrounded by a hundred.</em>
</p><p>James grabbed a champagne off a tray floating nearby. “Would you like one?”</p><p>“Yes, thank you.” Lily noticed the way his fingers lingered for a second against hers as he handed her the glass. “Aren’t you afraid the younger students will take them?”</p><p>James smiled mischievously. “They can try…” It took a former troublemaker to know how they thought. Lily looked over his shoulder and saw several 4th years chasing after the tray, but it would always fly up and out of reach the moment they grabbed for it.</p><p>“How devious of you,” she said sipping.</p><p>James opened up his body so they were now standing side-by-side. “By the way,” he whispered, “you look insanely good.” James kicked himself. Of all the words in the English language he’d settled on… <em>good</em>.</p><p>Lily didn’t seem to mind. She was watching her classmates as they waltzed in. “You look quite ravishing yourself,” she said under her breath back. “I wish I could touch you.” Lily heard James’ breath hitch. All she wanted to do was just grab that bow tie and pull him down to her and kiss him until they melted.</p><p>As was too often the case, they were rudely interrupted. “Lily!” Benjy trundled up to her, not even noticing James. “Are you waiting for someone?”</p><p>“No,” she said a little too quickly.</p><p>“Excellent,” Benjy grabbed her hand, “it’s time for the Head Boy and Girl dance.”</p><p>As he pulled her away, James muttered, “There’s no such thing,” to himself.</p><p>Benjy put Lily’s empty glass on a nearby table and pulled her up in front of him, holding one hand up and the other on the small of her back. Lily was very viscerally reminded of the fact that her dress was backless and pushed his hand higher. “Sorry,” he mumbled but started waltzing with her body anyway.</p><p><em>This is what torture feels like,</em> James thought, watching the scene unfold from his new spot along the edge of the crowd. He’d been so enthralled watching Lily come down the stairs. Her hair style and dress were almost identical to what she’d been wearing in their first dream and it drove him up a wall… <em>just like I drove into her against a wall.</em> James tried to quell his throbbing thoughts and hormones. But then she’d taken a step down the stairs and he’d seen the slit in her dress and his mind had short-circuited once more. He’d almost turned in his resignation letter right then and there.</p><p>Then came the seething jealousy as Hagrid picked her up. Not at Hagrid, of course, but of the fact that he could hug her, touch her so freely and it was no big deal. James knew if he were to do that, both their faces would give them away. James couldn’t fake his feelings around Lily, and he was starting to think it would be his downfall.</p><p>So now James just watched, wishing Lily had been born three years sooner so it could be them dancing under this twinkling sky he’d created. He saw Benjy lean in to her closely and whisper something in her ear. She looked shocked? Sad? Either way, she wasn’t pulling away.</p><p>James decided he needed to find a hobby.</p><p>Luckily, soon the band started playing more upbeat tunes, and everyone was thrashing around wildly. There were so many couples grinding and dancing on each other, that James thought it best to allow the older, more experienced teachers to deal with it. He also pretended not to hear when a gaggle of wizards started bragging about having successfully spiked the punch. James rolled his eyes; he really hoped he’d never been this oblivious — but he had the nagging feeling he and his crew had been even worse.</p><p>Professor Sprout walked by him hiccuping. <em>Oh boy.</em></p><p>After politely declining a few very courageous requests to dance, James let his eyes drift back to Lily. She was dancing with her friends now, swinging her hips in time to the music as her head swayed laughing. She was definitely tipsy and feeling herself. Her hair was starting to come loose and kissing the bare skin of her back. He watched the lean muscles dance there, forming a butterfly between her shoulders. <em>Ugh, the things I’d do to her if we were alone…</em></p><p>As if she heard his thoughts, her face turned to him, and she smiled wickedly, rocking her bum back and forth, her hands skimming down the soft fabric of her dress, her eyes never leaving his as her head tilted back.</p><p>James leaned his head back to the wall groaning. Was she trying to seduce him right then and there? Because… it was more than working. His hazel eyes had to break away and he grabbed another champagne flute, downing it as he stepped out to the courtyard for some air, adjusting his robes to hide certain reactions. James ran both his hands through his hair, squeezing his eyes shut, but all he could see was fiery red and swirling emerald.</p><p>“There you are,” Lily cooed. She’d followed him out.</p><p>She looked so incredible, it was almost cruel. “Come ‘ere,” James said gruffly, taking her hand, pulling her around a corner, and pushing her against the stone wall.</p><p>Lily couldn’t speak, her breath feeling so heavy in her chest and coming out of her parted lips hard. Was he about to kiss her? <em>Who knew all it would take was showing him my rhythm. </em>Staring into his gold-flecked eyes, she felt drunk on something a lot stronger than alcohol.</p><p>His body was pressed up against hers, his hands cupping both sides of her face, greedily drinking in every flicker of lust, longing, love he saw there. He leaned in, hovering just above her lips, his eyes scanning hers just before kissing her. Lily wasn’t sure if it was fireworks, or the band’s music wafting through a cracked window, but something exploded. The kiss was gentle, James’ lips moving slowly on hers, trying to convey all his affection for her and Lily brought up her hands, clinging onto his wrists. James was pouring his heart and soul into her, hoping she’d take it.</p><p>He pulled away slightly, watching as her eyes stayed closed as though she was savoring a dream. He couldn’t help but break into a proud, lopsided grin. “You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to do that,” he murmured against her skin.</p><p>“Mm… I think I can imagine.” She pulled him back in, running her nails across his scalp as she granted him full access to her mouth. James braced himself against the wall as his other hand ran down her back, feeling Lily shiver into him.</p><p>The feel of her tongue against his was driving him crazy, making him want to taste all of her. His mind was going numb, knowing nothing other than this electricity they were creating. She moaned lightly into his mouth and he couldn’t help but squeeze her hip, wanting to hold onto something. When she arched her back, pushing her breasts into him, he knew he could take no more.</p><p>His hand went back into her hair as he gently pulled his chin back, resting his forehead against hers. “I think we should probably stop here… before I can’t.” He gave her a few sweet pecks, causing her to giggle.</p><p>“Cockblock,” she teased, but she agreed. The longer they stayed here, the more she felt any whisper of self-restraint she had started with slipping away.</p><p>James shifted. “Oo, who knew such a filthy word could sound so hot coming from your lips?”</p><p>“Mmm, I’ll have to think of some more choice words to say in your presence.”</p><p>“Careful…” he warned, leaning back in to lightly kiss the delicate skin of her neck.</p><p>Lily thought it looked like he was trying to show her two could play this game. “Fuck…” Lily moaned becoming putty in his arms. She felt him smile against her as he dragged his mouth closer to her ear, leaving a trail of nerve endings on fire in his wake.</p><p>“You really like getting your neck touched, don’t you?” he murmured wickedly.</p><p>Lily bit her lip sighing as she felt him nibble on her earlobe. “Just you wait till I figure out what you like Potter… then you’ll be sorry.” She’d meant it to come out as a joking threat, but knew it didn’t quite pack the same punch with her squirming in pleasure under his masterful ministrations.</p><p>“Oh I can’t wait, Miss Evans.”</p><p>She gasped as he pulled her away from wall and dipped her. “What are you doing?!”</p><p>“This, my Lily-Flower, is how you dance,” he said, swinging her back upright and twirling her.</p><p>She laughed as she landed back into his arms. “It’s an awful lot of spinning.”</p><p>He kissed her hair and slowed them down to a sweet sway. “Sorry, got a little excited,” he joked.</p><p>“Understandable.” Lily put her cheek against his chest, getting lost in the lull of his heartbeat in the moonlight. He held her hand like he was never letting go.</p><p>It was just them, two lovers, dancing to far off music and hoping this moment would never have to end.</p><p>A snapping twig broke their little bubble of happiness. “Fuck, what was that?” Lily whispered, scared shitless.</p><p>James jumped away from her and bent to the ground, seemingly picking something sparkly up from between the cracks of the cobblestone. “Found it!” he announced.</p><p>Just before Lily could ask what he was talking about, she saw Bellatrix from the corner of her eye. She was an insanely nasty (as well as insanely insane) Slytherin who was currently looking at them like a hungry cat who’d just cornered its dinner.</p><p>Lily realized the thing in James’ hand was her earring. “Oh, thank you!” she covered, unsure how he’d even gotten it from her in the first place. She stuck it back through her piercing.</p><p>“Glad I could help, Miss Evans,” he said formally. “Miss Black.” He walked back to the castle, leaving the two women.</p><p>Bellatrix smiled evilly at where he’d disappeared to, then turned back to Lily. “Wow, Mudblood can’t learn magic by herself so she has to fuck the professors? Who’s next, Sluggie?”</p><p>“You’re disgusting and dumb as shit,” Lily snarled and shoved past her, panic rising in her stomach. <em>FUCK. We’re so screwed. What a dumb fucking… shit shit shit!</em> Lily walked back to the Great Hall, her eyes scanning for James, but it looked like he’d gone back to his chambers, probably having a similar panic attack.</p><p>Her gaze landed on Benjy, and suddenly she knew what she had to do. At least half of the kids were still there, and she knew that she had to make a bigger show than any sort of rumor Bellatrix would start spreading tomorrow — especially if it was the true one. She knew it was a solid plan, no one really trusted the wannabe Death Eater anyway. <em>Fuck,</em> she mentally cried. Knowing it would work didn’t make it any easier to do. <em>At least he’s an absolute git, so you don’t have to feel bad about leading him on.</em></p><p>She walked up to Benjy in the middle of the dance floor and yelled, “Hey you!” loud enough for people to hear over the heavy music.</p><p>Benjy turned around to her, then looked over his shoulder to see who she was trying to talk to. He looked quite confused. “Me?”</p><p><em>Here goes nothing. </em>Lily kissed him. It took a few seconds for him to register what was happening, but then he started eagerly reciprocating. It was wet, it was sloppy, and suddenly Lily wanted to puke. She waited until she heard the buzz of chatter and a couple woots around her (which was unfortunately <em>after</em> his teeth painfully clashed against hers) to pull away.</p><p>“Thank you,” she told him transactionally and then turned on her heel to go back to Gryffindor Tower.</p><p>Over her shoulder, she heard Benjy brag, “I always knew she wanted me.” <em>Yuuuck.</em></p><p>She reached her room and threw herself onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling. Willfully ignoring that awkward snafu she was pretty sure she just nipped in the bud (after all, who would care about Bellatrix saying she saw Lily and James come around the same corner when they’d all <em>actually seen</em> Lily snog Benjy), she’d just been kissed by James Potter… And it was even better than she could have imagined, or they’d dreamt it would be.</p><p>In his arms, she’d felt everything; safe, sexual… loved. He had wanted her to know just how much he cared for her in that kiss, she had felt it… and she hoped she was able to make him feel it back. Lily’s face hurt from smiling so much; she smothered her pillow over herself. He had looked so <b>good</b><em>. I can’t wait to see him naked,</em> she thought naughtily, <em>I just hope he’s not worrying too much right now.</em></p><p>As if on command, she heard a tapping on her window. Outside was an adorable snowy owl, looking at her with big yellow eyes rather impatiently. As soon as Lily opened the window, she jumped right in, sticking out her leg. Lily removed the curled up letter, then searched around frantically for a treat to give the messenger. She settled on some of Dorcas’ crackers.</p><p>Lily unfurled the letter excitedly.</p><p>
  <em>Lily, are you all right? I left to go compose myself in my room (do a little happy dance), but when I came back, you were gone. But I did hear some fresh off the press rumors of the 2 Heads snogging…? Do I have to give someone detention?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                                                                       James</em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.S. Thank you (For the snog… with the other guy… quick thinking… also for our first kiss. That one was really great)!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>P.P.S. I really hope that other kiss was a ruse to draw away suspicion. Otherwise, I’d feel like quite the idiot.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.P.P.S. If I am an idiot, please do burn this letter. The embarrassment might drive me insane.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Please do let me know you’re okay. I miss you. And how you smell, WHAT FLOWER IS THAT YOU ENCHANTING WOMAN.</em>
</p><p>Lily put down the letter, smiling like the silliest person in the whole world. Her giddiness currently knew no bounds.</p><p>The owl snapped her back to reality by nipping at her fingers, clearly waiting for a return letter.</p><p>Lily pulled out a quill and fresh parchment (she was definitely keeping this one to re-read all winter break) from her nightstand and wrote her response.</p><p>
  <em>Dear James, I wish I could have seen that happy dance, repeat it for me sometime? I’m doing great, just wanted to lie in bed and think about the kiss some more (the one with the other guy of course… yours was just meh).</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                                           Lily</em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.S. I’m joking. You’re welcome.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.P.S. Your ‘P.S.s’ are longer than your actual letter… but I’m still not burning it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.P.P.S. I miss you too… and it’s jasmine. Like the flower.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.P.P.P.S. See you in our dreams tonight?</em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. What’s your owl’s name?</em>
</p><p>She attached it to the snowy’s leg and then watched her swoop to the ground in what must have been the direction of James’ room.</p><p>It was only five minutes later the owl came back, gave Lily a new letter, ruffled her feathers, and took flight once more, clearly over it.</p><p>
  <em>Lily-Like-The-Flower,</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Maybe you’ll get to see this dance sometime… if you play your cards right?</em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.S. Jasmine? Smells delectable.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.P.S. Says the girl who used more ‘P.S.s’ than me…</em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.P.P.S. Nice try, I have to take you out on a proper date first… make sure you don’t just want me for my rugged and manly physique.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> P.P.P.P.S. Snowy (I was 11… and an idiot.) Do watch out, she’s old and cranky.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Yours Truly,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>               James</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Lily fell into her pillows, holding the letter to her chest. <em>A proper date?</em> She must be dreaming… there was no way any of this could be real. She slipped into her pjs and snuggled under her blankets. At this point she just reasoned the shit-eating grin was a permanent fixture on her face.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. You Can Never Go Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, Lily, Beth, and Dorcas dragged themselves to the Great Hall to grab breakfast before they took the train to London for the holidays. It had been a late night for all of them. Dorcas had stayed out all evening with her date, but Beth had come home crying while Lily was still basking in her post-snog euphoria. Lily hadn’t been able to get out of her what exactly had gone wrong, but held her and vowed to be a better friend. She realized she’d been a little lacking in that department with all her professor-pining.</p>
<p>“So, you guys excited to go on your trip?” Lily tried lightening the mood as they settled down in front of their plates.</p>
<p>“Ugh,” Dorcas sighed, pushing her forehead down onto the empty ceramic, clearly regretting at least a couple of her decisions the previous night. “I can’t let my parents see me like this.”</p>
<p>Lily snickered. “Surely they’ve seen you worse.”</p>
<p>Dorcas shoved Lily’s shoulder. “Not everyone’s parents are their best friends, Lilikins.”</p>
<p>“Psh,” Lily said turning to Beth. She still looked so miserable. She was about to say something but Benjy swooped in between them and kissed Lily hard on the cheek.</p>
<p>“Good morning, my <em>Head</em> Girl.” <em>Ew, why’d he emphasize it like that?!</em></p>
<p>Lily instinctually pulled back, her eyes going wide, but Benjy had already strolled over to the Ravenclaw table.</p>
<p>This seemed to cheer Dorcas up considerably. “Oh yes, <em>my Head Girl,</em> what the fuck happened there?!”</p>
<p>Lily started piling porridge into a bowl. “I don’t want to talk about it,” she grumbled. She looked around, <em>yup</em>, people were most definitely still talking about the new ‘it’ couple.</p>
<p>Lily chanced a glance at the teachers table. It looked as though James was helping a very surly-looking Hagrid cut up his bacon. She swallowed a smile. He looked a little tired himself, but otherwise pretty happy. She knew a little Benjy annoyance was more than worth it as long as it meant James got to stay there.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Beth whispered in Lily’s ear.</p>
<p><em>What, shouldn’t I be the one worried about her? </em>“Yeah, yeah,” Lily brushed off. “How are you feeling?”</p>
<p>“No,” Dorcas interjected. “You’re not getting off that easy. You <b>must</b> explain. How does someone go from hating Benjy that much to snogging him in front of the entire school?”</p>
<p>“I still hate him,” Lily replied, wondering how exactly she could explain it without giving anything else away.</p>
<p>“So what, you were just horny as hell? Hot.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Yes, but not for him…</em>
</p>
<p>“UGH! Just leave her alone!” Beth yelled, uncharacteristically losing her cool. She got up and stormed from the hall.</p>
<p>Lily and Dorcas watched as she left, bewildered. “What’s up with her lately?? It’s like every time I speak, she’s mad at me,” Dorcas said, leaning into her elbow downcast.</p>
<p>“I dunno,” Lily replied earnestly.</p>
<p>“I hope she’s not like this all vacation.” Lily was terribly jealous she couldn’t join her friends for two weeks in the south of France. And now, she was slightly worried about it too.</p>
<p>“Just, keep an eye on her for me, will you?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course. But you know Beth, she’ll only tell us when she’s ready,” Dorcas mumbled.</p>
<p>“Right,” Lily said, magicking her porridge into a to-go cup. “I’m gonna go check on her.”</p>
<p>However, Lily couldn’t find her until they were about to board the train. It wasn’t until they were all awkwardly sitting in a compartment and the train lurched forward that Lily remembered James wouldn’t need to take it to go home and she wouldn’t be seeing him for a while. She really wished she’d been able to give him a proper goodbye…</p>
<p>After a very uncomfortable ride, <em>please let them hash this out soon, </em>they disembarked on Platform 9 3/4. Lily helped some of the younger students with their luggages that were bigger than them as she scanned around for her parents. Although they had been quite afraid of how to get on to the platform the first few times, they’d eventually gotten the hang of it</p>
<p>Lily groaned. If her parents weren’t there… that meant… “Tuney.” Lily sighed. Even though they hadn’t been close for a while now, the older Evans’ girl had gotten noticeably more horrid after finding her fiancé, Vernon. It was like the two festered on each others’ worst traits. Lily was suddenly very grateful she’d already changed into a pair of jeans instead of keeping her robes on. She didn’t want to give Petunia any more ammo with which to come at her.</p>
<p>Lily gave her friends hugs, wishing her parents had known theirs since before she was born too. Then, she put her stuff on a trolley and walked anxiously back to the Muggle part of the train station. <em>So nice of them to greet me,</em> she thought to herself moodily as she pushed her way to the parking lot. It was especially busy with holiday shoppers and travelers and she knew it would be hard to find Petunia. <em>Maybe that long neck of hers will stand out…</em></p>
<p>But soon, Lily was no longer laughing to herself. She saw Severus passing with his very nervous mother, glancing at her curiously. <em>If only we lived in the same town and could get a ride together or something. Fucking Severus. Had to go and ruin everything.</em> Lily was starting to realize she had absolutely no way of contacting Petunia and the panic was starting to set in. She must have done a whole lap of the lot by now, and it wasn’t as though she could just pull out her wand to help anymore.</p>
<p>Lily went back to try to get on the platform, but it had already been sealed, all magical folk far on their way home by now.</p>
<p>So she waited.</p>
<p>And waited.</p>
<p>And <em>waited</em>.</p>
<p>After nightfall and a rather irate man asking her why she wasn’t working (thinking from the broom on her trolley that she was a janitor), she realized no one was coming for her.</p>
<p>Lily kicked herself for not being able to Apparate yet. They’d begun lessons earlier in the school year, but ever since she saw a Hufflepuff splinch his arm off, her heart wasn’t really into learning it. She snuck into a bathroom stall, shrunk everything but her broom (hoping to Merlin her enlargement spell would work later and she hadn’t just shrunk all her winter clothes forever), put her belongings in her pocket, and put her hair up in a bun. She determinedly walked outside with her broom in hand (“See! I told you she was a cleaning lady!”) and walked until she found a dark alley, ignoring the rats. She performed her best cloaking spell (which only made her vaguely opaque) jumped on her broom, and shot straight into the sky. She was so grateful for London’s near constant shitty weather as she took cover in the clouds mercifully fast.</p>
<p>After what felt like hours of ducking in and out of the clouds, trying to discern one conglomeration of lights from another, she thought she finally found what looked like the old mill chimney she’d been looking for. Lily plummeted next to the dirty river, deciding she was far too frozen to continue in the air anymore. Her bones were rattling, her clothes were soaked, and she wasn’t sure if she was about to pass out. Muscle memory carried her numbly to her home, identical to all the others in the street, and she mustered the strength to ring the doorbell. She was so cold she hadn’t noticed the ‘For Sale’ sign directly behind her.</p>
<p>Petunia opened the door almost immediately, her hopeful face falling when she saw Lily shivering there. “Oh. It’s you.” She turned and walked back to the kitchen. Lily climbed inside, staring at her sister dumbfounded. “Well, don’t let all the heat out, <em>close the door!”</em></p>
<p>Lily looked around. “Where’s mum and dad?”</p>
<p>In the kitchen, Petunia dropped a glass. There was a long pause where Lily just held herself shaking as water dripped from her sweater to the floor.</p>
<p>“<b>Don’t</b> do this to me right now.” Petunia’s voice was especially shrill.</p>
<p>“Do what?” Lily’s teeth were clattering against each other.</p>
<p>Petunia wiped her hands prissily on her apron. “It’s not my fault you were at that little <em>freak </em>school and we had no way of contacting you.”</p>
<p>Lily’s mind was already numb, she really wasn’t in the mood to pry anything out of her sister. “Contact me about what? Where the hell are they Petunia?”</p>
<p>“Go change your clothes, you’re ruining the floors!”</p>
<p>“What does—”</p>
<p>“You <em>never</em> listen to me!”</p>
<p>“Petunia—”</p>
<p>“They’re dead!” Petunia screamed, turning around to Lily, her face looking more horsey than usual.</p>
<p>“That’s not funny, Tuney. And if they were really busy, the least you could have done is pick me up!”</p>
<p>“ARE YOU DEAF? I said they’re dead.” Petunia leaned over the counter and threw something at Lily. It fell to her feet, getting half wet in the puddle forming there.</p>
<p>Lily’s mind was absolutely blank. She looked down to her feet. There was a black and white card with her parents smiling, happy faces — she recognized it as a photo she had taken of them last Christmas. She bent to pick it up, no longer registering just how badly her hands were shaking.</p>
<p>
  <em>A Celebration of Life</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Please join us as we celebrate the lives of Bradford and Joan Evans.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>December 2nd at 1 pm……….</em>
</p>
<p><em>December 2nd? December 2nd?! Petunia didn’t tell me about our parents’ funeral?! </em>Lily whipped her wand out of her pocket and pointed it straight at Petunia’s heart. Petunia squealed, jumping in the air and throwing her hands up.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t you point that thing at —”</em>
</p>
<p>“Mum and dad died, AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME?!”</p>
<p>“I told you, I have no way of contacting you when—”</p>
<p>“YOU COULD HAVE WRITTEN A LETTER!”</p>
<p>Petunia jumped in the air again as angry red sparks escaped Lily’s trembling wand. “And what?” she spat. “Addressed it to the School of Freaks?! I don’t know the address and it’s not like I can look it up anywhere!”</p>
<p>“I MISSED THEIR FUNERAL, TUNEY!”</p>
<p>“WELL, THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR LEAVING!”</p>
<p>Lily felt hot tears streaming down her face. She’d always known Petunia had never forgiven her for having magical powers while she didn’t and she’d tried to do everything to make Petunia feel better, knowing just how jealous she was and how unfair Petunia thought the situation to be. But Lily had never been quite aware of just how <b><em>cruel</em></b> Petunia had become.</p>
<p>The garage door burst open and Vernon barged through. “What’s all this ruckus?” His beady little eyes landed on Lily. “Oh. It’s you.”</p>
<p>Lily felt as though she was going to faint, but pressed on, ignoring her future brother-in-law. “How’d they die?” she managed to sputter out.</p>
<p>“Car crash.”</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>James was pacing in his family manor while Sirius lounged on the couch in the ginormous living room. Sirius had been living there ever since he’d run away from his home, but James had been especially grateful of this fact after his parents had died. After all, the place was huge and all by himself it would have been downright frightful.</p>
<p>“I should write her.”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“But why not?”</p>
<p>“Because you literally got home an hour ago, Prongs.”</p>
<p>“But, I didn’t get to say goodbye!”</p>
<p>“Right, because she ran away.”</p>
<p>“She did not run away, she ran after a <em>friend.</em>”</p>
<p>“… That was in the opposite direction as you.”</p>
<p>James narrowed his eyes at his best mate. “… Yes.”</p>
<p>“So, <em>technically</em>, she ran away from you.”</p>
<p>“No!” James ran his hand frustratedly through his hair. “Why am I even talking to you?”</p>
<p>“Ouch!” Sirius feigned pain. “I’m here to make sure you don’t look like a psycho.”</p>
<p>James ignored him, grabbing a quill and ink. “Sending a letter to a girl the day after your first kiss is not <em>psycho</em>. It’s <em>romantic</em>.” He uncorked the bottle.</p>
<p>“Oh, so Lily will be receiving a letter from two fellows today, huh?”</p>
<p>James threw a dirty look over his shoulder and saw Sirius was smiling deviously back at him. “I told you, she did that to protect me.”</p>
<p>Sirius got up and patted James on the back. “That’s what they all say mate, that’s what they all say.” James huffed at him. “I’m gonna go make a sandwich, you want one?”</p>
<p>“Yes, please. Thanks love!” he joked.</p>
<p>Sirius walked off to the kitchen wing, calling over his shoulder, “I’ll be expecting my letter tomorrow then!”</p>
<p>James rolled his eyes and wrote:</p>
<p>
  <em>Lily,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I know it’s our first day home, but I wanted to give Snowy some practice getting to your place, who knows, by the time she finds it, it may already be xmas, and I can’t have you reckon I’m not thinking of you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Sorry I didn’t get to give you a proper goodbye before we left. Can’t wait till things will be easier for us.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                                                         Yours Truly,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                                                                     James</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> P.S. You don’t have your own owl, do you?</em>
</p>
<p>James coaxed Snowy out of her nap, tied the letter to her leg, and helped her out of the window. He gave her a quick peck on the head and laughed when she turned her whole head back at him to give him a glare. “Love you too, now go find where Lily lives.” She pushed off his arm and he watched as she became smaller and smaller in the sky.</p>
<p>Several hours later, after an excellent lunch and several rambunctious rounds of exploding snap, James was thrilled when he saw Snowy return, tapping on his window.</p>
<p>“Brilliant!” James exclaimed, clamoring to his feet.</p>
<p>“Oh no, is it going to be like this the whole holiday?” Sirius said smiling. He’d never seen James get so excited over a bird before.</p>
<p>James opened the window and Snowy jumped in and stretched out her leg indignantly. As soon as he freed the parchment, the owl flew to her perch and sat there ruffling her feathers. James flattened the letter out like a kid opening a present, but then his face fell. “What?”</p>
<p>Sirius perked up. “What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>James looked at him confused. “I don’t get it… it’s my own letter.” He walked over to his owl. “She’s never not delivered a letter though.” Worry washed over his features. “She’s gotten cranky and come home straight away after, but this means she wasn’t able to deliver it.”</p>
<p>“Maybe she couldn’t find it. Evans lives in a Muggle house, doesn’t she?” Sirius offered.</p>
<p>“No,” James pondered, “it’s not that.” His head snapped back. ”Where are you Auror robes?”</p>
<p>“Excuse me?”</p>
<p>“Your work robes? Where are they?”</p>
<p>“… Are we doing role play?”</p>
<p>“Padfoot. I’m serious.”</p>
<p>Sirius rolled his eyes, Apparated away and back, then threw his clothes to him. “You know it’s illegal to impersonate an Auror, right?”</p>
<p>Jame switched out of his robes for Sirius’, “Okay, arrest me then.”</p>
<p>“Prongs… I don’t know if I’m ready for this sexual step in our relationship… what’s next, restraints?” Sirius said in a high-pitched voice.</p>
<p>James ignored him and approached the fireplace to take the small bag of Floo Powder there. “I have to go check she’s okay.”</p>
<p>“Whoa,” Sirius said, no longer joking. “Prongs, you’ll seem mental, coming out of her fireplace like that, probably right as they’re all sitting down for family dinner. Is that the first impression you want to make on her parents?”</p>
<p>James looked at his friend solemnly. He had a point. But this was not a feeling James could back down from. “Sirius, I just— I just have to make sure she’s <em>okay.</em>”</p>
<p>Sirius didn’t need him to say that he was remembering Alice and what had happened to her. “Okay.”</p>
<p>James gave him a nod and pulled out his wand, starting a roaring flame in his impressive fireplace. He threw in his powder, stepped in yelling “Lily Evan’s House!” and disappeared in a ball of emerald fire.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>He was trapped. His arms were stuck against him and he was breathing in a cloud of dust. At first, he’d heard yelling, but it abruptly stopped as soon as he started coughing. James had never quite realized he was claustrophobic before this moment. His calm, rational thoughts of being a suave Auror just ‘checking in’ and making an excellent impression on her family went out the chimney along with his dignity.</p>
<p>“<em>Confringo</em>!” James yelled, blasting apart the fireplace walls.</p>
<p>Petunia and Vernon screamed, still in the kitchen, as bricks rolled past their feet. James stumbled out wheezing, doubling over and clutching his knees. “Sorry… sorry, I’ll repair that,” he said sticking out his finger. “Just give me a moment. But honestly, who covers up their chimney like that?” He hoped the line came out dashing, but he looked up and saw the couple were holding each other, looking at him utterly petrified. “Um, is Lily Evans here?” he tried.</p>
<p>“James?” The faintest whisper made him spin around towards the front door. She looked paler than usual and her lips were ice blue.</p>
<p>He was by her side in an instant. “Lily! What happened? You’re trembling,” James instinctually wrapped his arms around her. She didn’t say anything, just swayed on the spot. He turned back to the strange couple in the kitchen. “What happened to her?” His best authoritative professor voice had come out.</p>
<p>Petunia looked like she’d just soiled herself. “She— she came home like that, how should I know.” She raised her nose in the air as though she was mad at the implication that anything could be her fault.</p>
<p>James looked from Lily to the broom on the floor. “She FLEW HERE? Why didn’t you PICK HER UP? It’s DECEMBER, she has hypothermia!”</p>
<p>Petunia jumped; this was the second time she’d had red sparks ignited her way tonight and she didn’t like it, not one bit! “It’s not my responsibility to pick her up from that little freak school. She has magic, why doesn’t she just <em>use it.</em>”</p>
<p>James pushed away any thought of hexing them into next week and focused on what was important: Lily. He could always exact his revenge another day. “Lily, can you hear me? I’m going to take you to my place, all right? Can you say, ‘Potter Manor?’”</p>
<p>Vernon scoffed, as if the ludicrous notion of someone as strange and revolting as James living in a mansion was more alarming than the fear he’d just experienced from half the house being blown in.</p>
<p>Lily’s eyes weren’t focusing on him and she was mumbling incoherently. There was no way they could use the Floo Network. “Okay Lily, I know this isn’t going to feel good, and I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to Apparate.” He bent down to pick up her broom quickly.</p>
<p>“Now hold on a second!” Vernon strutted towards him. “You’re not going anywhere until you fix this bloody wall! We’re trying to sell the place you know!” His spittle was getting everywhere.</p>
<p>“Good luck with that.” James held onto Lily tightly and, <b><em>pop</em></b>, they were gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Stripped Bare</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>James and Lily Apparated into his living room, James instantly spinning around and starting a blazing fire.</p>
<p>“Ho, that was qu—”</p>
<p>“Sirius, get blankets!” James cried out panicked as he started peeling off Lily’s sweater.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Sirius, NOW.” Sirius heard the fear in James’ voice and Apparated away.</p>
<p>James finished stripping Lily down to her underwear and immediately wrapped her in the cloak straight off his back. Sirius popped back up and helped James wrap five blankets around a still shaking Lily. James steered her towards the fire, sitting her down on his lap.</p>
<p>“Can you get her a hot tea?” James asked, not taking his eyes off Lily. Her lips were still so blue…</p>
<p>“Yes,” Sirius said, uncharacteristically serious.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” James said absentmindedly. <em>What the hell happened? </em>He cupped her cheeks, trying to get some warmth into them.</p>
<p>Her eyes finally found his and he gave her a small smile. “Feeling better?” he asked hopefully.</p>
<p>She swallowed difficultly and her eyes started swimming in tears. “They’re dead,” she murmured.</p>
<p>James wiped the stream away with his thumbs as it came down. “Who is Lily?”</p>
<p>Her bottom lip trembled. “My parents.”</p>
<p>James exhaled. His heart breaking for her as a small shameful pang of relief pierced his gut that her organs weren’t shutting down already, she was just in deep shock.</p>
<p>Her body now shook with sobs as he folded her into his arms. He wanted to comfort her, but he knew there were no words that would make her feel better, nothing he could say to make this feeling go away… Only time could lessen the pain. So he just held her as she cried, resting his cheek on the top of her head.</p>
<p>There was a timid knock. Sirius slowly approached with a steaming mug. “Tea?” he asked uneasily.</p>
<p>“Thanks mate,” James mouthed grabbing it and putting it next to the fire. Sirius nodded and padded off, clearly a little uncomfortable with the crying.</p>
<p>After a few moments of crackling fire and Lily’s tears, she finally spoke. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>James pulled away so he could look at her face and tenderly push back some hair that was sticking to her forehead. “For what?”</p>
<p>“Getting me.”</p>
<p>James smiled sweetly. “Don’t mention it.” He tilted his head. “I practically kidnapped you.”</p>
<p>Lily chuckled. “It’s not kidnapping if I wanted to come with.”</p>
<p>James face turned a little more somber. “I’m not really sure you were thinking straight when I found you. Are you feeling… warmer?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I think the mountain of blankets is helping.”</p>
<p>James laughed; she did look quite ridiculous, her tiny frame buried in a sea of fabric, especially now that she was trying to free her arms from underneath her cocoon. She finally succeeded and was still clutching the funeral invitation. She looked down at it, feeling fresh tears brewing.</p>
<p>“What’s that?” he whispered.</p>
<p>“It’s an invitation to their funeral,” she barely managed to get out, passing it to him. He accepted it, a line forming between his brows as he read it over. “I can’t believe she didn’t tell me.”</p>
<p>James was trying to put the pieces together. His eyes landed on the date listed and he held in a gasp: it was over two weeks ago. “Lily… was that blonde lady your sister?”</p>
<p>Lily scoffed. “Yes. By blood only.”</p>
<p>James wanted to tread lightly. “With all due respect… she seems…”</p>
<p>“Like a bitch?”</p>
<p>“Yeah!” James agreed vehemently. “Makes sense though.”</p>
<p>“What does?” Lily tilted her head, having a hard time focusing on him while they were so close. Now was really not the time to remark how darn good he smelled.</p>
<p>“That she’d treat you so poorly.” James shrugged his shoulders. “Not only did you take all the magic genes, but all the good looks too. That hardly seems fair.” Lily let out a snort and punched his shoulder. “What? It’s true. You must know it’s true.”</p>
<p>“Ha. We look kinda alike.”</p>
<p>James’ eyes went wide. “Are you kidding me? The only thing I saw similar was the neck, and even that’s a stretch,” he said winking. He was going to do anything to put a smile back on her face.</p>
<p>“You’re bad Potter…”</p>
<p>“You love it,” he teased.</p>
<p>She grinned, but then snuggled up again, getting lost in thought. “I can’t believe I wasn’t there.”</p>
<p>“It’s not your fault.” He gave her a light squeeze.</p>
<p>“Yeah, I should have written them more. They have—” she corrected herself painfully, “<em>had</em> a hard time getting letters to me without an owl… but it can be so rare to get a school owl to borrow for me to write them. Plus, you know half of those are always getting lost anyhow, I’d just kind of given up.”</p>
<p>James didn’t know: he’d never had to use a school owl ever in his life. He thought about this fact guiltily.</p>
<p>Lily swallowed, her face wincing. “I just hope they knew I loved them, you know?”</p>
<p>He turned her face back to him. “Hey. They definitely did. Don’t doubt that. They knew you loved them and I’m sure you meant the world to them.” He looked at their photo again. “I wish I’d gotten to meet them.”</p>
<p>Lily traced their printed faces with her finger. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>There was more silence as James handed her the tea and she sipped it gladly. James was so grateful she’d stopped shaking.</p>
<p>Lily looked up at him curiously. “How’d you know to come get me?”</p>
<p>James blushed a little bit. “I may have already sent Snowy to your place. When she came back with my letter instead of yours, I knew you probably hadn’t been home yet and she’d been shooed away.”</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes. “Yeah, that sounds like Tuney.” She took another swig of tea loving the warmth she felt spreading across her chest. “Oh fuck,” Lily said suddenly over the brim of her mug. “Where am I gonna to stay? I can’t go back there.”</p>
<p>“Here, of course,” James replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.</p>
<p>“Oh no, I couldn’t do that to you,” Lily said embarrassed as she started to climb out of his lap. “I wasn’t asking to stay.”</p>
<p>James frowned as she settled next to him on the hearth. “You don’t have to ask.”</p>
<p>“Professor—”</p>
<p>“Lily, we’re not at school, you can call me James.”</p>
<p>Lily sighed. “<em>James, </em>I don’t want to impose on your Christmas plans.”</p>
<p>She was being ridiculous. “You are currently looking at my Christmas plans. Me, Sirius, maybe Remus, living in this manor and getting ourselves into trouble. Absolutely no imposition.” Lily looked up at him, her eyes glimmering with hesitant hope. “Please stay.” He put his hand on hers.</p>
<p>Lily bit her lip, ashamed of herself for feeling joy after this day. She thought of her mother, who would have been so happy her youngest daughter was finally falling in love, and not just pining from the sidelines. “All right. If you insist.”</p>
<p>He beamed at her. “Great, let me get you some pajamas.” He walked away, leaving Lily to look around for the first time.</p>
<p><em>Where are we?! </em>He’d said manor, but whose was it? Was it also a museum? She wondered off to the nearest window, glancing up at the crystal chandelier on her way over, and saw a frozen fountain and what looked like a snow-glistening orchard as far as the eye could see outside. <em>Are we in the Palace of Versailles?</em></p>
<p>She pulled the blankets around her tighter, loving how the cozy fabric felt with her robe. <em>Wait, my what? I wasn’t wearing a robe… </em>Lily looked underneath the blanket and saw an oversized robe barely covering her underthings. “Oh no.”</p>
<p>“Hopefully these fit you okay,” James said strolling back in the room. He noticed her rosy red cheeks: a pleasant change from being deathly pale, but a change nonetheless. “You all right?”</p>
<p>“Was I at some point naked here?” Lily asked plainly.</p>
<p>It was James’ turn to look embarrassed. “Oh yeah, I had to take your wet clothes off to get your body temperature back up.” He ruffled his hair. “I promise I was looking… or registering or whatever.”</p>
<p>Lily loved it when she made him squirm. She walked over to him, taking the pjs. “Thank you.” She was failing miserably at suppressing the grin trying to split across her countenance.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.”</p>
<p><em>Aw, he looks so guilty. </em>“Don’t be, look, it helped.” She held her stable hands out as emphasis. “Plus, now I can finally say I got into your robes.”</p>
<p>James looked even more uncomfortable now. “Actually… those are Sirius’. It’s a long story.”</p>
<p>Lily looked a little disgusted. “Oh. That’s gross.”</p>
<p>James let out a little laugh. No one had ever called his dashingly handsome best friend <em>gross</em> before, not seriously anyway. <em>I can’t wait to tell him this tomorrow.</em></p>
<p>Lily continued, “How’d you know what to do anyway?”</p>
<p>“There’s actually a ton of health training needed before you can be an Auror. Sirius and I always joke we can retire to Healers.”</p>
<p>“That’s handy.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” James said picking up Lily’s discarded damp clothes off the floor, “I’ll have the house-elves dry these.”</p>
<p>“Oh!” Lily had just remembered her suitcase. “My stuff.” She reached for her jeans and pulled out a teeny-tiny bag.</p>
<p>“Is that…” James began incredulously, “Wow, good job, Miss Evans.”</p>
<p>She winked at him. “That’s Lily to you.”</p>
<p>She put it on the floor, and James enlarged it back to scale. “Well, I’m glad you have some of your stuff at least. We’ll go back to your place tomorrow to get the rest of it before they try to sell it off.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Lily said dejectedly. She hadn’t even thought of that.</p>
<p>James put his arm around her. “Come on, you’ve had a long day. Do you want anything to eat?” Lily shook her head no. “Then let’s get you to bed.”</p>
<p>He proceeded to try to steer her to a guest room, but Lily refused. There was no way she’d sleep alone after this. So James (soooooo begrudgingly) let her sleep in his bed, in his pjs, as his room’s fire crackled soothingly.</p>
<p>She fell asleep almost instantly, and as the flames’ shadows danced across her face, and James traced patterns on the soft skin there, he thought about how he could never let her go.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“Mum?” Lily shot up in the middle of the night, looking around confused. She thought she’d had a terrible dream, but then reality sunk in: this was her life now. She was an orphan. She looked at James still fast asleep next to her… so was he. He'd lost his parents too. They were two broken people who had found each other in all this madness.</p>
<p>Lily took in how hot it was as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. She was still under a heavy duvet, but from the dying embers’ faint glow, she could see James had taken off his shirt and was sleeping just in his boxers. Obviously he’d gotten far too hot in the night, but stripped rather than change the temperature for Lily’s sake.</p>
<p>Lily was overcome with gratitude, but as her eyes scanned over his body, another feeling took over. She knew she <em>shouldn’t </em>disturb him… but her fingers were practically tingling, begging to reach for his naked torso. He was right, his chest looked nothing like what she’d imagined in her dream. He was less bear, and more lean professional footie player. She bit her lip as her eyes feasted on the ripples of his abs, watching memorized as his breath moved them up and down. He looked so angelic with all the worry wiped from his face and no glasses to hide his boyish charm. Her gaze traveled down to the waistband of his boxers, and she had to fight from moaning at the sight of the small trail of hair leading downwards between his well-defined Adonis belt. <em>Fuck. I’m in bed… with James Potter. How the hell did this happen? </em>Lily licked her lips. <em>And how the fuck am I supposed to not try to fuck him right now? </em>Lily sighed. <em>This is going to be a very hard vacation.</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Saying Goodbye</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She wasn’t sure exactly how, but Lily must have fallen back into a dreamless slumber. When she opened her eyes once more, sunlight was poking through the cracks of James’ shutters, making the place glow. Lily tried stretching, but immediately regretted it, her muscles screaming out in pain with the slightest movement. <em>That’s what I get for flying for hours on end.</em></p>
<p>She glanced around the room: this one was a lot more homey than the gigantic one she’d been in yesterday. The deep red walls were littered with black frames showcasing moving portraits: the Marauders laughing, a wizened couple dancing, a Quidditch player waving. The ceiling was bewitched to look like the Milky Way above and a miniature Quidditch ball set was dangling in the corner, the Bludgers moodily clanking into each other every ten minutes. Lily watched it mesmorized, wondering if the Snitch was going to do anything other than float lazily at the top.</p>
<p>“Oh, you’re up,” James’ voice startled Lily. He was standing at the doorframe, holding on to a fully loaded tray.</p>
<p>The smell of delicious breakfast foods hit Lily’s nose a second later, and her stomach gurgled loudly and she realized she hadn’t eaten in forever. James chuckled in response. “Just in the nick of time.”</p>
<p>James carried the food over to her, placing the tray’s legs on either side of her lap and sat on the edge of his bed.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Lily said sincerely, looking down at her feast. There were chocolate chip pancakes, crêpes, toast, bacon, fried tomatoes, beans, sausage… “I’m hungry, but I don’t think I can eat all this.” She smiled up at him.</p>
<p>James’ eyes lit up merrily. “I just wanted to make sure you got something you liked,” he said definitely noticing she was going for the crêpes first. “Don’t worry about the rest, I’m sure Padfoot will scarf it down.”</p>
<p>Lily swallowed her bite. “Padfoot?”</p>
<p>“Oh right, sorry, that’s what I call Sirius.”</p>
<p>Lily took a swig of pumpkin juice. “Why?”</p>
<p><em>Uh oh. </em>“Well, it’s his Animagus.”</p>
<p>“What is?” Lily asked curiously.</p>
<p>“A dog…” James said tentatively, waiting for the inevitable follow up.</p>
<p>Lily was still drinking when suddenly her body froze and her eyes grew wide. “Wait a second. A big black dog?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” James replied sheepishly.</p>
<p>“Like the one in your classroom?”</p>
<p>“That’s the one?”</p>
<p>Lily’s jaw dropped. “You let me kiss him! He <em>licked my face</em>!”</p>
<p>“And what a good lick it was,” Sirius drawled having just entered the room as if on cue. He came and sat on the foot of the bed. “Just don’t tell James okay? He gets a little touchy sometimes.”</p>
<p>“I’m right here, and I was right there,” James grumbled.</p>
<p>Sirius continued as if he hadn’t heard him. “It can be our little secret.” He patted Lily’s feet over the blanket.</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes and picked at some fruit. “Still can’t believe you didn’t warn me,” she directed at James, stabbing a grape.</p>
<p>James looked slightly scandalized, but he guessed he was used to being blamed for his best friend’s antics. “Would it make you feel better if I told you I threw a shoe at his head for it?”</p>
<p>Lily smirked. “Much.”</p>
<p>“Hey…” Sirius said getting back up and sauntering towards the door. “I can tell when I’m not wanted.” He paused before slipping out. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, Lily.” And then he left.</p>
<p>Lily looked down at her plate. James reached out and put his hand over hers. “Are you… feeling any better?” he asked, his eyes filled with concern.</p>
<p>Lily swallowed hard, unable to get an answer out as tears brimmed her eyes. She really didn’t want to start crying all over again.</p>
<p>“Hey, it’s all right,” James said scooting closer to her and putting his arms around her while they leaned against the headboard. “I mean you just found out.” She let out a few sniffles. “Sirius lacks tact sometimes, everyone grieves differently.”</p>
<p>Lily leaned into his black robes. “I just can’t wrap my head around it, you know?” Her tears were less body-racking today, but still flowed freely.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” James said stroking her hair comfortingly. They sat there in silence for a bit, until James kissed the top of her head. “Would it help to go to their graves? So you can say goodbye?” he tried gently.</p>
<p>Lily tilted her face up to him, her glossy green irises looking iridescent in the morning glow. “Will you come with me?”</p>
<p>James gave her a sad smile and brought her knuckles to his lips, pecking them softly. “I’ll be there.”</p>
<p>Lily looked down to his mouth, hoping he’d kiss her, but he didn’t.</p>
<p>Shortly after, he gave her some privacy to shower and change into a black dress, stockings, and her favorite black cloak. It was getting a little tattered and frayed at the edges, but Lily couldn’t bring herself to care at the moment. James had told her that Petunia and Vernon were selling her family — <em>parents’</em> — home, so they should probably go rescue as many personal belongings as they could as soon as possible.</p>
<p>Part of Lily couldn’t believe Petunia was doing this to her. The other part was telling her that this was right in line with the heartless woman her sister had become. Lily wouldn’t be surprised if Tuney kicked puppies and locked children in her basement by tomorrow.</p>
<p>Lily ventured out of James’ room, trying to retrace her steps from the night before. She didn’t quite remember passing so many rooms; shouldn’t she have come upon the bloody staircase by now?</p>
<p>Lily yelped as she ran into a small creature. “My apologies, Miss,” he said bowing deeply. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”</p>
<p>Lily looked down at the elf, embarrassed. “No, I’m sorry I ran into you!”</p>
<p>Before this moment, Lily hadn’t known elves could blush. It looked as though they were in a competition for who could look the most mortified. “No, no, no, Miss!” The elf’s nose was literally scrapping the carpet now. “The fault was mine.”</p>
<p>“No—” Lily began, “wait, what’s your name?”</p>
<p>The elf’s giant orbs flittered to her face, clearly worried he was in trouble. “My name is Quaffle, Miss.”</p>
<p>Lily’s brows scrunched together. “Quaffle?”</p>
<p>“Yes, Miss, I was named after a piece of Quidditch equipment.”</p>
<p>Lily did everything to not rudely laugh. “By whom?” She had a sneaking suspicion she already knew the answer to that one.</p>
<p>Quaffle smiled, honored. “By Master Potter, of course.”</p>
<p>Lily grinned. That boy really had to work on his naming skills. “Are you the only elf here?”</p>
<p>“Oh no, Miss, there’s also my sister, Snitch,” he said matter-of-factly.</p>
<p>“Of course.” Lily supposed she should be happy child-James hadn’t named them something more asinine like ‘Broom’ or ‘Team Robes.’ “Quaffle, could you please show me to where James is? I’m afraid I’m a bit lost.”</p>
<p>Quaffle beamed, happy to be of service. “Most certainly, Miss!” He grabbed her wrist, and with a <b><em>pop</em></b> they were standing in the same parlor as yesterday.</p>
<p>James sprang to his feet. “You ready?”</p>
<p>Lily thanked the elf and stuffed her mittens into her pocket as he scuttled away. She turned to James. “Remind me to never let you name anyone. Ever.”</p>
<p>James couldn’t help but smile at her innocently. “Surely, I have no idea what you’re taking about Lily-Flower.”</p>
<p>Lily cocked one of her eyebrows. “Or nickname anyone.”</p>
<p>James put his hand to his chest. “You don’t like Lily-Flower? Well, that one practically came from your own mouth.”</p>
<p>“In an embarrassing moment I’d love to forget…”</p>
<p>James shifted slightly. “I wouldn’t. It was our first chat since I came back to Hogwarts.”</p>
<p>Lily bit her bottom lip looking up at his face, seeing the vulnerability etched there. He quickly pivoted, “But if you don’t like it, we can try a few others on for size… Big Red?”</p>
<p>Lily scoffed, “Big?”</p>
<p>“Strawberry Pop?”</p>
<p>“I’m sensing a theme here.”</p>
<p>“Firewhiskey Babe?”</p>
<p>Lily pondered, not hating it at all, “Getting warmer I suppose…”</p>
<p>“My favorite student?”</p>
<p>Lily smirked, “A bit of a mouthful,” she tilted her head, “also, I don’t think you’re supposed to admit to having a favorite.”</p>
<p>James grabbed her right hand. “Hogwash. Everyone has favorites. Don’t tell me I’m not your favorite professor.” <em>She looks so fucking cute when she tilts her head at me like that…</em></p>
<p>“We’ll see.”</p>
<p>James smiled shuffling his feet. “Guess I’ll have to keep up the hard work.” She gave his hand a little squeeze. He looked back at her seriously. “You ready to go?”</p>
<p><em>No. </em>Lily had had knots in her stomach all morning knowing she may have to come face-to-face with the sister she felt had taken so much from her. <em>What do I say to her? How do I stop myself from screaming in her face? </em>“Ready as I’ll ever be.”</p>
<p>James looked at her consolingly. “I’m sorry I can’t just Apparate to your upstairs. I couldn’t see it when I was there.”</p>
<p>“No,” Lily interjected, “it’s not your fault I can’t Apparate yet. If we see them downstairs, we see them downstairs.” She grumbled under her breath, “My fault for having stupid fears.”</p>
<p>“Eh, I don’t think fearing losing limbs the way you’ve seen others do is <em>that </em>stupid,” James mollified.</p>
<p>Lily sniggered. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Any time Azkaban-bait.”</p>
<p>“Okay, that’s your worst one yet.”</p>
<p>James laughed. “Sorry.” Lily couldn’t help but titter at his less-than-sorry expression. “Let’s go.”</p>
<p>He gave her hand a pulse, there was a <b><em>pop</em></b>, and they disappeared.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Lily opened her eyes hesitantly. “Oh thank Merlin, they must be out.” The hole in the wall was still there, but the dust and debris had since been cleared out. Lily walked toward her former chimney, inspecting it. “Wow. You really did a number on this, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>James’ head popped up next to hers, looking up the blasted out column. “I admit it wasn’t my finest hour.”</p>
<p>Lily snickered. “I would pay to watch it again. They must have been so mad.”</p>
<p>“I think the term you’re looking for is shellshocked.”</p>
<p>Lily looked around her childhood home, feeling none of the warmth it used to inspire. It already appeared to have been hollowed out, ready to be staged for open houses and brochure photos. With a sinking feeling, she trudged upstairs. “My room’s this way,” she said, turning right on the top of the stairs and cautiously pushing open her old door.</p>
<p>A single tear rolled down her cheek — this room too had been robbed of its former glory. No more posters, no more knickknacks… <em>Where are my clothes? My books? </em>She hastily rushed over to her closet door and yanked it open, releasing a deep breath of relief when she saw there were at least some of her belongings still there.</p>
<p>James put his hand on her shoulder. “Want to pack this stuff up?” He pulled out a duffle bag from inside his robe, and zipped it open.</p>
<p>Lily ran her finger over the spine of one of her diaries. “Yeah, don’t know if it will all fit though.”</p>
<p>James smiled dropping to his knees as he started piling the contents of her closet in. “Course it will.”</p>
<p><em>Dating a super smart professor has its magical perks,</em> she thought. <em>Seeing. Staying with. Sleeping in the bed of. Whatever. </em>She helped him place everything in, then he zipped it up and heaved it over his shoulder, straining a little. She guessed all her books still weighed a ton.</p>
<p>“Can we just peek into my parents’ room? I know she’s probably already taken everything, but…”</p>
<p>James took her elegant hand in his once more. “Of course.”</p>
<p>Her parents’ pale green room had been stripped of the family photos of the two girls growing up that had previously adorned the walls. Only one frame remained over their bed: her parents’ wedding day. Lily reached for it, gently taking it off the hook. They looked so young, happy, and in love. Lily was glad she’d have at least one photo of them that wasn’t water-damaged. Although, she’d have to be careful to keep her tears off of this one.</p>
<p>“So, where’d your red hair come from?” James asked, by her side.</p>
<p>Lily smiled. “My grandmother apparently.”</p>
<p>James tucked a strand behind her ear. With every touch she felt her heart becoming more and more his completely. “Couldn’t imagine you without it,” he whispered.</p>
<p>Lily turned her watery smile back to him. She had no idea how she could have done any of this without him. There was so much pain here, but more than that, there was love. “Do you mind if we still visit their graves?”</p>
<p>James nodded and clasped her hand. At this point, she didn’t see why they kept letting go.</p>
<p>He let her lead the way, out the door, not looking back. It lightly began to snow as they made their way down the street, turning left toward the town cemetery. Lily snuggled closer into his body, pulling on her mittens. She absentmindedly remembered she had to patch up the hole by the pinky finger.</p>
<p>Lily chanced a glance at James, noticing the snow dusting his dark hair and the rosy hue coloring his cold cheeks. Under different circumstances, their stroll would have seemed so romantic. Lily would be lying if she said she hadn’t fantasized of one day ambling though her town with her boyfriend holding her close as they left her home to sneak off somewhere. She should have been more specific about the circumstances. <em>And he’s not my boyfriend.</em></p>
<p>They entered by the white chapel, leaving icy footsteps in their wake. Lily had never actually been there before and felt like such an intruder. She let out a big breath and watched as the resulting vapor swirled toward the sky.</p>
<p>James correctly read her trepidation and whispered, “You can do this.”</p>
<p>She gave him a small smile and they set off to find the newest additions to the site.</p>
<p>James spotted the tombstones first, gently nudging Lily’s arm.</p>
<p>And there they were: the freshly minted names of her parents. <em>Bradford and Joan Evans. </em>And that was it. No dates. No description. No trace of humanity.</p>
<p>Lily’s mind was numb. It was real. They were gone. This was it. This was the closest she’d ever get to them again.</p>
<p>James pulled a bouquet out of his robe (<em>How many inner pockets does he have?!) </em>and placed it down in the snow. The flowers were lilies. Lily looked up at him in amazement. James fidgeted, uncomfortable with the rapt attention. “I bought them this morning.”</p>
<p>Lily smiled, stepping on her tippy-toes to kiss his cheek. She didn’t trust her voice not to crack if she were to open her mouth. <em>I should have thought to bring something…</em> She took off her left mitten, made a fist, and concentrated with all her might. Just when James was about to ask what she was doing, she released her fingers, revealing a single blossoming daisy in her palm. “Mum always loved it when I did that,” she said, placing it next to James’ lilies. The tears were breaking free from her attempted hold.</p>
<p>James pulled her into his chest, wrapping his arms around her. “You really are an extraordinary witch, you know that?” <em>How many unique powers can one girl have?</em></p>
<p>They stayed like that for a while, Lily slowly soaking the front of his robes as James planted kisses in her hair, soothingly rubbing her back. He felt so useless. How was he supposed to help her right now?</p>
<p>“I still don’t know when they died.” Her voice broke his reprieve.</p>
<p>“Hm?”</p>
<p>“The actual date,” Lily continued. “I still don’t know it. The invitation didn’t say,” she took a big gulp, “and neither does this.” She motioned to the stone. “I was hoping it would.”</p>
<p>James wasn’t sure if he currently hated anyone more in the world than Petunia Evans and Vernon Dursley. How could anyone treat a grieving sister like this? How could anyone deny this sweet angel in his arms the decency of knowing the basic facts surrounding her parents’ untimely demise? James sneered darkly, remembering Sirius’ family. <em>Yep. Family can be a real bitch.</em></p>
<p>James didn’t have anything to say that could even remotely help, so they just stayed as a thin layer of snowflakes covered them.</p>
<p>A shiver ran down Lily’s spine. “Are you cold? Do we need to get you inside?” James questioned protectively, pulling back to see her face. Clearly, he wasn’t quite over how he’d found her just yesterday. <em>I can’t believe that was only yesterday, seems a lifetime ago.</em></p>
<p>Lily thumbed off her tears, shaking her head. “I’m fine, I’m fine. But we should probably go.”</p>
<p>“All right.”</p>
<p>Before James could say anything else, Lily stretched up and placed a tender kiss on his lips. How long had it been? She needed a physical reminder of the connection they had, that it hadn’t all been made up in her mind as some coping mechanism for all this ache, and that he was actually right there… with her.</p>
<p>James’ lips curved up slyly before his lids opened back up. “What was that for?”</p>
<p>She couldn’t help but grin with him. He saw himself reflected in her irises. “Everything.”</p>
<p>James held both her hands and after a <b><em>pop</em></b> they were gone.</p>
<p>All that was left was a greasy-haired boy standing in the shadows with the angriest look his face had ever mustered.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. For the Best</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next few days at Potter Manor passed by in much the same way: James holding Lily to his chest while she cried herself to sleep followed by him and Sirius trying to do anything and everything to cheer her up the next day. So far, this included letting her cream them in chess, very long, extremely difficult rounds of hide-and-seek, as well as becoming her personal sous chefs (slash taste-testers) as she turned the kitchen into her very own cookie-baking palace. Sirius happily sampled every single kind and would oft require long, contented naps afterwards.</p>
<p>It turned out, Lily really liked Sirius. Although he was a little immature, and a lot ridiculous, she loved seeing his interactions with his best friend and could see how Sirius would pull James out of his funks. Watching them made her miss her own best friends, and she wondered if they were enjoying their trip.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“You know, I still remember the first thing you ever said to me,” Lily said joyfully Christmas Eve as she sat on the kitchen’s granite countertop and popped her dough-laden finger into her mouth. They had just made chocolate chip cookies and Sirius had excused himself to go lie down on a couch.</p>
<p>“Oh no,” James groaned as he deposited spoonfuls onto a baking sheet. “Why? You know what a git I was at that age.”</p>
<p>Lily pulled her clean finger out, smiling devilishly. “It wasn’t that bad. Was actually kinda cute really.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” James played along. “Let’s hear it then. What was my charming opening line that’s kept you on the edge of your seat for… six years?” He was leaning onto the counter, eyeing her saucily.</p>
<p>It did things to her. She took advantage of the situation and pulled him by the collar so he was standing between her perched thighs. He obliged. “Well, I’d just gotten sorted…”</p>
<p>James traced his fingertips up her bare legs, making goosebumps break out over her skin. “Mmhm.”</p>
<p>“And so I sat next to you guys, having no idea what I was doing of course…”</p>
<p>James winked at her. “Doubtful.”</p>
<p>“And you sort of snorted at me and said, ‘Well, with that color hair, it’s not like you can go anywhere else.’”</p>
<p>James moved his chin back. “Wow. What a truly insightful and Gryffindor-proud remark.”</p>
<p>Lily giggled interlacing her fingers around his neck. “Ha. At least your favorite part of my body has stayed consistent.”</p>
<p>James’ hands paused on the bottom of her pajama shorts. “That’s not my favorite.” Lily tilted her head studying him. “It’s your eyes.” As soon as he let the words out, his face flushed, suddenly feeling way too exposed under her gaze. <em>We’ve never actually admitted to having any true feelings towards each other… kinda going out on a limb here. </em>James knew there was something there, but <em>what</em> exactly had yet to be defined. He also knew she was going through a lot right now, and pushing her for anything would feel wrong.</p>
<p>A small “Oh” escaped her ruby lips. Even though her cheeks were burning, her hair was a mess, and she was in her star-spotted mini shorts and camisole pajama set, she’d never felt more beautiful in her life. “Do you remember meeting me?” She felt like a schoolgirl finding out if her crush fancied her back in the same way. <em>Which I kinda am.</em></p>
<p>James smiled. “I mean, I remember seeing you around, but the day I really noticed you was when that 5th year, Goyle, tried to grab your arse, and you slapped him so hard he fell down.”</p>
<p>Lily’s offending hand in question flew to her mouth. “Merlin, I’d forgotten about that.”</p>
<p>James chuckled. “I guarantee you he hasn’t. Probably still smarts too.” Lily giggled. “I learnt you weren’t someone to mess with that day.”</p>
<p>“That’s a good lesson to remember,” she replied cockily.</p>
<p>“Yes, Miss.”</p>
<p>She smirked. “So… did you like me?”</p>
<p>James’ eyes flickered between hers, far too close to not be bewitched. <em>Ugh, I don’t want to come off as creepy. </em>“Let’s just say I’d made too much fun of Romeo to admit it.”</p>
<p>“Romeo?” Lily looked nonplussed.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you know: <em>Juliet and Romeo.</em> It’s a famous Muggle fable.”</p>
<p>Lily laughed. “I know what <em>Romeo and Juliet </em>is, but how do you?”</p>
<p>James grinned. “Sirius and I thought Muggle Studies would be an easy grade… and piss off his parents. We were right about the latter. That class is why I have a TV!”</p>
<p>Lily leaned forward, as much as their nearly touching upper bodies allowed. “You have a TV?!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but don’t get too excited. It never worked. Salesperson told me it was top of the line and everything,” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“But James, did you plug it in?”</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>“Do you even have electricity?!”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Lily burst into a fit of giggles at his adorable mistake.</p>
<p>“Hey now, I never said I was any good with Muggle stuff!” he defended as his long fingers started tickling her ribcage.</p>
<p>Lily’s laughter doubled as she tried, and failed miserably, to avoid James’ onslaught. “I surrender! I surrender!” she panted between fits.</p>
<p>“Good,” James said pleased, brushing back one of her fiery locks. “That’s what you get for laughing at me.” His hand lingered on the side of her face.</p>
<p>Lily stuck her tongue out at him. “So how’d Romeo tie into this?”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah,” James remembered, “so Sirius and I had torn this guy to pieces for being a 17 year old who literally kills himself because he can’t be with a 13 year old—”</p>
<p>“I was 15 by the time you left.”</p>
<p>“Okay, but it’s not that much better.”</p>
<p>Lily stole his deserted spoon and scooped herself some more cookie dough. “Well…” she began dramatically, “if you think about it, there’s only really one year between us.”</p>
<p>James’ brow furrowed. “How’d you figure?”</p>
<p>She smacked her lips. “So my birthday is in a month right?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>“And I’ll be 18.”</p>
<p>“That sounds nice.”</p>
<p>“And you’ll still be 20… until March.”</p>
<p>James narrowed his eyes at her. “How’d you know?”</p>
<p>She continued, “So 19.” James waited expectantly for her to finish her line of thinking. “That’s the year between us.”</p>
<p>James couldn’t help when his shoulders shook from the hearty laughing erupting in his belly. “Wow. They really <em>don’t</em> teach you guys maths in Muggle schools, do they?”</p>
<p>Lily threw her arms around him, drawing him back between her legs. “Easy there.”</p>
<p>She’d just let her eyes flutter closed, expecting a chocolatey kiss, when the doorbell rang.</p>
<p>“Saved by the bell…” his velvet voice tickled her face mischievously . “The elves are out grocery shopping—”</p>
<p>“I’ll get it,” Lily said disappointed, pushing him back and hopping off of the counter. “You, scoop cookies.”</p>
<p>“You got it, Captain,” he said smirking at her.</p>
<p>“That’s Captain Evans to you,” she teased walking backwards from the kitchen.</p>
<p>She skipped through the atrium to the grande foyer and swung the front door open cheerfully.</p>
<p>The face of Remus Lupin greeted her. He had aged the most since Lily had seen him last. Although his hair was cut to a more professional length, it could not distract from the bags under his eyes or the deep premature lines carved into his face. Voldemort had outed him as a werewolf after he’d refused to join his side, so she wondered if it was approaching full moon. <em>No, that was the last day of school — ah fuck, I forgot my potion!</em> She’d been a little preoccupied.</p>
<p>“Lily?” Remus’ shock snapped her out of her downward thought-spiral. The cold, outside air was hitting her and suddenly making her very aware she wasn’t wearing a bra. <em>Oh, that’s embarrassing.</em></p>
<p>“Remus, hi, come in, come in,” she said awkwardly hugging her chest. “Let me go get James, he’ll be so excited to see you.”</p>
<p>She scurried back to the kitchen. “Remus is at the door! Gonna go put on some clothes!” Then she ran towards their room, threw on a bra, clothes, and a robe, and ran back, excited to see them catch up.</p>
<p>The sound of yelling greeted her when she returned. She followed it, seeing Sirius standing outside the door to a study. When he saw her, he brought his index finger to his mouth — the universal sign for ‘Be Quiet.’ Lily didn’t think it mattered: from here, they could hear the pair as clear as day.</p>
<p>“Are you serious? She’s a <em>child</em>, James!”</p>
<p>“Moony—”</p>
<p>“Don’t <em>Moony</em> me.”</p>
<p>“Remus. She’s 17. 18 in a month.”</p>
<p>“Oh! So that makes it better?”</p>
<p>“We’re both adults! She’s already an adult! You’re making me feel like…”</p>
<p>“Like what, James?”</p>
<p>“Like some sort of pervert!” Lily’s heart was breaking; James should never be made to feel like this.</p>
<p>“Well, what do you call a professor having sex with a student?”</p>
<p>“We’re not— Remus, you’re going too far.“</p>
<p>“<em>I’m </em>going too far?! James. This isn’t right.”</p>
<p>“Remus, <em>please,</em> you don’t understand—”</p>
<p>“Then explain it to me. Explain to me why you could possibly be doing something so <b><em>stupid</em></b>. And for what, some girl?” Lily didn't get it. Remus had always been so nice to her.</p>
<p>It was James’ turn to sound royally pissed off. “Don’t talk about her like that.”</p>
<p>“Like what? I’m not the predatory assh—”</p>
<p>“I’m not being predatory, <em>fuck!</em>”</p>
<p>“So what? You’re in <em>love</em> with her?” Lily hated his condescending tone. “This is true love now?”</p>
<p>Lily and Sirius locked eyes on the other side of the door. They were both starting to feel very uneasy about eavesdropping on this conversation.</p>
<p>“Remus—”</p>
<p>“Is she worth it?”</p>
<p>Lily couldn’t see him, but she had the distinct feeling James had taken off his glasses and was currently rubbing his eyes. “Worth what?” He sounded so defeated.</p>
<p>“Worth ruining both your lives for.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Sirius said awkwardly, “I’m gonna go break this up.” He yanked the door open. “Moony, Prongs! What lovely <em>carrying</em> voices you both have…”</p>
<p>But Lily didn’t hear the rest. She turned around and sprinted to a random bedroom, threw herself onto the bed and wept. She felt like the only thing that had been holding her together, the only person keeping her from fading away into depression completely, had just been ripped away from her. <em>How can it be wrong to love someone like that?</em></p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>James found her an hour later, still hugging her knees. “There you are.” Lily couldn’t help but notice how lost he sounded.</p>
<p>Lily had decided she wasn’t going to pretend like she hadn’t heard everything. “Did he leave?”</p>
<p>James sighed. “Yes.”</p>
<p>“He’s wrong.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“He’s <em>wrong,</em>” Lily said defiantly. “About us. About me. I’m not some ruined, helpless schoolgirl being lured into hooking up with you.”</p>
<p>James couldn’t even look at her, too ashamed with himself, because at the end of the day: this was wrong. James knew it was wrong and he’d been lying to himself to think any differently. “Lily—”</p>
<p>Lily heard it in his voice, and it sent a wave of panic through her chest. “No. No, don’t do this, don’t push me away,” she begged.</p>
<p>James was looking at his lap, sitting on the opposite side of the bed as her. “He’s right…”</p>
<p>Lily sat up and reached for his hand. “No. He’s not. James look at me.” He let out a labored breath, but did so. “I want this. I want you. For fuck’s sake, <em>I</em> was the one who pursued you! I came onto you!” She frustratedly ran her right hand through her hair.</p>
<p>James let out a mirthless snort. Lily was so scared he’d already made up his mind. “And I’m the adult—“</p>
<p>“James! I’m of age!”</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter. I’m your professor.”</p>
<p>James’ calm, detached tone was making Lily all the madder. “So what? That’s just it? One person disapproves and this is over?”</p>
<p>James looked at her pleadingly. “It’s not just one person Lily. It’s society, it’s the rules—”</p>
<p>“Since when do you care about rules?!” Her eyes matched the blazing intensity of her voice.</p>
<p>“Lily,” he was really clutching her hand now. “I don’t want to hurt you.”</p>
<p>She leaned forward across the bed. “Then don’t do this. Don’t stop us before we’ve even started.”</p>
<p>James looked away, knowing if he looked any longer into Lily’s beseeching, beautiful almond eyes, he’d lose all his resolve. “It’s for the best.”</p>
<p>It sounded so final. Like a nail sealing up the coffin around her heart. <em>For the best… for the best… </em>The words reverberated in Lily’s brain. <em>For the best. </em>She hoped she never had to hear the words aloud again, because she knew she’d have to taste them for the rest of her life.</p>
<p>
  <em>For the best.</em>
</p>
<p>She wanted to fight back. She wanted to fight for them, but this holiday had left her drained and empty. So she just sat there — breathing — because it was all she could bring herself to do.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Happy Fucking Christmas</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>James left to give her space eventually, and Lily, tired and alone, fell into a restless slumber at some point. When the dawn light shone into her random room in this godforsaken manor (she was moody), she awoke… whether it was six hours or eighteen hours later, she had no idea. The number was probably somewhere in between.</p>
<p>She swung her legs to the too plush carpet and set off to the kitchen, ready to wrap up the cookies she’d baked into four perfectly ribboned parcels. She labelled them: Padfoot, Quaffle, Snitch, and Professor Potter. She smirked putting her quill away. Was it a bit childish? Sure, but she was still bitter. And there is truly no better method to get someone to act a certain way than to accuse them of already being that way. <em>‘She’s a child!’ </em>Lily snorted angrily.</p>
<p>She put each present under the giant tree Quaffle and Snitch had erected yesterday and wandered aimlessly around, wondering when exactly the rest of this <em>castle</em> (manor) would wake up so they could start what was sure to be the most awkward Christmas of her life. Nothing like breaking up on Christmas Eve to get one in the festive spirit. <em>To break up you actually need to be together in the first place…</em></p>
<p>Beyond frustrated with her own thoughts and needing a real distraction from the fact that this was her first Christmas without her family, she trotted to the closet where she knew her broom was and jerked the door open. Her eyes landed on the Nimbus 1000 next to it. She knew it was the fastest broom on the market (Bell rarely shut up about it). Like hell she wasn’t going to take it for a test drive, whose it was be damned. She shouldered it and marched to one of the doors to the backyard… orchard… quad… <em>whatever.</em></p>
<p>She opened the sliding door and embraced the chill that welcomed her. She mounted the broom and smiled as it rocketed her towards the heavens. Her hair whipped around her wildly. She let out a loud uninhibited laugh: she was flying and for a marvelous moment, free of worries.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>James woke up alone. His arm reached out, trying to somehow contradict what his vision was telling him: she hadn’t come back to his room at any point in the night. He knew he shouldn’t be surprised: she was just as stubborn and proud as he was, and he’d hurt her last night. Badly. He pushed his eyeballs, trying to erase that look of betrayal he’d seen on her face then. He’d known so clearly that stopping this relationship was the right thing to do. He had to remember that. It was better for her to hate him now than to let him ruin her life forever.</p>
<p>Despite this, he couldn’t help but miss the past week. He’d always wake up before her, and he loved it. It gave him the time to savor the feel of her body rhythmically breathing in his arms. Gave him time to absorb her sweet jasmine smell. Gave him time to watch her angelic face, smiling slightly, innocently, having wiped the previous nights’ grieving clean.</p>
<p>And <em>yeah,</em> it gave him time to crawl out of bed stealthily to go deal with his inevitable morning wood in the shower with her being none the wiser.</p>
<p>But not today. He was alone. <em>Merry fucking Christmas.</em> James knew he had no one to blame but himself. And he hated it. Everything Remus had told him was true; he only wished he’d been there to tell him it earlier — before they were in so deep.</p>
<p>He slipped on his slippers and walked to Sirius’ room, finding him sprawled sideways across his bed still snoring soundly. James couldn’t help himself, he jumped up on the mattress, screaming “HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!” at the top of his lungs.</p>
<p>“AGH!” was Sirius’ strangled response, flying to sitting position. “Ah, sod off,” he mumbled as he got his bearings. He sank back into his sheets.</p>
<p>“Come on Padfoot, it’s Christmas! We can’t waste a second!”</p>
<p>“Why, all we ever do is get drunk,” Sirius moaned.</p>
<p>James considered this. “Huh. Guess you’re right.”</p>
<p>“Obviously.” James rolled his eyes at him. “So, where is your lady love this fine morning?”</p>
<p>James ignored the nickname. “Not sure. Haven’t seen her yet.”</p>
<p>“Hm.”</p>
<p>James looked at him pointedly. “What?”</p>
<p>“So she’s still mad at you?”</p>
<p>“Probably.”</p>
<p>“Well. That’s what you get.”</p>
<p>James eyebrows shot up. “Excuse me?”</p>
<p>“For being a prat.”</p>
<p>James sank down to sit on the bed. “Oh come on, not you too…”</p>
<p>“No, not for starting. For thinking you can just stop it.”</p>
<p>“What?” James asked completely perplexed.</p>
<p>“Prongs. I’ve been your best mate for what? Nearly a decade, right?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” James had no idea where this was going.</p>
<p>“So, I know when you’re full of it.” Sirius sighed when James looked affronted. “Come <em>on,</em> you really think your little moral act is gonna last? If so, you’re more arrogant than I thought.”</p>
<p>“I have willpower.” James sulked.</p>
<p>“Yeah, if that were the case, you would never have kissed her. And <em>then</em> come home and described it in graphic detail.”</p>
<p>James turned red. “Sorry for being excited.”</p>
<p>“That’s the thing though, you’re not just <em>excited</em>, you’re <b><em>smitten</em></b>.”</p>
<p>James shifted uncomfortably, not quite ready to be read like an, apparently completely, open book this early in the morning. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“I mean,” Sirius began obviously, “I know you won’t be able to stay away from her, because you love her. You always have.” The air felt like it had vanished from the room but Sirius mercifully didn’t give James a moment to retort. “Moony doesn’t get that — he’s never been in love. Don’t really know if he ever truly will be, to be honest.”</p>
<p>James just gaped at him. How could someone who never seemed to pay attention <em>know</em> so much?</p>
<p>Sirius continued, “I don’t blame you, you know.” There was a long beat. “I know it’s not something you can control.”James wanted to tell his best friend that his blind acceptance of him was the best Christmas gift he could give him. He settled for a simple: “Thanks.” Sirius chuckled. “Doesn’t mean I won’t at least try though.”</p>
<p>Sirius held his palms up. “Hey, knock yourself out. You’ve always been a bit of a masochist.”</p>
<p>“Have not.”</p>
<p>“Being Quidditch Captain, Head Boy, <em>and, </em>most demanding of all, a Marauder even though it was killing you.”</p>
<p>“How is that—?”</p>
<p>“Liking a girl you yourself deemed you couldn’t pursue.”</p>
<p>“Okay, but—”</p>
<p>“Didn’t you say that Muggle girl tied you up?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but that was hot.”</p>
<p>Sirius folded his hands under his head. “Point: proven.”</p>
<p>“Ha. Hardly. I don’t see how those things are even remotely related.”</p>
<p>“Look up masochism my friend. Then look in the mirror.”</p>
<p>“Okay, love guru. Let’s go get presents now.”</p>
<p>“Presents!” Sirius yelped springing to his feet as though he’d just remembered it was Christmas. “Oh boy, oh boy!”</p>
<p>James smiled scooting to the edge of the bed himself. “Well, if Lily wasn’t awake yet, she most certainly is now.”</p>
<p>Sirius threw a smirk over his shoulder as he walked to the hall. “Look at you, <em>always</em> thinking of Lily.”</p>
<p>James sighed. It seemed like Sirius was just as determined to get James to admit to his feelings as Remus was to make him suppress them. He really wished wise, fair Alice was here to be the tie-breaker.</p>
<p>The duo walked downstairs, finding Lily’s presents under the tree. Seeing four made James stop in his tracks. <em>She got presents for the elves?</em> Shame overtook him. Of course she had, that’s the kind of person she is. Question was, why hadn’t he?</p>
<p>“Mm, cookies!” Sirius exclaimed, indulging himself. “Think I know what your present is.”</p>
<p>James moodily ate one too, having noticed his labelled with his surname. “Where is she?”</p>
<p>“Not sure,” Sirius said nonchalantly, “but, the back door’s open.”</p>
<p>“What??” James cried spinning around. <em>She wouldn’t just leave, would she? Not like this…</em> He went to look out, spotting a spiraling speck in the distance. “It’s too cold to be outside,” he mumbled.</p>
<p>“Damn,” Sirius had come beside him, taking a big bite out of a stag cookie. “You never told me she was any good at flying.”</p>
<p>James never took his eyes off the dot currently nosediving to the ground only to pull back last second. “She’s good at everything.” He sounded a lot less impressed than his friend. He was too focused on her show to notice Sirius’ eyes go wide in a ‘<em>Yikes, I’ll let you deal with this,</em>’ kind of way.</p>
<p>James <em>Accio</em>-ed a broom into his hand and took off toward her. The closer he got, the more nervous he was with her risky antics.</p>
<p>“You trying to get yourself killed?” He realized it was a terrible thing to say as soon as he heard the words aloud.</p>
<p>She startled, looking at him hovering below her. Her gaze looked as icy as the ground a hundred meters beneath them. “Happy Christmas to you too.”</p>
<p><em>Ugh, how did this get so screwed up so fast? </em>he pondered. <em>You. Yourself. Your idiotic self. </em>“Sorry, it’s just… dangerous s’all.”</p>
<p>She licked her upper lip disobediently. “What, flying?”</p>
<p>“Alone… doing tricks… in this cold,” he tried weakly, he knew he was out of line.</p>
<p>She scoffed. “Says the guy whose Quidditch celebration dance was riding his broom standing up, and is currently wearing a t-shirt.”</p>
<p>James’ insides fought between being proud she remembered and embarrassed by his hypocrisy. “Just… please? I wanna give you your gift.”</p>
<p>Lily seemed to soften. “You got me something?”</p>
<p>“Course.” James ruffled his hair and shivered. “Thanks for the cookies by the way.”</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes. “Course you opened them already.”</p>
<p>James blushed. “Sorry.”</p>
<p>Lily huffed, turning serious once more as she contemplated something. “Potter,” she began, “you know you can’t tell me what to do right?” James swallowed roughly. He knew that. <em>But why is she bringing it up? </em>She shot past him back to the manor, calling, “Let’s go then,” over her shoulder. Her hair was flowing so mesmerizingly and her voice was so commanding… James groaned, already regretting his self-imposed restriction on kissing her.</p>
<p>She made a graceful running dismount, strolling back inside like she’d been born on a broom. James tried not to think how turned on her skills were making him. <em>Like every other thing about her wasn’t enough.</em></p>
<p>Sirius looked like he was about to make a smart quip when James entered, but James’ glare made him think better of it.</p>
<p>The house-elves had approached Lily and were each hugging one of her legs, thanking her profusely. Lily looked a little overwhelmed. “It’s really no big deal.”</p>
<p>This only seemed to make Snitch and Quaffle hug her tighter. James couldn’t help but smile as he snuck off to Snowy’s owl sanctuary and gently picked up her little red companion currently sleeping face down on a branch. “Up we get buddy, let’s go meet your new best friend.” The owl pepped up, trustingly hopping onto James’ proffered forearm.</p>
<p>He returned to the parlor, flicking on the fire with his wand as he passed. It seemed like Lily had extricated herself in the meantime and was thanking Sirius for the new master’s potion set he’d gifted her. James smiled as she hugged his best mate, glad at least one relationship had strengthened through all of this.</p>
<p>Lily looked up, catching his eye. Amazement broke out over her face as she saw what he was carrying. “Is that…?” she sounded so hopeful.</p>
<p>“Go say hi,” James gently nudged the owl. She got the hint and flew to Lily’s arm, nuzzling her new owner’s cheek. <em>Good bird. </em>James made a mental note to give her all the owl treats later.</p>
<p>“Oooh,” Lily cooed. “She’s so beautiful!” She looked back at James. “What’s her name?”</p>
<p>James laughed. “Someone once told me never to give anyone a name ever again, so…”</p>
<p>Lily grinned wickedly back to the owl. “True.” She ever so preciously stroked her belly with the back of her hand. “I’ve never seen a red owl before.”</p>
<p>“She’s from Madagascar,” James said proudly. “Do you like her?”</p>
<p>Lily’s hand froze mid pet. “I can keep her?” She sounded shocked.</p>
<p>James chuckled, ruffling his hair. “Well yeah, wouldn’t be a very good gift otherwise.”</p>
<p>Lily squealed, momentarily forgetting she was upset with him. She bounded over and gave him a half hug, careful to not disturb her pet on her arm. She’d always wanted an owl, but the choice had been between a broom and an animal when her parents had taken her to Diagon Alley, because they couldn’t afford both. Lily — being raised by a Muggle family — had always seen witches on brooms in all the cartoons and had grossly overestimated how often they were used in the wizarding world. She really wished someone had warned her owls were basically her only hope for long distance communication.</p>
<p>When they broke away, James’ arm lingered on her back. “I’m glad you like her.”</p>
<p>“I love her,” Lily whispered. “I’m sorry I got you such a crummy gift.”</p>
<p>“Speak for yourself,” Sirius said with a mouth full of frosting from the couch. “Unless you were being punny.” Quite honestly, they’d both forgotten he was still there. James’ arm dropped to his side. “These cookies are ORGASMIC.” Sirius continued thickly.</p>
<p>James snickered. “So, any ideas for names?”</p>
<p>Lily observed her bird merrily; her heart-shaped face was just too cute! “How about Venus?”</p>
<p>“Sounds like penis,” Sirius chimed behind her.</p>
<p>“Hey! Don’t corrupt her!” Lily pretended to shield Venus’ ear with her hand. She turned back to James. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>James smiled back at her. “You’re welcome. And now you have no excuse not to write me if you need a ride-along somewhere.”</p>
<p>Lily huffed. “Yes, Professor.”</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Not that much later in the day, Sirius insisted it wasn’t too early to start holiday drinking; thus he and Lily were rolling on the floor laughing, 4 (<em>5?</em>) Firewhiskeys deep. </p>
<p>“No way, that was <em>you guys?</em>” Lily asked incredulously now that they’d somehow gotten on the topic of the St. Paddy’s day that all the teachers had mysteriously sported bright green hair. </p>
<p>“Of course, Lily darling, who else could pull off something so properly <b>genius</b>?” Sirius said. </p>
<p>Lily snorted. “So how’d you guys do it?”</p>
<p>Sirius looked like he was contemplating not telling her for a moment, but then his ego won out. He rolled onto his belly. “We spiked the teacher’s supply of pumpkin juice at breakfast with a potion. We decided if we had gone with a spell, it would have been too easy to undo.”</p>
<p>Lily’s jaw dropped wide open. “What?! You basically <em>poisoned</em> the teachers!”</p>
<p>“Did not!” Sirius responded. “We made sure to only use the correct dosage, that’s why Hagrid wasn’t affected. We considered using enough to get him too, but the side effects for the other teachers would have been gnarly.”</p>
<p>“Oh, so you’re saying you guys are noble?” </p>
<p>“Precccccisely, Lady Lily, precisely.” </p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes and took another big gulp. </p>
<p>James shook his head from the couch, the only one of the trio trying to keep his composure at all. He was still on his first mimosa, having deemed it the time-appropriate beverage. </p>
<p>“Well, I guess I’m <em>kinda</em> impressed,” Lily offered. </p>
<p>“Ha! Look at that! I’ve gotten the Head Girl on our side Prongs!” Sirius exclaimed propping himself up on his elbows. “You know, we would have totally corrupted you if you were our year.”</p>
<p>“Doubtful,” Lily answered. “I probably would have hated you.”</p>
<p>“No <em>waaaaaay</em>. How could anyone hate this face?” He gave her puppy eyes. “Or better yet, <em>that</em> one.” He swung around wildly to point at his best friend. </p>
<p>James innocently took another sip. </p>
<p>Lily considered him. “I don’t know... something tells me he would have found a way to get on my nerves.” </p>
<p>Sirius looked at James giddily. “Oooo, hear that Prongsie? She’s on to you!”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Padfoot,” James said, getting up to see if the elves needed any help preparing lunch. It would probably be best to get some food into his comrades’ bellies. In the kitchen, they shooed him away saying they’d let him know when it was time to eat.</p>
<p>He came back to Lily giggling. “What I miss?” </p>
<p>“Oh nothing, Lily just seems <em>awfully</em> interested in my past love life,” Sirius answered.</p>
<p>“Am not, more like worried! He doesn’t know how many girls he’s kissed!” Lily cried, wiggling her toes in front of the fire. </p>
<p>“I remember the first and the last, feel like that’s what’s important.”</p>
<p>Lily laughed. “<em>Okay</em>, who was your first kiss?”</p>
<p>“Easy: Marlene McKinnon.” </p>
<p>James rolled his eyes, “No, not this again—“</p>
<p>Sirius plowed on, “It was a cold October night, the stars were twinkling above...”</p>
<p>“Oh boy.”</p>
<p>“She looked across from the common room at me—”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah, she said, ‘Oy, you! Sexy, come here and snog me!’ and the rest is history.” </p>
<p>Sirius nodded his head proudly. “Damn right.”</p>
<p>James looked to Lily. “We have no proof this ever happened, but the story evolves every time Sirius tells it, so who the hell knows at this point.”</p>
<p>“And then we rode Thestrals into the sunset,” Sirius finished. He turned back to Lily next to him, still lounging on the floor. “What about you?”</p>
<p>“What about me?” </p>
<p>“Who was your first kiss? Do we know him?”</p>
<p>Lily suddenly looked super uncomfortable. “Yeah, you might.”</p>
<p>“Ooo, spill, spill, spill!” Sirius said clapping his hands together. </p>
<p>“Well, it wasn’t exactly my choice.”</p>
<p>“WHAT?” both boys cried in unison. </p>
<p>“Eh,” Lily bobbed her head, “he sort of stole it.” </p>
<p>“Who?” James leaned forward from the couch, suddenly way too invested. </p>
<p>“Severus,” Lily squeaked. </p>
<p>“Snape?!” James yelled. “No!”</p>
<p>It took Sirius a beat to remember. “No! The greasy one?” </p>
<p>“Yup. Slut-shamed me afterwards too,” Lily said detachedly, whether from the alcohol or from truly being over it, James didn’t know. </p>
<p>“Oh, that git’s getting detention for the rest of the year,” James snarled. </p>
<p>“That would mean you’d have to hang out with him for the rest of the year,” Lily chimed. </p>
<p>James groaned. “Ugh. Good point.” He continued, “I<em> always knew </em>I hated him.” This was a position he’d stated before, and he’d take again.</p>
<p>“Well. What about you?” Lily asked. </p>
<p>“Hm?” </p>
<p>“Who was your first kiss, Potter?” James blanched.</p>
<p>“Yeah, do tell us Jamesie,” Sirius said perching his chin on his clasped hands looking at James expectantly. </p>
<p>“You wouldn’t know her, she didn’t go to school with us,” James said as nonchalantly as he could, polishing off the water he’d gotten from the kitchen. </p>
<p>“Oh?” Lily rolled over, wanting to fully face him. “Because she was foreign or a Muggle?”</p>
<p>“Why not both!” Sirius said, egging on the drama. </p>
<p>“Padfoot...”</p>
<p>“Prongs...”</p>
<p>“What am I missing here?” Lily asked looking between the boys.</p>
<p>“Well, I’m so glad you asked, Lily dearest. You see, your dear ol’ professor here had his first kiss <em>and</em> his first shag in the same night.” Sirius was enjoying this a little too much.</p>
<p>“<em>What</em>?” Lily exclaimed. “How old were you?”</p>
<p>James opened his mouth, but Sirius cut him off. “14.”</p>
<p>“Who was she?” </p>
<p>Sirius beat James to it again. “A Belgian Muggle who he met outside his coastal vacation home.” </p>
<p>Lily scoffed. “Relatable.” </p>
<p>“Must have been a little too much for him to handle too; he didn’t do it again until Auror training.”</p>
<p>“PADFOOT!” James’ face was bright scarlet. It was true, but he’d like some things to remain a secret.</p>
<p>“Aw Prongsie, we can’t all be so studly to have a 16 year old Belgian sex goddess deflower us.”</p>
<p>Lily groaned into the carpet. “Stooooop, you’re ruining my favorite chocolate.”</p>
<p>“What?” Sirius asked his face scrunched in confusion. </p>
<p>“Never mind.”</p>
<p>“Okay. So Lily, what about you?” Sirius asked, sloshing half his drink on the carpet.</p>
<p>James jumped up dramatically. “Hear that? Lunch is ready!”</p>
<p>“I didn’t hear anything,” Sirius mumbled as James helped him to his feet. While he helped Lily, she gave him a grateful smile. They both knew Sirius would probably have a field day if he knew Lily’s sexual history consisted solely of sex dreams... with James. </p>
<p>They ate a delicious roast where Sirius only spilt one drink and Lily only had two uncontrollable laughing fits. </p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>After James had helped the (highly embarrassed) elves do the dishes, he walked back to find Lily and Sirius playing Never Have I Ever, fresh libations in hand. </p>
<p>“I know something you don’t know!” Sirius sang gleefully while Lily, holding up four fingers, had a face matching her hair color. </p>
<p>“I bet,” James said as he ambled past them towards his room. “I’ll be back.”</p>
<p>He collapsed onto his bed, staring up at the galaxy. The Snitch in the corner flying around the other balls twice told him it was now 2 o’clock. He was happy Lily was distracting herself on her first orphan Christmas, and he was so grateful for Sirius to help her through it with drunken, meaningless fun. But he knew he couldn’t partake. After all, it was his first orphan Christmas as well, and he felt like the healthiest thing he could do was take a little moment to reflect. He didn’t want to get drunk and do something stupid, because, honestly, right now Lily getting the chance to unwind seemed more important to him. </p>
<p>So he looked at his ceiling sky, and thought: about his past life as an Auror, his parents, Alice, and yeah, that Belgian girl who’d taken his virginity. Sirius was right, he had waited to have sex again for years after that experience, because he realized he wasn’t ready for how he’d felt the next day upon seeing it had essentially meant nothing to her. He’d felt used and… empty. He wanted it to mean something. <em>Call me a romantic sap at heart.</em></p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Several hours later, he wandered back to the parlor to find Sirius passed out, still on the floor, while Lily was snoozing like a princess on the couch. </p>
<p>Chuckling to himself, he gently picked her up, glad he could finally do so again under better circumstances. She moaned in her sleep, rolling her head to his chest, nuzzling into him. </p>
<p>He hated himself for how much he wanted this, how much he hoped he’d have another reason to hold her again — soon — so he could satisfy his craving for her without breaking any rules. <em>Breaking anyone’s heart</em>. But he knew that was bullshit. He felt his breaking right now looking down at this girl he couldn’t currently have. </p>
<p>He placed her down on his bed and summoned a waste basket (just in case), placing it just over the edge on the floor. Then he went to the bathroom to get her a glass of water for when she’d wake up undoubtably parched. </p>
<p>He tucked a hair behind her ear, watching her chest rise and fall under her steady breaths. <em>Walk away. Stay away.</em></p>
<p>James slept on his room’s couch that night</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Revelations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, Lily awoke with a throbbing headache. “Ow,” she said, trying to push her brain to a different position in her skull. <em>Note to self: never drink with Sirius unsupervised again.</em> She looked around unsure of how she’d gotten back to James’ room. Her eyes landed on the water glass sitting next to her wand. “Thank Merlin,” she muttered before downing it, magically refilling it, and emptying it once more.</p>
<p>She changed into jeans and a long-sleeved top, stalling time before she’d have to emerge into the real world. She was embarrassed. She really hoped she hadn’t made a fool of herself the previous day. Although, she was pretty sure James had stayed away most of the time. <em>Why? Is he ashamed of me? How I’m acting? </em>Lily worried. Lily knew James had said everyone grieves differently, but did he still think some ways were better than others?</p>
<p>Lily groaned as she splashed water on her face. Yesterday <em>had </em>been a lot of fun though. Sirius had broken down all of their most elaborate pranks over the years. Lily’s favorite had been when he described how he’d been able to sneak into the girls’ dormitories. Apparently, after a lengthy lecture about gender identity from Remus, Sirius had been inspired to scream out, ‘I am a woman!’ before attempting to climb the staircase. To everyone’s amazement, the steps had <b>not</b> turned into a slide, and he’d been able to freely come and go as he pleased ever since. Lily thought it made sense: who was Hogwarts to determine your gender anyway?</p>
<p>Lily looked back at her reflection. She’d also admitted a lot to him — like right off the bat during Never Have I Ever when Sirius said, ‘Never have I ever… been in love.’ She probably should have lied (like she assumed he was doing for half the game), but her liquid courage had been strong. She’d put down her thumb and told him, ‘Only once.’ His knowing smile had turned her cheeks blood red. She didn’t need to say anything else for Sirius to know <em>everything.</em></p>
<p>She tiptoed through the manor. As soon as she entered the kitchen, she found Sirius and James, the former clapping at her entrance.</p>
<p>“There she is!” Sirius proclaimed, <em>a little too loudly, </em>Lily thought. “Here, I saved one for you.” He motioned toward a murky brown drink.</p>
<p>“What is that?” Lily asked, really hoping he wasn’t one of those people who recommended drinking more to stop a hangover from ever ‘taking hold’. She didn’t know if she could survive any more. She sat at the table and noticed that James was suddenly very interested in his plate.</p>
<p>“This, Lily-Love, is a Hangover Potion. That you don’t know that shows just how much Hogwarts’ education is going down the drain,” he said in mock indignation. “Shameful.”</p>
<p>Lily grabbed for it eagerly. If he was being so chipper, it most certainly had to work. “<em>Thank</em> you. ”</p>
<p>He smiled back at her. “Well, I’m off. Turns out Aurors still gotta Auror. See you two <em>love</em>birds later!” She jerked her face down to her lap as he reached over to give James’ hair an affectionate ruffle and then, <b><em>pop</em></b>, was gone.</p>
<p>Snitch brought a plate of food to Lily and she thanked her for it. She tried to ignore the anxiety spreading through her body at the thought of being alone with James at the table.</p>
<p>“You feeling okay?”</p>
<p>She finally saw his beautiful gold specks. <em>Fuck, I missed you. </em>“Yeah, this stuff really works.” She held up the empty glass.</p>
<p>He nodded.</p>
<p><em>Ugh, why is it so hard to talk to him now? </em>She realized everything had changed. In a week, they’d taken two steps forward, and ten steps back.</p>
<p>“Got any plans for today?” he asked conversationally.</p>
<p>“Um, I might start with my holiday homework?”</p>
<p>“That’s good. That’s good.”</p>
<p><em>Kill. Me. Now. </em>She dropped her fork. “I’m sorry, this is bullshit.”</p>
<p>James sighed. “Lily—”</p>
<p>“No, I have to say this, I’m not good at faking it.” Lily squared herself to him. “What are the rules here?”</p>
<p>James looked confused. “The rules?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Lily nodded, “the ground rules. I mean, you fancy me back, right?”</p>
<p>James just stared at her like he was trying to decode a particularly difficult crossword.</p>
<p>“Fine, I’ll just say it and you can say yes or no: I think you like me, and I like you back, but because of our… professory little problem,” James couldn’t help a small grin from forming, “you’re choosing to hold back from me, yeah? Or at least till I graduate?”</p>
<p>James took a beat. “Correct.”</p>
<p>Lily took a second, and then smiled as brightly as he’d ever seen her smile. “Hm. So you like me a lot, huh?”</p>
<p>James snapped his head back, completely unprepared for how this conversation was unfolding. He’d expected to get yelled at for at least a half hour more. “I… what?”</p>
<p>Lily continued grinning, stabbing a Brussels sprout. “It’s okay, I like you too.” She winked at him.</p>
<p>James couldn’t help but feel as though he’d been tricked somehow. “But, you… what is happening?”</p>
<p>Lily happily drank from her water. “We just established that we fancy each other and one of us is too thick to do anything about it.”</p>
<p>James narrowed his eyes at her. “You’re a witch. You know that?”</p>
<p>Lily giggled. “I do. Keep up.” James chuckled and took another bite out of his lunch. Lily continued, “You know, I don’t agree to your rules.”</p>
<p>James swallowed roughly. “I wasn’t aware I’d set any.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you have,” Lily said leaning forward. “You did the moment you listened to Remus instead of me and Sirius.”</p>
<p>“You mean about waiting until I’m not your teacher?” He was afraid of her answer and somehow so turned on at the same time. He almost heard Sirius’ voice whispering, ‘<em>Masochist</em>…’ in the silence.</p>
<p>“Yes. I don’t want to wait,” she said matter-of-factly. “I’ve been waiting since the day I first saw you, and I don’t really feel like doing it anymore.” <em>Was that Hangover Potion laced with Felix Felicis? </em>Either way, Lily loved it.</p>
<p>“Lily…” James tried again weakly.</p>
<p>“James, it’s all right. I just thought you should know where I stand in all this, that’s all.” Her eyes bore into his as she bit her lower lip.</p>
<p>James felt as though he couldn’t breathe.</p>
<p>“Okay, well, I’m gonna get started on my Transfiguration work now.” She rose from the table and put her plate in the sink. “My professor’s a real git and assigned <em>three</em> chapters of reading.” And with that, she was gone.</p>
<p><em>What the </em><b><em>fuck</em></b><em> just happened?</em> James questioned, still open-mouthed at the table with his fork suspended halfway in the air. He’d always known Lily was an enigma, but he’d never predicted how fun it would be to get to know her — all sides of her. It seemed as though the girl never stopped surprising him, and he was here for it.</p>
<p>Just this morning, before Lily had graced them with her presence, Sirius had been recounting all he’d learnt about her on Christmas. After revealing, in a little too much detail James thought, how Lily had apparently practiced how to kiss with a very eager friend, Sirius had teased him about ‘her big secret.’ James hadn’t prodded too much out of respect, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t deadly curious. Was the secret about him? Or was his head inflated to even hope so? Sirius had looked at him in a way that conveyed that it was very, <em>very </em>good news, but who knew what that meant.</p>
<p>And then, just now, James had expected Lily to give him hell. To scream at him for how unfair he was being by playing her as hot and cold as he <em>knew</em> he was. He’d kissed her, brought her into his home… and then told her, essentially, to cool it. But she hadn’t yelled. She’d first questioned whether he liked her or not — <em>was she serious?! Was it not obvious in ever single thing he did or said?! — </em>and then she’d… used it against him? To her advantage? James’ mind was still reeling from the conversation.</p>
<p>But she’d told him how she felt. And James knew he was in trouble. And a small, increasingly vocal, part of him <em>loved </em>it.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>With her Transfiguration textbook in hand, Lily settled into a comfortable chair in one of the random studies. On the table next to her, she noticed a picture of James with two girls and a bride, all laughing. James’ robes were pink just like the bridesmaids’ dresses. She vaguely recalled the bride to be Alice. She had a fresh pixie cut that reminded her a lot of Beth’s.</p>
<p>Not even a minute later, an owl Lily recognized as her friend’s was tapping at the studies’ window. “Bette?” she said quizzically, getting up to let her in.</p>
<p>
  <em>                                    Lily,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> Hey, where are you? I went to your house but your sister said you weren’t there and slammed the door in my face. (Lovely woman, isn’t she?)</em>
  
</p>
<p><em> I came back early from the trip, and I </em>really<em> need to talk to you. Please come whenever. You know my parents would love it if you could stay over (think they’re hoping you’ll supervise me so I’m not here all alone… HA.)</em></p>
<p>
  <em>                                        Love,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                                           Beth</em>
</p>
<p>Lily put down the letter, a little scared. Beth was never one to overdramatize; if she said she needed help — it was bad.</p>
<p>Lily snatched up her book and went to pack up her bags, throwing everything in unceremoniously. James had told her that her home belongings could stay in a room in the East Wing, so Lily wasn’t too concerned about leaving them there. As soon as someone had enough space to label it directionally, <em>they had enough space</em>.</p>
<p>She swung her bag over her shoulder and bounded downstairs.</p>
<p>James looked rather startled by the sight of her. “Professor, I need a ride-along.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” he said, putting his own book down.</p>
<p>“My friend Beth, I think she’s in trouble. Or something’s wrong, either way, I should really check on her.”</p>
<p>James got to his feet. “All right. Um, well, Venus needs to stay here a little longer I’m afraid. The seller told me she needs to follow an elder owl’s lead for at least another week.”</p>
<p>“Oh, of course,” Lily said, actually surprisingly sad for only having had the owl for a day. <em>Not that you took very good care of her.</em></p>
<p>“I’ll make sure she flies to you when she can,<em>” </em>James said. Lily couldn’t help but notice how disappointed he looked.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Lily reached out for his hand.</p>
<p>He grasped it back eagerly, contentment filling him.</p>
<p>Then there was a beat where Lily looked at him expectantly. “She lives in London, so anywhere near Greenwich would be lovely.”</p>
<p>“Oh right,” James said mortified, suddenly realizing just <em>why</em> Lily had grabbed his hand. <em>Get it together, Potter.</em></p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>Pop!</em>
  </b>
  <b></b>
</p>
<p>The pair had Apparated under a tree in a vast park. A nearby couple glared at them, not because of magic, but because they assumed they’d snuck up on their private moment.</p>
<p>“Perfect, I got it from here,” Lily said, adjusting the bag.</p>
<p>James countered, “Don’t be silly, I’ll walk you there.” Lily protested, yet somehow, James was still accompanying her, now holding her stuff.</p>
<p>They ended up at the stoop of a very cute flat. “Well, this is her,” Lily sighed.</p>
<p>James put her bag on the ground. “Okay.” He swallowed. “You know, you’re allowed to come back whenever. If you need to or anything.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Lily’s smile didn’t reach her eyes.</p>
<p>“Okay.” James didn’t know what to do with his hands, and Lily watched him squirm. “Well, um… if I don’t see you before, happy New Year and see you next semester?”</p>
<p>This time, her smile seemed genuine. “Happy New Year, James,” Lily whispered standing on her tippy-toes and planting a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you for everything.”</p>
<p>“Any time.” She barely had time to see his cheeks flush before he Apparated away.</p>
<p>Lily sighed. She walked up the steps, and rang the bell.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>It turned out Beth had had a crazy week as well. She had pulled Lily inside, dragged her to her room, and confessed, all in one breath as to not lose the nerve, that she was gay.</p>
<p>Lily had proceeded to stutter words of support, really hoping she wasn’t messing up, until Beth cut her off.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”</p>
<p>“No!” Lily exclaimed. “Are you kidding me? I’m just happy you felt safe enough with me to tell me at all.”</p>
<p>“Of course I do, it’s just awkward, s’all… given the situation.” Beth then told Lily about how she’d always been in love with Dorcas, and how hard it had been, and how it had all come to a boiling point during the trip when Dorcas was ditching her for some cute guy she’d met at a bar and Beth had turned around and screamed, ‘I love you, you idiot!’</p>
<p>Lily had <em>no</em> idea how to console Beth after that confession. At the end of the day, her friend group had irrevocably changed. It was no one’s fault, but she knew Beth would no longer be able to hang out with Dorcas in the same way with her love declaration just lingering between them. And maybe that was for the best, since this had clearly been hurting Beth, but that didn’t make it any easier to accept. So Lily held Beth as she cried, rocking her back and forth telling her nothing would ever come between them and how she wished she could make things easier.</p>
<p>Beth eventually wiped her tears and looked at Lily solemnly. “I know you know how I feel.”</p>
<p>Lily cocked her head. “I do?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Beth sighed, “I’m not trying to embarrass you, but I’ve seen how you look at Professor Potter.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I know you know what it feels like to love someone you can’t have.”</p>
<p>And with that statement, Lily’s heart broke for her friend all over again, because that feeling was truly the most gut-wrenching in the world.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Lily and Beth spent the day recounting all the stories of their friendship painted afresh to Lily by Beth’s perspective. It turned out there was a Charms class partnering she really hadn’t hated because it had led to her first real kiss. And that time Lily, Dorcas, and she had gone skinny dipping in the lake after O.W.L.s? It had been sweet torture.</p>
<p>“So, how did she take it?” Lily asked, adjusting her head on the pillow next to Beth.</p>
<p>“Honestly?” Beth sighed, rolling onto her back to stare moodily at the ceiling. “Pretty terribly.”</p>
<p>Lily groaned.</p>
<p>“She kind of stared at me for a minute, and then said, ‘Yeah, I love you too, now, I’m gonna go snog this guy, k?’”</p>
<p>“No…”</p>
<p>“Yeah. I think she was in denial. Honestly, I kind of think she’s been suspecting it for a while, but was just hoping it would go away.”</p>
<p>Lily reached for her arm. “I’m sorry, Beth.”</p>
<p>Beth snorted, looking back at her. “S’not your fault.”</p>
<p>“I know. It just… <em>sucks.</em>”</p>
<p>Beth sighed. “Yup.”</p>
<p>Lily propped her head on her hand. “Well, you know, one day, the <em>perfect </em>woman is gonna come your way and sweep you off your feet and all this shit will have been worth it.”</p>
<p>“Ha, can you tell her to hurry up?” Beth replied.</p>
<p>“Oh no,” Lily joked, “she doesn’t like being rushed. And you <em>love </em>that about her.”</p>
<p>Beth and Lily broke into giggles and soon Beth lulled into a peaceful sleep.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>After he got back home, and before Sirius had returned, James found himself walking to his parents’ old closet. There he found the dragon onesie he’d hidden from her.</p>
<p>He sank to the floor. <em>You’re so stupid, </em>he thought, ashamed of himself for even having gotten it in the first place. He’d thought it had been so funny at the time. He was gonna bring it out as a joking way to repel her. <em>Fucking idiot.</em></p>
<p>James knew Lily’s parents dying had changed things. He’d always cared for her, but now he’d seen her broken, seen her truly fragile, and it had scared him. The closest he’d ever been to this was when she’d been attacked his last year of school, but even then, she’d had a wall up. Now, she’d let him in, she was his to lose and, <em>fucking hell</em>, he never wanted to lose her. She was also his to protect for forever, even if it was from himself.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Lily stayed up next to her sleeping friend, considering the turn of events. Beth had been so courageous, putting her feelings on the line despite being almost certain they would be rejected and leave her crushed. Lily was so proud of her.</p>
<p>She scoffed thinking of her own predicament — it paled in comparison. There was absolutely no courage required: Lily liked James and James liked Lily, so… <em>what the fuck is the problem?!</em></p>
<p>Lily thought about James’ tender touches in the corridor outside of the Gryffindor common room, or in the library. She remembered how he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her in their dream, and how it had ignited something deep inside of her she hadn’t even known existed. She reminisced on how he had worried about her every day, annoyingly so, of their vacation and how it had driven her crazy. He noticed things. He wanted her, and even more, Lily was starting to see, <em>he loved her.</em></p>
<p>She held on to this feeling, letting it expand in her heart and hit all the way down to her toes.</p>
<p>Lily was aware their relationship had matured this holiday. It no longer had the light, fluffy feel as before. They had both cared, but now he’d found her shattered pieces and made her whole… and he’d wanted to. You couldn’t just return to a carefree, no-strings-attraction after that: it was deeper. Yeah, she’d admit, she’d been excited at the prospect of finally having sex before all this, and with someone she cared about. But now, she wasn’t going to settle for anything short of making complete, all-consuming love, and she couldn’t wait to take him along for the ride. After all, she knew they were on the same page now. He was just fighting it.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>At long last, it was time for students to return to Hogwarts after winter break. Lily and Beth had long since finished all their homework, and Lily had also perfected the prefects schedules and made a highly detailed study plan to survive the last few months leading up to N.E.W.T.s. It was good to finally have some space from James to remember that she’d actually need to pass this year in order to leave school eventually.</p>
<p>Thoughts of their time together still plagued her mind. The day before they went back, Venus had appeared at the window, snapping Lily out of her daydream of James’ shirtless body stretched out in the bed next to her. (She truly hadn’t appreciated it enough when she had the chance. One more hour would have, perhaps, done the trick.)</p>
<p>“Venus!” Lily had cried happily, startling Beth who was knee deep in her Herbology notes downstairs.</p>
<p>“Everything okay up there?”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes, sorry!” Lily yelled back, clambering to the window. The owl excitedly fluttered around her head after she let her in, clearly proud at having found her owner.</p>
<p>A loud cracking noise outside seemed to frighten the baby bird into landing on her shoulder long enough for Lily to extricate the parchment attached to her little leg.</p>
<p>
  <em>                                                    Lily,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> I hope this letter finds you well. Sirius has not stopped bemoaning your disappearance. I guess the bloke really misses you.</em>
</p>
<p>Lily smiled to herself. <em>I miss you too, James.</em></p>
<p><em> Guess he’s jealous I’ll get to see you tomorrow. I also wanted to give you something: someone I used to know at the Ministry is </em>obsessed<em> with Muggles, so I asked if he had old newspapers from them. Turns out he collects them and we were able to find your parents’ obituary. I just thought you deserve to know the date. I hope it’s okay I did this.</em></p>
<p>Lily’s eyes filled with tears as she flipped the parchment over to find a little newspaper snippet with her parents names printed in black and white. <em>November 24th</em>. Lily felt her shoulders lighten <em>knowing. </em>She thanked James a billion times in her head.</p>
<p>She looked to see if he’d written anything else.</p>
<p>
  <em>                          Yours Truly,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                                      James</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> P.S. Venus did it!</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em> P.P.S. Check outside</em>
</p>
<p>Lily’s face scrunched in confusion as she made her way to the front door. On the stoop, she found a brand new owl cage and slumped against it was her broom. The first had a note that read, ‘So she can travel safely,’ and the second, ‘You forgot this’. Lily smiled at his thoughtfulness.</p>
<p>As soon as she brought the items in, Venus flew into her new space gleefully, ready to take a hard-earned nap.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. OccluIloveyou</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The train back to Hogwarts started off as a rather uneventful experience, save for all the prefects’ poignant stares at her and Benjy when they ran their back-to-school meeting. It actually took a few moments to understand just <em>why</em> they’d looked so interested, but then Lily remembered: <em>Oh yeah, that happened.</em></p>
<p>After everyone but the Heads cleared, Lily felt very uneasy.</p>
<p>“So, how was your break?” Benjy asked, leaning against the wall in a way that he must have perceived as suave. He was trying far too hard.</p>
<p>“Fine, yeah. Yours?” Lily got out a book, ready to settle into this compartment to allow Dorcas and Beth some more time to talk about the future of their friendship.</p>
<p>“Great, really excellent. You know, I went on a few dates with Jenny. You know, Stebbins.” He’d studied her face, clearly trying to read if he was making her jealous.</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s great,” Lily replied, giving him a nod then turning her page.</p>
<p>“Yeah, you know, I reckon she’s really into me.”</p>
<p>“I bet.” Lily wasn’t even bothering to look up any more.</p>
<p>“She’s really good, you know… at things,” Benjy prodded and Lily felt bile pooling in her throat. She was mad at the fact that he thought she’d care, but also that he was selling out poor Jenny. It seemed like another tactic was needed to deal with this.</p>
<p>She looked him dead in the face. “<em>You know,</em>” she copied, “I was really hoping this guy would write me this Christmas…”</p>
<p>“You were?” Benjy asked excited.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah, but then he didn’t. And I was <em>so </em>sad…” Lily acted.</p>
<p>“Well, maybe this bloke will surprise you.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I don’t think he will,” Lily said innocently, “so I took matters into my own hands.”</p>
<p>“Oh…?” Benjy looked a little perturbed.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah. You see, I made this Love Potion.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “I’ve <em>never</em> made one before, so who <em>knows</em> if it will work, but, I <em>am</em> the best Potions student in the class, right? How hard can it be?” Her eyes landed on his water bottle.</p>
<p>Benjy swallowed thickly, standing fully upright now. “Um. Yeah, okay, I gotta go.” He practically bolted out the door.</p>
<p>Lily chuckled as she crossed her legs up on the table, finally alone.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>At dinner that night, Lily’s heart burst finally seeing James again, as the feeling of home surged within her. It was short-lived, however, because Dumbledore soon announced all 7th years had a mandatory 3 hour Occlumency lesson the following night and the Hall filled with groans, none louder than Sarah Bell’s. She was clearly peeved her Quidditch practice schedule had already been thrown for a loop.</p>
<p>“<em>Occlumency</em>? That’s so random. Why??” Dorcas said to her two friends. Lily was so relieved the girls had talked through things and had promised to try to forge a new chapter in their friendship.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Beth agreed, “I wonder what that’s about.”</p>
<p>Lily held her tongue.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>The next day on the way to their morning Transfiguration class, Dorcas gossiped happily. “Did you hear? Tarkin transferred.”</p>
<p>“What? Seriously? With one semester left??”</p>
<p>“I know right? Apparently her family moved to France. But still, this is a <em>boarding school. </em>Why the hell wouldn’t she just finish here? Seems better than taking N.E.W.T.s in French.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, seems fishy.” But Lily couldn’t ponder Amber Tarkin’s move much longer because when she entered the classroom, she caught Snape looking at her with <em>such</em> a peculiar expression, she actually stopped in her tracks. That he would so blatantly stare at her for so long was already strange enough, especially after their talk last year, but his pallid face was just so unnerving. It was hatred mixed with… exhilaration? All Lily knew was she very much didn’t like whatever he was up to.</p>
<p>She sunk into her chair, only feeling better when James strolled out of his office. He had on dark grey slacks and a crisp, white button up, carelessly rolled up to his elbows. He looked so effortlessly cool. Lily couldn’t help but stare as his forearms flexed, flicking his wand to the board. How many times had those arms been around her by now? How many times had those arms carried her? Why the fuck was she suddenly drooling over <em>arms?</em> Fuck, she was way too horny for a morning class.</p>
<p>He caught her eyes fucking the shit out of him and she couldn’t bring herself to look even slightly ashamed. If anything, his acknowledgment of her only encouraged her daydreams as she pictured the two of them going at it on his desk, right there.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>That night, the three girls trudged back to the Great Hall, seeing the tables had been cleared since dinner. All the 7th years were milling about gossiping or complaining about what this lesson would entail.</p>
<p>“Who’s that?” Lily followed Dorcas’ gaze to a short, stout man in a three-piece suit standing in between James (her stomach lurched) and Dumbledore. He had a combover and was puffing out his chest (seemingly not liking being the shortest link), trying to project authority.</p>
<p>“Maybe he’s running the lesson?”</p>
<p>Lily turned out to be right, because soon after they’d found a spot on one of the benches along the wall, he began talking.</p>
<p>“Good evening, students! My name is Mr Baxx. I’m here from the Ministry today to lead a lesson on Occlumency.”</p>
<p>“Whatever it’s for, must be pretty serious if they’re sending us Ministry folk, no?” Dorcas whispered.</p>
<p>Lily kept her focus forward, trying really hard to not give away that this entire thing had been orchestrated for her benefit.</p>
<p>Mr Baxx continued, “As you may or may not be aware, Occlumency is the study of keeping your mind guarded against external penetration.”</p>
<p>“Hey Evans, hear that? You should be great at guarding against <em>external penetration,</em>” Mulciber taunted from a couple rows behind her in a carrying whisper.</p>
<p>“Mulciber, detention, <em>now,</em>” James snapped. “Go see Filch.” His eyes shot daggers at the Slytherin and a shiver ran down Lily’s spine.</p>
<p>“Jeez, can’t tell a fucking joke around here anymore,” Lily heard the bully say as he angrily stomped away.</p>
<p>Beth bumped her shoulder into Lily’s, making Lily bite her lip hard to keep from smiling. Sure, she could always defend herself, but having a little help every now and then never hurt.</p>
<p>Mr Baxx looked a little out of his element, but went back to speaking sternly. “Yes, as I was saying, we will be teaching you how to prevent thought invasion. The first step is keeping a nice blank, calm mind.” There were a few laughs around the room at the absurdity of this request. Mr Baxx puffed up his chest again. “Yes, yes, it seems hard, but if you are <em>serious</em> about defending yourself: <em>you will try.</em>” Lily could tell this guy really hated teenagers. “The second thing you can do is a simple, but highly effective, defensive spell like <em>Protego.</em>”</p>
<p>Dorcas scoffed. “Why didn’t he lead with that?”</p>
<p>“Now you may have noticed I’m here with Headmaster Dumbledore and Professor Potter. They too have been trained in the art of Legilimency and Occlumency, so they will be assisting me today in teaching every single one of you how to do this.”</p>
<p>A hand shot up. The usually painfully shy Hufflepuff Rebecca had a question.</p>
<p>“Yes, Miss?”</p>
<p>“What is Legilimency?”</p>
<p>“It’s the opposite of Occlumency. It’s the magical ability to invade other’s thoughts and feelings.”</p>
<p>Rebecca blanched like she’d seen a ghost. “Professor Potter… can read minds?” she squeaked. There was a fresh wave of whispers as a number of girls, and Amos, turned three shades pinker.</p>
<p>Mr Baxx looked completely bewildered as to how he’d lost their attention again. “Yes?”</p>
<p>James pushed his sleeves farther up his arms, looking at Rebecca reassuringly. “Don’t worry, Miss Sharpe. Professor Dumbledore and I would never do this to a student.” Dumbledore didn’t actually agree, but remained motionless, his eyes twinkling madly. “Well, I guess except for during this lesson.” James actually looked pretty uncomfortable with this fact and ran his hand through his hair. <em>What am I about to see?!</em></p>
<p>Rebecca forced a smile but looked like she wanted to die. <em>I know girl, same, </em>Lily thought, remembering how she’d felt when she’d learnt what James could do.</p>
<p>Mr Baxx continued. “All right, well, I’d like everyone to partner up and practice protection spells for a bit. Once everyone’s up-to-date, we can move on.”</p>
<p>Dorcas excused herself to go practice with Patrick, who had approached her after Christmas to try to pick up where they’d left off at the formal.</p>
<p>Beth and Lily paired up and lazily shot a couple giggling spells at each other, easily blocking them nonverbally in turn.</p>
<p>“Who are you going to practice Occlumency with?” Beth tilted her head towards the teachers, waving her wand.</p>
<p>Lily flicked back. “You think we’ll get to decide?”</p>
<p>“I dunno, maybe?”</p>
<p>Lily pondered this while a Slytherin tap-danced next to her, clearly having just failed to block a spell.</p>
<p>“Feel like Baxx would be the safest bet in case one of them breaks through.” Beth made a face at her own words. “Oh no, now all I’ll be able to think about when I get up there is porn and how I really hope they can’t see it.”</p>
<p>Lily started giggling, at first worried she hadn’t properly stopped a hex, but then realized, no, the thought was just hilarious. “Or you could just let him see it. Two girls going at it may just stop his heart.”</p>
<p>“Ha!” Beth replied. “Well, I’d rather not become a murderer today.”</p>
<p>Soon they’d finished and were told to break into three lines in front of either Dumbledore, Baxx, or James. Most people chose to practice with Baxx, clearly agreeing that a stranger seeing their thoughts seemed a lot less embarrassing than a professor they’d have to see every day. But Baxx wouldn’t allow it; thus Dumbledore got all the Ravenclaws, Baxx the Slytherins, James the Gryffindors, and the Hufflepuffs were the only ones who could choose where to go. Rebecca Sharpe looked like she could have died of relief and got in line for Dumbledore as far away from Professor Potter as possible.</p>
<p>Lily, Beth, and Dorcas lingered near the back of their line, Lily feeling slightly more nauseous with ever person that passed. She wasn’t quite sure how this would help her sexy little problem <em>at all</em> considering all the circumstances were completely different: they were awake, there was eye contact, they were using <em>wands. </em>But she guessed at least they were trying to do something. Lily sighed; maybe she should just quit masturbating. (But this seemed like an unreasonably large sacrifice now that she’d gotten so good at it…)</p>
<p>Most of the students were pretty effective with their protection spells (Lily knew if Baxx hadn’t told them this technique, the outcome would likely have been very different), with only the occasional nervous student slipping up and going rigid as a board for a second before collapsing to the ground, clutching their head. It didn’t look very pleasant.</p>
<p>An hour or so later, the three girls were the last Gryffindors left, and Dorcas pushed Lily forward. She stumbled a few steps and then glared over her shoulder at her “friend.”</p>
<p>When she turned back around, James was looking down at his wand dangling loosely by his side. He tilted his head up to her as if in slow motion and her breath hitched as his hazel eyes met hers through his thick lashes. How could she have forgotten how stunningly attractive he was? It had only been a few hours… Her eyes slipped and she saw his top button had somehow come undone since class to now and… <em>fuck me, I’m thinking about his abs again…</em></p>
<p>“Clear your mind,” he instructed her.</p>
<p><em>HA! </em>she nearly verbalized.</p>
<p>“You ready, Miss Evans?” His voice was butter and not helping.</p>
<p>She nodded, feeling far too hot as her throat went dry. Images flashed in front of her eyes of all the things she didn’t want him to see: <em>her vivid fantasy in the classroom of her splayed on his desk while he pounded into her, her checking him out while he slept next to her, the time she’d woken up, thinking she was alone and walked to the bathroom, only to catch the briefest of glances of him showering before she’d hastily closed the door back up… </em><b><em>Oops.</em></b><b></b></p>
<p>He raised his wand to her and she clutched hers desperately. <em>His smell of Quidditch, her watching him in the common room at 15, her younger self writing in her diary about how badly she wanted to kiss him, her all but telling Sirius she was </em><em>in love with him</em>…</p>
<p><em>“Legilimens!</em>” he whispered.</p>
<p>Lily panicked. “<b><em>Protego</em></b><em>!</em>” she all but roared.</p>
<p>The last thing she saw was gorgeous eyes go wide before being immersed into another world: <em>he was walking up a deserted alley with heavy fog ahead, it was quiet, too quiet; there was a blonde girl laughing cruelly, saying ‘You thought I </em>liked<em> you?’; an old man looking over a paper telling him, ‘I’m disappointed in you;’ he was walking into a smoking building; a young James was hexing a Slytherin boy until he cried; he saw two slumped figures a distance away, and his heart felt as though it had stopped beating; a 16 year old James watching Lily hanging out with Severus and she felt his raging jealousy; James was cradling the lifeless body of the bride from his photo at home in his arms, rocking her back and forth screaming, “Alice! Alice! Wake up, please!”; her own sleeping face being traced by long fingers and James kissing her forehead, opening his mouth to whisper—</em></p>
<p>Lily snapped out of it gasping when she heard a large crash and saw James on his knees on the floor. “James,” she murmured, frantically getting down to his level next to him. He looked so dazed, swaying lightly, and she felt her own eyes pricking painfully.</p>
<p>“I’m… I’m okay,” he replied super unconvincingly, pushing himself back to his feet.</p>
<p>“Look at that!” Mr Baxx sounded the happiest he had all night. “<em>That</em> is what happens when a true Legilimens fights back!” He had walked over to them. “What is your name, Miss?”</p>
<p>Lily was overwhelmed, the attention and fresh, foreign memories all swirling in her head. All she wanted to do was go somewhere and cry. “I—”</p>
<p>“Mr Baxx, would you please help me practice with the remaining students while Professor Potter gets some air?” Lily looked up and saw Dumbledore was looking directly at her, as if seeing her soul. <em>Uh oh.</em></p>
<p>She wanted to defend herself, to say, ‘It was an accident!’ but no words came out. So instead, she just watched as James walked out of the Hall, not looking back. She saw Beth look at her sadly.</p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck my life.</em>
</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>That night, after lying to her friends through her teeth that she had <em>no </em>idea what had happened and that James’ spell had probably just deflected, Lily couldn’t sleep. She kept tossing and turning, mulling over James’ memories she’d seen, trying to tackle the easier ones first: <em>Was that girl his first kiss? Why was she such a bitch? Who was the old man? Why was he torturing that other kid?</em> <em>Did he have a reason? </em>She’d definitely felt his shame remembering that particular moment.</p>
<p>She tried to stay away from the thoughts with her in them, because when she allowed herself to go there, she felt even more guilty than ever. As if invading his sleeping mind hadn’t been bad enough… now she’d invaded his deepest, darkest memories too.</p>
<p><em>Alice. He </em>had<em> been the one to find Alice’s body. </em>She held her knees to her chest, trying to take calming breaths. No one should have to suffer like he had. It wasn’t fair.</p>
<p>
  <em>And then he’s pictured my sleeping face right after… is he linking us? Is he… afraid to let someone in again? He’s not gonna lose me.</em>
</p>
<p>She couldn’t help but think that this Occlumency lesson had been a complete and utter disaster. Somehow it had made her power, that she’d never even asked for to begin with, stronger. And she’d already hurt someone she loved with it.</p>
<p>She crawled out of bed and pulled a night robe around her skimpy pajamas, knowing the castle halls were a lot more frigid than her dormitory. She slipped on her reindeer slippers (Beth’s Christmas present), and walked to the first floor stopping outside the Transfiguration classroom door. “<em>Alohomora</em>,” she chanted, entering the empty room. It looked haunted in the middle of the night with nothing but the moon casting eery lines across the floor.</p>
<p>Lily tiptoed to the back door next to his office. She raised her fist, took a deep breath, and gently knocked, hoping it was light enough that if he was already asleep, she wouldn’t be waking him.</p>
<p>Half a minute later, just before she turned back, the door cracked a smidge, letting the warm, glowing light from a roaring fire cascade out into Lily’s world of blue shadows. “Lily?” James opened the door fully, scratching the back of his head sleepily.</p>
<p><em>Look at his face, look at his face. </em>Of course James was sleeping shirtless again; he was in his own private chambers without any stranded students, why wouldn’t he be?</p>
<p>“I’m sorry… is it a bad time?” <em>Dumb question, DUH IT IS.</em></p>
<p>“No, no, come in,” James said, stepping out of the way. Lily entered, looking around the studio. It was impressive, but a clear step down from his ostentatious manor back home. Lily liked it far better; it felt more homey.</p>
<p>James threw a shirt (<em>boo</em>) over his head and motioned to his kitchenette. “Can I get you a tea or hot chocolate?”</p>
<p>“No, I’m fine, I just,” her voice faltered, “wanted to make sure you were okay, s’all.”</p>
<p>James sighed. “I knew it would happen.”</p>
<p>“What?” Lily looked at him puzzled.</p>
<p>“You, getting in my mind. I had this feeling you were about to do it.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t mean to!” Lily defended earnestly, hoping to everything holy that he believed her.</p>
<p>“I know, I know, you’re just… I mean, if you can do this stuff in your sleep, it’s not that far of a leap to assume you can do it while you’re awake and being attacked. Course it’s just my luck that they’d pair you to me.” He let out a heavy exhale, looking at the ceiling.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Lily didn’t know what else she could say, but she meant it. <em>Please know I mean it. </em>She huffed, thinking of the irony of it: they’d had the exact same fears in that moment before they’d faced off: that the other was about to see every thought they wished so desperately to hide.</p>
<p>“It’s not your fault I had ‘101 Things I Don’t Want Lily Evans To See’ primed up and ready to go.”</p>
<p>Lily let out a little mirthless chuckle. “I actually couldn’t stop thinking about what I didn’t want you to see either.” She followed his lead and settled on the hearth next to where he sat in his armchair.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” James’ eyebrows twitched.</p>
<p>“Yep.” She shrugged. “Mine were a little more tawdry…”</p>
<p>James chuckled picking up his half drunken Firewhiskey from his side table. Guess that’s what he’d been doing before she’d come in. “I doubt anything you could do, Lily, could be classified as <em>tawdry.</em>”</p>
<p>“I guess you’d be surprised then.” Lily smirked at him, before looking into the flames. They shared a moment of silence, both knowing what was about to come. “Can I ask you about the memories?” she whispered.</p>
<p>James looked into his glass and swirled the liquid. “Shoot.”</p>
<p>Lily decided right then and there she wouldn’t bring up Alice unless he did. He’d talk to her about it when he was ready. “Was that man your father?”</p>
<p>James looked back at her. “Yes. It was the moment I felt like the biggest failure.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“He’d gotten a letter from Dumbledore for one of our pranks gone wrong. I’d never felt such shame around him before, it made me want to be a better person. Didn’t make me stop pranking forever or anything,” Lily smiled, “just made me want… to do better ones.” He laughed darkly. “Same with that crying kid you saw. I used to be the world’s biggest prat.” He paused. “I couldn’t see it at the time, but I hurt people in the name of revenge… for sport. In my head I knew that kid’s father was a Death Eater, and I knew he’d grow up just the same, so he deserved it, but… who was I to determine that? Again, I don’t think I’m that same boy anymore. At least, I hope not.” He took a big swig of his drink.</p>
<p>Lily considered this. Obviously seeing anyone bully others was one of the last things she wanted to witness, but she’d seen none of this malice in James anymore. He helped people, he cared about his friends. Hell, in November she’d seen him sit with a crying 1st year for half an hour telling him about how he’d failed <em>loads </em>of tests and still gone on to be a Head Boy. ‘So keep on trucking along.’ Lily’s heart burst at the sweet memory of him <em>trying.</em> And she thought of herself at 13: self-righteous, pretty damn annoying. Surely she didn’t want to be judged for who she’d been as a child… right?</p>
<p>“The blonde girl?” Lily asked tentatively.</p>
<p>“Heh. I thought Sirius told you all about her.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I guess so.”</p>
<p>“That was me at my most pathetic.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think having feelings makes you pathetic,” Lily countered vehemently.</p>
<p>There was a long pause. “You’re not going to ask me about the ones with you?”</p>
<p>Lily looked back into the fire and James watched the flames reflected in her eyes. <em>Fire on fire. </em>“I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.”</p>
<p>He leaned forward, “Well… I guess those are pretty self-evident.” He over-enunciated the t with a pop, setting down his glass.</p>
<p>Lily whipped her head back to him. “I love you.”</p>
<p>In the silence, you could audibly hear both of them draw in sharp breaths. Lily froze, unable to fully process what she’d just done. Maybe it was being stuck in an entirely too cozy room that smelt like him, or that they’d just broken down some of the worst moments of his life and she now knew there was nothing that could weaken her feelings for him, or because of how she’d felt the second week of vacation without him, or how she’d just felt <em>him </em>during his memories, his essence… but she knew it to be true with every fiber of her being. <em>I love him.</em></p>
<p>James sank to his knees in front of her tilting her chin up to look at him. Lily’s fears of admitting too much melted away when she saw the look painted there.</p>
<p>He kissed her.</p>
<p>Lily brought her hands to his face as she leaned into it, suddenly unaware of time and space. It was slow and loving like the first one, but somehow more desperate, like he <em>needed</em> her more than he’d ever be able to put into words.</p>
<p>When James pulled away, just a few centimeters, he looked into her emerald eyes, worshipping them. “I love you, too,” he whispered breathlessly.</p>
<p>Lily cocked her head smiling as she ran her fingers up the back of his neck. “You do?” she almost couldn’t believe this was real.</p>
<p>James smirked. “Oh yeah.”</p>
<p>She pecked his lips again lightly. “Well, that’s a relief. Wouldn’t want to be rejected the first time I said that to someone.”</p>
<p>He tucked a flyaway behind her ear. “I’m your first love, eh?”</p>
<p>She slapped his chest playfully. “Don’t act so surprised.”</p>
<p>His grin turned toothy. “Oh, I’m not, I am <em>dashingly</em> handsome, I’m surprised you didn’t blurt it out sooner.”</p>
<p>Lily giggled, and James took the opportunity to give his knees a break from the stone floor by picking her up and putting her across his lap as he sank back into his chair.</p>
<p>“You know, like while I was walking down the hall in my super stylish sweater vest. ‘Oy, Professor! I fucking love you!’”</p>
<p>Lily smirked. “The urge has been great… I do love that vest.”</p>
<p>“I knew it!” James cheered. Lily’s fingers had taken to lightly tracing patterns on his chest for a moment. He looked at her curiously. “Can I ask you what memories you thought I’d see?”</p>
<p>Lily flushed crimson despite having just done the scariest thing in her entire life.</p>
<p>“What?” James asked, his interest thoroughly piqued by her reaction. He enclosed his arms around her comfortingly.</p>
<p>“You’re gonna think I’m a trash panda,” Lily moaned.</p>
<p>James looked cutely confused. “Trash panda?”</p>
<p>“Gutter troll… promiscuous vixen…”</p>
<p>James studied her intently. “And what’s so wrong with promiscuous vixens?”</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes. She kept them on the ceiling. “They basically all involved your naked body and me wanting it.”</p>
<p>James’ jaw comically dropped wide open. “Miss Evans, you little trash panda, you!” She didn’t think she’d ever heard him sound more pleased. “Wait, how are you picturing me naked? You superimposing cover models onto me again?”</p>
<p>Lily sank lower into his grasp. “I may have seen your backside while you were showering one morning?”</p>
<p>“I thought I saw you smirking in your sleep once when I got out!!” James exclaimed and Lily couldn’t help but giggle. “So these are the naughty students the Head Girl warned me about…”</p>
<p>She smiled at their inside joke. “Are you going to ream me out?”</p>
<p>“Nah, I’m in a good mood.”</p>
<p>“Phew.” She wanted to kiss each adorable tan freckle on his stupidly beautiful face.</p>
<p>James groaned, burying himself into the crook of her neck.</p>
<p>“What?” Lily asked.</p>
<p>“One day,” James mumbled into her skin, causing it to tickle with the vibrations.</p>
<p>“Hm?”</p>
<p>“I lasted one <em>bloody</em> day. I told Sirius I was going to try to stay away from you… Again.”</p>
<p>“Well, that was a dumb call,” Lily said smugly.</p>
<p>“I <em>know</em>, he reckons I’m a masochist.”</p>
<p>“I reckon he’s right.”</p>
<p>James huffed, then started kissing her neck since he was already there anyway, and fuck it, he wanted to.</p>
<p>Lily leaned into his lips, feeling a jolt of lightning sizzling through her core, parting her lips with a slight gasp, “James…” His hands on her body tightened with the encouraging noise. He pulled her toward him and she shifted so she was straddling him. He moaned at the change in pressure and she rewarded him by tearing off her dressing robe, carelessly throwing it to the floor.</p>
<p>He barely had time to register her flimsy night gown, already riding up her thighs, before she pulled him into another searing kiss, buckling her hips into his. James moved his hands up the silky fabric on her back, wanting this woman to engulf him completely, frantically needing her to be everything he could touch, smell, taste, <em>feel…</em></p>
<p>Lily felt his erection pressed up against the thin layer of her underwear and couldn’t help the overwhelming desire rising up through her chest because of it. Her hips were now seemingly riding of their own volition, grinding to try to quell the ache building in her loins. It felt so good, but not nearly good enough at the same time.</p>
<p>“Lily…” James let out half a moan, half a pleading cry. His hands were nestled in her thick hair now.</p>
<p>Lily held on to his neck, still pushing herself into him. “James, I told you I don’t want to wait, please…”</p>
<p>“I know, I know,” James breathed, kissing her jaw. One of her dress straps had slipped off in all of their fun, and he tenderly slid it back, kissing her collar bone there for good measure. “I just want it to be special.”</p>
<p><em>Mm, I can’t think rationally when his face is this close. Well. You </em>are <em>straddling him. </em>Lily tittered. “I think it will be special no matter what.”</p>
<p>“Oh, for sure,” James’ eyes twinkled mischievously up at her as he hugged her stomach. “Can you just wait a little longer, please?”</p>
<p>Lily pushed some hair off his forehead and pretended to consider it. “I guess if I must…”</p>
<p>James craned his neck up to kiss her. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Any time.” She winked.</p>
<p>She made to get off him, but he grabbed her hand. “Don’t go though.” His voice sounded vulnerable again and she looked back at him puzzled. “Just… cuddle for a bit?”</p>
<p>She bit her lower lip. “Okay, but we can’t fall asleep!” She pointed a finger at him, which he grabbed.</p>
<p>“Come on, Trash Panda,” he said affectionately, pulling her into bed with him.</p>
<p>“<em>No</em>, that is <b>not</b> my new nickname.”</p>
<p>“Come on, it has such potential,” he teased, kissing her shoulder as he pulled her back into his chest and pulled a sheet over them.</p>
<p>She molded her body into his. “Does not.”</p>
<p>“Again, came from your own mouth… you have a real gift, you know?”</p>
<p>They fell into a deep contented sleep in each other’s arms shortly afterwards.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Rumors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lily awoke the next morning, still in James’ arms, having just had her best night’s sleep in weeks. She breathed in deeply, ready to start her day.</p>
<p>Then she heard loud chattering outside the door, and her heart stopped. <em>Oh fuck!</em></p>
<p><em>“James!” </em>she whispered urgently. “James, wake up!”</p>
<p>He grumbled and pulled her in tightly. “No, wanna stay...”</p>
<p>Her overwhelming fear kept her from taking in just how cute he looked still trying to cuddle her. “James we overslept! There’s a class <em>outside</em>!”</p>
<p>James’ eyes snapped open; he was wide awake now.</p>
<p>He kicked off the sheet, jumping out of bed and scrambling to put on clothes. “Shit, shit, <em>shit</em>!”</p>
<p>Lily hurriedly put on her dressing robe and looked at him completely freaked out. “What do I do?! Do I just have to stay here until lunch??” She racked her fingers through her hair, pulling it back.</p>
<p>James reached into his wardrobe and took out a silvery fabric, offering it to her. “No, you can sneak out when I open the door.”</p>
<p>“<em>What</em>? James, there are students <em>in your classroom</em>, they’ll see me!” Lily’s voice was several octaves higher than usual.</p>
<p>James smirked and shook out his cloak, placing it on her himself. “No, they won’t.”</p>
<p>Lily saw herself in the mirror — or rather didn’t — and gasped. “You have an Invisibility Cloak?” She looked at him from the corner of her eye, skeptical.</p>
<p>James chuckled and put her hood up, so she was just a floating head until she lowered it. “I promise I’ll tell you all about it.” He gave himself a quick breath freshening spell then leaned in to kiss her. “Now you, young lady, off to class.” Lily laughed.</p>
<p>Before they went, however, something on the floor caught James’ eye: her slippers. James bent down for them, a coy smirk on his lips.</p>
<p>“They were a gift,” Lily defended herself, knowing where he was about to go with this.</p>
<p>“Uh huh.” He looked <em>soooo</em> smug. “You’re obsessed with me,” he teased.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” She smirked back at him.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah.” He held the reindeer up next to his face as proof. “It’s okay though,” he said as his brought them down to where he assumed her feet were; they disappeared beneath the hem of the cloak a second after. He stood back up in front of her. “Because I love you too.”</p>
<p>Lily rose to her toes and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “You know, I’m not sick of hearing that yet.”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s good, considering it’s only been twice.”</p>
<p>Lily gave James another heated kiss, and then lowered the hood, disappearing completely from view. She held on to James’ arm as he walked toward the door and opened it grandly so she could slip out.</p>
<p>“Good morning, class!” James said dramatically. Lily had to look back at him. <em>Damn gorgeous bastard. Besides the smallest of puffs under his eyes, you’d never be able to tell he just rolled out of bed two minutes ago.</em></p>
<p>“Morning,” a few 6th years responded.</p>
<p>Lily rushed to the door, terrified the cloak would stop working at any given moment. At the threshold, she turned back again because she couldn’t help herself.</p>
<p>He was looking to the open door in general, still unable to see her. “I just <em>love</em> this time of day, don’t you?” His class grumbled, not in the mood for jokes.</p>
<p>Lily shook her head to herself giddily, then started running back to the dormitory.</p>
<p>After nearly killing the Fat Lady from shock of a disembodied voice telling her the password (‘This hasn’t happened in years!’), and telling herself, <em>No, you don’t have time to masturbate, even if now would be the least selfish time to do so... </em>she was sprinting off to Herbology class, fully dressed. She slide into her stool shooting Professor Sprout a very apologetic look. Benjy was watching her from the other side of the room hesitantly.</p>
<p>“What the fuck, <em>where were </em>you??” Dorcas hissed at Lily as she pulled out some parchment.</p>
<p>“I overslept,” Lily replied trying her hardest to focus on the unknown plant in front of her.</p>
<p>“Yeah, <em>no shit</em>, where?” Dorcas pushed.</p>
<p>Beth stepped in for her, “Dor, she’ll tell us if she wants to,” Lily looked at Beth filled with gratitude.<em> I wonder how much she’s figured out. She knows I still like him… does she know more?</em></p>
<p>“Bullshit, where’d you go, Lily? You were there when we fell asleep!” Dorcas demanded.</p>
<p>“I just couldn’t sleep so I went to the Head Office to do some work. But I dozed off there, no big deal,” she tried to whisper nonchalantly. She didn’t want to give Sprout a second reason to hate her today.</p>
<p>Dorcas’ mouth formed a large O. “Oh my Merlin, did you... <em>did you sleep with Benjy??</em>”</p>
<p>“<em>What</em>?! No!” Lily hissed, trying to stop Dorcas from turning her head dramatically in Benjy’s direction. Having spotted the girls all looking his way, he went from dubious to flat-out petrified. “<em>I did not sleep with Benjy, Dorcas what is wrong with you!</em>”</p>
<p>“Seriously? What’s wrong with <em>me</em>? You make out with the guy, then don’t tell us <em>anything</em> else about it, and now you just disappeared last night, probably <em>with him</em>, what do you expect us to believe?”</p>
<p>Beth motioned with her hands that they both needed to keep their voices down.</p>
<p>Lily was getting mad at the implication, but at the same time, she knew she hadn’t been fully honest with her friends, so Dorcas’ frustration wasn’t wholly unfounded. She wanted to tell them everything... but couldn’t. She wasn’t in any position to be telling them the truth. “Just… I promise I didn’t have sex last night, <em>okay</em>?”</p>
<p>Dorcas sighed. “Okay, whatever.” Her tone was harsh, but Lily knew that’s honestly what she wanted to know. Dorcas had told them all, in detail, how her first time had gone under the promise that they’d both spill the second they lost their virginities. Was it weird? <em>Absolutely</em>. But they were young and sometimes girl code really didn’t make a whole lot of sense.</p>
<p>Lily looked over at Beth, hoping she wasn’t also mad at her. She didn’t look as irritated at Lily for not telling them what was going on, but she didn’t look super happy with her either. <em>Oy. four more months, four more months… and a half.</em></p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>The rest of the day went a little more smoothly. Slughorn happily gave her a vial during Potions, reminding Lily that her Animagus Potion had matured into fruition. She happily thanked him for taking care of it, and Slughorn was over the moon telling her how it really was nothing, he’d just bottled it up for her. Lily made a mental note to buy him some pineapple treats.</p>
<p>Benjy and she ran a prefects meeting that night, and by that point he was legitimately terrified of her. She figured he assumed Lily was late to Herbology because she was up to no good (true), but from the girls’ stares in his direction, he was also convinced that no-goodness had to do with him.</p>
<p>Lily had to admit, after <em>years</em> of making her uncomfortable with suggestive comments as well as way-too-blatant comments, it was quite lovely to be the one making Benjy squirm. Who knew all it took would be for her to ‘pursue’ him as hard as he had pursued her?</p>
<p>So yeah, Lily toyed with him a little bit. “Now Benjy, <em>darling</em>, would you be a doll and pass these new rules for Hogsmeade trips out to everyone?” He took them without making eye contact. “Thanks honey.” Benjy visibly shuddered.</p>
<p>Most of the prefects looked at the scene before them amused: it was like watching an elephant be afraid of a mouse.</p>
<p>While it was fun while it lasted, Lily was sorely reminded of double standards as soon as the rumor mill started pumping out the news that goody-goody prig Lily Evans had turned into a harlot, mad for the Head Boy’s affection. Lily chuckled darkly at lunch. Sure, she was the desperate one. Not the guy who’d been whispering in her ear all year about how he wanted to fuck her. <em>Of course.</em></p>
<p>There went her fun new pastime.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Lily and Dorcas walked over to their double Transfiguration class while the latter told her of all the wonderfully romantic things Patrick had said to her and how he’d invited her to Hogsmeade. Lily was ecstatic for her friend… as well as for her own eyes when they got to feast on James, having entered his classroom.</p>
<p><em>Keep composed, keep composed…</em> But soon her need to fake <em>not</em> being so happy became irrelevant.</p>
<p>“Evans, you sure you don’t want to sit back here so you can stare at Benjy’s backside?” a nasty Ravenclaw girl goaded her.</p>
<p>Lily ignored the dig and James looked confused but pressed on with his lesson. Dorcas looked like she wanted to give Lily some words of encouragement, but then held her tongue. <em>She doesn’t know what’s going on.</em></p>
<p>‘Are you all right?’ The messy words appeared in her textbook fifteen minutes later.</p>
<p>‘Eh… rumors,’ she wrote back in the column.</p>
<p>‘Ah yes. Sorry about that.’</p>
<p>‘I’ll live, guess what?’</p>
<p>‘You decided to get a cat?’</p>
<p>‘What, and rub that in poor Venus’ face? The gall!’</p>
<p>‘Ha, okay, what?’</p>
<p>Lily looked to make sure Dorcas wasn’t looking at her. She returned to the freshly unmarked page of her textbook. ‘My Animagus Potion is ready!’</p>
<p>‘Yay! Lesson Friday night?’ Lily smiled innocently, her quill in her mouth as she read it.</p>
<p>‘It’s a date.’</p>
<p>She didn’t get a chance to look up at James however, because Dorcas had asked her for help with something and she didn’t want to look any more suspicious.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Walking back from Quidditch, Lily decided she was craving a little post-workout snack and separated from the team to get some tart from the kitchens. In fact, she determined she’d get three slices to try to get herself fully back in her friends’ good graces.</p>
<p>Distracted by her quest, Lily didn’t notice Mulciber and some of his cronies until she was cornered.</p>
<p>“Pretty far from your tower, no, Mudblood?” he spewed.</p>
<p>Lily didn’t say anything, working quickly to try to get her bearings. She was quite used to this insult by now, having been one of only two Muggle-born kids in her class (<em>well, guess you’re the only one now that Amber left</em>), but it hadn’t been as bad this year. Had she really been so naive as to think Voldemort’s defeat would just magically make his supporters any less hateful towards her?</p>
<p>She was outnumbered three to one and the only escape would be to sprint back up the stairs, exposing her back to them, and even that route was closing up fast. They were herding her into the wall.</p>
<p>“Word on the street is…” Mulciber continued, an evil, delighted glint in his eye, “Mudblood Evans is finally ready to get some.”</p>
<p>Lily couldn’t help but roll her eyes. <em>This again? Really? It’s the goddamn </em><em>70s</em><em>! Has no one heard of feminism?!</em></p>
<p>Mulciber noticed her sass and it seemed to enrage him. He stalked closer. “There are some wizards who don’t mind a little crazy — as long as it’s on her knees in bed.”</p>
<p>Lily held her head high, not letting him see her fear. Benjy saying that shit was bad, annoying, sexist. Mulciber saying it was predatory and dangerous and she knew she should be running for her life because he <em>would</em> hurt her. But she couldn’t.</p>
<p>“Ten points from Slytherin for sexually harassing another student.”</p>
<p>“Bitch, you can’t do that!” he snarled, stepping closer still so they were face-to-face. She smelt his putrid breath.</p>
<p>“Five points from Slytherin for trying to physically intimidate another student.” She tried to keep her voice as calm and even as possible.</p>
<p>She saw Mulciber start twitching his wand toward her, but she was expecting it and slashed hers up in the air first. His wand flew behind him and clattered loudly. “Five points from Slytherin for trying to retaliate against the Head Girl.” She planted her feet. “I can do this all night.”</p>
<p>He looked at her menacingly and then spat in her face. She tried not reacting when she felt it land on her cheek, breathing out hard through her nose. “You don’t know what retaliation <em>is</em> yet, Mudblood.”</p>
<p>
  <em>Don’t give him the satisfaction of looking scared, just keep it together, keep it together…</em>
</p>
<p>“Watch your back.” Mulciber picked up his wand and left.</p>
<p>When Lily was sure the boys had gone, she ran to the nearest bathroom, let out a giant shaky huff, and cleaned the hell off of her face. She held on to the sink and watched her own reflection, finding comfort in the fact that she still was breathing.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Unbeknownst to Lily, James was on his two-way mirror at the same time, glad to finally have caught Sirius. He noticed his best friend looked haggard as hell.</p>
<p>“Whoa mate, you look like shite, what happened?”</p>
<p>Sirius pushed back his shaggy hair, quite (correctly) convinced he had never looked like shite a day in his life. “Yeah, thanks. Just a bad day at work.”</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“Oof, still trying to catch the last of the known Death Eaters, s’all. You know how it is. But I don’t want to talk about work. What’s up with you?”</p>
<p>James felt a little bit awkward bragging after that.</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t get shy on me now, Prongs.” Sirius had read his face. “Come on, distract me.”</p>
<p>James grinned. “Well… I may have told Lily I loved her.”</p>
<p>Sirius tilted his head back out of the mirror’s frame howling. He wasn’t surprised in the slightest. “Of <em>course </em>you did, you giant prat!” His laughter died down. “Wait, did she tell you it back?”</p>
<p>James blushed. “Actually, she said it first.”</p>
<p>Sirius wasn’t surprised again. “Ha! Naturally. That girl’s got <em>loads</em> more courage than you do.”</p>
<p>James scoffed, feeling his Gryffindorness was being questioned. “Hey now.”</p>
<p>Sirius shrugged. “You know it’s true.” James couldn’t help but smile at the thought of his moment with Lily. Sirius snapped his fingers in front of his face. “All right, all right there, stay with me lover-boy.” James flipped him off, the same goofy grin still plastered on his face. “Well, I’m glad she told you, that secret was really weighing on me.”</p>
<p>James’ countenance shifted to shock. “She <em>told you?!</em>”</p>
<p>“Eh, not in so many words… but I knew.”</p>
<p>“And you didn’t <b>tell</b> me?!”</p>
<p>“No Prongs, that was <em>our</em> little secret.” Sirius winked, enjoying riling up his mate. “Besides, from everything I can remember of the girl, this holiday, and what you’ve told me, she doesn’t seem like one to stab in the back.”</p>
<p>“<em>I’m</em> your best mate! What the fuck!”</p>
<p>Sirius chuckled. “Yes, my bad, you had to wait all of, what, two weeks to find out yourself? Plus I’m sure it sounded better coming from her than me, as handsome as I know you find me.”</p>
<p><em>He has a point. (About hearing those words from her lips, not about being attracted to my git best friend.) </em>James would never admit it though.</p>
<p>After talking to Sirius for another hour, allowing Sirius to really take the mickey out of him (Sirius was <em>delighted</em> to hear that Lily had infiltrated his mind again, in front of Dumbledore no less), James finally settled into his bed. He begrudgingly downed his nightly vial of potion.</p>
<p><em>If I can’t let her into my head, I should at least be able to see where she is… </em>James knew he shouldn’t keep tabs on her, but honestly, he just kind of missed her (especially after raving about her for an hour), so he wanted to see her name on his map, to feel like he was there with her in some magic way. His eyes scanned the dormitory, the common room. He checked his watch, it was a little late for the library. Finally he found her tag standing completely still, alone, in the basement lavatory. <em>What on earth is she doing there?</em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. The Doe and the Stag</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Thursday night, Lily left for her patrol with the Ravenclaw prefect Jenny Stebbins. She’d made the schedule before she knew the girl had been hooking up with Benjy over winter break; but, she thought it would be more awkward to change course <em>now.</em> After all, Lily most certainly didn’t have a problem with her.</p>
<p>This had been a mistake.</p>
<p>Lily found Jenny outside the Ravenclaw common room, disinterestedly studying her nail beds. “You’re late,” the brunette snarled.</p>
<p><em>Wow… okay, someone’s testy. Especially as I’m only as long-as-it-takes-to-walk-to-</em>your-damn-dorm-<em>late. </em>Lily let it go. “You ready?”</p>
<p>Jenny looked her up and down, not moving. “Sure.”</p>
<p>Lily narrowed her eyes hesitantly, not liking where this was going. “You okay?”</p>
<p>Jenny huffed. “Please. You stalk my boyfriend and now you want to patrol with me? His <em>girlfriend? </em>Are <em>you</em> okay? Because you seem obsessed.”</p>
<p>Lily couldn’t stop her laugh from sounding inside her closed mouth. It started off small, but she slowly lost control of it.</p>
<p>“This isn’t funny!” Jenny was really getting peeved now. “You know, just because you’re Head Girl, doesn’t mean I can’t report you!”</p>
<p>Lily wiped the tears coming out of her eyes. This was truly so ridiculous. “Jenny, I really <em>don’t </em>like your boyfriend. And if it’s any consolation, I didn’t even know you guys were going steady.”</p>
<p>“Bullshit!” Jenny stomped her foot. “I have <em>eyes, </em>Evans. I’m not stupid!”</p>
<p><em>Then stop acting like it</em>. She wanted to make so much fun of Jenny right now, but she was better than that. She <em>was</em> Head Girl for crying out loud; she knew she had to be the bigger person here, as much as it was testing her patience. “Okay, okay, okay, I promise to stay away from Benjy. Happy?” <em>Easiest promise I’ve ever made.</em></p>
<p>Jenny glowered at her, trying to find where the trap in her words lay. “Good,” she finally said, her wheels still turning.</p>
<p>It looked like it hurt. Lily couldn’t believe she’d ever felt sympathy for this girl. “Awesome. Now that that’s settled, wanna get started on this patrol?”</p>
<p>“My friends all said I’d be crazy to go anywhere alone with the likes of <em>you.</em>”</p>
<p>Lily exhaled slowly, pinching the bridge of her nose. “And who exactly told your friends about me?”</p>
<p>“Well, I did of course.” Jenny didn’t see how this was relevant.</p>
<p>Lily was disappointed but not all together surprised to find out the identity of the person who had inflamed the gossip running rampant about her. A jealous girlfriend — how pathetically unoriginal. “Right. So you painted me out as some sort of crazed whore to all your friends, and then, they turned around and confirmed your suspicions that I was said crazed whore by saying you shouldn’t come with me, based solely off of the rumors <em>you’ve </em>been spreading. Did I get that right?” <em>How is this dolt a Ravenclaw?</em></p>
<p>“They’re not rumors! You tried giving him Love Potion! You follow him around like some lost puppy! He told me you’ve been trying to get him to take your virginity! I’m only telling people about the <em>real</em> Lily Evans! And guess what? No one was really surprised at all.”</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes. Hogwarts did love nothing more than to build someone up, place them up on a pious pedestal that they never asked to be on, only to watch their dramatic fall from grace. It now made sense why the Ravenclaw girls she’d never actually had problems with had suddenly gone cold on her. She wanted to tell Jenny that rumors had consequences: the thinly veiled jabs and stares she could handle, but she was fucking being <em>threatened</em> because of this bullshit! But the girl wasn’t worth it. And she would hate to admit it was getting to her one way or another.</p>
<p>So, she probably should have just walked away, but she felt her temper flaring… and she was overcome with the desire to get the last word in. “All right, well, <em>I’m </em>going to do our patrol now, so give a kiss to your boyfriend from me, will ya?”</p>
<p>Lily gave the sputtering girl a nod and turned on her heel, smirking as she left. <em>Eh, life’s too short to get walked over.</em></p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Friday morning, Lily woke up excited: today was the day! She was finally going to make her first Animagus transformation!</p>
<p>At breakfast, she was surprised when she saw Venus flying towards her. Several students stopped to stare at the little cutie landing giddily on Lily’s shoulder, red matching red, never having seen an owl so vibrant.</p>
<p>“Hey there, buddy,” Lily cooed giving her a bit of her food. “Did you just come to say ‘allo?” Venus had been having the time of her life in the Owlery, especially when she’d realized she’d be living there with Snowy (her best friend). The poor elder owl could probably never get rid of her.</p>
<p>The owl nudged her cheek, but also stuck out her leg. Lily took off a small piece of parchment.</p>
<p>
  <em>Lily, sorry, borrowed V since Snowy might be a bit too obvious. It’s a good thing she trusts me — actually seemed pretty excited to see me if I do say so myself ;) Anyway, please bring the cloak to today’s lesson.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                  Can’t Wait,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                               Yours Truly,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                                           With Love,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>                                                        JP</em>
</p>
<p>Lily smiled to herself and hastily stuffed the note in her pocket. Dorcas and Beth both looked at her curiously, but no longer bothered to ask.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>After Transfiguration, Lily took her time packing her things until she and James were the only ones left.</p>
<p>He smiled at her cheekily, closing the door with his wand. He was by her side in two big strides, pulling her up to him and engulfing her in kisses. “Merlin, I missed you,” he breathed between his passionate onslaught. “I didn’t know how much longer I could last.”</p>
<p>Lily brought her hands to his chest. “Lucky we won’t have to find out.”</p>
<p>He kissed her cheek, her nose, every little bit of her face that she’d let him, breaking her into a fit of giggles. She’d wanted to talk to him about what was going on with her: the rumors, Mulciber, the growing unease in her gut around Snape… But looking at him now, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. His adoring gaze was making her weak in the knees and she didn’t want to spoil the moment by bursting their bubble. After all, he was finally letting his guard down around her and she was seeing his true, goofy self. She could bog him down with her problems some other time — now was the time to discover each other.</p>
<p>“You excited?”</p>
<p>She grinned freely. “You have no idea.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” He looked pleased. “You got the cloak?”</p>
<p>She pulled it out of her bag and flung it over her shoulders.</p>
<p>“Perfect, let’s go,” he said tugging along an invisible hand.</p>
<p>“Where are we going?” she whispered right before they headed out the door. She had her wand in her free hand and the potion in her pocket.</p>
<p>“The Forbidden Forest.” He locked the door behind them. “Figured you may want to stretch your legs out,” he said from the corner of his mouth. “Hullo,” he said to a group of Hufflepuffs they were walking past.</p>
<p>Lily waited a few seconds until they were in the clear again. “Professor James… isn’t it… dangerous there?”</p>
<p>James smirked at her half slipping back into old habits. “Hardly. Wouldn’t have survived my time at Hogwarts if it really was <em>that</em> bad.”</p>
<p>Lily wasn’t sure if that logic was sound, but couldn’t protest as they navigated around more students going to an early dinner. Lily couldn’t help but notice just how many wistful stares James seemed to attract. She smiled, maybe just a <em>little </em>proud of herself, for no particular reason.</p>
<p>Soon they reached the edge of the forest and her grip on James’ hand tightened.</p>
<p><em>Guess Dumbledore’s scare tactics worked on someone,</em> he thought fondly. James led them deeper into the darkness until they found a little clearing amongst the trees where the twilight was still able to breach. “All right, we should be good here.”</p>
<p>Lily removed the Invisibility Cloak and immediately pulled him down by the robes for another kiss. She could feel him smirking into her mouth. She plunged her tongue into his, begging him to take her desire seriously. He returned it in kind, his hands starting to explore the curves of her body. She moaned as his hands gripped her arse, giving it a good squeeze.</p>
<p>When they broke apart, both panting, his glasses were fogged up despite the chilly January air. He licked his lips. “To what did I owe that pleasure?” He looked <em>sooo</em> upset with the turn of events…</p>
<p>“Do I need a reason to snog my super hot—?” Her eyes went wide with panic. <em>Oh, you walked right into that one! Stupid hormones fucking with my fucking logical fucking reasoning skills, </em><b><em>fuck</em></b><em>! </em><em>What</em><em> are we? Do we even need to have this conversation?</em> Lily guessed kissing him came a lot easier to her than talking about her feelings, even after this week’s confession.</p>
<p>James kept her in his arms. “I think the word you’re searching for is ‘boyfriend.’ Your ‘<em>super hot’</em> boyfriend.” If James’ smile got any wider, it would hurt.</p>
<p>Lily bit her bottom lip, staring at his chest in front of her, a blush burning her cheeks. “I like the sound of that.”</p>
<p>He brushed his lips against her hair. “Well, we did admit we loved each other, seems to me like dating would be the sensible next step.”</p>
<p>Lily looked up at him. “Dang. You’re so brilliant.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Lily rolled her eyes. “Now, take this off.” He tugged at her robe. Off of Lily’s startled expression, he rushed to tack on, “So you don’t shred it during your transformation.” <em>Smooth one, Potter.</em></p>
<p>Lily took out the vial, disrobed, and shivered left only in her school uniform. James took the robe and cloak and stashed them in a hole in a large tree for safekeeping, turning back just in time to see Lily begin to unbutton her top.</p>
<p>“Oh, sorry, I’ll just…” James pointed over his shoulder and spun on his heel awkwardly, giving her privacy.</p>
<p>Lily smirked roguishly as she finished with her shirt and threw it onto his shoulder. James chuckled as he took it. “You’re being awfully cheeky right now, you know that, right?”</p>
<p>“Nope.” Lily’s voice betrayed her: she knew. “I just don’t want to ruin my favorite bra, s’all.” She unclasped it behind her back.</p>
<p>“Well, why’d you wear it if you knew we were going to be doing this?”</p>
<p>“I knew I was going to see you, and I wanted to look cute,” she replied innocently.</p>
<p>“Ha, you’d look good in a burlap—” James didn’t finish his sentence because a red, see-through bra had just landed on his head. He brought the flimsy garment down in front of him. <em>Merlin, have mercy… </em>“<em>Fuck</em> me,” he murmured.</p>
<p>Lily giggled at his struggle and swallowed her retort, shimmying out of her skirt and panties, kicking them to his feet before removing her socks and shoes.</p>
<p><em>She is naked. Lily fucking Evans is </em><b><em>completely</em></b><em> naked behind me… and I can’t look. </em>James shook his head, trying to keep some of the blood up there. <em>Don’t you </em><b><em>dare</em></b><em> look behind you. </em>He focused on the rest of her clothes on the ground, <em>but not the fucking knickers, and how they’re still warm, fuck! </em>and put them in the tree. “All right, you ready to take the potion?” He noticed even his voice was struggling to stay calm.</p>
<p>He could tell she was loving watching him be this flustered; he was pretty sure his skin was reddening all the way to the back of his neck. “Yes. Don’t you want to watch?”</p>
<p>James groaned. <em>Yes</em><em>. I mean, besides obviously wanting to ogle at her perfect body, I do want to experience her first phase with her. </em>It just seemed like such a slippery slope. “I do, but…”</p>
<p>“I know, I know, date first. Ps, I’m free this weekend if you’d like.”</p>
<p>James smiled at her assertiveness. “I think that can be arranged.” He got more businesslike. “Now, after you drink the potion, you should start transforming right away. Remember, it will feel like your muscles are on fire and you’ll be growing an extra one hundred bones, so it’ll be like Skele-Gro on crack.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Lily replied, getting a little nervous.</p>
<p>“I’ll transform right after, so I’ll be right here with you, okay? If anything goes wrong, not that it will, I’ll be able to help, so I just want you to focus on the changes you feel. And when you’re comfortable, we can run so you can get used to your body, she what you’re capable of.” He was rambling a bit, but he was anxious for her too.</p>
<p>Lily slipped her hand into his. She was shaking and he wondered if it was from nerves or cold. <em>Probably both</em>.</p>
<p>“James…”</p>
<p>“Yes?” His hand gave hers an encouraging squeeze.</p>
<p>“I want you to see me.” Her voice was so vulnerable, he knew he couldn’t say no. He let her pull him around, keeping his eyes focused on glimmering emerald.</p>
<p>She knew he was trying to be good, and it was one of the things she loved about him. She also knew her trying to make him be bad was one of the things he loved about her. Lily placed both his calloused hands on the smooth skin of her naked hips and watched as his perfectly chiseled jaw clenched. His hazel eyes were locked onto hers so hard she thought lasers may just escape them. She was frozen, yet the electricity emanating from his fingertips was enough to keep her warm.</p>
<p>Her eyes roamed down his body. “Damn, you’re good. Although, I don’t think you’ve blinked once,” she teased.</p>
<p>“Lily Evans, you test me every day.” His hands squeezed her hips as she gave him a peck on the lips and her bare body quickly brushed against his. He kept his eyes closed for a moment as he said, “Now please take that potion before you freeze or I combust.” His peripheral vision was starting to draw focus and he could already tell her tits were to die for.</p>
<p>Lily smirked and uncorked it, motioning it toward him. “Cheers,” she said downing it. Her face soured.</p>
<p>“You okay?” he asked concerned.</p>
<p>“Yeah, just…” she clutched her stomach as it hit, doubling over in pain. She tried speaking but her mind was drowning as her skin burned, sprouting thousands of hairs to create a fur coat. Her bones split, elongated and then fused again, and her features rearranged themselves all over her body.</p>
<p>Suddenly, the torture ended and she was curled in the dirt, smelling every single speck from her flared nostrils. She blinked her larger than usual eyes, adjusting to her new vision as she stood up on her shaky four legs. She tried to think, but everything was coming to her in hazy, disjointed flashes, feeling rather than reasoning as much. Everything just seemed… simpler.</p>
<p>“Your eyes are still green.” Lily registered James standing in front of her, looking at her in awe.</p>
<p>She pawed at the ground impatiently. James laughed and transformed into his majestic stag self. Lily had to say, she was a little jealous of his antlers.</p>
<p>He took off through the trees, and Lily eagerly kept up, finding it surprisingly easy to get used to traversing like this. Her body was graceful and strong and leapt through the brush like it was nothing.</p>
<p>The hour past rapidly: sprinting, sniffing, following James’ lead. They only stopped briefly at a reflective lake so Lily could have a moment to take herself in. James was standing alert beside her, keeping an eye out for possible danger. Was it dumb to think that even as animals, they just looked <em>good</em> together?</p>
<p>Soon, her human body came back in much the same way it had gone, and Lily found herself lying curled in the dirt. James quickly transformed back and covered her with his robe. She was <b><em>exhausted</em></b>.</p>
<p>“How was it?” James asked her animatedly. Lily couldn’t get over his childlike joy outside of class. She wished he was always allowed to be like this.</p>
<p>Lily raised her head weakly. “Amazing!” she said with as much enthusiasm as she could currently muster. She was <em>so</em> grateful she didn’t have Quidditch practice tomorrow.</p>
<p>James helped her up and fastened his robe for her. “Tiring though isn’t it? You can get so much exercise so easily and then you turn back and it all hits you at once.”</p>
<p>Lily sighed, trying to keep her eyes open. “Explains your body though.” Drained or not, Lily always seemed to have the wherewithal to be horny ever since James had come back into her life.</p>
<p>James chuckled. “Okay, let’s go get your clothes. We can probably still catch the end of dinner if we hurry.”</p>
<p>Lily groaned, her body aching as he pulled her along with him. “Ow.”</p>
<p>“Oh come on. You can’t be <em>that</em> sore.”</p>
<p>“Your first time was five years ago, how would you possibly remember?”</p>
<p>James rolled his eyes, but swept her off her feet to carry her to their starting point all the same. “Much better. Also, I’m <em>finally</em> in your clothes.” Lily felt his laugh in her side, pushed against him.</p>
<p>She changed quickly and got under his Invisibility Cloak, hopping onto his back for a sneaky piggyback ride to the castle while he pretended to have his hands in his pockets. She liked this position much better; it was more conducive to clandestine whispers in his ear.</p>
<p>“So, do you have any ideas for our date tomorrow?” She decided he was taking her out tomorrow, so that was that.</p>
<p>“I might,” he teased as he walked up the steps to the Entrance Hall. It was now crowded with Friday night frivolity.</p>
<p>She knew he could no longer answer her anymore. “Mm, I’ll have to wear my second favorite bra and panty set, since you’ve already seen these…” She felt his body stiffen underneath her and it gave her the ultimate power high. “And who knows, maybe I’ll even let you get to see me in them.” James coughed, clearly struggling with his composure.</p>
<p>As they passed through the hall, Jenny gave James a sweet smile (which Lily knew was <em>bullshit)</em>. “Goodnight, Professor,” she said suggestively.</p>
<p>“Erm, goodnight,” James replied confused — she wasn’t even in his class.</p>
<p>“Jeez, does <em>everyone </em>want to fuck you?” Lily grumbled.</p>
<p>It was James’ turn to smile. Not only did he love it when she swore, but hearing her blatant jealousy was madly cute too.</p>
<p>Lily hopped off his back and took off his cloak after he shut the door. “I can’t bel—”</p>
<p>But her words were cut off when he picked her up by the knees, pinning her between his body and the door. He slowly slid his hands to her arse as he snogged her viciously. “I swear you drive me crazy,” he said when they broke for air.</p>
<p>Lily flexed her hips against his belt buckle, loving the delectable friction. Her eyes fluttered heavily. “Same.”</p>
<p>She dragged her nails through his hair and his mouth left wet, sloppy kisses along her neck. He wanted to mark her so badly, claim her as his to send away all these randy teenage pricks, but he didn’t want her to have to deal with that.</p>
<p>So he brought his mouth back to hers, swirling his tongue with hers until he had her moaning. He thought about how he could do this forever. Eventually, lips swollen and puffy, he pulled back. “You did so well today.”</p>
<p>She pushed his glasses, which were sliding down, back to the bridge of his nose. “Thank you,” she said genuinely.</p>
<p>“Want to just get dinner in the kitchens?” James didn’t want to say bye to her yet. <em>Ever.</em></p>
<p>Lily tightened her legs around him. “Yes please. But only if you carry me down like this.”</p>
<p>James smirked. “Foolproof mode of transportation.” Lily giggled and hopped off, retrieving the cloak. “You should just keep it for the rest of the year.” His hand flew in his hair to mess it up. “The cloak, if you’d like…”</p>
<p>“Thank you.”</p>
<p>They snuck off to the kitchens where the house-elves happily greeted them with platters and platters of leftovers from the Hall above.</p>
<p>“Oo! Pork chops!” James cried out excitedly.</p>
<p>They sat in their same spots from last time, across from each other, settling into a comfortable banter about their favorite foods, books, and most controversial, music. It seemed as though they had entirely different tastes and were both convinced they’d be able to convert the other to their side.</p>
<p>“All right, but I still feel like your point is moot since you’ve never even <em>heard </em>of my band,” she reasoned trying, but failing, to stifle a yawn from pure physical exhaustion.</p>
<p>They’d polished off their food a solid hour ago. “Okay, well, I promise to hear them out, but now, we need to get you to bed.”</p>
<p>“Yesss…” Lily joked.</p>
<p>“Yours.” James cocked an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Boo. Worth a shot.”</p>
<p>“A valiant attempt to ruin my innocence once more.” They stood up and Lily stuck out her tongue.</p>
<p>James surveyed her intensely, pushing her hair behind her ear. “So, meet you at 2 tomorrow by the front doors? In the cloak?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” She leaned into his palm at her cheek. “Goodnight, James.”</p>
<p>“Goodnight, Lily.” She watched his gold specks sparkle like stars in a sky of greenish-brown. He gave her a sweet kiss.</p>
<p>She walked away slowly, dragging her fingers along his body until it was just their fingertips touching. <em>You’ll see him so ridiculously soon. Relax.</em></p>
<p>She didn’t know James was also fighting the same urge to pull her back toward him. She slipped out the door and James sat back at the table sighing.</p>
<p>Dusty approached him. “Is there anything else I can get for you, Mr Potter?”</p>
<p>“My milk would be glorious, thank you, Dusty.”</p>
<p>He got lost in his thoughts. Love was such an overwhelming, all-consuming drug. She’d just left and he was already counting down the hours until he’d get to sit with her again. He knew he was acting like such a fool but he <em>didn’t care. </em>He wondered what she was thinking about…</p>
<p><em>I have to finalize the details of our date! </em>Of course he had some thoughts floating around in his head; they had involuntarily started planning themselves after Lily and his conversation at The Three Broomsticks last year. James briefly wondered if he’d ever be able to think of anything but Lily Evans ever again in his life. <em>Probably not. And that’s okay.</em></p>
<p>He downed his milk and set off for Hagrid’s hut, needing to do a little prep work if tomorrow was going to work.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Lily snuck up to her dormitory, happy to see the other girls must have still been elsewhere and it was just Dorcas and Beth.</p>
<p>Dorcas was flipping mindlessly through a magazine. “You missed dinner.”</p>
<p>“I know,” Lily began difficultly. Beth was staring at her, picking up that she was going to say something important. “Look. I <em>can’t </em>tell you guys what’s going on, but, I want you to know, I’m okay, no, actually I’m <b>great</b>… and I’m safe, and I’m <em>happy. </em>Like deliriously, stupidly happy.” She knew she was smiling goofily but she couldn’t help it.</p>
<p>Dorcas was looking at her now, trying to maintain her annoyance, but the corners of her mouth were twitching. Clearly, Lily’s exuberance was infectious. “Well, that’s not exactly fair. That just makes me want to know what’s happening even more.”</p>
<p>“I know. And I know it’s not fair, but I wouldn’t be keeping this a secret unless I absolutely <em>had</em> to.” She gave Dorcas a poignant look. “Trust me: I want to be shouting this from the Astronomy Tower—”</p>
<p>“Astronomy Tower, eh? <em>Interesting</em> choice…”</p>
<p>“—and I <em>will</em> tell you guys after graduation.”</p>
<p>“You will?” Dorcas bolted upright.</p>
<p>Lily looked at Beth who was sitting there quietly. She looked like she’d just had her suspicions all but confirmed. <em>Oh, she’s figured it out. </em>“Yes. I promise.” Lily sighed. “But please, don’t try to guess, because you know I’ll probably give it away,” she said to her feet.</p>
<p>“Oooh, I can tell this is gonna be juicy!” Dorcas started flipping backwards through her magazine. “Now get your butt over here, they have a picture of that Quidditch bloke you like so much.”</p>
<p>Lily gleefully jumped next to Dorcas, glad she had just squashed the tension. She didn’t want to lose her friends over her love life. And sure, now she could continue to bask in post-James-hang glow shame-free.</p>
<p>“Ow,” she moaned as she landed, having forgotten how sore every muscle she had currently was. She massaged her shoulder gingerly. Off of Dorcas’ look she added, “Just sore. Nothing to worry about. Still a virgin.”</p>
<p>Beth snorted from the bed over and soon they all devolved into giggles.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. First Real Date</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lily fingered her hair anxiously Saturday morning. She was normally okay with styling charms, but today, nothing was working… which frustrated her… which obviously led to her attempts getting worse and worse. She was starting to worry that she was going to go to her first real date with James Potter with a frizzy bird’s nest on her head.</p>
<p>“Do you want my help?” Beth asked from the doorframe of their dorm’s bathroom.</p>
<p>“Yes!” Lily cried out, so relieved. “Beth, you are a literal lifesaver.”</p>
<p>Beth smiled. “Eh, I don’t know if I’d got <em>that</em> far.” She came up behind Lily and took out her wand, starting on her magic. It always amazed Lily how good her friend was with hair considering she’d sported a very low maintenance pixie cut for as long as Lily had known her. Lily watched as her red locks started to lay in gorgeous beachy waves. It wasn’t the first time Lily had wished she’d grown up in a magical home — there were so many useful household spells she was sure her peers had been brought up seeing and learning that Hogwarts deemed too nonessential to teach.</p>
<p>Then a pang of guilt struck her; her parents had been <em>perfect.</em></p>
<p>“So, you have a date?” Beth asked, though it was less of a question than a statement.</p>
<p>“I might.” Lily smiled guiltily.</p>
<p>“You nervous?” Again, not really a question.</p>
<p>Lily looked at Beth’s reflection. “Yes.”</p>
<p>“Well, don’t be. After I’m done with you, you’re gonna look even more stunning than usual.” Lily smiled into her lap as Beth turned her around and started on her makeup. “Look up.”</p>
<p>“So what about you? You’ve been awfully cheerful today.”</p>
<p>Beth finished pencilling her eyes with brown charcoal. “I’ve decided I’m going to ask a certain someone out this week. You know, for Hogsmeade.”</p>
<p>Lily risked getting her eye poked out to blurt out, “Oh Bethie! That’s great!”</p>
<p>Beth rolled her eyes. “Well, don’t celebrate yet, let’s see what she says. If I don’t lose the nerve before I even give her the chance.”</p>
<p>Lily reached for both her hands. “You won’t. And she’ll say yes, I can <em>feel </em>it.” Beth chortled at her friend’s positivity. “So who is she?”</p>
<p>Beth pulled out a mascara wand. “I can’t tell you, she’s not out yet.”</p>
<p>Lily nodded and Beth smirked. Both girls dying to spill secrets that weren’t their own to tell. Soon Lily’s expression mirrored Beth’s. “Well, this is a bit frustrating.”</p>
<p>“You’re telling me,” Beth joked, finishing her eyelashes. Both girls tittered. “What do you think?” Beth motioned towards her reflection.</p>
<p>Lily grinned. “Damn, you’re good.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, just doing my part,” Beth said shyly. She continued uncomfortably. “So Lily…”</p>
<p>Lily’s eyes narrowed, wondering where this was going. “Yes, Beth?”</p>
<p>“Um, I just…” She fumbled putting away Lily’s makeup in the small bag. “Okay, I’m just gonna say it, okay? Do you still remember the contraceptive spell?”</p>
<p>“Bethany!” Lily squealed, her jaw dropping.</p>
<p>“What? <em>I’m</em> never gonna need it, but <em>you</em> might.”</p>
<p>Lily clapped her hand over her mouth, still mortified. Since she didn’t have a witch for a mother, her friends had taken it upon themselves to pass on their respective sex talks to Lily right after they’d been given them. This included teaching her the spell that ensured she wouldn’t get pregnant. “Okay, yeah, I might need to brush up on it.”</p>
<p>“You can never be too careful… and you can do it before you go, you know, so you don’t forget.”</p>
<p>“Okay, okay, thanks <em>mum.</em>”</p>
<p>Beth smiled. “Hey, I remind, because I <em>care.</em>”</p>
<p>“I know, I know.” Lily hugged her.</p>
<p>“Besides, would kinda blow you guys’ cover if he knocked you up.”</p>
<p>Lily’s whole face reddened.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>James waited just outside the giant front doors, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible whilst still remaining somewhat noticeable for his date. It was proving to be quite the challenge.</p>
<p><em>My date. </em>James smiled, allowing himself to indulge in this ridiculously silly, whimsical feeling in his stomach. He’d never been one to waste his time on trivial pursuits (pranks were serious business), which meant he hadn’t <em>really</em> dated before. The last girl he’d hooked up with had been his coworker, and after many post-work visits to the bars, one thing had led to another… There was some ease in proximity and constant exposure. But this was different. He wanted to impress her, he wanted to create a moment she’d never forget — a moment with him.</p>
<p>He heard a rustling noise by his side. He looked up to the crystal blue sky. “Fancy going on a walk with me?” he whispered, really hoping she was actually there. <em>Hell, if she isn’t, I’m just practicing my charm for when she finally is.</em></p>
<p>A fabric-covered hand slipped into his and his worries were nipped in the bud. She squeezed his fingers. James looked down to his palm, seeing a creased letter had been passed there. ‘<em>P.P.P.S. Nice try, I have to take you out on a proper date first… make sure you don’t just want me for my rugged and manly physique,’ </em>was all that hadn’t been folded from view. He chuckled. She was cashing in on his date proposal.</p>
<p>Only when they took off toward Hagrid’s hut did Lily notice the basket he was carrying in his left hand, and her curiosity was instantly piqued. But she didn’t get to ask what was inside as they were coming up to Hagrid’s yard where the half-giant was tending to his plants.</p>
<p>“Afternoon, Hagrid!” James said conversationally. “Still all right if I borrow Chestnut?” Lily’s brows knitted: <em>Chestnut?</em></p>
<p>“Allo, James! Course! Jus’ remember wha’ I taught yeh.”</p>
<p>“Thank you, will have him back before sundown, I promise.”</p>
<p>James led an invisible Lily into the preliminary layer of the forest where there was a pen for animals. Lily gasped when her eyes landed on the creature housed there. Bright yellow orbs bore into hers. He had pristinely white feathers that transitioned to chestnut fur (<em>Chestnut, duh</em>) on a lean horse body. “Uh, James, I think he can see me.”</p>
<p>James smiled; he had missed the sound of her voice. “Really? That’s odd, but makes what we’re about to do a little safer.” He pondered his statement. “Against your discovery of course.”</p>
<p>Naturally, James couldn’t see the playfully skeptical look she tossed his way. “Chestnut is a hippogriff, right?”</p>
<p>“Yes!” James confirmed rocking onto the balls of his feet. “Thought you may get a kick out of it, considering we’re <em>Gryffin</em>dors.”</p>
<p>“Hm?” Lily wasn’t following his train of thought.</p>
<p>“Hippogriffs are descendants of griffins and mares — which is cool in and of itself, but cooler when you think about the fact that griffins usually <b>eat</b> horses. So like,” James hand was in his hair, “usually things go very differently, but there was a griffin out there that just fell in love with a horse. Even though it was kinda weird…” <em>Oh, you’re an idiot, Potter,</em> James chastised himself.</p>
<p>Lily couldn’t help but giggle. James thought he’d never heard a sound more delightful. She couldn’t help but find James’ romantic musings anything short of absolutely adorable. “So you’re comparing me to a horse?” she teased.</p>
<p>James shook his head, embarrassed. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”</p>
<p>Lily lowered her hood so she could give James a sincere kiss. “Thank you for showing me him. He’s majestic.”</p>
<p>James looked at her amused. “Showing? Dear Lily-Cakes, we’re going to fly him.”</p>
<p>Lily blanched. “What?”</p>
<p>“Oh yes, I didn’t spend all of last night earning his trust for nothing.”</p>
<p>Lily stared at him, biting the inside of her cheek. She’d practically sprung this date on him, and he’d bent over backwards to deliver. “So how exactly do we do this? Make him let us ride him, I mean?”</p>
<p>“Buy him dinner first?” James smirked, unable to help himself. Lily pointedly glared at him, but watched as he lobbed a dead rat to the hippogriff.</p>
<p>“Where’d that come from?” Lily asked while Chestnut crunched bones happily.</p>
<p>“Okay,” James continued, entering teacher mode, “first thing’s first, you’ve got to maintain eye contact. Here, throw him a rat.”</p>
<p>“Where are you <em>getting</em> these from?” Lily puzzled, uneasily holding the proffered rodent by the tail. She turned to Chestnut, making him look at her by swinging the snack in front of her face.</p>
<p>“There you go,” James encouraged.</p>
<p>Lily flung the dead animal to Chestnut who bucked up to catch it in his beak.</p>
<p>“Okay, now that he likes you — keep eye contact — bow to him.”</p>
<p>“Like a courtesy?” Lily said from the corner of her mouth.</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>Lily did as she was told, and was rewarded when he bent his own scaly front legs. Lily tried not to stare at his razor sharp talons.</p>
<p>“Good job! Brilliant!” James said bowing too. “Now we can pet him!” Lily laughed as James bounded over to the hippogriff and affectionately stroked his feathered head. It looked as though even Chestnut could not resist James’ touch. “Come ‘ere!” Lily approached: she knew she was safe with James at her side. “Feel how soft he is.”</p>
<p>Lily reached out her hand; he was right. “Hey Chestnut,” she tried to say more bravely than she felt.</p>
<p>James smiled at her. “Let me help you up. You can sit in front of his wings, and I’ll be right behind you.” He motioned for her to use his clasped hands as a step ladder.</p>
<p>She quickly stuffed his Invisibility Cloak into her inner pocket, then stepped up, swinging her leg over the hippogriff’s back. “Oh boy,” she breathed to herself as she settled in.</p>
<p>James unhooked Chestnut’s tether and reattached it to the opposite part of his collar, handing Lily the newly made rein. He picked up his basket then athletically climbed up behind her. Lily guessed being about 1.86 meters (not that she’d spent hours analyzing him in class to come up with this assessment or anything) had its perks.</p>
<p>“All right, Evans,” James snaked one arm around Lily’s stomach and rested his chin on her shoulder, “my fate is in your hands.”</p>
<p>“Well, good luck then, Potter,” she joked giving him a wry grin and pecking his cheek. She held on to the rein tightly and gave it a firm shake like she was riding a horse. Chestnut crouched down as he expanded his great wings and then pounced in the air, flapping powerfully. Lily swallowed a scream, leaning her body more tightly against the magical creature’s body. <em>This is nothing like riding a broom!</em></p>
<p>James cheered as they gained altitude, clutching on to her. She knew she was the one keeping him from falling off, yet the embrace made <em>her</em> feel safer. “All right there, Lily?” he said in her ear.</p>
<p>She looked around at the lake glistening below them and Hogwarts — beautiful, wonderful Hogwarts — becoming smaller behind them. She was riding a hippogriff, soaring high in the air with the wind blowing her hair back like she was some sort of supermodel, and she had the man of her dreams (literally) holding onto her. <em>Yeah, life’s pretty good. </em>She screamed out a “Wooo!” in response.</p>
<p>James laughed, kissing her shoulder. He pointed to a rocky cliffside in the distance. “Try to get him to fly that way!” he shouted over the rush of air.</p>
<p>Lily tugged at Chestnut’s collar and he got the hint, landing with a graceful trot on a long rock jutting out of the mountain.</p>
<p>James slid off, put down his basket and made Chestnut’s rein back into a leash he could secure to a small boulder. He reached back to help Lily dismount.</p>
<p>“That was… incredible!” Lily said, the adrenaline shaking her voice.</p>
<p>“Yeah, right?” James looked so proud of himself. “Thanks for trusting me.”</p>
<p>“Any time.” She looked away from him (with great difficulty) to take in their new view. “Wow…” She walked over to the edge of their cliff. They were on the top of the world and could see for kilometers: lakes, rivers, forests — it was absolutely breathtaking. Lily hugged herself as a crisp mountain breeze gave her a chill.</p>
<p>“Oh!” She turned to see James plunge his hand into his basket and pull out a mason jar. He pointed his wand into it and made a blue fireball hover inside. “There you go.”</p>
<p>Lily took it, feeling the heat spreading across her fingers. She looked up at James curiously.</p>
<p>James tilted his head. “What?”</p>
<p>Lily’s mouth twitched up. “Are you… real?”</p>
<p>“Huh?”</p>
<p>“This is… you thought of everything.”</p>
<p>James’ hand tousled his already ridiculously windswept hair, not sure whether to be smug or embarrassed that he was doing too much. “Well, it is a date, no?”</p>
<p>Lily stepped toward him, holding the jar in one hand and grabbing his hand with the other. “No, no, sorry, I meant this is <em>perfect. </em>I just can’t believe you’d do all of this for me,” she admitted self-consciously.</p>
<p>He traced her cheek. “Of course I did this for you.” He left out, <em>I’d do anything for you, </em>figuring it sounded far too cheesy.</p>
<p>She leaned in, pressing the flame between them as she kissed him with all of her. If their eyes had been open, they may have seen the blue fire flicker madly in time with their thumping hearts. James cupped her face, savoring the moment. When he pulled back, he noticed her nose was rosy. He loved it.</p>
<p>“Where do you want to picnic?” he whispered.</p>
<p>Lily’s eyes lit up. “Oo! There!” She pointed right to the edge of the rock.</p>
<p>“Why’d I even ask?” He smirked and started unpacking his basket. He laid out a fluffy blanket, a bottle of champagne, two glasses, and a platter of chocolate covered strawberries. He plopped himself down, leaning on one elbow and motioned for her to get her butt over to join him.</p>
<p>Lily continued to gawk at him, pleasantly dumbstruck. <em>How the fuck did I get so lucky? </em>She bit her lip.</p>
<p>“Lily…” James jokingly threatened, “you’re making me nervous here, come on!”</p>
<p>She settled next to him, putting the flame beside them to keep them warm. “You know I’ve already told you I’m in love with you, right? I mean, I guess I could fall <em>deeper, </em>is that your plan?”</p>
<p>James chuckled. “My master plan is to treat you like you deserve to be treated.” He stole her hand and pressed his lips to every knuckle. “Each,” kiss, “and,” kiss, “every day you’ll let me.”</p>
<p>Naturally, this led to another epic snog session, deterred only slightly by the bulkiness of their cloaks and sweaters. Chestnut huffed behind them and settled in for a good nap.</p>
<p>Lily bit his lip teasingly. “I’ll take some of that bubbly now, please.”</p>
<p>“Mm.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her. “As you wish.” He popped the bottle, sending the cork flying off the cliff (“Whoopsies!”), and poured them each a glass.</p>
<p>She held out her flute, pushing down the urge to make a sassy quip, and was honest: “To the best date of my life.” She gave him a shy smile.</p>
<p>James couldn’t help but curse all the dumbasses in the school who had mistreated her in the past. “To the best date of <em>my</em> life.”</p>
<p>“Hey, you can’t just copy mine!” Lily chided.</p>
<p>“Ha, fine. But it’s true.” James pondered, then raised his flute wildly. “Ah! To being the luckiest bloke in all of Britain.”</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes, loving this, and sipped. “Who knew you were such a sap?”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m the biggest sap. Don’t get me started on what happens when I see kittens. Merlin, the waterworks…”</p>
<p>Lily giggled. “I didn’t know that.” She loved finding out more of what he was really like. She took a bite out of a strawberry and James watched hungrily as she licked the juice off of her lips. “Is this Belgian chocolate?”</p>
<p>“Yes, and <em>yes, </em>I know, I’m the best, and yes, I’m a pretty awesome listener.” He winked at her.</p>
<p>Lily pushed at his shoulder. “Well, as long as it doesn’t go to your head.”</p>
<p>He pointed at his temple. “Oh, this ol’ thing? Don’t think that’s possible, it’s already as big as it’s gonna get. You see, ever since this girl I’ve liked for <em>years</em> told me she loved me, it sorta permanently swelled up.”</p>
<p>Lily studied his face. She whispered, “You liked me when you were still a student?” He’d alluded to it, but never flat-out admitted it.</p>
<p>James’ eyes wavered between her eyes and plush lips. “Yeah, of course,” he admitted softly. “I have this theory that anyone who’s near you long enough can’t help but fall in love with you.” His fingertips skimmed her neck. “You’re perfect.”</p>
<p>Lily’s eyebrows twitched. She couldn’t deal with the absurdity of this statement or the feeling exploding from her chest, taking over her lungs, her brain, fuck, even her toes. So she crawled on him instead, never having been filled with so much yearning before in her life. <em>I love this man, I love him so much it fucking hurts. </em>She kissed him like it was her last minute on earth: ardently, desperately, with every last iota of her soul.</p>
<p>When she pulled back slightly, he saw tears twinkling in her eyes. She didn’t have to say anything — he knew, because he felt the same way.</p>
<p>He gave her a lopsided grin giving her a minute to regain her breath. “So, what about you, Lils?” It was the first nickname she’d actually liked. “You secretly fancy me back then, too?”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah.” She winked. “You missed out.”</p>
<p>He motioned to her still straddling him. “Clearly.”</p>
<p>They laughed and continued to lighter topics.</p>
<p>Lily asked where he got the idea for this date and James explained how he’d read it was a good scheme to have a high-adrenaline first date as the rush tricks the mind into thinking you’re super into the other person. He smirked at her. “Whatever works.”</p>
<p>“Where’d you read that?” Lily asked thinking it sounded vaguely familiar.</p>
<p>James sheepishly had to explain how a 3rd year had left her copy of <em>Witch Weekly</em> in his class and he’d been curious, given it a gander…</p>
<p>Lily was in hysterics over James’ story of the Marauders’ first Animagus transformation and how they’d all been unaware of their need to bring backup clothes. This had resulted in three very naked teenage boys all huddled under his Invisibility Cloak as they tried not bumping into each other whilst sneaking back into the castle, with Remus howling with laughter alongside them.</p>
<p>“It’s not that funny!” James said to a shaking Lily, happy tears streaming down her face. “It was actually pretty traumatizing!”</p>
<p>“I can’t— you guys—” was all Lily was able to wheeze out.</p>
<p>James downed his glass. “Yeah, let’s just say we couldn’t look into each others’ eyes for a good two weeks.”</p>
<p>Lily broke into a new fit of giggles.</p>
<p>James also told Lily how his Cloak of Invisibility had been passed down each generation and it meant he was related to Ignotus Peverell, and this led to him animatedly explaining the Deathly Hallows to her.</p>
<p>“Hm, I should hang out with you more often; I feel myself getting smarter already.”</p>
<p>“You jest, but this is only, once again, feeding into my rather large ego.” He pulled her to him, now sitting side-by-side enjoying the glow of magic hour as it lit up their kingdom one last time before nightfall. Lily leaned into him, wishing they could stay like this forever.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, James had to keep his word to the gamekeeper. They flew back, this time with James in front and Lily squeezing the life out of him from behind.</p>
<p>After giving Chestnut a few more rats (Lily had given up on trying to find their origin) and James thanking Hagrid, they walked back to the castle merrily. Lily was undetectable once more and silently thanked the unnaturally sunny previous Wednesday that had melted the lawn’s fine layer of snow.</p>
<p>They entered the safety of his classroom before she removed his cloak. She looked up at him expectantly as he closed the door and turned back to her.</p>
<p>He played with both her hands in his, focusing on them, rubbing soothing circles with his thumbs. “I had the best time today, Lily.” He swallowed thickly. His eyes snapped up to hers and she felt her breath catch. “Um, would you—” he let out a small tense laugh to himself. “Do you want to come in?”</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said, hopefully not sounding as eager as she really was.</p>
<p>“Okay.” He smiled. <em>Aw, he’s nervous too…</em></p>
<p>He pulled her into his room. The reality of the situation sank in for Lily, and her stomach erupted with butterflies. It was them. Alone. In his bedroom.</p>
<p>James waved his wand and all the candles around the room flickered on wildly; it was already pretty damn romantic.</p>
<p>“You’re trembling...” James breathed as he stepped in front of her, taking her hands into his own again. “We don’t have to—“</p>
<p>She stood on her tippy-toes and kissed him firmly. “I want to.” And she did. She wasn’t sure she’d ever wanted to do anything more badly. “I’m just a little nervous.” Her eyes fixated on his, unable to let go.</p>
<p>“I’ll never hurt you.” She knew he meant it.</p>
<p>Her cloak fell to the floor, and soon sweaters, pants, and underwear followed until it was just them, naked, emerald still glued to hazel.</p>
<p>He bent down to kiss her again slowly and led them to his bed. When the back of her knees hit the mattress, she allowed herself to fall gracefully onto it, James coming along with her.</p>
<p>He hovered above her, still drinking in her face. “Lily Evans, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” The reverence seeped from his words, and Lily didn’t know what to do with it, so she leaned up to kiss him again, her anxiety quelling a little bit more every time she felt his lips on hers.</p>
<p>He trailed his mouth down the planes of her neck as his hand came up to her breasts, his fingers oh-so-finely tracing circles around them. Lily moaned ever so slightly, never having had the skin there be touched by another. His tender caresses were already driving her mad and they were only just beginning.</p>
<p>His kisses dipped lower until his mouth met where his slow, tantalizing fingers were lighting her skin on fire. “Your tits are fucking perfect,” he let out, as his palm finally closed around them, reveling in how they fit in his large hands.</p>
<p>Lily didn’t have time to think, because he brought his mouth to a nipple and flicked it with his tongue while watching her face. She inhaled sharply by the unexpected heat and brought her hands up into his jet black hair. He smiled as he took more of her breast in his mouth, dragging his teeth along the delicate skin.</p>
<p>Lily squirmed against him wondering what the hell she’d done in a past life to deserve this one. She let out another small moan and he kissed the other breast for the first time, his hand slowly kneading her. “James...”</p>
<p>But James was on a mission. He worked his way down her body, running his fingertips down her legs as he settled himself between them.</p>
<p>Lily’s mind went into overdrive as he kissed the inside of her thighs wantonly. <em>Oh shit, what if I have weird labia? What if I’m not wet enough? What if I’m </em>too<em> wet? What if I smell? What if —</em></p>
<p>He kissed her where only her fingers had ever explored before and her mind, along with her pesky thoughts, exploded. “<em>Fuck</em>...” she breathed, looking down at him as he started sucking on her clit and her body came alive around him. His eyes were studying her, making sure that he could see every feeling she was experiencing for the first time, eating her out. He didn’t want to miss a goddamn moment, and honestly considered investing in a Pensieve so he could watch her face like this over... and over... and over.</p>
<p>Lily didn’t think as long as she lived, she would ever be able to forget the image of James Potter with his mouth at her core while his strong hands were wrapped around her thighs, holding her open to him. Every single thing he was doing to her body was the best thing she’d ever felt before.</p>
<p>His mouth stopped and he climbed back on top of her giving her another searing kiss. “You doing okay?” he asked as they broke away.</p>
<p>“Never better,” she muttered lightheadedly, making him smile.</p>
<p>He brought two fingers from his right hand into his mouth, and before Lily had time to wonder why, they were back down, sliding their way along her clit.</p>
<p>Lily rolled her body as his fingers stalled just before her entrance. “James...” she pleaded.</p>
<p>James’ eyes oscillated between hers and then brought his full lips back to her, capturing her moan as he slipped a single finger inside of her.</p>
<p>Her hips buckled in time with his movements, her spine arched, and she flung her head back — breaking the kiss — when he added another finger. “Oh <em>fuck</em>...”</p>
<p>While Lily’s eyes were sealed shut, James made his way to her apex again, so he could tongue her with renewed vigor. Lily lost herself completely almost right away, crying out as her orgasm ripped through her body.</p>
<p>When she came to, James was smiling at her proudly. She tried to catch her breath.</p>
<p>“What are you smiling about?”</p>
<p>“Oh nothing. The sexiest witch in the world just came so magnificently in my bed that she probably woke up the whole castle, that’s all,” he said mischievously.</p>
<p>Lily’s brought her palm up to her face, “Oh no, sorry!”</p>
<p>James tilted his head at her. “Please don’t apologize for the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my very lucky life.”</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes, living for it.</p>
<p>“It’s my fault, I should have remembered to do a silencing spell,” James grabbed his wand and flicked it toward the door. “If anyone heard anything, they probably just thought it was Peeves.”</p>
<p>Lily slapped his chest. “I do <em>not</em> sound like Peeves!”</p>
<p>He laughed and put his arms around her to kiss her. When they broke away, he propped himself up on his elbow, playing with her hair. “We can stop now if you want. Give you time to recuperate.”</p>
<p><em>Ha. Only James Potter would give me the best orgasm of my life and then expect nothing in return while he’s... </em>Lily suddenly became very aware that not only was she naked, as she had now been so many times in his glorious presence, but <em>he</em> was naked... with all her nerves and self-consciousness, she hadn’t yet allowed herself to get a proper look down there.</p>
<p><em>Good Merlin, come </em><b><em>on</em></b><em>!!!</em> No wonder the guy had been a cocky youth, his body was absolutely bloody <em>fantastic</em>!</p>
<p>Lily heard James chuckle, snapping her gaze back to him, <em>well</em>, his face. She realized her mouth was still agape and hurriedly closed it.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” she said embarrassed.</p>
<p>James brought his fingers under her chin smiling down at her devilishly. “For having been caught staring at my cock? Lily, I’m starting to think you may not know what ‘sorry’ means,” he teased, kissing her.</p>
<p>Her cheeks still burning, she brought her hand down, skimming his abs because <em>bloody hell</em>, she wanted to touch those too. James gasped as her thin fingers reached their intended destination. Lily was surprised by how smooth and soft his skin was there as she tentatively rubbed her hand back and forth over his member. It was his turn to writhe under her movements and she loved the power she felt. <em>He’s moaning because of my touch... he’s moaning to </em><b><em>me</em></b><em>.</em></p>
<p>James had to break away from their hungry kiss after a few minutes and grabbed her wrist, stalling her. “Lily,” he swallowed, “if you keep going, I’m gonna come.”</p>
<p>Lily smiled, only vaguely aware that this was probably a weird thing to be proud of. “Can you come in me?”</p>
<p>James dropped his forehead onto her shoulder groaning. “Ugh, how are you already a sex goddess your first time in?”</p>
<p>Lily giggled then grew more serious. “Well, <em>technically</em> my first time hasn’t started... yet.” Her green eyes burned for him and James was a slave to their desire.</p>
<p>He took a moment to look at her swollen lips, the glow of her cheeks, appreciate the way her perfect body was wrapped up in his.</p>
<p>“As you wish,” he told her softly as he climbed back over her, positioning himself between her legs. He looked deep into her eyes. “I love you,” he stated simply.</p>
<p>Lily braced her hands against his flexing biceps currently hovering his weight over her. She kissed the slight stubble up his sharp jawline as she felt his cock pressing lightly at her entrance. She rested her head against the pillows and stared at him, letting his devoted gaze distract her from the small pang of trepidation nestled in her gut for what was about to happen. “I love you, too.”</p>
<p>He took his cue and pushed into her, causing her to wince and her nails to dig into his skin. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he muttered, brushing kisses across her closed eyelids.</p>
<p>But the pain subsided as fast as it had come on, and Lily felt her body accommodating his.</p>
<p>He was still feathering kisses over her face when she let out a huge smile. <em>I’m </em>fucking<em> James Potter...</em></p>
<p>“What are you smiling at?” he asked amused.</p>
<p>Lily experimentally flexed her hips, causing James to hiss. “Is a girl not allowed to enjoy a good romp?”</p>
<p>James laughed as he slowly started moving himself in and out of her body. Soon the air became thick with moans as their hips collided rhythmically, each thrust feeling better than the one before it.</p>
<p>James attacked her neck with his tongue as she racked her fingernails down his spine, trying to push his body deeper and deeper into hers. She was being blinded by pleasure and running on pure instinct alone.</p>
<p>His hand traced up left calf slowly and then spun them over so she was suddenly on top of him. He grinned impishly as he took in the new view. He’s hands gripped at her hips as he purred, “Gorgeous, Evans.”</p>
<p>She leaned down to kiss him, but stopped halfway there to gasp, a ripple of ecstasy coursing through her at the movement. “<em>Oh that felt good,</em>” she rushed out in one breath.</p>
<p>James’ smirk intensified tenfold. “Then don’t stop doing it...” His hands on her hips moved her encouragingly.</p>
<p>She did as he commanded and began to rock her lower half over his, absolutely loving the friction she felt building within her. She moved faster and faster, clamping her eyes shut and tossing back her hair as she chased her climax. Her hands pawed at his abs, but her mind was going black, shutting down all her senses to focus on the <em>feel</em> of him inside of her.</p>
<p>James was trying to hold on, wanting to look at her face but unsure if he could watch her satisfaction without coming undone himself. His left hand came up to her breasts to hold them in place and prevent too much painful jiggle and his right thumb found Lily’s clit, trying to help Lily fall over the edge.</p>
<p>It worked. Lily’s knees clamped around him as she cried out, coming majestically on top of him. She wildly grabbed for his hand on her chest, using it to make sure she didn’t float off into the heavens with her poor, wasted mind. Her hips bucked a couple more strokes and she opened her eyes slowly just in time to see James’ shut, his lips parted gently as he let out a grunt of his own, clenching.</p>
<p><em>Fuck. Me. </em>Lily thought as she watched her boyfriend — <em>can I really call him that? — </em>come inside of her. She wondered how she could possibly have gone nearly 18 years of her life without.... <em>this</em>.</p>
<p>She was sitting upright on him now, lightly tracing her fingernails over his taunt, exhausted body as she tried to catch her breath. Her fingers bobbed over each ab as his panting slowed. She was <em>obsessed</em>.</p>
<p>“That.... was fucking amazing,” James sighed. Filling up with pride, Lily’s heart contracted at the words, or maybe it was her vagina. “Oh shit, don’t get me started again,” he said propping himself to his elbows.</p>
<p>Lily looked at him shocked. “You can feel that?”</p>
<p>James regarded her quizzically, lounging in his bed looking like a model — <em>who’s still inside of you, </em>her thoughts tacked on. “Can I feel when you squeeze me? <b><em>Yeah</em></b>!”</p>
<p>Lily did another kegel, giggling at his response. “This is fun.”</p>
<p>James reached over and pulled her down to lay on her side next to him. “Come here, you little minx, you.”</p>
<p>Lily laughed and he beamed at her, pushing some hair off her face.</p>
<p>“You really are incredible... you know that, right?” he asked, looking at her captivated.</p>
<p>Lily nuzzled into him shaking her head. “You lied to me.”</p>
<p>James chin snapped back, “About what?”</p>
<p>Lily’s eyes twinkled. “You said no one’s first time was that good.”</p>
<p>James chuckled. “Yeah... sorry?”</p>
<p>Lily laughed as he pulled her in close, kissing the top of her head.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Trouble in Paradise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lily exited the Transfiguration classroom Sunday morning in a complete love-drunk stupor. When a 1st year ran into her near the Great Hall, she let out a quick apology and didn’t even notice the poor boy’s shocked expression at having encountered a somehow solid disembodied voice.</p>
<p>After seeing it was empty, Lily pulled off James’ cloak in the Owlery, ready to ask Venus to take it back to his window. He had mentioned how he would use the cloak to spend his weekends unbothered by overeager students, and she felt bad taking that away from him. Especially on such a fine Sunday as today… <em>because it really is just such a wonderful day today, isn’t it?</em> Lily floated to the Fat Lady and traipsed into her dormitory. Her smile was the size of London. Dorcas and Beth’s heads whipped to her as she sauntered in and fell to her bed.</p>
<p>“Good morning, ladies,” Lily exclaimed airily.</p>
<p>A second later, the girls had descended upon her mattress. “You <em>didn’t…</em>”</p>
<p>Lily pressed her lips together conspiratorially. “Maybe… I did?”</p>
<p>“Eek!” Dorcas cried pulling Lily into a rib-shattering hug. “This is so exciting! Okay, now just so you know, it gets <em>loads </em>better, the first few times are <em>rough,</em> but after the guy can get a grip on himself and realize there’s another person involved, it will—”</p>
<p>“Hm.” Beth cleared her throat loudly to interrupt her.</p>
<p>“What? It’s true. You haven’t had sex.”</p>
<p>“Dor, read her face.”</p>
<p>Dorcas looked back at Lily who was now biting her lip to fight back the biggest shit-eating grin ever. Dorcas went from confused to comically shocked. “No!”</p>
<p>“<em>Yes</em>.”</p>
<p>“He made you <em>come?</em>” Lily clapped her hands up to hide her smile. Dorcas struggled to pull them away. “Your <em>first </em>time? Who <em>is</em> this sorcerer?!”</p>
<p>Lily couldn’t help her giggles. “Oh yeah. Twice last night and once this morning.”</p>
<p>“ARE YOU SERIOUS?!” Lily wasn’t sure if Dorcas would ever recover from this news.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>James hadn’t planned on having sex again that morning. They’d woken up so blissfully, and the sun shone so beautifully on her bare body as he took in every peak and valley... And he’d kissed her sweetly enough to make her release a sultry groan through her sleepy haze. But then she’d leaned into him in just the right way, and their embrace had gotten more and more steamy until she was pushing herself on top of him. And, honestly, who was he to ever say no to Lily Evans? He’d learnt the hard way that doing <em>that </em>was futile.</p>
<p>She had told him afterwards that she was going to tell her friends that she was having sex, because they’d figure it out, but she had told them they couldn’t know with whom until after graduation. He agreed they’d find out then anyway when they were able to take their relationship public.</p>
<p><em>Public. </em>Lily had really liked the sound of that.</p>
<p>Once alone, James pulled out his two-way mirror and said, “Sirius Black.”</p>
<p>Sirius appeared in what James recognized as his kitchen back home. He took one look at James’ face — the grin he couldn’t suppress, the crazier than usual hair — and knew. “You mugglefucker,” Sirius said chuckling. It was the Marauders’ favorite swear word for each other. They had heard the wannabe Death Eaters trying it out as an insult and decided to commandeer it, for it had such a nice jingle. By the time they’d left school, all students used it as a term of endearment — much to the chagrin of their more evil peers.</p>
<p>“What?” James tried saying innocently. It was undermined by the fact that his smile had grown wider.</p>
<p>“You guys shagged, didn’t you?”</p>
<p>James ran his fingers through his hair, trying to tame it a little bit. “A gentleman never kisses and tells.”</p>
<p>“Well, you’re no gentleman and even if you were, <em>big if,</em> that would be patently false because you told me <b>all about </b>your first kiss. And your second. You know, I could probably recount <em>all</em> of your snogs as well as you could,” Sirius teased.</p>
<p>“Shut up—“</p>
<p>“But that means: you guys totally did, you dirty dog!” Sirius punched the air victoriously. “I finally can call you that!”</p>
<p>James rolled his eyes. “You <em>cannot</em> call me that, because it was romantic and <em>perfect</em>.”</p>
<p>“Oh shit. You <em>are</em> going to tell me all about it, aren’t you?” Sirius feigned fear.</p>
<p>James heavily considered tossing the mirror with his best friend’s face in it out the window. He looked over to said window, seeing Venus comically struggling with a large parcel twice her size. “Hold on one second.”</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Once Dorcas had been able to pick her jaw up off of the floor, she, Lily, and Beth headed down to the Great Hall for some brunch.</p>
<p>“Okay, but like… how big?” Dorcas asked still obsessing over details as they settled into their benches.</p>
<p>Lily looked back at her faux-scandalized. “I’m not answering that.”</p>
<p>“Oh, so it’s small?” Dorcas made a face. “Yeah, Patrick’s is too.”</p>
<p>“No!” Lily didn’t know why she felt the need to defend James’ manhood. “I just… it’s not like I brought a measuring tape to bed.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but you can guestimate,” Dorcas said, motioning with her hands as an example.</p>
<p>Beth laughed while Lily slapped her friend’s hands down, looking around to make sure no one had seen. James wasn’t there yet. “Stop! Okay, fine, it’s,” her eyes scanned the table, “actually, a little shorter than your wand.” Lily felt her cheeks burn.</p>
<p>Dorcas held up her long wand between them looking at it scandalized. “Are you… OH MY MERLIN!” The three girls broke into a laughing fit once more.</p>
<p>A cold voice behind Lily snapped them out of it. “Lily, here are eight write-ups from my rounds <em>last night,</em>” Snape said, unceremoniously dumping them in front of her.</p>
<p>Lily twisted her body to look at his sneering face. “Sev, it’s Sunday. This can wait till our meeting, no?”</p>
<p>“No,” Snape said firmly. “I want to discuss it, <em>now. </em>You are the Head Girl, are you not?”</p>
<p>Lily sighed at the jab. “Okay, well, would you like to take a seat?”</p>
<p>“Head Office. Come.” He turned on his heel and walked towards the doors.</p>
<p>Beth and Dorcas gave her a look that said, ‘What’s that about?’ but Lily had no idea. She picked up his reports and got up to follow him. “Hopefully this doesn’t take too long. I’m starved.”</p>
<p>“I bet you are,” Dorcas said winking.</p>
<p>Lily grabbed an apple and stuck her tongue out at her.</p>
<p>As she caught up to Snape, James entered the Hall. She tried to keep her head down as she passed him, knowing her face would light up if they made eye contact, but his little nod and a, “Miss Evans,” threw her attempt at discretion to the wind. She was still blushing when she reached a very irate Snape.</p>
<p>His jaw was clenched tightly. “Come on.”</p>
<p>“Lead the way,” Lily sighed dramatically. They trudged to the Head Office in silence and Lily plopped into her chair flipping through the papers when they got there. “Sev, I don’t see what’s so urgent—“</p>
<p>He slammed the door shut. “I know.”</p>
<p>Lily’s blood ran cold as she felt paralyzed by his beetle eyes. She hastily broke free to pretend to read a report. “Know what?”</p>
<p>Snape stalked towards her and put both his palms on the desk in front of her, bending over menacingly. “I know about you and <em>Potter.</em>”</p>
<p><em>Oh fuck. </em>Lily’s heart stopped and her mind started racing into overdrive. <em>It’s too late for this to be from Bellatrix… So how? We used the cloak? What does he know? Maybe this is a trick to get me to confess to a hunch? What the fuck do I say? Deny it! </em>She kept her voice as calm as she could given the circumstances. “What about Professor Potter and I?”</p>
<p>Snape leaned in closer and his nails scratched inward across the wood. “You’re <em>fucking</em> him.”</p>
<p><em>He can’t know that. He can</em><b><em>not</em></b><em> know that. </em>She willed herself to return his hateful stare. “That’s absurd.”</p>
<p>Snape looked like he was about to lose it. “Don’t lie to me! I <em>saw </em>you.”</p>
<p>“What?” Lily asked, fear creeping into her voice. <em>How?!</em></p>
<p>“Last night. On rounds. I saw that joke of a professor <em>strutting</em> in from the gardens like he owned the place, and then I saw you.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t—”</p>
<p>“Right before he shut the door, you appeared.” Lily’s face froze with her lips still mouthing her rebuttal. “Next time, maybe wait till the door is actually closed before you let your guard down.”</p>
<p><em>Oh fuck, fuck, fucking fuck. </em>“Okay, so you saw me getting help with Transfiguration. Big deal.”</p>
<p>Snape’s face cracked into a calculated smile, knowing he was about to go in for the kill. “Do you often study with the door locked?” <em>Fuck, he’s creepy. </em>“I didn’t believe Bellatrix when she told anyone who would listen that she thought you were shacking up with Potter, the bitch is crazy, but then I <em>saw</em> you with him in the cemetery over Christmas, and you <em>kissed him—</em>”</p>
<p>“You followed me to my parents’ graves?!” Lily shrieked.</p>
<p>“I was far away, I couldn’t be certain it was him,” Snape was on a warpath, unwilling to be derailed. “I mean, no one could be so <em>stupid</em> as to shag their washed up prat of a professor, right?” Lily’s nostrils flared as he paused, but it only encouraged him. “So I watched you. I watched as you <em>pathetically </em>batted your eyes at him in class and would blush every time he said your name. You fucking blushed when he passed you just now. You wear your heart on your sleeve like a <em>fool</em>.” His lips curled. “And then last night… the door was locked Lily. So I waited.” <em>Oh no, oh no nono… </em>“And I heard you moan for him like the little Mudblood whore that you are.” Lily drew in a sharp breath, unable to look away. <em>They’d forgotten to do the muffling spell right away, they’d been too in the moment. How </em><b><em>dare</em></b><em> he try to ruin the memory?</em> “Let me guess. He told you he <em>loved </em>you? Is that how he bedded you? Was it that <em>easy</em> for him?”</p>
<p>Lily sat frozen, concentrating everything she had on trying not to throw up and keeping her hands from shaking. A single tear rolled down her face. “What do you want?” she whispered. <em>He is ruining </em><em>everything</em><em>.</em></p>
<p>Snape’s smile widened, and somehow it further distorted his greasy features. “I haven’t decided yet.” Lily swallowed. “I’ll let you know when I do.” He whipped his robes around as he went and yanked the door open. He stalled for a second. “Just so you know, this means I own you now.” Then he was gone with a slam of the door.</p>
<p>Lily shuddered at his words and sobbed into her hands, wondering what on earth she was supposed to do. One angry Slytherin’s rumors, her reputation could handle. It had happened before, and she’d made it out unscathed. But it was different now: Benjy had happened. She’d done nothing but kiss the git once and her good name was still in tatters. <em>Why the fuck did I ever antagonized him…</em></p>
<p>And <em>James</em>. She had to think about James.</p>
<p>Lily spent the rest of her Sunday hiding in the Head Office switching between trying to figure a way out of this mess to cursing the day Severus was born to crying until her ducts ran dry. She couldn’t believe how amazing the day had started only to be squandered like this. She had no idea how to protect James from the fallout.</p>
<p>She was going to ruin his life.</p>
<p>She wanted to go tell him, to warn him about what was coming. But how do you tell the man you love his life is over? How do you tell him that he’s about to be sacked and disgraced within the magical community forever? Plus, she didn’t think sulking outside his classroom waiting for him to come out or in would be a good look right now.</p>
<p>That night, Lily actually did sleep in the Head Office.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“Lily, are you okay?” Beth asked at breakfast Monday morning. “You look…”</p>
<p>“Like shite,” Dorcas finished.</p>
<p>Beth glared at her, then continued to Lily, “When you didn’t come back, we assumed you went to see your boyfriend. Did something happen?”</p>
<p>Lily looked at the food in front of her. <em>When was the last time I ate? </em>Lily wasn’t hungry. “Yes, but not with him.”</p>
<p>Beth and Dorcas looked confused. “Then who?”</p>
<p>She needed to tell someone. “Snape.”</p>
<p>“What that git do now?” Dorcas asked, picking at her eggs.</p>
<p>“He told me he knows who I’m sleeping with and that he owns me now.” Lily felt just as dead inside as she looked.</p>
<p>“WHAT?!” Beth and Dorcas exclaimed in unison, bending in towards her.</p>
<p>“He knows, and he’s going to tell Dumbledore unless I do what he says, and—” Lily had to break off to keep from crying. Here was far too public. The worst part was she couldn’t even look at James right now, too afraid it would be too much for her sadness and for raising suspicion.</p>
<p>Beth grabbed one of her hands. “Okay, we’re gonna solve this. What can we do?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think we can.” Lily sounded so defeated. “I don’t know what he wants from me.” Dorcas and Beth looked at each other darkly: they did.</p>
<p>Dorcas leaned into her. “Look. He can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do,” she said steadfastly. “Don’t give him that power.” She looked at Lily confused. “I mean, I know you’re protecting your mystery bloke for some reason, but it can’t be worth this.”</p>
<p>But he was. <em>James is worth it. </em>Beth shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “I don’t know what to do,” Lily confessed.</p>
<p>Dorcas put her hand on Lily’s. “Lily—”</p>
<p>“Are you ready for class?” Snape drawled behind her. Lily chanced a glance at the Slytherin table and saw a handful of angry eyes glaring in their direction; they were clearly also not thrilled with the scene unfolding.</p>
<p>Dorcas jumped in before Lily could answer. “Fuck off, Snape.”</p>
<p>Snape’s eyes widened slightly. “Is that so? Lily, do you wish for me to ‘fuck off?’ The headmaster is right there, perhaps you’d like to accompany me to have a word with him?”</p>
<p>She hated the sound of his voice so much. Despite herself, her gaze quickly pulsed toward the teachers table. Only James seemed to notice something was going horribly wrong. “No!” Lily cried a little too loudly. “No. I’ll go to class with you.” She jumped to her feet.</p>
<p>Dorcas went to grab her wrist. “Lily,” she said firmly, trying to make her friend look at her.</p>
<p>“I’m fine, I’ll see you there,” Lily whispered to the floor. She needed time to think. Sure, she’d done that all of yesterday to no avail, but there had to be a solution here that didn’t involve becoming Snape’s pet.</p>
<p>All she knew was she didn’t know how much longer she could take Snape’s smug, gloating smile. “Glad you came to your senses.”</p>
<p>Lily looked back at his ‘friends’ as they left the Great Hall, Lily feeling like his prisoner. “Meanwhile you’ve lost yours. How are you going to explain hanging out with me to all your Death Eater buddies?” Snape didn’t answer, but she saw his expression falter. Lily dug in further. “They hardly tolerated it when we were children, what makes you think they’ll allow it now?”</p>
<p>“Let me worry about them,” Snape snapped.</p>
<p>“You haven’t even thought of that, have you?” Lily rounded on him as soon as they entered the empty classroom. “Sev, even if I wanted to hang out with you again, you know, minus you <em>blackmailing </em>me into it, they’d <b>kill</b> you.”</p>
<p>“They wouldn’t kill me, Lily,” Snape answered frustrated. “I’m a grown man, I can protect us from them.”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah?” Lily pushed. “Then why do you look so scared?”</p>
<p>Dorcas stormed into the room, looking primed for a fight. “Stay the fuck away from her!”</p>
<p>“Dor—”</p>
<p>“Stay out of matters you don’t understand, little girl,” Snape simmered.</p>
<p>Dorcas spun to Lily. “Did he just call me <em>little?!</em>”</p>
<p>Before anyone could respond, James strolled into his classroom looking at Lily anxiously. Seeing her for the first time in a day, nearly crying with this arsehole was not exactly how he wanted to start off his Monday. He hadn’t searched her out last night, figuring he couldn’t just <em>completely</em> monopolize her time, but he regretted that choice now. “What’s going on here?”</p>
<p>Snape’s hands curled into fists at his sides.</p>
<p>Dorcas took the tense silence as an opportunity to bud in. “Snape’s threatening Lily to hang out with him like some pathetic little weasel.”</p>
<p>“Shut <em>up,</em>” Snape said brutishly, his glare never leaving James.</p>
<p>“Nope, no can do, I haven’t finished telling you how <em>pitiful</em> it is that just because you don’t like Lily’s new boyfriend you feel like you can just…” Dorcas trailed off as she suddenly pieced together what was happening. Snape’s murderous look to Potter, Potter’s deer in headlights look to Lily, and Lily mouthing ‘I’m sorry’ back to him. “Oh,” she gasped quietly.</p>
<p>“Miss Meadows,” James said as calmly as he could. “Would you please stay outside the door and tell everyone class is cancelled and that I’ll send out study guides for Wednesday’s test instead?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Dorcas said still shocked, but walked out and shut the door behind her anyway.</p>
<p>James cast a silencing spell and racked both his hands through his hair.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, James,” Lily pleaded making to reach out to him, but Snape tried to pull her back, resulting in her jerking his grip on her off violently.</p>
<p>“Don’t touch her,” James bellowed, his eyes turning steely.</p>
<p>“He’s been following us.” Lily said once she’d yanked herself free, needing James to know right away that this mess wasn’t her fault. Her words turned his attention back to her. “He saw us at my parents’ graves.”</p>
<p>“And…” Snape taunted behind her.</p>
<p>“And he saw me in here Saturday night,” she whispered.</p>
<p>James looked back over her head, disgusted by the boy he saw. “You’ve been stalking her?”</p>
<p>“Oh, is that really what we’re going to talk about?”</p>
<p>“What do you want to talk about, <em>Snivellus</em>?” Lily put her hand to James’ chest to push him back, never having seen this furious side of him in person.</p>
<p>“How about the fact that you’re fucking a <em>student, </em>Potter?” Snape looked like he was turning yellow.</p>
<p>“You’re out of line.” Lily felt almost frightened by the raw anger in his voice.</p>
<p>“I’m going to get you fired!” Snape said shrilly. He clearly wasn’t used to having emotional arguments a lot.</p>
<p>Lily spun around to face her former friend, unconsciously shielding James with her body. “Sev, don’t.” Snape’s eyes remained unwaveringly on James, his wand twitching at his side. “Sev,” Lily pleaded, willing him to look at her, “<em>please,</em>” it finally worked, “I’ve never asked you for anything. <em>Don’t do this.</em>” Her voice wobbled.</p>
<p>“He’s taking advantage of you, Lily. How can you not <em>see</em> that?!”</p>
<p>“He’s not,” Lily said simply.</p>
<p>“Well, just because you can’t tell what’s best for you, doesn’t mean I can’t—“</p>
<p>“Are you fucking—” Lily cut herself off, squeezing the bridge of her nose. She was really fucking over the men in her life trying to make decisions for her. “You know what? <b>No.</b> <em>Neither </em>of you get to decide what’s <em>best for me</em>, do you hear me?”</p>
<p>“Wha—” James huffed, not getting how he was getting dragged into this.</p>
<p>“Neither of you. I’m a fucking adult, and <em>I </em>get to choose who I hang out with, <em>and date.</em>” Her fear and sadness had mutated into indignant rage. She had a hunch it had something to do with feeling stronger now that she was back with James by her side. Sure, he could piss her off plenty, but they were a team now, a unit. And a pack is always safer than a lone wolf.</p>
<p>Snape sputtered, unsure of how he’d lost the upper hand in this fight.</p>
<p>“If you have any decency, <em>any </em>at all, you won’t blackmail me into hanging out with you. That’s not friendship.”</p>
<p>Snape looked out the window, actually looking a little ashamed when his manipulation was put so bluntly. “Fine, I can’t make you be my friend again, but I can get rid of <em>him.</em>” He went back to shooting daggers. “He is, after all, now a threat to students.”</p>
<p>James snorted. “Fine. Get me fired. I have enough money that I never need to work another day in my life,” he stated matter-of-factly. He took a step towards Snape, his eyes flashing dangerously. “The only person you’ll truly hurt here is the person you claim to care about.”</p>
<p>Snape took a stumble backwards. “That’s not true—”</p>
<p>“You’re delusional if you don’t think the rumors will eat her alive. She’d have a hard time finding a job outta school too.”</p>
<p>Lily let out a heavy exhale in front of him. <em>It’s true. </em>She realized thoughts like these were the reason James had fought being with her for as long as he had.</p>
<p>The younger man’s eyes flickered between them enraged. “You can’t get away with this.”</p>
<p>“Sev—“ Lily tried.</p>
<p>“No!” Snape’s wheels were spinning. “You have to break up.”</p>
<p>“What?” Lily gaped at him, not believing his envy could make him so petty. James just stared at him as if made of stone.</p>
<p>“You heard me. You can’t see each other any more. It’s either that or I tell Dumbledore.”</p>
<p><em>This cunty, jealous asshole! </em>“No—”</p>
<p>“Done.”</p>
<p>Lily’s body froze at James’ word behind her. <em>Done? What does he fucking mean, done? </em>In front of her, Snape was now looking at her with his all too familiar, ‘I told you so’ look.</p>
<p>She spun around. “James?” she breathed, searching his face for any sort of sign they were playing Snape — together.</p>
<p>“Lily,” he said softly. “I can’t risk having him expose us. I wasn’t kidding, it’ll hurt you more.”</p>
<p>Her emerald eyes clouded with tears, imploring his to tell her this wasn’t real. “James.” <em>Don’t do this to me, don’t you fucking do this to me again…</em></p>
<p>He reached out for her hands, but Snape tutted. “No more touching her either.” James looked like he was ready to murder the greaseball with his bare hands.</p>
<p>Lily’s facade was crumbling as her heart broke. “Please,” she begged. James’ molten eyes came back to hers. ‘I love you,’ she mouthed as her tears trickled down her face. <em>Please love me back, please don’t let go.</em></p>
<p>James’ brows furrowed, and his arms twitched like he was actively fighting the urge to embrace her. The gold specks in his irises were dull now, looking more like dirt than their usual starlike appearance. He swallowed difficultly.</p>
<p><em>Say something, say something, </em><b><em>say something please…</em></b> But he didn’t. Lily felt as though she’d been hit by a freight train, clutching her own arms in some vain attempt for comfort. She had to get out of this room; it had no air.</p>
<p>“Come on Lily, let’s go,” Snape said, coming over to her.</p>
<p>“Stay the fuck away from me,” Lily spat. She looked over to James, never having felt more betrayed in her life. “Both of you.”</p>
<p>Lily ran out the door, with Snape chasing after her.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Lily lost Snape between the fourth and fifth floors, sprinting like she never had before. Suddenly, an invisible arm pulled her behind a tapestry into an alcove she’d never known about until now. Before she had a chance to scream, a hand slipped over her mouth as she felt a silky fabric enclosing around her, putting her flush against James.</p>
<p>“Sh, Lily, it’s me.”</p>
<p>She bit him.</p>
<p>“Ow, what the fuck,” James cried out, pulling his finger back to inspect it.</p>
<p>Before she could even think about it, Lily rained her fists down onto James’ chest, hitting him with all her might. “You. Just. Told. Me. You. <em>Loved me!</em>” she yelled between punches.</p>
<p>James captured her wrists, bringing them to the sides of her head against the wall he was currently pushing her up against. “Lily, I <em>do </em>love you, I would never lie about that,” he whispered earnestly.</p>
<p>“Then what the <em>fuck was that</em>?!” she cried, losing it.</p>
<p>“Lily,” he breathed adoringly, “I was acting. I had to go along with his little temper tantrum. I thought you’d get that.” Lily’s outburst died in his arms. “For a second I thought you were just an <em>insane </em>actress as well, but I had to make sure you knew.”</p>
<p>“Knew what?” Lily slumped against the wall, thoroughly exhausted from the lack of sleep, lack of food, the emotional toll of being blackmailed, fake-dumped, all of it.</p>
<p>James moved his hands to cradle her jaw, forcing her to look up at him. “That this weekend was <em>real. </em>That I meant every word I said. And that I do <em>love </em>you.” He rubbed his nose against hers. “The only lie I told was in my classroom right now. We’ll just have to be more discreet from now on. Nothing’s changed.”</p>
<p>Lily let out a deep sigh of relief, still reeling from everything that had just happened. She nudged her lips to skim against his. “So you didn’t just drop me?” She felt sort of like an idiot for doubting him. Then again, he was her first real boyfriend, so she guessed she could cut herself some slack for jumping to the worst conclusion.</p>
<p>James licked his lips, in turn moistening hers hovering right next to him. “No… I could never. I haven’t pined after you for this long to run at the first sign of trouble.”</p>
<p>She whimpered, not quite understanding how she could be this horny right now. Reassurance felt <em>good</em>. “And you still want to be with me?”</p>
<p>James sighed, tickling Lily with his breath right up against her skin. “Of course, as long as you’ll have me.”</p>
<p>“Don’t ever act around me again, James Potter…” she warned as she bit his lower lip and tugged it back slightly.</p>
<p>James smirked, his eyes glazing over with desire. “No promises. I’m gonna have to act a lot around you to not get fired in the coming months.”</p>
<p>Lily growled as she pushed her pelvis into his. “Fine.” Their mouths collided, claiming each other in a thirsty embrace as her hands pulled the hair on the back of his head and his pressed her as close to his body as humanly possible. His tongue made her lose her mind as she slowly forgot about the heartache she’d just experienced — probably just as he intended. As his dangerous lips traveled down the hollow of her neck, she held on to her sanity for a second longer. “Don’t you ever do that to me again, Potter, or I swear to…” But her words trailed off as his hands found her breasts and tweaked both her nipples, turning her threat into a low moan.</p>
<p>“We really shouldn’t do this here,” he murmured whilst wearing the naughtiest of smiles.</p>
<p>“Shut up and fuck me.”</p>
<p>James actually looked startled by Lily’s foxy demand, but pushed down her skirt obediently anyway, instantly groaning when he saw what she was wearing underneath. “Ah, we met at last…”</p>
<p>Lily was perplexed. “Come again?”</p>
<p>James looked up at her face sheepishly. “These are the infamous red lacy panties you flashed me way back when I was being good.” His hand came down between her legs and started rubbing her through the article in question.</p>
<p>Lily let her head drop back letting out a satisfied sigh. “Time to get acquainted I guess.”</p>
<p>James kissed her lightly. “Oh, I’m on it,” he said dropping to his knees in front of her, finally able to do to those knickers what he’d been dying to do for months. Soon, he had Lily’s body quivering above him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Cherry on Top</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So I have to say (even though I'd like to think I would have come up with this on my own, but I'll never know because I read her story while writing this!) there is something that happens in this chapter that also happened in Every Other Midnight by Kathryn's NomDePlume: so I want to give credit just in case I was influenced by her work! (It's a truly amazing fic I highly recommend if you have the time - but be warned, it was abandoned and leaves off in the thick of things :'( )</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After James and Lily had finally finished their extracurricular activities, and enjoyed themselves a wondrous late breakfast in the kitchens, James was trying to excuse himself to go make the study guide he’d promised the class he’d skipped.</p><p>“Or, you could cancel the test…” Lily teased from her usual spot on their bench.</p><p>“Oh, Miss Evans, let’s not use your sexual wiles against me like that.”</p><p>Lily cocked an eyebrow at him. “My wiles? James, you do see I’m sitting here, perfectly clothed.” She rested her head innocently onto her palm.</p><p>James leaned down to kiss her, stalling time before they parted. “You don’t have to be naked to be entirely too sexy for your own good. Or mine.”</p><p>Lily whined when he escaped her grasp, heading for the door. “Must you leave?”</p><p>He smiled at her smugly, all too pleased by her blatant lust for him. “Yes. We both have class soon, and you should probably talk to Dorcas, I’m pretty sure she figured everything out.” Lily sighed as James pulled out the map from his inner pocket, whispering to it. “She’s in the Potions section of the library.”</p><p>Lily narrowed her eyes at him. “How do you know that?”</p><p>James took a few steps back to her, truly unable to help himself, like a moth to an irresistible flame. “Can’t tell you that.” He planted a cheeky kiss on her lips, but this time Lily was ready and slung her arms around his shoulders, trapping him to her, as she swiveled her body to face him.</p><p>He chuckled as he straightened out, picking up an obstinate Lily as she wrapped her legs around his waist. “I’ve created a monster,” he whispered jovially in her ear as he surveyed the hall, seeing only a few house-elves still lingering, washing dishes.</p><p>Lily purred back, “I liked to think you just awoke the one already there. Don’t take too much credit, Potter.”</p><p>She started nipping lightly down his neck, right past his pulse point, watching as James’ strong jaw clenched and he craned his chin back, granting her access. “Course, wouldn’t want that…” he murmured already losing himself to her.</p><p>Lily smiled deviously, pulling the Invisibility Cloak out of his inner pocket and throwing it over them.</p><p>“Lily…” he warned half-heartedly, catching her intentions.</p><p>“James…” she mimicked him, wiggling against him so she could open his robes underneath her.</p><p>He walked them to the nearest wall, his hands supporting her bottom under her skirt. “You have no idea what you do to me, do you?” His voice was so husky, it only made Lily that much more wet.</p><p>Lily took one of his hands and brought it between them to her core to show him. “Yeah, you do the same to me.” Her eyes had never looked so alive, so unashamed, showing him she was his for the taking and she wasn’t afraid to admit it.</p><p>A growl escaped the back of James’ throat. “You’re insatiable.” His mouth engulfed hers, their lips dancing against each other.</p><p>“You love it.”</p><p>She was smiling so wantonly and James couldn’t believe he’d ever found a woman like this. If he really thought about it, he’d kind of given up on love before her, thinking maybe he was unlovable, or something was wrong, broken inside of him. But, as corny as it sounded, he realized he just hadn’t given himself to <em>her</em> yet. Nothing had felt right because he’d never been with <em>Lily Evans </em>before. He wasn’t ever going to make that mistake again. “I do.” He pressed his body into hers, making Lily moan deeply as she felt his erection through their clothes. “You’re gonna have to keep it down though,” he joked, as he reached between her legs and pushed her knickers to one side before pulling himself out over his trousers.</p><p>Lily bit her lip in anticipation. “You’re a smart guy, I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”</p><p>James pushed into her, her sassiness proving to be a little too much for his horny mind to deal with. He muffled her pleasured cry with his mouth, plunging his tongue into her as his cock did the same down below.</p><p>Lily clung to his broad shoulders, raising her hips up and down over him, feeling her clit sing from the scrumptious friction they were creating. She moaned his name, already completely disregarding James’ plea for her to keep quiet.</p><p>He brought his hand over her mouth, watching her eyes go wide as he continued his hips measured motions in and out of her. If she was being honest, when she’d suggested he deal with her noise levels, she’d assumed he’d come at it with a magical solution — but a physical clamp worked just as well. She brought two of his fingers into her mouth, sucking on them.</p><p>James stared at her hot mouth transfixed. “Fuck…” he groaned, his thrusting becoming more erratic as he edged closer to his climax. “Lily, I’m about to come,” he admitted, partially ashamed he was going to leave her hanging but being completely powerless under her lure.</p><p>She clenched her muscles around him in response, in effect allowing and pushing him to orgasm. Her eyes lasciviously took in his features as they scrunched and released right in front of her, driving her absolutely wild. She didn’t think James Potter could look any hotter than when he was coming for her.<b></b></p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>Needless to say, Lily was late to Potions class. She’d remembered frightfully close to stepping into the dungeons that she was supposed to be recovering from a breakup (<em>was that really only two hours ago?</em>) not a sex glow, thus she turned her wand on herself and conjured up a crying charm so her eyes would be puffy and red when she walked in.</p><p>She felt everyone’s attention snap to her when she took her seat, whispers running amuck that the Head Girl had actually been late for class. It was a testament to how much Slughorn favored her that he reprimanded the gossipers and not her.</p><p>Lily pulled her supplies out of her bag and wrote a note to Dorcas who she could feel looking over her shoulder: <em>Everything is fine, but I have to act like it’s not. Tell you after class.</em></p><p>Dorcas was on the edge of her seat the whole lesson as they made their Anti-Cancer Potion, trying her absolute hardest not to flood Lily with a thousand and one questions about what the hell was going on. Lily stole a glance at Snape: it turned out this clear agitation was good; it was helping sell her cover. She made sure to let out a few sniffles.</p><p>As soon as the bell rang, Lily dragged Dorcas out the door to go find Beth so she could tell them together. They settled by the frozen lake under the Beech tree, the cold giving them privacy from the overeager ears of their peers.</p><p>Dorcas began, “So you’ve been seeing <em>Professor Potter</em>?!”</p><p>Lily looked between her two friends. Beth gave her an encouraging smile. “You guys swear you’ll never tell a soul?”</p><p>“Unofficial, totally official, Unbreakable Vow right here, right now.”</p><p>Lily let out a deep breath. “Yes.”</p><p>“<em>Since when</em>??”</p><p>Lily bit her lip, “I mean our first date was on Saturday…”</p><p>Dorcas’ head rolled back laughing. “Merlin, you shagged on the first date? Nice!” She held out her palm for a high five that Lily ignored. Dorcas turned to Beth unfazed. “Wait, why don’t you seem surprised?”</p><p>Beth shrugged her shoulders. “I figured it out.”</p><p>“What? How?” Dorcas looked scandalized by being so out of the loop. “You’re not even in his class!”</p><p>Lily then explained everything: their initial spark, their guarded flirting, her sex dreams invading his mind (“That lesson was for <em>you?!</em>”), James teaching her how to be an Animagus, how he helped her after she found out her parents had died…</p><p>“Wait,” Beth interrupted her, “you spent the first half of holiday at his place? How did that little tidbit not come up?” Beth asked dumbfounded.</p><p>Lily shifted guiltily. “You guys have to understand, I wasn’t really sure where this was all going, you know?” Her hands fidgeted in her lap. “I knew I liked him, a <em>lot</em>, but it wasn’t until recently I was sure it was reciprocated in the same way.” She smiled looking down. “He gave me Venus.”</p><p>“Aww,” the girls cooed.</p><p>“Any bloke who gives you a pet is definitely <em>smitten, </em>Lils,” Dorcas declared.</p><p>Lily looked out over the lake, her blush rising. “And then we told each other we loved one another after the Occlumency lesson. I told you guys I slept in the Head Office, but I actually fell asleep at his. We cuddled.”</p><p>Beth pouted her lips, taking in the cuteness; even Dorcas looked moved.</p><p>Lily sighed. “But yeah, Snape saw us together, so that’s what he has on me.”</p><p>“… And that’s why you can’t go to Dumbledore about it.”</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>“So what did you do?” Beth pressed.</p><p>“We’re pretending we broke up. He actually convinced me we had for a moment there — it was <em>awful —</em> but we’re fine. We’ll just have to be more careful,” Lily concluded.</p><p>Beth’s brows scrunched. “Seems kind of dangerous.”</p><p>“How so?”</p><p>Beth continued gingerly, “I mean, I love you two… but you’re not exactly the ‘subtle’ type.”</p><p>Lily and Dorcas giggled.</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>The next few weeks flew by in a haze of silly, love-infused smiles… and <em>sex</em>. So much, mind-blowing sex. James had stopped taking his nightly mind-protecting vials, so on top of all their escapades in secret passages, empty classrooms, and yes, James’ bed, they were still finding new ways to expand their sexual horizons in sleep. The possibilities were truly endless. James told Lily that they really had to find a way to recreate fucking on a broom. Lily was convinced that there was no way in hell they could accomplish this in real life without falling to their deaths.</p><p>“All right class, so today we’ll be working on partial animal transformations, like your assigned reading described.” There was a groan from the back of the room. “I know, I know, it’s hard, but that’s why this is a N.E.W.T. class after all. In my experience, it’s easier to create a body part you don’t already have — like whiskers or antlers — than to morph a part you already have into another — like your hands into paws. Our brains get less confused that way. I’d like everyone to be able to transfigure at least one part by the end of the period.”</p><p>The hand of a snooty Slytherin shot up. “I don’t see how this would ever be helpful.”</p><p>James observed the disorderly student severely through his glasses. “Well, I thought it was dead helpful when I had to retrieve my partner from the bottom of a river after Death Eaters tried dumping her there, but if you want to learn how to hold your breath for five minutes instead of learning how to give yourself temporary gills, be my guest.”</p><p>The room’s silence was deafening. Lily realized he rarely ever talked about his Auror days and made a mental note to ask him about it next time they hung out.</p><p>“All right,” he said with finality. “Get to work.” Lily sighed. He was so sexy when he taught. Stood. Sat. <em>Breathed.</em></p><p>“Okay, I think I’m gonna try to give myself antennae,” Dorcas announced next to her.</p><p>Lily smiled. She had a better idea…</p><p>James strolled along the rows near the end of class surveying everyone’s progress. He commended Benjy on the rhino horn currently sticking out of his forehead and helped Rebecca perfect the large tortoise shell on her back. As soon as it was done, the Hufflepuff retreated inside of it.</p><p>“Miss Evans, did you not complete the assignment?” James had reached her desk now. He looked at her confused.</p><p>“Oh, I did.” There was a lot of brouhaha as her classmates were all playing with their new body parts.</p><p>He leaned forward curiously. “Well, what is it?”</p><p>She grinned. “It’s a tail, Professor. I can show you, if you’d like…” Lily motioned as if to turn around while Dorcas sniggered.</p><p>The corner of James’ mouth pulled up. “That won’t be necessary.” He added in a whisper, “You naughty minx.”</p><p>Lily smiled to her notes as her tail swished under her skirt, pleased.</p><p>“Miss Meadows, excellent antennae.”</p><p>“Why thank you, Professor, I think I can actually detect a rise in blood heat around me,” Dorcas joked.</p><p>James chuckled. “See me after class.”</p><p>Dorcas looked at Lily with wide eyes after he moved further. “Do you think I’m in trouble?”</p><p>Lily shrugged her shoulders. “Eh?” She knew if anyone should be getting reprimanded at the moment, it should probably be her. <em>No, you are not jealous right now. And </em><b><em>no</em></b><em>, you are definitely not picturing yourself bent over James’ knees, skirt up, knickers down getting spanked. Those fantasies are beneath you. </em>(They weren’t.)</p><p>Dorcas grumbled and Lily waved to her when class was dismissed shortly after.</p><p>Dorcas approached James at his desk hesitantly. He looked up at her eagerly. “So, do you have anything planned for Lily’s birthday Friday?”</p><p>She couldn’t help but be disarmed by his giddiness. “Well, we wanted to throw her a big party, but with her being Head Girl and all, we didn’t want to get her in any trouble either. We also want it to be a rager, so—”</p><p>“No younger students.”</p><p>“Exactly, but we can’t very well kick kids out of their own common room.”</p><p>James leaned back crossing his arms. “And you’re sure Lily would want a big shindig?”</p><p>Dorcas smiled. “Yeah. I mean, she’d never ask for one, but she loves to let loose every once and a while. Let her freak flag fly before she gets back to hitting those books.” James scoffed, he thought she’d been letting her freak flag fly plenty lately. “Plus, she’s had a pretty rough year. I want her to have fun.”</p><p>James considered this. “What about the Room of Requirement?”</p><p>“The what-what?”</p><p>James rolled his eyes. “Honestly, does no one explore this castle?” Dorcas gave him an unamused look, figuring she could get away with it seeing she was presently talking to him as her best friend’s boyfriend, not as her teacher. He continued, “It’s on your floor, left corridor, easy enough for the Gryffindors to get to. But you should invite more Houses to liven it up.”</p><p>“Okay!”</p><p>“I can make the invitations!” James was getting excited. “I’ll give them to you to distribute after next class… and charm them so only the 6th and 7th years can read them.”</p><p>“Brill!”</p><p>“And I’ll get you guys alcohol from Hogsmeade.”</p><p>Dorcas raised her eyebrows impressed. “You trying to win the best boyfriend of the year award?”</p><p>James chortled. “Nah, trying to win worst professor of the century.” He looked at his pocket watch. “Want me to show you the room now so you guys know how to get in and set up beforehand?”</p><p>Dorcas shrugged. “Sure.” They headed out, passing a very disgusted looking Snape along the way. “Professor, you’re not going to be able to attend though, are you?”</p><p>James sighed, thinking about his Invisibility Cloak, and how at least seeing her there would be better than nothing. “I’ll find a way.”</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>That Wednesday, as promised, James gave Dorcas a stack of flyers with all the party details. She thanked the heavens for his charm-work when Lily snuck up behind her later in the common room and wondered aloud, “Since when have you wanted to start a sock-knitting club?” Dorcas assumed that was the message all underclassmen and Lily could see.</p><p>That night, James mirrored with Sirius: “Padfoot, <em>please</em>, it’s an emergency!”</p><p>“It’s not actually.”</p><p>“It’s <em>important.</em>”</p><p>“It’s illegal.”</p><p>“That just makes it more fun!”</p><p>Sirius scoffed. “True.” He regarded his best friend. “It would be weird though.”</p><p>“Oh very,” James conceded. He gave him his best puppy eyes. “Pleeeeeeease?”</p><p>Sirius ran his hand through his hair. “I’ll see if the Auror supply room still has any.”</p><p>“Yes!” James cheered.</p><p>“Hey, don’t get too excited yet, I’m only agreeing to see what I can do.”</p><p>“Oh Padfoot, you’re the best.”</p><p>Sirius chuckled. “Prat.”</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>Lily woke up oddly content Friday morning, despite not recalling any sex dreams. She had a lingering feeling she’d still been kissed and had heard murmured sweet nothings. She curled to her side, hugging her pillow to her chest.</p><p>“HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILY!”</p><p>“Ah!” Lily nearly fell out of her bed as Dorcas and Beth ripped open her bed curtains, letting in the bright morning sunshine. She heard one of their other roommates grumble across the room. Lily covered her eyes with her hands. “You guys are the worst.”</p><p>“Well, that’s rude,” Dorcas said scooting onto the bed. She shifted uncomfortably. “Ow, what’s this?” She pulled a box out from underneath her bum.</p><p>“You just sat on one of her presents, you goof,” Beth chastised.</p><p>“Who snuck a present into your bed?” Dorcas asked. There was a pause. “He can’t get up the stairs… can he?”</p><p>Lily blushed, untying the ribbon on the box so she could read the note attached to the top. “He has his ways.”</p><p>“Ugh, I wish my boyfriend was even a tenth as romantic as yours; some girls really do have all the luck.”</p><p>But Lily was tuning out her friend who was sprawling out at the foot of her bed.</p><p>
  <em>                                 Lily,</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Happy bloody 18th birthday! Hopefully this is the last one where we can’t be seen celebrating together. Here’s to only ‘one year’ now between us.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> I love you,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>JP</em>
</p><p>
  <em>P.S. I hope you like your gift. You have my heart.</em>
</p><p>Lily smiled to herself like a fool; he truly was <em>so</em> sappy and she ate that shit right up. She opened the box, letting out a little gasp as her eyes landed on a small amethyst heart on a delicate silver chain. She pulled it out gingerly and clasped it around her neck.</p><p>“Oh Lily, it’s lovely,” Beth said softly. “He remembered your favorite color.”</p><p>Lily touched the rock against her chest adoringly. “I don’t think I ever told him actually…” Telling someone your favorite color was ‘sparkly purple’ seemed a bit childish, even if it was true.</p><p>Dorcas rolled her eyes. “<em>Of course</em> Sorcerer Charming knew anyway.” She picked something up off the ground and threw it in Lily’s lap. “Okay, now open ours!”</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>Her last class of the day could not come fast enough as Lily practically dragged Dorcas to Transfiguration. Lily was starting to get a little uncomfortable with just how many people were telling her happy birthday. Sure, she’d always enjoyed some popularity and was Head Girl, but how could this many people remember it was today? It was all a bit much. Especially since all she really wanted was for <em>him</em> to say it to her.</p><p>Lily felt her whole body relax when she saw him setting up what looked like props at the head of the class. He bent over to right something that had toppled on the ground, giving Lily a view of that tight bum she liked so much in his slacks. It was weird: before James, she wasn’t sure if she’d ever checked out a guy’s arse before, yet she could still say with absolute certainty that he had a very, <em>very</em> nice one. <em>Happy birthday to me…</em></p><p>“Easy Tiger,” Dorcas joked in her ear, making Lily realize she was blatantly drooling from the threshold, absentmindedly outlining her new necklace.</p><p>She couldn’t help it, his body was a gift from the gods.</p><p>Their steps to their seats up front alerted James of their presence and he turned around, his eyes instantly landing on Lily and her pendant. His face lit up like the sun. “Hey birthday girl, do you like it?”</p><p>“No, I love it,” Lily confessed, making James’ day. “Thank you.”</p><p>More students filed in, snapping James out of his lovesick stupor and back to teacher mode. “Today I thought we’d do something fun,” he smiled around the room, willing himself not to look at the woman he’d decided today should be fun for. “Boys on this side of the room, girls on that side. I’m going to hand you each a box of trinkets and you have to transfigure them into these things or animals,” he tapped his wand to the board to reveal a long scrolling list, “with your team. I will choose the winners based on creativity, flair, and timing… go!”</p><p>Two boxes flew to either side of the room as his students squealed in excitement and group project confusion.</p><p>James had to laugh when three different boys had transformed three of the trinkets into the same single listed item (a fake wand). “Teamwork and communication, guys.”</p><p>He strolled over to the girls’ side. “Excellent fish, Miss Evans.”</p><p>Lily smiled surveying her sparkly purple creation in its new glass bowl. “Thank you, Professor.”</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>That night, Lily was very suspicious as Beth <em>insisted</em> she let her do her hair and makeup and Dorcas <em>highly recommended </em>Lily put on the cute golden mini dress they’d just gifted her.</p><p>“And you said <em>I</em> wasn’t subtle,” Lily teased as Beth swiped on a shimmering shadow. Not that she was complaining — she’d wanted to look cute for when she inevitably found a way to sneak into James’ room to celebrate with him.</p><p>Beth cast a lasting charm on the makeup she’d just finished. “Oh shh, you, don’t ruin the surprise.”</p><p>Lily laughed and allowed her friends to drag her down the corridor. She was very concerned when Dorcas started pacing in front of a wall with a concentrated look on her face.</p><p>“Dor… whatcha doing?” But then Lily gasped as a door appeared beside her. “Whoa, where’d this come from?”</p><p>“Why don’t you find out?” Dorcas answered conspiringly as Beth giggled.</p><p>Lily narrowed her eyes thinking maybe this was another secret passageway to Hogsmeade. “Guys, I don’t see how we’re not gonna get caught.” She turned the knob anyway.</p><p>“Surprise!” A few people close to the entrance shouted. For the most part, the rest of the crowd was far too busy partying to notice their guest of honor had arrived. Lily waved to some people then took in the space: they’d set up disco lights, somehow music you couldn’t hear from the hallway was blaring, and people were decorating each other with glowing body paint. There was also a whole table of drinks — being hit <em>hard.</em></p><p>Lily brought her best friends in for a hug in awe. “How did you guys find this place?”</p><p>Beth smiled. “Your boyfriend.”</p><p>Dorcas snorted. “Guess he knew how to party back in his day or something.” Lily rolled her eyes. “He supplied the booze too.”</p><p>“Wow…” she scanned the room again. “Wait, why’s Benjy here?”</p><p>“Oh yeah,” Dorcas said nonchalantly, “he’s our contingency plan. If we get busted and you go down, we’ll take the other Head down with us.”</p><p>Lily looked at Dorcas as if seeing her for the first time. “Damn Dor, that’s awfully Slytherin of you.”</p><p>“Well, guess I’m the only Slytherin invited tonight!”</p><p>Lily smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Thank you guys. This is amazing.”</p><p>“You like it?” Beth asked.</p><p>“Yeah, I just wish he could be here, s’all,” Lily admitted, feeling a little guilty to be missing James when her friends had truly gone all out for her.</p><p>“Chin up, buttercup, he told us we had to make sure you had a blast so that’s what we intend to do!” Dorcas declared slinging her arm over Lily’s shoulders and pulling her to the beverage station.</p><p>And Lily did: she did shots with her friends, chatted with her guests, and danced like no one was watching. It had been a while since she had been this vivacious. She had just put the finishing touches on one of her roommate’s body paint when she saw Sirius smiling at her from across the room.</p><p>“Sirius!” She ran towards him gleefully, throwing her arms around him, getting paint from her collarbone all over his red shirt. “Oh no, I’m so sorry,” she giggled, tipsy. She tried rubbing it off but only accomplished rubbing it in. “Damnit, <em>Scourgify</em>,” she magicked, then stuck her wand back behind her ear.</p><p>“It’s fine,” he looked at her amused.</p><p>She didn’t notice because she was too busy peeking over his shoulder. “Did J-uh-Prongs come with you?”</p><p>Sirius laughed, he’d never heard her say that name before, it was strange. “He’s here,” he answered mysteriously.</p><p>Lily’s face lit up as she spun around, “Where, where?”</p><p>“Lily...”</p><p>She turned back to Sirius confused. He had a lopsided grin and was currently ruffling his hair. His eyes were silver, but she’d never seen them look so <em>warm</em> before. She stepped right up in front of him. “Is it you?” she whispered, bubbling over with hope.</p><p>He ran his finger down her cheek. “Yeah babe, it’s me.” His hands traveled down and settled to the small of her back, leaning in to consume her in a fiery, <em>oh my god finally, </em>very public, open mouthed kiss. The kind of kiss that made onlookers blush and excuse themselves to go take a cold shower, or you know, just watch gluttonously.</p><p>When their lips parted, Lily’s eyes remained shut for a moment; but when she saw him again, she yelped and jumped back. “Oh sorry, I’m just gonna have to keep my eyes closed tonight I guess.”</p><p>James peppered her face with kisses, making her squirm and giggle away from his not-normal visage. “As long as I can celebrate your birthday with you, I’m happy as a clam.”</p><p>Lily smirked at him. “So... Polyjuice?”</p><p>James ran his fingertips up and down the sides of Lily’s dress, over and around her curves. “Yep. Padfoot just had it sent over. I’d almost given up and come with my cloak, but then I wouldn’t have been able to do this...” he gave her another kiss.</p><p>Lily licked her lips, focusing on his. “How’d it taste?”</p><p>“Blegh, disgusting. He sent me a toenail clipping with it.”</p><p>“What?” Lily laughed. “That’s so gross!”</p><p>“Yeah. Think he was mad I asked him to borrow the potion from the Auror office.” Lily put air quotes around ‘borrow’. “And you know, using his body at all.”</p><p>Lily put her hand on his — <em>well, I guess Sirius’ </em>— chest. She eyed him seductively as she leaned into his ear. “I’m not having sex with this,” she whispered.</p><p>James smirked crudely, making him look more like actual-Sirius. “Oh, I wouldn’t put you through that much torment, love.” He winked and pulled out a flask. “I only have a few hours worth in here, then I’ll be good as new.” He tapped his wand to the flask so that it would vibrate to remind him every time he had to take another hit. “But until then, I plan to dance with my stupendously gorgeous girlfriend.”</p><p>Lily grabbed his hands and pulled him to her lips once more. It was strange because he was stockier than usual, and his hair was silkier as her hands roamed — but beggars can’t be choosers and she was <em>finally</em> able to just be with him with no covert measures or lingering fear in the back of her mind. “Let’s get you a drink.”</p><p>James allowed himself to be yanked to the table, the shit-eating grin back on his face in full force. “Are you trying to take advantage of me, Miss Evans?”</p><p>She turned around and walked backwards the last few steps. “Always.” She gave him a saucy wink.</p><p>As she poured them each a hefty cup, she heard the voice of a judgy Ravenclaw waft over to them: “It’s so sad when they graduate and can’t let go...”</p><p>James laugh-coughed into his libation. Connor had definitely intended for him to hear that. He briefly wondered if the jibe was worth giving the dick an extra homework assignment over.</p><p>Lily smirked at him. “Why <em>did</em> you pick Padfoot?”</p><p>“Well, I needed someone reasonably attractive,” Lily laughed, they both knew Sirius could be a damn model if he wanted to be, “who wasn’t gonna be at this party, but also wouldn’t raise a ton of suspicion being here. I considered Remus, but doubted he’d be up for it — plus you might not want to kiss me as him.” Lily sighed, she was still a little mad at Remus to be honest. “Plus Sirius comes to visit me here all the time anyway. So, no biggie.”</p><p>“Plus no one’s gonna think it’s out of character to catch him snogging yet another girl,” Lily flirted as she put an arm around his shoulders, drawing him in.</p><p>Connor made another disgusted noise from behind James and Lily tilted her head over his shoulder to glare at her classmate.</p><p>“Don’t worry about him, Lils,” James said settling his arms around her waist. “His parents really must have hated him to call him Connor O’Connor.” Lily let out a hearty guffaw. “Actually,” he pretended to ponder, “that’s rather genius. I’m gonna name my son Potter P. Potter.”</p><p>“Remind me never to have children with you.”</p><p>“Remind you what, love? I seem to already have forgotten…”</p><p>Lily chuckled as James lead her to the dance floor and pulled her body flush against his. <em>Of course he can dance. </em>Although maybe Lily should rephrase that: they were basically just making love with clothes on. James’ arms caged her to him while their hips gyrated to the beat. Lily’s hands tangled themselves in his hair as his warm breath tickled her neck. They were hot and heavy and in love.</p><p>James couldn’t help but notice how Lily’s eyes were glued shut as she swayed her body with his. It was too bad she couldn’t see him, but by Merlin, could he see her. A little bead of sweat was gathering on her chest, mixing with the color of the paint, and trickling down the valley of her breasts. He doubted it was edible, otherwise he may just have licked it off. Her head was lolling sexily, losing herself to the music and the feel of his pelvis pressed to hers.</p><p>He spun her around and pulled her back into his arms, her bottom pressed into his jeans. <em>Ugh. As if they weren’t tight enough already</em>. She instantly melted into him, tracing her fingers up the back of his neck over her shoulders, making him shiver and settle his chin on her. The view of her cleavage was still exquisite. “You are so unbelievably sexy, Evans,” he growled in her ear, biting the lobe.</p><p>“Only because you’re not wearing your glasses.”</p><p>He chuckled. “I love you, birthday girl.”</p><p>She rubbed her booty firmly against his zipper, mercilessly torturing him. “You better.” She was on cloud nine and never coming down.</p><p>That is, until Beth pulled her away asking what the fuck she was doing. James followed and interlaced his fingers with Lily’s, refusing to lose a single second of his limited time with her out in the open. Lily explained the situation, then decided James was not nearly glow-in-the-dark enough and painted him like he was her French girl.</p><p>Several hours and many dances and drinks later, James had reached the end of his flask and knew he had to leave.</p><p>“Nooo...” Lily lamented, pulling his now sweaty collar back to her. “This is too much fun.”</p><p>She pouted her luscious lips prompting James to give her another kiss. “Soon Lily, we’ll be able to do this whenever, and I won’t have a curfew.”</p><p>“And your carriage won’t turn into a pumpkin,” she sighed breathlessly.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“Never mind.”</p><p>James tried extricating himself from Lily, which was proving itself to be quite the difficult task. “I feel as though I’ve done enough damage to Padfoot’s reputation as it is, staring at you the way I have been.”</p><p>Lily ran her hand down his chest suggestively. “Yeah? And how’s that?”</p><p>He put his forehead against hers. “Reverently. Worshipping. Soulfully.”</p><p>Lily fought a smirk. “You’re such a bloody cheese ball.”</p><p>“A cheese ball that’s gotta go.”</p><p>“Oy. Fine,” Lily relented. “Meet me around the corner in the hall? I’ll say bye to my friends.”</p><p>James grabbed her hand, causing her to stumble back to him for one last peck on the nose. “See you soon.”</p><p>Lily said bye to Dorcas, but decided not to interrupt Beth’s lip-lock with a pretty blonde. <em>So that’s who she’s taking to Hogsmeade. </em>The party was still raging in full force, so Lily thought not too many people would notice if she stole a bottle of firewhiskey and bailed.</p><p>Sirius’ body was lounging against a wall next to a portrait of unicorns when she exited, looking a little taller than how she’d just seen him. His face broke into a toothy grin when he saw her victoriously holding up the bottle of booze as she approached.</p><p>“Come ‘ere, you rebel you.” He grabbed her free hand and they ran to his room, tittering the whole way.</p><p>By the time they shut the classroom door, James had gotten lankier, and to Lily’s disappointment, his shirt was no longer quite as tight on his frame. <em>I might just have to ‘accidentally’ perform a shrinking spell on some of his tops,</em> she thought. James bent over to unroll his jeans back down to his ankles.</p><p>Lily happily watched as his hair got shorter and disheveled and his eyes liquified from silver back to honey-hazel. She cupped his cheek, craning her neck back to its usual angle to gaze at him. “There you are.” Her eyes flickered between his, biting her lip. She didn’t think she could ever tire of staring at him.</p><p>“Seems mighty unfair that now that you can see me, I can no longer see you.”</p><p><em>Ha</em>, and Lily had assumed his eyes’ lack of focus was from the booze. “Where are your glasses?”</p><p>“My bedside table.”</p><p>Lily led the way. “Convenient.” She found them easily and perched them on his nose.</p><p>“Much better,” his eyes roamed her body hungrily, “but first, we have to get all this gunk off us.” Lily groaned, uncapping the Firewhiskey and taking a swig. James eyed her amused. “I mean, we can shower together?”</p><p>Lily snapped back to him as if the delightful thought hadn’t occurred to her. “Yes, please!”</p><p>James grinned, put her bottle down and picked up Lily’s legs, wrapping them around his waist as he kissed her deeply and tried not to walk into walls on their way to his shower. He flicked it on and carried them in, making Lily moan as the cold water drenched them, prickling against the fire he’d lit in her veins.</p><p>Her breathing went ragged as both of them took in the sight of the water trailing down the other’s bodies. Lily dismounted so she could slowly peel his soaked shirt off his chest and unbuckle his pants, watching them fall with a heavy thud to the stone floor with his boxers. He was such a sight for sore eyes.</p><p>Lily trailed her hands down his sides, his legs, getting on her knees in front of him.</p><p>“Lily, what are you doing?”</p><p>Lily looked up at him, self-consciousness coloring her cheeks. <em>Does he not like blowjobs? Doesn’t every guy like blowjobs? </em>“I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel,” she replied sheepishly.</p><p>He pulled her up. “You already make me feel that, love.”</p><p>Lily was panicking a little. “Do you not want me to, or…?”</p><p>James tilted his head at her. “But it’s <b>your</b> birthday?”</p><p>“Right… and I want to. Please?”</p><p>She was looking up at him with so much hope and James had no idea when he’d died and gone to heaven — but here was his dream girl, begging to suck his dick. <em>Being dead rocks. </em>He chuckled and kissed her as he found the zipper on her back and released her from her dress, it joining his clothes on the shower floor. He loved seeing her in nothing but her knickers and his heart around her neck. “Okay, but not in here, you’ll drown.”</p><p>“Oh.” Lily considered this, glad for the slight reprieve in tension. She allowed James to lather her body in soapy suds, gently rubbing off all the paint and watching it spiral down the drain. James lightly pressed her against the cold wall, watching her nipples perk up even more as he grazed his fingers around them. “So beautiful,” he murmured.</p><p>The shower was making his hair stick to his forehead and Lily couldn’t help but squirm under the power of his dizzying gaze. The water had taken off all hints of paint and she was ready for him to be in her mouth already, damnit.</p><p>She bit her lip, turned off the shower, and led him to his bed, not bothering to towel off. At some point, a fire had sprung to life, and Lily pushed him to the center of his duvet, crawling between his legs.</p><p>“Lily,” he said shakily.</p><p><em>What is going on?</em> Lily knew they were tipsy, but he was acting more strange than that. “Yeah?”</p><p>He let out an awkward laugh, propped up on his elbows. “I just,” a hand flew in his hair and he sent water flying everywhere, “think you should know I’ve never done this. Or,” he shifted awkwardly and Lily ignored his rippling abs, begging to be rightfully appreciated (<em>I really needed to get over this obsession, good god</em>), “had it done to me or whatever.”</p><p><b><em>What?!</em></b> “…<em>what?!</em>”</p><p>James looked mortified. “I’ve never gotten a blowjob before.”</p><p>Lily knew she should try to keep her face less like her mind was being blown to smithereens by what she perceived as the absurd unlikeliness of this statement, but she couldn’t help it. “<em>How</em>?”</p><p>James’ mouth opened and closed a few times trying to explain something he didn’t really have an answer to. “Um, I don’t know… guess it’s more of a significant other sort of thing? You know, kind of intimate, and what not? And… you’re my first girlfriend.” He looked so vulnerable.</p><p>Lily’s jaw dropped like she’d just witnessed the cutest puppy in all the land. She’d known his dating history had been spotty, but to hear it like <em>that, </em>to realize she was his first something, and a very special something at that — a <em>girlfriend</em>, brought fuzzy feelings to her stomach. <em>And to think this fact came out by wanting to suck his cock. </em>Suddenly, Lily went from feeling like a naive, fumbling ingénue to a verifiable sex goddess, about to blow James’ cherry straight out of the water. A dangerous smile played on her lips as she lowered her face between his legs. James visibly gulped. “Well, let’s figure this out together, shall we?” she purred confidently, bringing her left hand up to stroke him. His eyes were glued to her, curious and mesmorized, his anticipation boiling over. Her eyes locked into his as she wrapped her lips over his tip slowly bringing him into her mouth.</p><p>His expression was priceless: it was Christmas comes early, <em>fuck that’s spicy, </em>and <em>please don’t you dare ever stop</em> all rolled into one. A low moan sounded from the back of his throat. Lily found a nice rhythm, bobbing her head as far as she could while her hand tugged on the rest. “Fuckkkk Lily…” he stammered, collapsing his head back into his pillows. “That feels so good…” There was a gentle thudding noise as her new pendant slapped against the base of her neck.</p><p>Lily smiled, watching him turn to putty for her while his body got harder and harder in her mouth. Her tongue did a tentative swirl around his head, instantly being rewarded by a grunt and his hips flexing up into her slightly. Lily’s self-assurance grew tenfold, swirling again as her hand pumped harder. She couldn’t believe <em>she </em>was the first one to have him like this, the first one to feel him throbbing against her inner cheek as she fought not to choke. The primal thought was getting her wetter and wetter, wanting nothing more than to taste his climax for the first time.</p><p>James’ head popped back up, mouth gaping as he struggled to keep his eyes open. While what she was doing felt amazing — because <em>Merlin</em>, it did — somehow her attitude was the thing that was really making him twitch in pleasure. Her piercing, dilated eyes were surveying him so greedily, trying to soak in every overwhelmed wince and pant he was making under her spell. She knew what she was doing to him, she knew his body was at her complete disposal, and he could tell she <em>loved </em>it. James couldn’t help but begin to moan her name, confirming that he was hers to do with as she pleased.</p><p>Lily gave her jaw a break. “Yes, James?” she asked innocently, or as innocently as one could while still stroking a dick in their hand while the other traveled down to their own apex and started rubbing vigorously.</p><p>James was pretty sure every profane word in the English language flew through his brain as his right hand fisted in her hair and his other grasped the headboard above his head, needing something to squeeze — hard. <em>Is she finding this as bloody hot as I am? Does my cock in her mouth drive her to the point of having to touch herself? </em>All James knew was that Lily Evans was going to be the death of him.</p><p>The heat of her mouth back on him drove him closer to that familiar edge. “Lily, I’m about to come…” he warned out of breath. But she made no move to get off him, and he watched, jaw and hips shaking, as he spilled himself down her throat. And she swallowed.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck. Me. Now.</em>
</p><p>Mind completely fried and body humming at a frequency he didn’t even know existed, James pulled her up on top of him, caressing his lips against hers as he tried to figure out a way to verbalize how he felt. “That was…” he breathed.</p><p>She bit her bottom lip smiling. “Yeah, I know.”</p><p>James wrapped a red lock around his fingers as his other hand lazily traced up and down her spine. <em>Would it be weird to say ‘thank you’?</em> He gave her another slow kiss. “How are you so perfect?” he whispered.</p><p>Lily’s green eyes twinkled. “James, this is your post-orgasm euphoria talking.”</p><p>James’ grin went crooked. “No, it’s not.” His hand squeezed her arse. “You must be hiding something.”</p><p>Lily’s chin on James’ chest tilted cutely. “Well, I’m awfully stubborn.”</p><p>James scoffed. “Same.”</p><p>“I have a temper…” Lily continued.</p><p>“And it’s so hot; this is a positive,” James swiftly rebutted.</p><p>“I’m sassy.”</p><p>“Again: a good thing.”</p><p>Lily winked at him. “I’m apparently very loud during sex…”</p><p>James growled and pounced on her, making her giggle wildly as he rolled over her, somehow already ready for round two.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. ImperiNo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: Attempted sexual assault</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next week passed by quickly as almost every girl in the hall stopped Lily to ask her about her new tryst with the infamous Sirius Black. “How’d you meet?” “I don’t remember <em>you</em> being one of his girls,” “Have you guys already…?” It was all rather exhausting. Eventually she’d snapped and started telling people they’d already broken up — <em>nothing to see here!</em> (“Oh, so it <em>was </em>just for the birthday sex?”)</p><p>The only person who seemed genuinely happy with the turn of events was Benjy. At least Head meetings were noticeably more harmonious without Benjy slowly inching farther and farther away from her in his seat. If Lily didn’t know any better, she’d even venture to say Benjy seemed to be flirting with her again. (<em>For fuck’s sake…</em>)</p><p>Then there was Quidditch: Sarah Bell had the team practicing almost daily. One of the Beaters made the mistake of pointing out the game on Saturday was Hufflepuff versus Ravenclaw — and not <em>them. </em>This resulted in practice going an extra hour longer and with a lot more scolding.</p><p>“Ugh, I’m <em>so tired,</em>” Lily complained, throwing herself face-first onto James’ bed after she’d snuck to his room after a grueling practice.</p><p>James smiled as he sat down next to her. “Want a massage?”</p><p>“Does Dumbledore love the color purple?” she grinned back at him.</p><p>“That’s a hell yes,” he chimed, straddling her bum.</p><p>His hands felt like <em>magic</em> kneading her aching shoulder blades. “Remind me to never let you go,” she moaned into his pillow.</p><p>“As you wish, babe.” <em>Maybe pet names aren’t so bad…</em></p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>Lily put on a yellow cardigan Saturday as she and her friends prepared to go to the pitch for the Quidditch match. It would help Gryffindor in the Cup standing if Hufflepuff won, so that’s who they were going to be rooting for.</p><p>Beth sighed. “You know, I always like it so much better when you can watch with us so you can tell me what the hell is going on. Dorcas isn’t quite as good with the play-by-plays.”</p><p>Dorcas snorted. “Yeah, cuz I have better things to do than actually <em>watch. </em>It’s the best time to get some good socialization going.”</p><p>“You mean flirt with new victims?” Beth asked.</p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p>Lily looked at her friend consolingly. “I’m sorry about Patrick.”</p><p>Dorcas waved her hand. “Plenty of Pygmy Puffs in the pen.”</p><p>They grabbed their cloaks and headed downstairs.</p><p>A 1st year Slytherin boy approached Lily just as they were about to leave the castle. “Lily?” he asked like he was going to piss himself.</p><p>She stopped to look at him curiously. “Yeah?” She thought his name was David.</p><p>“I was hoping you could help me with something.” He looked so embarrassed. “Alone,” he added with a nervous glance to her friends.</p><p><em>Aw, he’s so cute. </em>“Go on guys, I’ll be right there.” Dorcas shrugged and they went on outside.</p><p>She turned back to the little blond. “It’s David, right? What’s up?”</p><p>He was tomato red. “It’s actually in the common room.”</p><p>Lily hadn’t been in there in <em>years. </em>“Okay, lead the way.”</p><p>She followed him to the dungeons and through the portrait door. She looked across the room at the green glow coming from the underside of the lake and remembered how Sirius had told her how he and James had swam down to the glass their 6th year and mooned the entire Slytherin common room underwater. This was the last thought floating in her head until she heard: “<em>Imperio.</em>”</p><p><em>Huh. That’s funny. Don’t they know that curse is illegal? </em>Lily thought dreamily as she felt all the anxiety creep out of her body. She watched lazily as David scurried toward a group of boys in the armchairs, collect a gold coin, and scampered back, leaving the common room.</p><p>“Come over here, Mudblood,” she heard a voice snarl.</p><p>
  <em>I mean, I guess I want to see who’s there… what’s the worst that can happen? Not nice to call me a Mudblood though, not nice at all…</em>
</p><p>“Well, lookie here boys, the slag was actually dumb enough to fall for it.” It was Mulciber, Macnair and Snape sitting in chairs beside him. Lily vaguely noticed that Snape was perched on the armrest looking away uncomfortably. “Not so tough now, are you, Mudblood? Care to take off any more of your precious <em>points?</em>”</p><p>A voice in Lily’s mind was coaxing her to take off her cloak. <em>I guess it is quite hot with the fire burning. </em>She noticed Macnair’s yellow teeth flashing as she acquiesced. A small part of her didn’t like it.</p><p>“Stand on the table.”</p><p>Lily looked at the table in question. <em>Why, though?</em> The voice in her head was persistent. <em>But that’s so silly, tables aren’t meant to be </em><b><em>stood</em></b><em> on, doesn’t the voice know that? </em>The voice screamed at her, and Lily didn’t do well with being yelled at. She took a shaky step up onto the wood, turning to face them.</p><p>“Is she trying to fight it?” Macnair looked over at Mulciber’s raised wand. “I don’t remember Amber <em>fighting</em> it.”</p><p>Lily’s false sense of calm was dissipating, and fast. <em>Amber… Amber… Amber… </em>Her mind started racing as all the alarms went off inside of it. <em>Did he mean Amber Tarkin? What did they do to her? Is </em><b><em>that</em></b><em> why she transferred? </em>Lily felt like she was going to be sick as Mulciber stood up to step closer to her. Her hands started to shake, but she still couldn’t move them by herself.</p><p>“She can try. Isn’t that right, Mudblood?” he spat. “Now be a good little whore and take that ugly sweater off.”</p><p><em>I don’t want to. I don’t want to. I don’t want to. </em>She found her eyes straying to Snape, wondering why the hell he wasn’t helping her. <em>Help me, stop him! </em>She was yelling in her head. <em>For fuck’s sake, stop this! </em>But her former friend wasn’t reacting and she realized she was going to have to save herself.</p><p>Mulciber laughed cruelly. “Oh no, your old bestie isn’t going to help you out of this one. In <em>fact, </em>he’s the one who told us all about how much you’ve been whoring yourself out now. Benjy, Potter, Black — quite the growing list.” He turned back to his friends as though hosting a pleasant dinner party. “And boys, look at that, all Pure-bloods! Two of us are in luck.” He and Macnair sniggered disgustingly. “So what do you say, slut? What’s a few more blokes to fuck?”</p><p><em>That’s not true. It’s only been James. It’s always been James. </em>Lily’s hands stilled on her fourth button, the foreign voice in her head screaming at her to continue undressing. <em>No. I’m not doing that.</em></p><p>Mulciber’s eyes flashed pure black. “Do it, <em>now</em>.”</p><p>
  <em>Fuck you, you humungous pile of shit.</em>
</p><p>“<b>I won’t ask again!</b>” he roared.</p><p>“<em>No!</em>” Lily screamed in his face, feeling as though she had been doused in an ice-cold bucket of water.</p><p>The last thing she saw before there was a loud crash was his hand pulling to his chest, ready to backhand her across the face. Someone else had flung himself into the common room and she watched as Mulciber, Macnair and Snape violently shot across the room in rapid succession, painfully striking the glass window and collapsing to the floor in a heap. Snape’s head connected the hardest and Lily swore she could see a little chink in the glass as he slid to the ground.</p><p>“<em>Lily!</em>” James was in front of her now, trembling as he enfolded her in his arms, hugging her right off of the table. “Are you all right? Did they hurt you? I’m so fucking sorry,” he hurried all in one breath. Lily was still trying to wrap her mind around what the fuck had just happened. He took a step back, looking at her dazed expression and putting everything together. Lily realized as an Auror in the time of Voldemort, James must have seen the Imperious curse used <em>a lot.</em> His hands quivered wildly as he tried to button her cardigan back up.</p><p>His fumbling fingers snapped her out of it. “James,” she whispered, putting her hands over his to stop the shaking, “I’m fine.”</p><p>He tried to continue in a frenzied state and she realized he was looking at her buttons like he was going to cry. “Babe, honestly,” she tried catching his eye, “they didn’t even touch me.” James let out a pained breath. She cupped his cheek, forcing him to look at her. “James. I’m okay. Nothing happened.” She could see ghosts living in his eyes. “I was even fighting it!” she bragged in a fake chipper tone. She was going to do anything to make him stop looking like he was on the verge of a heart attack — his lips were far too purple.</p><p>“Really?” he gulped saliva down his parched throat.</p><p>“Yeah! I yelled at him.” She knew she was the one who had nearly been assaulted, but she was going to put on a brave face for her boyfriend. He needed her to be okay, and she was going to give that to him.</p><p>“That’s my girl,” he choked out and took a few deep breaths. He brought his forehead down to rest against hers, squeezing her hands. “You know I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything happened to you.”</p><p>“Well, good thing I’m impervious to Imperious. My stubbornness is finally good for something.”</p><p>He chuckled hollowly, pulling her to his chest and kissing the top of her head. “I love you so fucking much.” The way he said it, like he would literally die without her, broke her heart.</p><p>She squeezed his waist. “I love you too.” She breathed him in. “Thank you for finding me.” There was a beat. “Wait, how did you find me?”</p><p>James took a deep inhalation, savoring her jasmine scent. “When you didn’t show up to the game, I checked the map. Knew something was wrong when practically the only people still in the school were you and those three.”</p><p>“The map?” Lily looked up at him.</p><p>James’ brow scrunched. “I keep forgetting I have to tell you about that.” He pecked her forehead. “But first, let’s bring these fucktards to Dumbledore’s office.” He shot out his Patronus to alert Albus of their imminent arrival.</p><p>Lily decided to let his childish insult fly this time. She let him sling his arm around her shoulders protectively as he levitated the three unconscious bodies, unceremoniously bashing their heads into every wall they passed on their way up to the gargoyle.</p><p>If Dumbledore had been at the game, he was in his office now. He looked from James holding Lily to the three floating bodies behind them gravely. “Please do tell me what happened.”</p><p>Lily found her voice sooner than James did, taking a step toward the desk and disentangling herself from him since James didn’t seem to be thinking properly — or care enough about propriety at the moment. “Uh,” she took a breath, feeling rather awkward, “I was attacked.” Lily had never viewed herself as a victim, and she wasn’t going to start now.</p><p>Dumbledore’s eyes flickered to James looking murderous for a second, then back to her.</p><p>“A 1st year asked me for help, but he was paid to lure me to the Slytherin common room.” James growled angrily behind her. “Mulciber used the Imperious curse on me and tried to get me to take my clothes off.” A loud thud behind her let Lily know James had dropped all the bodies to the stone floor. She carried on, needing to get this all out and as fast as possible so she would never have to talk about it again unless she wanted to. “They mentioned Amber Tarkin, Professor. I think they’ve done this before. To her.”</p><p>Dumbledore’s face didn’t flinch but she heard the anger of a thousand warriors in his voice when he said a simple, “I see.”</p><p>“I was able to fight it though, and that’s when Professor Potter came in and incapacitated them.”</p><p>Dumbledore took a moment. “You have shown great bravery tonight, Miss Evans. I hope you know this.”</p><p>“Thank you, Professor.”</p><p>“Do you have their wands, James?” James stepped forward and dropped three wands onto Dumbledore’s desk. “It will be easy to expel Mulciber as we can show his last curse was an Unforgivable one. He will stand trial at Wizengamot.” He saw Lily’s face blanch and continued, “Do not worry, a written statement will be more than enough with this strong of evidence, you will never have to see him again.“ Lily let out a breath she wasn’t aware of holding. “I will write to Miss Tarkin and ask if she would like to provide her own statement against him. As for the other two, what would you like me to do, Miss Evans?”</p><p>Lily shook her head, clearly not expecting to have any say in the matter. It was nice to think that a survivor would be given that much consideration. “Uh…” Her mind was suddenly blank, unable to come up with a solid solution. Did she think Snape and Macnair deserved hell for what they’d just allowed happen to her? Absolutely. They would probably have just watched as Mulciber raped her, or worse, participated. Lily let out an involuntary shudder as she tasted bile in the back of her throat. James was staring at her intently and reached for her hand, squeezing it in his as if to remind her she was not alone. He was there for her no matter what. She pushed through the disgust for her peers. “I never want to see them again, but if they’re expelled, they’ll just join the remaining Death Eaters still out there that much sooner, won’t they?”</p><p>Dumbledore looked at her over his steepled fingers, seemingly impressed. “Indeed.”</p><p>“Lily, it’s not your job to worry about that, we have to do what’s best for—”</p><p>Lily cut James off, still looking at the Headmaster. “They can stay. But I have some rules.”</p><p>Dumbledore’s eyes seemed to crinkle ever so slightly. “Of course, which are?”</p><p>Lily stood to her tallest height, ignoring James looking at her confused. “They are not to look at me, talk to me, or ever mention my name again. I want an Unbreakable Vow from them.” She gulped. “They can’t speak of Professor Potter either. Snape has to drop his class.” She knew this was ballsy, and probably blowing the lid off of their clandestine relationship — but something in her gut told her Dumbledore already knew about them, and was somehow okay with it. Something about him screamed that he was a sucker for forbidden love — or just any type of love in general.</p><p>“Lily—“ James tried.</p><p>“Very well,” Dumbledore said. “If that is what you’d like.”</p><p>Lily jutted out her chin. “It is.”</p><p>“I will see that it is taken care of.” Dumbledore stood up and approached her three attackers. He turned to James. “Please see to it that Miss Evans is delivered safely to her dorm.”</p><p>“Yes, sir,” James said, now seeming to be the dazed one himself.</p><p>Lily gave one last look at the unconscious boys, hating them with all her guts. She grabbed James’ hand and dragged him out of the office and into the stairwell.</p><p>“Lily,” he whispered weakly, “you should have just gotten rid of them.”</p><p>Lily waited until they were back in the empty hall to turn to him. “James, two birds, one stone.” Off his confused expression, she elaborated. “Macnair and Mulciber both knew about us, Snape must have told them.” His eyes widened at this. “Mulciber is going to go to Azkaban for casting an Unforgivable, so we don’t have to worry about him, but if the other two are expelled, they have no reason <em>not</em> to talk. They could tell anyone, and then you’re in deep shit. This way, we delay two more psychos on the loose <em>and </em>keep our secret safe.”</p><p>James looked at Lily like he could kiss her. But then he was kissing her — right there in the hall.</p><p>“James!” Lily looked around scandalized. “<em>We’re in public right now!</em>” she whispered horror-stricken.</p><p>“I don’t care, I just don’t care anymore,” James murmured pulling her into him.</p><p>“That’s not true, you <em>do</em> care,” Lily said, taking a step back and grabbing his arm once more to drag him to his room. “I know everyone’s at the game, but this is not the time to throw caution to the wind. There’s only so much Dumbledore can turn a blind eye to—”</p><p>“No, Lily, you don’t get it.” He stood still in the middle of the corridor, his halt whipping Lily’s body around to face him. “I really don’t. <em>You</em> are all I care about. I <em>can’t</em> lose you. I won’t.”</p><p>Lily looked at his pained expression, and had to give him a little kiss. “<em>Come</em>,” she demanded, finally able to get him to the privacy of his room. “James, you need to talk to me more about your time as an Auror, because it is clearly still fucking with you,” she told him firmly.</p><p>James’ jaw snapped back, looking at her startled. “This isn’t about me, <em>you</em> just nearly—”</p><p>“I’m <em>fine</em>, really, this shit happens all the time—”</p><p>“<em>What</em>?!” James looked ready to break someone’s neck with his bare hands.</p><p>“Okay, maybe not this badly, but James, honestly, I’m okay<em>.</em>”</p><p>He got distracted by his own tirade. “And that they tried to lure you with a <em>child, </em>they tried to take advantage of your kindness — <em>it’s despicable</em>! People who prey on the goodness of others are the <em>worst kind of scum on earth!</em>” He looked like he was about to pop a vein.</p><p>She held on to his forearms. “Hey, hey,” she cooed, trying to catch his eye. “Just breathe.”</p><p>He shut his hazel eyes tightly, making Lily miss them already. He let out a monstrous sigh. “I’m the worst boyfriend ever.”</p><p>“Don’t say that—”</p><p>“It’s true. I should be strong for you right now. Instead… you’re worried about <em>me.</em>”</p><p>Lily rubbed up and down his biceps. “Hey, we can’t be strong all the time.” He opened his eyes and was met with her shy smile. “You’ve been strong for me plenty. You take care of me, I take care of you. That’s what partners do.”</p><p>James reached out and traced her cheeks, leaning his face right in front of hers. “Thank you for being so quick on your feet.” He let out a little chuckle. “And getting Snape kicked out of my class. I may have ‘accidentally’ murdered him otherwise.”</p><p>Lily smirked. “Yeah, I figured.” She licked her lips. “But don’t think I’m gonna let you off the hook on this.” He made a face. “You need to talk to me about it.” James groaned, tilting his head back. “Please?” Lily pleaded. “I want to know everything about you.”</p><p>And so they talked. In the comfort of his bed, James laid himself bare: all his past missions, his traumas, every single thing that had been weighing on his soul since he’d joined the Auror program. Lily wiped away his tears as he reminisced on all the times Alice had saved him (at Hogwarts and after) and how he still missed her every damn day. How he felt like he was disgracing her memory by giving up the fight, but how he also couldn’t keep fighting knowing what he’d failed to prevent.</p><p>“She wouldn’t hold it against you,” Lily said, breaking her contemplative silence. She pushed James’ hair off of his forehead, curled against his side. He looked at her, willing himself to believe her words. “After everything you’ve told me about her, I know she loved you just as much as you loved her. She would never want you to keep hurting like this.” He burrowed himself into her embrace. “It wasn’t your fault, James. It’s okay to forgive yourself.” She tightened her grip on him and kissed the top of his head. <em>Please forgive yourself, please…</em></p><p>James let out a melancholy laugh into her bosom. “I just feel so weak.”</p><p>She pulled him back so she could hold his face and force him to look into her green eyes. “Having a heart doesn’t make you weak. Feeling love <em>does not make you weak. </em>It’s what makes you strong.” She brought her lips to his gently, determined to make him see himself the way she did — as the hero he was to her. “Your love makes me strong.” She smiled at her own sappiness, but he didn’t because it was exactly what he needed to hear.</p><p>Soon they dissolved into a puddle of kisses, comforting and loving each other until all the pain melted away.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. In Control</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, are you going to go to Hogsmeade?” Beth asked almost three weeks later. News had spread like wildfire that Mulciber had been expelled, and the students with <em>Daily Prophet </em>subscriptions were updating everyone else on how his trial was going. Justice was served incredibly fast in the Wizarding World. Since it was all over the papers, everyone knew what he was accused of, but not who he’d attacked. Lily was very grateful for that fact. Snape and Macnair had also remained true to their vow, the latter’s head almost comically snapping away sideways when Lily and he had unexpectedly found themselves taking the same route to class. For a second it looked as though the boy was considering jumping over the railing of a staircase to give her space.</p>
<p>“Ah, I’m not sure,” Lily replied. “You two both have dates, and I can’t very well go on one so…” Lily left out that she already had plans with James. Well, not exactly <em>with</em> him, since he didn’t know what was coming, but they involved him. You see, James had not tried to initiate or allowed anything more than kissing since her attack, and Lily was getting desperate. One week she appreciated; after all, it had been a lot to deal with, even if the assault attempt was thwarted. The second week was pushing it: she still wanted to feel desirable and not like she was now tainted or dirtied by the experience. But three weeks?! It was starting to feel like sexual torture.</p>
<p>Her roommates soon took their leave and Lily waved them off, only to sneak under the Invisibility Cloak and make her way to James’ private chambers. He had told her the password a long time ago.</p>
<p><em>Perfect, he’s in the shower. </em>Lily smirked to herself. This made things a lot easier. She cast a muffling spell, stripped to her skivvies and grabbed the nearest book off of his night stand (<em>of course it’s on Transfiguration</em>), flopping onto his bed so the first thing he’d see when he got out of the shower would be her thong-clad ass. She considered posing in a more sexy or seductive manner, but honestly wasn’t quite sure if she could pull it off with a straight face. Hopefully this would do the trick.</p>
<p>Five minutes later, the sound of James choking on air told her it was working out splendidly. “Lily!” he sputtered.</p>
<p>She gave him her brightest smile. “Hi, boyfriend.”</p>
<p>He chuckled, continuing to towel off his hair as he sat next to her on the edge of the mattress. “I assumed you’d be going to Hogsmeade today.”</p>
<p>Lily snuggled into him, kissing his bare side. “You know what they say about assumptions…” she chimed.</p>
<p>James flung his hair towel onto a nearby chair. “No, what do they say?” he asked confused.</p>
<p>Lily scrunched her brows at him. “Really? Have you never heard of any idioms?”</p>
<p>James’ hand flew into his hair. “Probably not, since I don’t know what the hell idioms are. What are they?”</p>
<p>Lily leaned her head into his lap. “Huh. I guess I don’t really know — like a saying or wordplay maybe?”</p>
<p>James smiled down at her, stroking her red hair lovingly. “Wordplay, eh?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. So they say assuming makes an <em>ass</em> out of… you know what, it doesn’t matter, want to have sex with meee?” Lily gave the silliest, most innocent wide smile, wrapping her arms around his stomach.</p>
<p>“Oh.” James pretended to be baffled. “Is <em>that</em> what you’re lying around half naked for? And here I just thought maybe I kept my room too hot.”</p>
<p>Lily began kissing her way up his torso. “Oh no, my intentions were much kinkier than that.”</p>
<p>James squirmed when Lily’s kisses on his collarbone tickled him. “Kinky you say?”</p>
<p>“Oh yes.” Lily reached around his lap to under a pillow and pulled out a metal contraption she’d hidden there when she’d first snuck in. “Downright kinky.”</p>
<p>James’ eyes went unnaturally wide when he saw the fuzzy pink rimmed handcuffs dangling from her finger. “Babe…” He sounded almost scared. “What are those?”</p>
<p>Lily smirked at him devilishly. “Oh come on, I think you know. Sirius sent them to me. Says he got them from a Muggle store.”</p>
<p>“What?!” James exclaimed, nearly jumping out of his skin. “Why would Sirius be sending you handcuffs?!” <em>I </em><em>knew</em><em> he knew what they were!</em></p>
<p>“Well,” Lily began timidly, “I may have owled him telling him how you didn’t want to sleep with me anymore—”</p>
<p>“That’s not true—!”</p>
<p>“—and he sent these and told me to tie you up and have my way with you.” Lily shrugged. She looked embarrassed as she continued, “I mean, I get it if our honeymoon phase is over or something, but I—”</p>
<p>James turned himself around to face her and pulled her into a sitting position in front of him. “Lily. Listen to me: the honeymoon phase is <em>far</em> from over, in fact, I plan on being in that phase with you for the rest of our magical lives.” Lily blushed and looked down to her lap. James cupped her cheeks and made her look back at him. “I want you. Good Merlin, I always want you. When you transformed into your doe and then back again last weekend like it was nothing, I nearly took you right then and there in the forest.”</p>
<p>“Then why didn’t you?” Lily whispered.</p>
<p>“Because… I don’t want you to think that I only want you for sex. And what happened to you.” He ran his hand through his hair anxiously. “And, honestly, I’m still kind of embarrassed about how much I cried in front of you with all of my confessions, and really, I guess, I just don’t want to <em>fuck this up.</em>” He swallowed thickly and leaned his forehead against hers.</p>
<p>Lily brought her fingernails up against the back of his neck and into his hair comfortingly. “You can’t fuck this up. We’re in it.” She kissed him gently and he achingly reciprocated.</p>
<p>When their lips parted, he chuckled. “I can’t believe you wrote to Sirius about wanting to bed me.”</p>
<p>“Hey now, don’t act scandalized. He’s my friend too and <em>somehow</em> he already knew <em>all</em> about our sex life.”</p>
<p>James’ brows lifted in mock surprise. “Hm. Imagine that. How curious.”</p>
<p>“Curious indeed,” Lily teased, pushing James onto his back and swinging a leg over his hips.</p>
<p>“Lily…” James said cautiously even though his hands still instinctively came up to rest on her milky thighs.</p>
<p>“Relax James, I’ll go easy on you.” She gave him a saucy wink while grabbing a wrist to cuff and leaning forward against him to sling the metal through the pillars of his headboard.</p>
<p>James fake chomped at one of her laced up breasts currently positioned right above his face. “Easy on me, eh?”</p>
<p>Lily pulled his other hand up and secured the wrist. “Yes, if you’re good.” She reached into her bra’s cup and pulled out a small silver key, placing it on his nightstand.</p>
<p>“Well, that looks awfully misplace-able.”</p>
<p>Lily smiled as she reached for his glasses and set them down right next to his freedom. She appreciated how much more boyish he looked without them on his straight nose. “Don’t worry. I’m a witch. I’m pretty sure I could get you out safely. Unless I,” she pushed her wand off the bed and they heard it clatter and roll on the floor, “whoops, lose my wand too.”</p>
<p>James’ eyes narrowed at her on top of him. “You’re enjoying this a little too much.”</p>
<p>Lily ran her nails down his chest, stopping at his knotted towel just in front of her hips. “And you, my love, just need to let go.” She leaned over him and whispered, “Because I don’t know if you noticed,” she licked his ear’s rim, “I’m in control now.” She felt the shiver that traveled down his body via her thighs and was more than thrilled when she sat back down to feel his raging erection pressing into her flesh. She opened up the towel and watched as his freed cock slapped up against his lower abs, ready for action.</p>
<p>“You sure?” James flexed his arms, testing the resistance of his metal bonds.</p>
<p>Lily perched up on her knees so she could drag her knickers down and then shifted her weight back, settling between his muscular legs to slip them off completely. His breathing hitched when he could suddenly see her cunt fully displayed below him. The air became thick with the smell of her wetness. It reeked of sex. “Yeah, pretty sure.” She smiled as he hadn’t stopped staring, his lips parted in awe. Her left hand came down to rub at her clit, finally snapping James out of his hypnosis. Lily guessed it had been a hard three weeks for him as well. “Then again, if you’re not ready, you can just watch me?” Lily let out an exaggerated moan as she upped the pressure of her fingers, making faster and faster circles around her bundle of nerves. Her legs were draped over his, so every time she flexed her hips, she was lightly grazing the underside of his balls. She knew she was torturing him a little, but at the same time, she thought it was well deserved. After all, hadn’t he been the one denying her for three bloody weeks, even from their dream time escapades? Lily had nearly considered blowing up Slughorn’s potions ingredients cupboard to ensure he wouldn’t be able to make any more of those pesky Lily-sex-dream-repelling potions.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” James growled and fought against his cuffs once more. ”Lily, let me touch you.” He looked so pained. “<em>Please.</em>”</p>
<p>Lily ignored his pleas for a few more minutes as she began to feel the effects of her own ministrations on her body. She brought her free hand up to her breast, kneading it through her bra, as the feelings inside of her started clenching and pulsing. From the corner of her eye, she saw his cock twitch, utterly jealous to be left out of this debauchery, but she didn’t care — she was determined to maintain her gaze squarely on her restrained boyfriend’s lust-filled eyes. Eyes which were becoming darker and darker with every spasm her body emanated.</p>
<p>“Lily, uncuff me,” he demanded, sounding about ready to fuck her silly for days.</p>
<p>Lily pushed herself up into a sitting position and then leaned forward. “No.” She shifted her hips back and her tongue escaped her mouth to lick him from his base up his shaft.</p>
<p>James involuntarily jerked his hips, yanking his arms above his head to no avail. “Lily, fuckin' hell,” he moaned out.</p>
<p>Lily smiled and then took his penis into her mouth, tasting his precum, humming vibrations as she pumped with her hands.</p>
<p>James writhed under her work and she watched as all his muscles flexed in response. <em>His biceps… I feel like I’ve been under-appreciating his gorgeous bulging biceps. </em>Lily had heard of people loving a certain body part of their partner, but what were you supposed to do when <em>every </em>part was fucking ridiculously hot? It wasn’t fair. How was a witch ever supposed to have any self-control in his presence? <em>Well, you kind of don’t, so that answers that question.</em></p>
<p>“Babe,” he groaned with half closed eyes, “I want to be inside you.” His dirty request sounded so sincere, she almost felt inclined to indulge him immediately. <em>Almost.</em></p>
<p>Lily brought her chin up and grinned mischievously. “You are inside my mouth.”</p>
<p>James let out a frustrated sigh, adjusting his hips. “Lils… please.”</p>
<p>Lily figured that was enough pleading for one day. She positioned her body over him, supporting herself against his chest. “As you wish,” she recycled his line on him, kissing him as she lowered her pussy down to where he wanted it.</p>
<p>He bit his lip hard as he felt her tightness settle all around him. “<em>Thank you.</em>” He couldn’t stop the words from spilling from his mouth.</p>
<p>“Any time,” she responded breathlessly as she began to ride him for all he was worth. It was most certainly different to not feel his hands all over her while they were making love, but Lily guessed she was trading the kinesthetic experience for a more visual one. And what a sight it truly was to have James be tied up beneath her with his arms pinned over his head. Her vagina clenched. Apparently it had a psychological payoff too: she felt powerful, she felt sexy, she felt — well — <em>untouchable.</em></p>
<p><em>“Lily</em>…<em>” </em>James looked like he was hanging on by a thread as she jerked his body up and down the bed. He hadn’t been able to keep her name off his tongue since she’d begun.</p>
<p>Seeing him look at her the way he was made her lose it for the second time. She heard squelching, watery noises, but she didn’t care; it was as though her mind had just exploded in a flurry of colors behind her eyeballs. She was only vaguely aware that she was crying out — <em>loudly </em>— as her nails dug into his pecs and her hips continued with a few powerful, spastic grinds. <em>This is what drugs must feel like, </em>was an insane thought that floated through her brain as she tried panting her way to normalcy, swaying back and forth. <em>Well, I’m officially a fucking addict then.</em></p>
<p>When she opened her lids, James was smirking up at her. “All right, Evans?” He sounded ridiculously pleased with himself.</p>
<p>“Yes, Potter, doing great, thanks for asking,” she replied, allowing herself to fall onto the mattress next to him so she could snuggle to his side. “I should tie you up more often.” She nuzzled her face against his arm. <em>No woman should be this into her man’s sweat, it isn’t right… it’s damn dangerous.</em></p>
<p>James chuckled, turning his head to her. “You know what, I didn’t hate it.” He winked at her.</p>
<p>Her eyes went wide. “Oh no, did you come? I’m sorry, I got so into myself.”</p>
<p>He grinned ever so tantalizingly. “I know. That’s why I came five minutes ago.”</p>
<p>“Really?” He nodded exuberantly. “But we kept going; doesn’t that hurt for you?”</p>
<p>James shrugged, making his chain rattle. “No. I was still enjoying myself watching you.”</p>
<p>Lily hit his abs to reprimand his naughtiness, but was met with a wet slapping noise instead of the expected sound of tight skin. She looked down confused. James’ loins and abs were covered in moisture. “Um, what’s that?” Lily was pretty sure he hadn’t just remained wet <em>there</em> from his shower.</p>
<p>“Uh…” James fumbled, craning his head from the moist mess to his girlfriend. “You came?” he said tentatively.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Lily was confused.</p>
<p>“Right,” James continued hesitantly. He wasn’t sure what Lily knew (seemed like not a whole lot on this particular subject) and he didn’t want to embarrass her. “So, this is normal. Sometimes.”</p>
<p>Lily’s eyebrows shot way up her forehead. “Wait, you’re saying <em>this,</em>” she motioned in his abs’ direction, “is from <em>me?</em>”</p>
<p>James shifted uncomfortably. He really wanted to grab for her hand but realized his hands were still cuffed. “Lily, it’s natural.” Lily somehow looked even more mortified. “You squirted. It was <b>hot</b>.”</p>
<p>She propped herself up on an elbow over him. “I <em>what?!</em>”</p>
<p>James shrunk a little bit under her glower. “Babe, can you please uncuff me so we can have a normal conversation about this?”</p>
<p>Lily scoffed but reached for the key, releasing James so he could rub at his wrists tenderly. It seemed he too had gotten a little carried away by the fantasy. He then immediately kissed her, threading his hands through her hair. “That was so sexy, you have no idea,” he whispered to her.</p>
<p>Lily leaned into his shoulder. “Mm, no distracting me.”</p>
<p>He rubbed her back soothingly. “Lily, please don’t be embarrassed. There’s no need. When I come, things get wet, when you come, things sometimes get wet too: that’s sex.” Lily laughed and bit his shoulder for something to do with her mouth amongst this awkwardness. She knew she shouldn’t feel ashamed, but it’s always rather startling when your body does something completely unexpected without your permission like that. “And I wasn’t kidding: you looked so fucking into it with your hair flying and your screaming and bloody hell…” he trailed off. “I’m sorry, where was I?”</p>
<p>Lily pushed him away, smiling through her blush. “Okay, okay, I can come any way I like, I get it.”</p>
<p>James pulled Lily back into him. “Yes love, <em>please</em> come any way you like <em>all over me.</em>”</p>
<p>Lily giggled, but abruptly stopped when there was a sharp knock on the door.</p>
<p>“Professor? Are you still holding office hours today?”</p>
<p>Lily and James both groaned. Well, that was most certainly one way to remind you that you were still, in fact, inside of a school and <em>probably </em>shouldn’t be doing any of this.</p>
<p>“Uh, one moment please!” James stammered out, but there was another knock.</p>
<p>“Oh!” Lily swung her upper half over the edge of the bed, reaching for her wand. “I put a muffling charm on the door.” She settled back next to him. “One second… there.” She took off the spell and cleaned up his body while she was at it.</p>
<p>“Professor?”</p>
<p>James kissed her temple whispering a thank you. “One moment please, I’ll be right out!” They heard footsteps shuffling away in the classroom. James dropped his face into Lily’s chest. “Ugh, I’m the worst teacher ever,” he whined. “I completely forgot I had office hours today, and I’m behind grading papers, and Remus still isn’t answering any of my owls and—”</p>
<p>Lily broke his rant by pulling him up and planting her lips against his. She smiled when she saw him taking a deep breath in through his nose and out his mouth. She reached over for his glasses and perched them back on his nose. “You are a great professor. You got this.”</p>
<p>He looked at her through thick lashes. “Stay here so I can hang with you after?”</p>
<p>“Okay.” He smiled so big she could see his cute cheek dimple. “I’ll just take a nap or something.”</p>
<p>“Perfect,” he said strutting out of bed towards the door.</p>
<p>“James!” she whisper-yelled before he reached for the doorknob. “You might want to put some clothes on first!”</p>
<p>He turned around sheepishly, still fully nude, making for his closet and grabbing a pair of trousers and a shirt. He hopped in, giving Lily a peck on the head as he got dressed. “What would I do without you?”</p>
<p>“Be truly and utterly embarrassed, I presume.”</p>
<p>He finished with his top button and popped down his collar. “Wish me luck,” he said, walking to the door for the second time.</p>
<p>“You don’t need it, Professor,” she teased.</p>
<p>He gave her an eye-roll before exiting and she heard him greet a student and apologize for losing track of time while he showered. Lily sniggered to herself thinking of the poor girl he was talking to. James really should never allude to being anything but fully dressed at all times for the good of anyone else’s poor hormones.</p>
<p>Lily slowly got redressed and looked around for something to do. She’d told him she’d sleep so he wouldn’t feel bad leaving her, but in all honesty, she was far too amped after <em>that </em>romp to do anything of the sort.</p>
<p>Her eyes landed upon a stack of papers next to his favorite armchair by the fireplace. She wandered over and settled down grabbing his quill and red ink. <em>How hard can 3rd year papers be? If anything, it will be like revising my basics</em>. And so she did, easily finishing the essays and the 6th year tests.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“Professor?”</p>
<p>James snapped back to reality after having been caught daydreaming in his office. Try as he might, he could not quite dispel images of Lily gyrating on top of him in her bra — clearly having the time of her life and succumbing to her most powerful orgasm yet. And he hadn’t been lying, her leaking out on him <em>was sexy. </em>Her jaw had been slack, her green eyes glowing before she sealed them shut, and her body had given herself completely up to rapture. What more could any man want than for his love to be so absolutely overwhelmed from just<em> him</em> inside of her? It was insane. And it was clear Lily got off on having dominance over him… and yeah, he may have gotten a bit of a thrill from being overpowered like that too. It was a nice change from always being in command as a professor… an Auror… Quidditch Captain, Head Boy, leader of the Marauders… <em>fuck. </em>He <b>loved</b> that Lily tied him down and had her way with him as Sirius had suggested.</p>
<p>He shuddered. Why the hell did his best mate know this about him? ‘<em>Masochist…</em>’</p>
<p>“Right, sorry Melissa, say that one more time?” James had felt very relieved when he’d seen it was the 6th year Slytherin prefect waiting for him. He knew from her test scores and class participation that she was very smart and understood his subject, but she came to every office hours all the same, and James wasn’t thick enough not to know why.</p>
<p>“I just don’t understand why conjuring finches is so much easier than conjuring lovebirds,” she asked, twirling a long black lock around her forefinger.</p>
<p>
  <em>Oh boy.</em>
</p>
<p>When James had finally given the lovestruck student enough face-time for her liking — not a problem he’d imagined having when he’d agreed to take this job — he snuck back into his room and kissed Lily sitting in his chair before sinking to the floor by her feet and leaning back against her knees. “I think I’m gonna go back to Auroring after this. If I can survive teenage girls, I can survive anything.”</p>
<p>“Hey now,” Lily objected as she ran her fingers through his chaotic hair, making him lean further into her, loving it. “Your girlfriend is a teenage girl.”</p>
<p>“Oy, don’t remind me,” he joked, earning himself a slap on the shoulder. He tilted his head up to look at her. “Wait, what are you doing?”</p>
<p>Lily collected all the papers strewn across her lap and moved them back to his side table. “Just helping you out,” she said nonchalantly.</p>
<p>He grabbed the papers, mouth comically hanging open, flipping through her corrections. He put them back and twisted onto his knees to face her. “Lily Evans, have I told you,” he seized her hand, kissing it, “you are the most brilliant,” he kissed her forearm, “magnificent,” kissed her shoulder, “<em>wonderful </em>witch I have ever met?” His kisses devolved to blowing raspberries on her neck, causing her to giggle against him.</p>
<p>“All right, all right, I’m brill, stop!” she gasped out.</p>
<p>He stilled and brought his nose against her cute sloped one. “Thank you. Seriously.”</p>
<p>She threw her arms around his shoulders. His kneeled position in front of her here brought all the fuzzy feelings of telling him she loved him for the first time back to her stomach. “Well, it wasn’t completely selfless of me, I was sorta hoping we could go on another date now?”</p>
<p>“Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?”</p>
<p>She smiled like an overexcited eleven year old — which was actually how old she’d been when she’d decided she very much would like to do this with a boy she liked one day. “Have you ever gone to the movies?”</p>
<p>“Oh, the long, speaking pictures Muggles watch in a crowded dark room?”</p>
<p>Lily tilted her head. “I guess, yeah.”</p>
<p>“No!” James said gleefully. “Would you like to take me?”</p>
<p>“Yes!” Lily cried, jumping to her feet and hauling him up with her. “I brought Muggle money and I figured we could just Apparate to any Muggle city and pop in. Maybe grab a bite to eat afterwards?”</p>
<p>“Sounds perfect,” James said picking up his Invisibility Cloak and her hand, ready to sneak off to the Forbidden Forest. “And you can show me that Apparation you’ve been mastering.”</p>
<p>Lily gave him a skeptical look. “I don’t quite know if I’m good enough for Side-Along Apparation yet.”</p>
<p>James gave her a wink. “I trust you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Birthday Fluff</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It turned out James <b>really</b> loved <em>Star Wars </em>and bubbled over with excitement when he learnt it was the first of a trilogy. “It really is too bad Solo can’t use the force, it’s sorta like magic, isn’t it? It’s like Muggles know we’re out here but can’t quite put their finger on it. I bet this George fellah got Obliviated at one point because he saw too much and some of it lingered and people have been calling him crazy ever since,” he animatedly exclaimed brandishing one of his chips. “I bet it was Shacklebolt — his <em>Obliviate</em> is hit or miss,” he contemplated.</p>
<p>Lily smiled fondly, picking up her drink as he continued. They were in a small pub next to the theater.</p>
<p>“So, will you let me take you to the next one?” he asked pseudo-nonchalantly.</p>
<p>“It won’t come out for a few years, James.”</p>
<p>“I know.” He was studying her face, an adorably hopeful look on his.</p>
<p>“Sure.” She blushed, cutting up some of her battered cod.</p>
<p>“Perfect,” James said smugly as he finally popped the chip into his mouth with a satisfying crunch.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Lily was absolutely positive all her teachers were out for blood as it became late March. There were pop quizzes every other day, pages and pages of assignments, and more than a few mental breakdowns of her peers as N.E.W.T.s loomed nearer.</p>
<p>There wasn’t a single 7th year who couldn’t tell you how many days were left until spring break.</p>
<p>“I assume you’re staying here for holiday?” James asked over his stack of papers in his room one day.</p>
<p>Lily looked up from her Potions book, hair frizzy and eyes wild. “Yes. I have about — I don’t know — <em>seven years </em>of knowledge to cram. I think I’ll live in the library. Set up permanent residence. Squatters’ rights and what not.”</p>
<p>James chuckled. “Would you mind if I stayed too then?”</p>
<p>“No,” Lily sighed, “I was rather hoping you would.” She pointed her finger at him. “I’m serious though. I will be <em>studying. </em>I can’t slack off now.”</p>
<p>James grinned and got up, slinking his way towards her. “Well, you know you’ve already gotten an O in my class,” he whispered naughtily in her ear.</p>
<p>Lily gasped and pushed him back. “No! Don’t you dare! I need to <em>earn </em>my scores!”</p>
<p>James pulled her to her feet. “Oh, I’d say you more than earned it,” he continued as he wiggled his eyebrows, riling her up.</p>
<p>Soon, he was kissing her neck in that way she loved, but she did her best to resist him. “James f-ing Potter, if you dare…”</p>
<p>His lips curled at her pulse point. “Fine. I’ll continue to grade you <em>fairly.</em>” His hands on her hips tightened enticingly. “But in return I expect more than a few of your study breaks.”</p>
<p>She tugged on his belt. “Done.”</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“Are you sure? It’s not too late to come, my parents really wouldn’t mind.” The three girls were standing on the platform next to the big, scarlet steam engine. There was a cacophony of yells as kids bustled all around them, trying to haul their pets and bags onto the train.</p>
<p>“Yes, Beth, I’m just gonna be studying the whole time anyway, don’t worry about me,” Lily said, hugging her two best friends close. “Besides, it’s my last holiday I can stay at Hogwarts. It’ll be cool. I’ll go exploring like I’m always told I should.” There was a humorous glint in her eye.</p>
<p>“Mmhm,” Dorcas hummed, raising her eyebrows.</p>
<p>Lily shoved her onto the train. “Shut up.”</p>
<p>Dorcas adjusted her bag on her shoulder and put up her palms in mock innocence. “I didn’t say anything!”</p>
<p>“Oh, be gone, you.” Lily smiled, happy the crisp spring air was in full swing as she waved off the Hogwarts Express.</p>
<p>She picked a few flowers on her way back to the castle, whistling happily to herself.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“Ten… nine… eight…” Later that night, Lily was counting down whilst jumping on James’ bed in his red Quidditch jersey, avoiding James lounging beneath her. “Seven… six…” She plopped down next to him, still staring at her watch. “Five… four… three…” She leaned over his face and swung a leg over his. “Happy birthday, James!”</p>
<p>He leaned up to her lips, kissing her softly as his hand tangled in her hair. “Already my best birthday yet.”</p>
<p>Lily rolled her eyes and reached over him for the wrapped parcel next to the flowers she’d put in a vase on his nightstand. “I seriously hope not. That would be sad.”</p>
<p>James clung to her waist as she readjusted next to him and put the present on his chest. “Why? I’m in bed with a foxy redhead who’s wearing my name on her back.”</p>
<p>“Foxy?!” Lily tittered. “Dear lord, James, you are such a dork.”</p>
<p>James swatted her black knicker-clad bum. “Hey! It’s my birthday! You have to accept me and my dorkiness today of all days!”</p>
<p>Lily tilted her head at him making James’ heart flutter. “I’ll try my best.” She poked her gift. “Now: open, open!”</p>
<p>James pecked her forehead and his face split into a lop-sided grin at her eagerness. “All right, all right, two birds, one stone.”</p>
<p>“No! That’s not how you use that phrase!”</p>
<p>James smirked at her and tore a box free of the decorative Snitch wrapping and opened it to reveal a silver wristwatch with a deep burgundy face. He pulled it out gingerly.</p>
<p>“Do you like it? I thought of going full Gryffindor colors, but thought the gold would look too gaudy, and I remembered you like silver, plus this way it sort of matches my necklace, but if you really don’t like it, I’m sure we could go back and trade it in for—”</p>
<p>James cut off her nervous rambling with a sweet kiss, lingering by her lips until she squirmed with a different sort of restlessness. “I love it, Lily, thank you.” He secured it against his left wrist, the opposite side from where she wore hers. “How does it look?”</p>
<p>“Dashing,” Lily complimented. Truth be told, she loved that he would now be able to wear a token of her love just like she wore one of his at all times. It would remind her, even on the days where she could only see him in class and there was no time to sneak off for secret rendezvous, that she was still there with him — on his mind (or wrist).</p>
<p>“How’d you get it? I thought you didn’t go to Hogsmeade?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t,” Lily admitted, “well, not when everyone else did. I may have snuck out using one of those tunnels you showed me last week.”</p>
<p>James smiled proudly. “That’s my girl.”</p>
<p>He was just about to inundate her with his lips when his mirror started calling for him loudly. He gave her an apologetic look then pulled the mirror up so they could both see Sirius.</p>
<p>“<em>Haaaaaaappy birthdaaaaay toooo youuuuu!</em>”</p>
<p>“Please don’t sing the whole—”</p>
<p>“<em>HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!</em>”</p>
<p>“Oh Merlin—”</p>
<p>“<em>Haaaaappeeeee birthday, happy birthday!</em>”James just stared, daring him to go on and Sirius cocked an eyebrow, all but saying he would gladly take on this challenge. He took a deep breath. “<em>HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!</em>”</p>
<p>“Yay!” Lily clapped, relishing in James’ bright red face. “Encore, encore!”</p>
<p>“I won’t make it to 22 with you two,” James moaned.</p>
<p>“What a terrible thing to say,” Sirius replied, looking between them. “So, you finished already?” He wriggled his eyebrows.</p>
<p>“Padfoot,” James warned half-heartedly.</p>
<p>Sirius chuckled. “Did you open my present yet?”</p>
<p>“Oh!” Lily jumped to the floor to retrieve the rather large box Sirius had sent to her dorm using two owls.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>It turned out Sirius had gifted sex toys. Lots and lots of sex toys. While James and Lily had been visibly mortified when he unwrapped them (“I took this box with me to <em>class</em> today! I <b>swore</b> it was buzzing in History, <em>oh my god!</em>”), they totally tested out a few of them as soon as they had stowed the mirror safely away. They concluded whatever this thing called a ‘sex swing’ was looked far too complicated to set up (and who even knew how magic could help them with it), but discovered some of the vibrating wands and gizmos were beyond pleasurable.</p>
<p>Needless to say, they slept soundly until noon Saturday, still tingling with happiness and the knowledge that they’d gotten to know each other’s bodies even more intimately than before. Lily giggled under the covers as she remembered the sound James had made when she’d applied pressure to <em>that </em>previously uncharted swath of skin on his body.</p>
<p>James joined her under the sheet, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “What are you over here giggling about?” he asked suspiciously in his scratchy morning voice.</p>
<p>“Nothing,” Lily chimed, tracing her fingertips over his abs. “Good morning, birthday boy.”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe you…”</p>
<p>“Well, that’s too bad, because I’ll <em>never</em> tell you what I was just thinking about,” she teased.</p>
<p>James grabbed her wrist on him and yanked it so she was draped over his body. “Oh yeah?” He began tickling her ruthlessly. “We’ll see about that.”</p>
<p>She thrashed on him, laughing hysterically. “James! No, stop!” Tears were forming in her eyes. “I have to pee!” she squeaked.</p>
<p>“Oy, thwarted this time,” James said stopping his attack and transitioned to kissing along her neck and down her chest until he brought her nipple into his mouth, sucking lightly until it hardened for him.</p>
<p>Lily’s head lolled, sighing softly. She’d lost count of how many times she’d come the night before (it was truly excessive — or perhaps her brain had just melted into a puddle of hedonism after the first few), but somehow she was still up for more.</p>
<p>She looked down to see James smiling up at her. “I thought you had to go pee?” He knew he could distract the crap out of her with even the slightest touch. Her body was a finely tuned machine and he was the mechanic, ready to really get his hands dirty to see what made her tick.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Lily’s face flushed. “I’m on it.” She climbed off of him and scampered to the loo.</p>
<p>James relaxed back into his pillows, interlocking his fingers behind his head. <em>This vacation is gonna be wicked. </em>He felt a little guilty considering how much stress he knew Lily would be under for the rest of the year, but he was still doing a selfish little happy dance in his head at the thought of two weeks without having to grade a single paper or test, or write any lesson plans. Who knew, maybe James would finally figure out what he was going to do next year. Was he finally ready to go back to Auroring? Sirius had dropped, quite conspicuously, that his partner was retiring this summer due to his upcoming baby. Maybe <em>they</em> could be partners. Maybe James could find it within himself to keep up the good fight.</p>
<p>For Alice. For <em>Lily.</em></p>
<p>“Well, don’t just lie there, I have a whole day planned for you,” Lily said from the doorway in her Quidditch uniform — except with his jersey.</p>
<p>He raised an eyebrow as she tossed him his clothes. He noticed she’d enlarged her own jersey so he could wear it. He smirked, added a little magic touch, then threw it on, standing up so he could climb into his trunks and athletic trousers. “How’s it look?” He turned around to show her his back.</p>
<p>Lily grinned. He’d added an apostrophe after the EVANS. “I love it.”</p>
<p>He winked at her and grabbed his broom from the closet as she picked up her heavy bag. He took her hand. “Where to, Evans?”</p>
<p>“Hm, I wonder, Potter?”</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>After they’d collected her broom and popped into the kitchens for a quick bite, they walked to the pitch under the cloak, finding it rather hard laden with equipment. They were pleasantly surprised to not encounter a single soul save for Peeves.</p>
<p>“All right, Evans,” James said, tossing up a Quaffle single-handedly. “How do you want to play this? Half-court? Take turns as Keeper?”</p>
<p>He pitched the ball to her, and she caught it effortlessly. “I was thinking we warm up with penalty shots and then see where it goes.”</p>
<p>He grinned giddily. “Oh, you’re on.”</p>
<p>It turned out they were well-matched: her strength in defense shining through while he showed off all his Chaser prowess. He still sunk some truly epic shots, resulting in a frustrated Lily giving up her post and racing him around the pitch while he laughed loudly. She eventually caught up to him and yanked on his bristles.</p>
<p>“Oy, Evans! Illegal play!” he yelled as she overtook him.</p>
<p>“Look at the jersey! It clearly says POTTER! Guess that git gets the foul.” She winked and sped off.</p>
<p>James simpered to himself as he watched her go. <em>Am I nuts for liking that name on her this much?</em></p>
<p>When they’d tired themselves out, Lily excused herself and flew to one of the stands while James packed the Quaffle away. Curiosity getting the better of him, he followed her up, making her jump and turn around to face him. “What’s this?” he asked, dismounting and stepping toward her.</p>
<p>“Ta-da!” Lily slid to the side, revealing a candlelit table with two little chairs.</p>
<p>“Did you transfigure a bench into this?” James asked impressed.</p>
<p>Lily chuckled, placing a daisy from her fist into a small vase. “You would ask that first.”</p>
<p>James gave her a boyish grin. “Five points to Gryffindor.”</p>
<p>“The blatant favoritism…” Lily fake-admonished shaking her head as James held out her chair for her.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry Lily, you can always do something naughty to lose them later.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m planning on it,” she flirted back as he took his seat opposite her. She looked at her watch. “I figured we’ll have a good view of the sunset over the lake from here too.” Lily tapped her wand to her large bag she’d banished up here earlier and suddenly their steak-frites dinner appeared on their plates. She pulled out a bottle of champagne, clearly reminiscing about their first date. “Would you like to do the honors again?”</p>
<p>He gladly accepted, popping off the cork and pouring them some. “Truly Lily, this is amazing. Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Pinky and Dusty are the real heroes. They helped distract you and snuck the food to me at breakfast. Well, brunch I guess.”</p>
<p>“Damn. And here I thought Pinky really did want to show me her new haul of vegetables.”</p>
<p>They laughed and ate, James regaling Lily with stories of all the surprises the Marauders had pulled on him for his past birthdays. It turned out a lot of them involved ensuring James would always end up involuntarily in his birthday suit. “So, as I’m sure you can tell, this is demonstrably better.”</p>
<p>“Well, don’t count your chickens yet, the night is still young,” she said suggestively, downing her champagne.</p>
<p>He blinked for a beat. “Do you have some sort of avian fetish I need to know about?”</p>
<p>Lily snorted, quite gracefully, her drink out of her nose.</p>
<p>After they’d transformed the space back to its original glory and snuggled for the sunset, Lily asked James what else he still wanted to do.</p>
<p>“Hm—”</p>
<p>Suddenly a loud <b><em>bang</em>! </b>pierced the air as fireworks lit up the sky above them.</p>
<p>Lily looked up at James, holding her close under his arm, and saw the colorful explosions reflecting in his glasses as his mouth dropped open. “Are you <em>serious?!</em>” He looked at her delightedly, pulling her to his mouth.</p>
<p>Lily turned away laughing. “You’re gonna miss them kissing me!”</p>
<p>“Worth it,” he said as he gave her temple a quick peck and looked back up to see red stars and gold spirals whizzing about. It looked like it was reaching the crescendo, fireworks exploding faster and faster, ending with a giant, ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOTHERFUC—‘</p>
<p>“Goddamnit, Sirius,” Lily sighed, covering her face with her hands. James cackled merrily next to her.</p>
<p>While their ears were still ringing, James leaned his head against hers, rubbing her arm. “You spoil me, you know?”</p>
<p>Lily’s eyes twinkled as she gazed back at him. “That’s the whole point.”</p>
<p>“So…” James began in a voice laced with mischief, “I know you said no to the whole shagging on a broom thing—”</p>
<p>“Yes I did. Your birthday will <em>not</em> be your death day.”</p>
<p>“—but what about down there?”</p>
<p>Lily looked over the railing to where he was pointing. “You mean in the middle of the pitch?” She wasn’t aware her voice could go quite that high. “Are you mad?!” she whispered as though as soon as the conversation had turned salacious they’d gained an audience. She put a finger to his lips as his eyes went wide. “Don’t you dare say, ‘only about you’.”</p>
<p>“Fack,” James muttered, caught in his predictability. He brought her wrist up to his lips and tenderly kissed her pulse point. “What do you say?” She already knew she was done for. <em>Why am I even pretending like I have to think about this? </em>“Come on, like you’ve never wanted to fuck out here.”</p>
<p>The low timbre of his voice combined with the smooth, calm way he swore erupted goosebumps across her skin. She swallowed dryly. “But we’ll be so exposed…” <em>Lily Evans, you are such a liar. You are LYING.</em></p>
<p>“My Disillusionment Charm’s pretty good. I can make it so we’ll still be able to see each other, so it’ll feel extra risqué. Plus we’ll be in the middle of the field, so we can always take the cloak and run if anyone approaches.” He was whispering in her ear now. “And you know there are no rounds on holidays…”</p>
<p><em>We better get down there before I take him right here on this bench. How the hell is he making it sound so good? </em>Lily shivered in his embrace, feeling the all too familiar pooling of heat between her legs. <em>Is this what life will be like with him? A life full of adventure and naughtiness and stolen moments that make me feel like a woman — a loved, cherished </em><b><em>woman</em></b><em> — in a way I’ve never felt before? </em>“You’re so bad, Potter.” <em>I can’t fucking wait.</em></p>
<p>“That’s what makes me so good,” he flirted.</p>
<p>And boy, was it <em>good. </em>After James had flown them down to the ground, he’d transfigured his broom into a blanket (“So we can still claim we had sex on a broom!”) and gently laid her down with kisses. Exhausted from all their crazy positions the night before as well as playing Quidditch for hours, they’d stuck to a simple, but romantic, missionary, allowing themselves to get lost in each other’s eyes.</p>
<p><em>This. </em><b><em>This</em></b><em> is making love, </em>Lily thought as an overwhelmingly happy tear slid down her cheek.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Teacher, Teacher</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>So this is honestly the chapter that inspired me to write this whole damn story :D Just wanted this smut make sense :) Does that make me insane?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first week of holiday dragged on for Lily, but flew by for James as he had Sirius over a few times and Apparated with him to various pubs a few other nights. One of those nights, he was shocked to find Remus there too — but it turned out it had been a ploy Sirius had hatched up to get the gang back together. After some discussion, and more than a couple of drinks, they had reached a moderately amicable détente. James figured maintaining this shaky friendship would depend on his ability to not bring up Lily’s name very much. But being James — this was now all he seemed to be capable of doing.</p><p>After the fifth, ‘Oh, my girlfriend said/did,’ Sirius threw his hands up in the air. “Wow! Wormtail, did you hear Prongs has a girlfriend?”</p><p>“<em>What</em>?” Peter said, playing along. “No! News to me!”</p><p>Even Remus had to chuckle.</p><p>Meanwhile, Lily was up to her elbows in studying, often snapping at the two 2nd years who had also stayed at the castle and would take to whispering in the library. <em>Like they have ANY responsibilities! Bloody thirteen year olds!!!</em></p><p>☆☆☆</p><p><em>“</em>All right. That’s it, I’m taking you out. Come on!” James said Friday night, prying her Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook out of her hands.</p><p>“No!” Lily yelped, making a grab for it. “James! I <em>must</em> study! I can’t flunk out! I’d probably be the first Head Girl in the history of Hogwarts to get a T!” She looked around frantically. “That reminds me, I’m behind on my History of Magic revision—”</p><p>“Lily!” James said firmly, dropping to her eye level. “You’re a brilliant witch and you won’t get a Troll; you’re just going loopy. When was the last time you showered?”</p><p>Lily grimaced in embarrassment, taking a whiff of herself. “I’m sorry, do I smell?”</p><p>James smiled at her. “You smell like peaches and roses, but get your butt in the shower. I’m taking you on a study break.” Lily opened her mouth as if to protest, but James held up a finger. “Nope. No arguing, Professor’s orders.”</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes. “Well, that’s a massive abuse of power.”</p><p>James shrugged. “You promised. Plus, study breaks actually help; I read it somewhere.”</p><p>Lily got up and sauntered over to his bathroom. “Oh yeah?” she called over her shoulder. “Was this in another <em>Witch Weekly </em>article?”</p><p>He chuckled. “You know, I’ll get the last laugh when I can help identify ten ways to know if your crush likes you back!”</p><p>Lily poked her head out from behind the door. “Really?”</p><p>James settled into his favorite armchair, prepared to wait for her to get ready. “Number one: he reminds you to take study breaks.”</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes lovingly (<em>who knew my eyeballs would get such a workout dating James?</em>) and disappeared behind the door once more.</p><p>When she came back out, her eyes landed on a reindeer stuffed animal sitting on his desk she hadn’t seen previously. She picked it up laughing. “Why James, aren’t you a little old for plushies?”</p><p>James strolled over to her, offering her his arm to take. “It’s for Neville. I like to bring him something every time I visit. You know, godfather duties.” Lily felt her heart melting. “I’m blatantly buying his affection — gotta start young.” He tapped his temple jokingly.</p><p>Lily stared at him with a special kind of adoring look that James hadn’t quite seen in her eyes prior. Before he could ponder what exactly was different about it, she leaned in and soundly kissed him.</p><p>He smiled goofily when she broke free but still clung to his arm. “What was that for?”</p><p>She squeezed his arm as they took off on their date. “Just for being you.”</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>He sat under the Invisibility Cloak, drinking his Firewhiskey whilst undetectable. It was getting a little stuffy, but he couldn’t complain because he was on a date with the girl of his dreams. <em>How bad can life truly be?</em></p><p>Lily had her back to the rest of the near-vacant pub so it wouldn’t look as weird when she was seemingly talking to no one. It had already looked strange enough when she’d ordered herself a Butterbeer and a Firewhiskey, but hey, being an alcoholic was a reputation she’d be willing to take for this man. She’d already had worse.</p><p>Either way, it was nice to be back at the place where Lily had first realized that James Potter found her incredibly fit.</p><p>After discussing her applications to Potions apprenticeships (something <em>else </em>she’d been tackling between all the studying), she dramatically shifted. “What’s your opinion on role play?” She obviously couldn’t see him, so she just smirked at her bottle when she heard him sputter.</p><p>“Really, you’re gonna ask me this here?” She could hear his cheeky smile.</p><p>“What’s the problem? No one can see you. Now they just think this looney bird in the corner is drunk <em>and</em> horny as hell.”</p><p>Lily felt an invisible hand rest on her thigh. “I want to kiss you.”</p><p>Lily giggled. “Okay, there’s no way I can make that work without someone committing me.”</p><p>James scooted closer to her along the edge of the booth. He leaned into her ear. “So what kind of role play were you thinking about?”</p><p>Lily bit the inside of her cheek, turning an appetizing shade of pink that matched her current gloss. He actually loved having his cloak on around her so he could admire her face unabashedly.</p><p>“Maybe student-Professor?”</p><p>James scoffed. Lily’s eyes remained resolutely on her bottle. “Wait. Are you serious?” James asked incredulously. “But I <em>am</em> your professor! I don’t think you know what role play is.”</p><p>“Yeah, but you’re not really…” Lily brushed off.</p><p>“Um, the midterm paper with your name on it that I graded before holiday, great take by the way, <em>disagrees</em>,” James countered.</p><p>Lily looked in his general direction, found it too bizarre, so looked up at the ceiling instead. “I mean, I think of us as just: James and Lily, you know? You and me.”</p><p>Unbeknownst to Lily, the sweetest smile had spread across James’ face. “Yeah, I do know.” He moved his hand up to hers and gave it a squeeze through the fabric. “Go on, what were you thinking then?” he encouraged.</p><p>Lily clucked her tongue to the roof of her mouth. “Well,” she spoke sheepishly, in stark contrast to the filth she was about to utter, “I’ve always had this fantasy where you fuck me silly on your desk.” There was absolute silence. “James?”</p><p>“Yeah,” he exhaled, “still here. Just dead.”</p><p>Lily giggled. “So… is that a yes?” Suddenly, she felt herself getting dragged out of the pub and towards the shortest of the secret passageways back to the school. “Babe!” she cried, struggling to keep up with his sprint. “Slow down!” She couldn’t help but laugh at him.</p><p>James removed the Invisibility Cloak in the cover of the passageway. “Did you hear what you said to me?” He leaned closer to her as he slowed to a jog, but continued dragging her nonetheless. “Be happy I haven’t thrown you over my shoulder and tried Apparating.”</p><p>Lily rolled her eyes, feeling like the sexiest vixen on the planet from James’ sheer exuberance. They climbed back into the castle and broke apart a little, making their way down to his classroom.</p><p>“I think there’s a desk with your name on it. Literally,” Lily purred as they entered his door on the first floor. She pulled him along by his tie, practically skipping as he used his wand to lock up behind them.</p><p>She perched upon his desk facing him and threw her cloak back. Her fingers started working on her shirt’s top buttons. “I’m here for my Remedial Transfiguration lesson, sir” she said innocently.</p><p>“Remedial?” James questioned with a lop-sided grin as he came forward in front of her to kiss her fiercely. She’d finished her buttons, tore off her shirt, and started on his. His hands came up to knead her breasts through the powder blue fabric still enclosing them as she brought her white thigh-high sock-clad legs around his hips to pull him in closer. She bit his lower lip as she felt him tweaking her nipples. “Don’t sell yourself short,” he muttered between kisses. “You’re more of a Highly-Advanced, Gifted Transfiguration class kinda gal.”</p><p>His head dipped to her neck and she gasped pulling at his untidy, sex hair. “Of course, how silly of me.” He travelled lower until his tongue met her bra, and he reached behind her to unclasp it, relishing in seeing her tits bounce free. His mouth instantly claimed one. “I am... I am,” Lily tried, “quite gifted.”</p><p>James’ mouth curved upwards around her nipple. “In more ways than one.”</p><p>Suddenly, James pulled Lily by the knees, causing her to lay flat on her back, yelping at the unexpected change. He slowly spread her legs apart, causing her skirt to reveal blue panties. He licked his lips as he looked at her face, seeing her eager abandon. She was so deliciously his. His hands lay on her thighs and he massaged his thumbs inward, grinning when he saw Lily hold her breath as he reached the edge of her underwear. “So, so gifted.”</p><p>He hooked his fingers on the band and pulled them down her legs, bringing his mouth down to her. She whimpered when his tongue swirled around her numb. Her body was warm and humming to him. He brought one hand up to rub her breast as his other one gently explored below his lips, teasing around where exactly she wanted it.</p><p>Her hand flew into his hair, holding on for dear life. “Professor,” she moaned. He guessed she was really committing to this role play.</p><p>“Yes?” he asked coyly.</p><p>His fingers were skimming her folds, getting wetter by the minute, but he (<em>very fucking annoyingly) </em>had not entered her yet. “Please,” she begged, bucking her hips upwards as far as his face allowed to demonstrate her uncontrollable need for him.</p><p>James obliged slipping one finger in slowly, watching as her almond eyes rolled back in pleasure and her body relaxed for a second, only to tense right back up. He added another and began pumping them in and out. Her gorgeous breasts were obstructing a clear view of her face, so he brought his other hand down to continue rubbing her clit so his eyes could feast on her coming undone like he wanted to. It wasn’t long before her knees clamped on him like a vice grip, becoming overtaken by gratification.</p><p>“Fuck, James, <em>fuck</em>,” she moaned, opening her eyes to find him watching her mesmerized. That was her downfall; her whole body shuddered, succumbing to her orgasm. Her toes curled as she brought the back of her hand to cover the sounds coming from her mouth.</p><p>“Fuck Lily, you’re so beautiful.” He knew he said it all the time, but he couldn’t help it. It was just true. He knew he would never get over just how badly he was attracted to her.</p><p>She came back down to earth to find James had resumed kissing her apex, licking her like he couldn’t get enough. Lily sat bolt upright. “Come here,” she said gruffly, grabbing his tie to pull him back up to her mouth. She tasted herself on his tongue and didn’t hate it. She pushed the silly open shirt he was still wearing off his shoulders and then grabbed for his belt, roughly tearing it open and pushing everything down to the ground.</p><p>His erection sprang free and Lily stroked the soft skin. “I fucking love your cock,” she told him, feeling lightheaded and a little tawdry but knowing hearing this would only make him harder.</p><p>He growled into her mouth as he snogged her recklessly. <em>How such a sweet mouth can say such filthy things is beyond me.</em></p><p>She smiled at his reaction and rubbed him harder and faster, positioning him under her skirt. “I want you to fuck me now, Professor” she whispered into his ear. She grinned wickedly as he shivered.</p><p>He didn’t need to be asked twice. He pushed into her roughly, her slick walls being ready to take it. She bit his shoulder as he pummeled into her over and over. “<b>Fuck</b>, Lily, you’re so fucking tight,” he murmured.</p><p>Her spine arched into him as she brought her hand behind her to support herself while she fought to rock her hips back onto him. It was hard to keep up with the pleasure he was serving her.</p><p><em>She is so gorgeous and she’s mine, </em>is the only logical thought he could hold onto as he looked at her, her face wincing with satisfaction beneath him.</p><p>She laid flat on her back moaning in time to his rhythm and he raised her legs straight in the air, changing the angle. He kissed her calves.</p><p>Lily couldn’t stop staring at his face, sexily contorted and looking so concentrated on holding on for her. She clenched her insides and his hips stalled instantly as he groaned, his nails on her legs digging in.</p><p>“Miss Evans, are you trying to get me to come?”</p><p>Lily wiggled him out of her and lowered her legs to the ground so she could stand. “Maybe.” She winked at him and pulled him around the desk to his chair. “Sit.”</p><p>James looked like he’d died and gone to heaven. “Yes ma’am.” Lily cleared her throat. James rolled his eyes. “Yes, Miss Evans.”</p><p>“There we go,” she said smugly as she straddled him, lowering her body back down around his.</p><p>James’ lips parted, staring at the woman possessing him, enthralled. “Lily, what are you doing to me?” he managed to breathe out as his fingers dug into her hipbones.</p><p>“Loving you,” she responded rocking her hips back and forth over his.</p><p>His arms moved around her to press her chest to his as he kissed her aggressively and she writhed against him faster and faster chasing the burning flame she felt building in her core.</p><p>“Lily... I’m so close,” he said through gritted teeth.</p><p>“Almost, almost,” she cried, bringing her hand down to rub her clit to get her over the edge sooner. He kissed her neck deftly and she exploded, her mind glowing blank as her insides pulsated. She felt James squeeze her harder as he came magnificently too, their breathing both ragged as if they’d finished a marathon. Together.</p><p>James pulled back first, a light sheen of sweat glimmering on his forehead. “I fucking love you so much,” he panted airily.</p><p>Lily smiled and gave him a long, slow kiss. She rested her nose against his. “Me too… Professor.”<b></b></p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>Lounging in his bed later, full on the room service they’d ordered from the house-elves (a little guiltily on Lily’s part), James was playing with her hair. A rather serious look overtook his face. “Can I talk to you about something?”</p><p>Lily rolled her body to face him and James’ attention quickly darted to the way her cleavage was pressed together under her silky nightgown. “Yeah, shoot.”</p><p>James kept twirling her long hair. “Well, you know Minnie will be coming back soon, so my tenure here will be over…”</p><p>“Yeah, of course,” Lily lightly pressed. <em>Why is he so nervous?</em></p><p>“So I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do after. For work I mean.” His hazel eyes were following the lock around and around. “And I think I’m ready to be an Auror again.”</p><p>Lily gasped, drawing his gaze straight to her face. “James! I think that’s brilliant!”</p><p>“Yeah?” he questioned unsurely. “You’re not mad?”</p><p>“Mad? Why would I be mad?” Lily asked.</p><p>“Uh, not sure. Thought you would think it was too dangerous or something.”</p><p>Lily smiled. “Like that would ever stop you.” He beamed at her. “Plus, Voldemort’s gone, right? I bet the work is vastly different now. You’ll be more like… a detective. A detective with a kickass wand who pew-pews the bad guys away to an island.”</p><p>James cupped her cheek grinning. “I’m definitely adding that to my business cards.” He got somber once more. “But there are still Death Eaters out there.” Lily shifted, clearly uncomfortable. “But they’re unorganized, mostly just on the run now. It will also be a lot of interrogating those who are still trying to claim they were under the Imperious Curse when they were supporting Voldemort. Turns out a lot of the rich and powerful ones have been throwing everything they’ve got to delaying their hearings. Or at least waiting for a regime change or outrage to die down or whatnot.” Lily snorted mirthlessly. “But I do think I’m ready to go back.” His finger traced her brow, down her cheek, under her chin and back again.</p><p>Lily tilted to kiss his fingers. “I think that’s great,” she said supportively. Part of her wanted to tuck him away from the outside world forever, building pillow forts with her indefinitely in the safety of his manor, but she knew that desire was selfish. She knew James was talented and brave, and that the world was a better place with him in it. She couldn’t keep him all to herself in this castle for eternity. “I’m proud of you.”</p><p>He gave her a goofy grin. “I’ll go tell Moody tomorrow. I might even get partnered with Sirius!”</p><p>Lily rolled onto her back dramatically. “Oh Merlin, no! Potter and Black! The bad guys will just turn themselves in to escape your witty banter and tasteless humor!”</p><p>“Hey!” James lamented propping his head up on his elbow. “Our humor is quite refined I’ll have you know. Well, compared to what it was—”</p><p>“Oh please! No! No more!” Lily mocked raising her arms over her head. “I surrender! I can’t take this anymore, take me away!”</p><p>James rolled over her, staring her down and pretending to be unamused. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you?”</p><p>Lily covered her ears. “Please! Cruel and unusual punishment!” she giggled.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. The Unexpected Wedding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Near the end of spring break, Lily had an interview for the Potions apprenticeship she really had her eye on.</p>
<p>“Oh James, this woman is a <em>legend; </em>her work on cures for Dark Magic revolutionized the field! She’s been shifting more into disease prevention potions lately and it’s all just so fascinating. That she even wants to meet with me is insane!” Lily’s hands anxiously smoothed out imaginary wrinkles on her professional outfit. “How cool would that be? Working to help people with someone so renowned? <em>And</em> doing it while doing something I love? If I could be so lucky…”</p>
<p>James smiled heartily at her exuberance. “This job sounds perfect for you.” He rested both his hands on her shoulders, effectively stilling her nervous bouncing.</p>
<p>Lily tilted her head at him. “Well, it is an apprenticeship, not a real job, but we’ve all got to start somewhere, right? And who knows? Maybe in a few years, after I prove myself, I can work my way up to partner!” She looked down to the carpet, second-guessing herself. “I’m getting ahead of myself. Maybe this whole interview invitation was a fluke. I’ll be just out of Hogwarts, what could I possibly have to contribute?”</p>
<p>Lily’s confidence swings were giving him whiplash. Luckily, he had some experience with them as Remus had also oft been plagued with bouts of crippling self-doubt. “Lily Evans: you’ve got this. You know the potions, you’ve researched the potioneer — a little obsessively I might add,” Lily tittered, “You’ve got the drive, you’ve got the spunk, and you’re going to go to this interview and show her she’d be crazy not to take you.”</p>
<p>Lily beamed at him, standing on her tippy toes to give him a chaste kiss. “Thank you, James.“</p>
<p>She picked up her bag and went for the door; Dumbledore had kindly agreed to let her use his Floo. At the threshold she felt a stinging slap across her arse.</p>
<p>“And <em>damn</em> do you look good in that pencil skirt.”</p>
<p>Lily winked at him and slipped out. James groaned watching her leave. Her outfit alone made her look a little older, and <em>Merlin’s balls, </em>did she look even more appetizing than ever. If James thought he couldn’t keep his hands off her now, what would the bloody future bring? <em>I’m screwed. So beautifully and perpetually screwed.</em></p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>The night before all students returned to Hogwarts, James and Lily took a stroll through the grounds, the latter under the cloak. They basked in the calm before the final dizzying storm was to come down on them.</p>
<p>Lily’s interview had exceeded all expectations except for one. Lydia Pippin was down-to-earth and ingenious, and she and Lily had talked for hours about all the latest cutting edge advancements in the field. By the end of their lunch, Pippin had told her as long as she got an O in both Potions and Herbology, the spot was hers. The only problem was, her research funding had been dramatically cut, so the pay was even less than Lily had anticipated. She supposed she <em>could </em>just live in the middle of nowhere to keep her rent down and Apparate to the other side of the country each day — but she’d heard that that sort of commute was rather exhausting. Either way, she figured she’d have a few more months to devise a plan.</p>
<p>Lily wanted to talk to James about this whole uncomfortable money dilemma, but she knew that he’d offer up his manor (<em>probably give me an entire bloody wing</em>), and she felt like it was a bit too soon to talk about moving in together. She didn’t want to ruin things. <em>Although, you’ve got to admit, it would kind of be the dream…</em> Lily shook her head to jostle out the fantasy. There was <b>no way</b> she could leave Hogwarts with everything she’d ever wanted… <em>Can I?</em></p>
<p>“James,” Lily scoldingly whispered as she made them halt before the giant, glass hourglasses displaying the House points. The Gryffindor one was currently filled all the way to the top, positively ready to burst, with rubies. “You can’t keep it like this! No one should have been earning points over holiday.”</p>
<p>James sighed loudly. He’d gotten into the habit of awarding Lily points for all sorts of things. Ten points for not setting an alarm and letting them sleep in in his bed. Five points for having breakfast with him in the kitchens. Twenty points for strutting around his room in her underwear. “Fine. One hundred points from Gryffindor because my girlfriend is more noble than I am,” he muttered.</p>
<p>Lily smiled to herself as the rubies flew to the bottom. The tally was still significantly higher than when vacation started, but she’d let it slide.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“Lily, Lily, Lily,” Beth cooed like an overeager five year-old ready to tell her babysitter <em>all</em> about her day. She tossed herself onto her bed in the Gryffindor dorm.</p>
<p>“Yes, Beth, Beth, Beth?” Lily responded, throwing a questioning glance at Dorcas to see if she knew what was going on.</p>
<p>Dorcas’ eyes went wide. “Nope, don’t ask me. I’ve already had to listen to this the <b>whole</b> train ride. It’s your turn.”</p>
<p>Lily looked back at her unusually gleeful friend. “What’s up?”</p>
<p>“I’m in <em>love,</em>” Beth sighed.</p>
<p>“Yeah?!” Lily replied eagerly, bounding over to Beth’s bed.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah. It’s actually a good thing you didn’t come over,” Lily huffed indignantly but Beth continued as if she hadn't noticed, “because this way <em>Mary</em> could come over.” The way Beth so adoringly uttered her name told Lily all she needed to know: her bestie was head over heels with her former Charms partner.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>“Must we run?” Dorcas grumbled behind Lily Monday morning.</p>
<p>“We’re not <em>running</em> Dor, we are merely walking in a very brisk manner,” Lily sassed back.</p>
<p>Last night had been the first time in two weeks that Lily had not slept in James Potter’s bed and, honestly, she wasn’t dealing with it very well. She’d taken for granted how he’d wrap his arms around her tiny frame and spoon her while they drifted to sleep, but when they’d wake up, he’d inevitably be in some crazy, gravity-defying position. She missed feeling his warm, comforting breath on her bare shoulders or the light kisses he’d often use to gently wake her. Hell, she even missed his occasional, very loud, sleep-talking (her personal favorite was when he’d screamed, “No! Not on my hydrangeas, you scalawag!”)</p>
<p>And yes, the morning sex had been the most invigorating way to start her days.</p>
<p>Lily exhaled blissfully as she crossed the Transfiguration threshold.</p>
<p>Dorcas glared at her from the corner of her eye. “My two best friends are insufferable.”</p>
<p>James started the class by returning the midterm papers and going over common mistakes they’d made. But as he lectured, Lily couldn’t stop staring at his desk smirking. <em>I fucked on that desk. I </em><em>came</em><em> on that desk. </em>Images of James in nothing but his tie flooded her brain, his hard body pumping in and out of her while all his other lean muscles flexed, the veins in them throbbing appealingly… Lily licked her lips and adjusted herself in her seat.</p>
<p>When she looked back at James standing between the rows, a flush hot on her cheeks, she saw him play with his tie, loosening it a little bit before swiftly turning and sitting in his chair. <em>Ugh, </em>Lily internally groaned, <em>we banged there too. </em>She could still viscerally recall the feeling off her tits bouncing in front of him while she worked herself over his lap. <em>Is it getting fucking hot in here?</em></p>
<p>James cleared his throat. “Benjy, could you please read your essay aloud for the class?”</p>
<p>Benjy looked a little caught off guard, but happy to show off all the same. He stood up and started droning away.</p>
<p>Lily watched as James picked up his quill and started madly scribbling something out. The first line of her paper rearranged itself: “Oy. Stop it, Trash Panda.” The ‘Stop’ was underlined three times.</p>
<p>Lily’s eyebrows knitted together. “Stop what?” she wrote back.</p>
<p>“So obviously thinking about it. You’re making <em>me</em> think about it, and it’s a little more problematic when I do.”</p>
<p>“Sorry, Gutter Troll.”</p>
<p>There was a beat. “No you’re not.”</p>
<p>Lily smiled. “Oops. You’re right.”</p>
<p>She heard a muffled chuckle coming from behind James’ hand a second later.</p>
<p>“P.S.” she added. “I really missed you last night.”</p>
<p>James ran his hand through his hair and smiled adorably. “Ditto.”</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>A few weeks later, Lily was about to get ready for bed when Dusty the house-elf popped into their dorm, scaring her roommates half to death.</p>
<p>“Miss Lily?” she squeaked apologetically, bowing to the floor.</p>
<p>“Yes, Dusty, how are you?” Lily recovered.</p>
<p>Dusty held out an elegant, stamped envelope with swirly print. “This arrived for you via Muggle post today, Miss.”</p>
<p>Lily accepted the letter, confused. <em>Who from the Muggle world still wants to speak to me? </em>Her blood stilled in her veins when on the top left corner she read ‘The Future Mrs. &amp; Mr. Dursley’. “Thank… you…” she managed to get out. It had been addressed to 'Lily Evans, School of Freaks.' Someone in the Muggle Liaison office must have had a sense of humor.</p>
<p>Lily’s hands trembled slightly as she turned over the envelope to open it. Dusty disappeared and Dorcas came to sit next to her. “Petunia? What’s she want from you?” Lily had a strong suspicion there was only one reason her sister would ever reach out to her again after the fiasco over Christmas break when Petunia had tactlessly broken the news of their parents’ passing.</p>
<p>Lily ripped it open and out fell a thick card reading ‘You are hereby invited to the wedding of Vernon P. Dursley and Petunia H. Evans on Saturday April 25th.’ “Oh for fuck’s sake,” Lily moaned.</p>
<p>“Saturday? As in <em>this </em>Saturday? Merlin, she didn’t really give you a lot of warning did she?”</p>
<p>Lily agitatedly pulled her hair up into a messy bun. “I think that’s the point. She doesn’t want me to come, but she wants to have the moral high ground by being able to say she invited me, you know, like bloody etiquette demands,” Lily grumbled. “Ugh, she’s a daft cow enough to probably lord this over my head for the rest of my life if I <em>didn't </em>go too.”</p>
<p>“… Even though she doesn’t want you to go?” Dorcas’ forehead wrinkled.</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Huh. Sisters are complicated.”</p>
<p>“You have no idea.” Lily lightly punched Dorcas’ shoulder. “You’re so lucky you only have brothers.”</p>
<p>Dorcas rolled her eyes. “They come with their own set of problems, trust me.”</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>An hour later, Lily had snuck into James’ room in a full-blown panic and in need of some serious boyfriend-calming-support she knew he was so good at.</p>
<p>“Lily,” he said in his adorable plaid pajama bottoms, “I think we have to go.”</p>
<p>“We? You’ll come with me?” she asked perking up instantly.</p>
<p>“Yeah, of course. It says plus-ones allowed right?” Lily thought it was cute that’s how he’d interpreted her query: like it was a question of rules rather than his willingness to suffer by her side. “And having met them, I’d bet my left arse cheek that we’ll be the only magical folk there, so we won’t even need a disguise this time.”</p>
<p><em>Huh. </em>Lily hadn’t even thought of that; things were looking up. “Please don’t put your left one in danger like that, it’s my favorite,” she joked.</p>
<p>“Lily…” James said knowingly — she was stalling.</p>
<p>“It’ll just be so uncomfortable.” She plopped herself next to his fireplace. “You read the invitation, she clearly was hoping it would be too late to RSVP—”</p>
<p>“An owl would get there by tomorrow—”</p>
<p>“—and that we wouldn’t have anything to wear. Which we don’t.” It was not like Lily could recycle the dress she’d worn to the winter dance — it had been backless and far too sexy.</p>
<p>James settled down next to her. “If that’s something you’re actually worried about, don’t be. I know a tailor who specializes in rush orders. He does Muggle fashion too. I can put in an order tonight.”</p>
<p>Lily raised an eyebrow. “That sounds expensive.”</p>
<p>James smiled standing up and flicking his wand. “My treat.” From the tip of his wand a measuring tape appeared, immediately coming to life and whipping around James’ body as he held out his arms to the side. Off of Lily’s bemused expression, he explained, “You end up ruining a lot of clothes as an Auror. Occupational hazard.” After the magic tape was satisfied, it poofed into a cloud of gold smoke and James reached out to grab a fluttering piece of parchment with his measurements on it. “Splendid. Your turn, love.”</p>
<p>Lily looked at him, realizing it would be futile to argue him on this, and stood up. A new tape wrapped around her waist. “I’ll pay you back.”</p>
<p>James went to his desk and pulled out a fresh piece of parchment to write instructions to his tailor. “Okay.” He looked back at her. “We think this will be fancy, yeah?”</p>
<p>“It says tuxedo and formal gowns, so yep. Knowing Petunia, it will be ridiculously over-the-top.”</p>
<p>James nodded and jotted something else down. Lily brought her measurements to him when they materialized. He stuffed all the papers into an envelope and reached into his wallet as Snowy appeared at his open window. Venus trailed behind a moment later, hooting cheerily as she orbited Lily’s head.</p>
<p>Lily laughed. “Hello to you too, my crazy bird.”</p>
<p>James offered the letter to Venus. “I guess you can take this,” he turned to his owl, who looked more than a little offended to have been passed over like that, “and you can take the payment.” Lily didn’t like how heavy that pouch looked.</p>
<p>“We’re really going to go to this, aren’t we?” Lily was embarrassed by how whiny the words sounded coming out of her mouth.</p>
<p>“She’s your sister,” James said sadly. “I know she’s not a particularly good one, but she’s family.” He didn’t have to say anything more because Lily already knew the implication: <em>she’s the only one you have left. </em>Lily sighed. Besides Sirius, he had no one else left either. She crossed over to him and hugged him close. “And you know you’d regret it if you didn’t go.”</p>
<p>“Hmmph.” James was right. She knew he was right.</p>
<p>He gently rocked her back and forth in his arms. “I’ll make it fun. I promise.”</p>
<p>She tilted up her chin to look into those hazel eyes she loved so much. Tonight they were gleaming with the promise of mischief. “James Potter, are you going to prank my sister’s wedding?”</p>
<p>James leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose. “Oh no, no, no my Lily-like-the-flower, I’m solemnly swearing to keep my girlfriend entertained through whatever means she deems necessary during her hour of need.”</p>
<p>“Whatever means necessary, eh?” James nodded his head eagerly. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”</p>
<p>“I hope you do.”</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>Saturday morning rolled around — much to her dismay — and Lily trudged to James’ room accepting that today would probably <em>not </em>be a good day.</p>
<p>Pushing open his door, she stopped in her tracks.</p>
<p><em>Are you bloody kidding me? </em>James stood in front of his mirror, fiddling with his cufflinks, decked out in a perfectly fitted black tux. She chastised herself for having underestimated his sex appeal and worrying he’d look like some sort of fancy penguin (she was sure there’d be some weird sort of butt flaps, alas, there were not). Of <em>course </em>he could pull off the look, even if he didn’t seem so confident in this foreign style himself. He looked up at her skeptically as though to ask ‘Am I doing it right?’</p>
<p>“Fuck <em>me,</em>” Lily blurted out; he truly looked like a bloody <em>snack.</em></p>
<p>All of James’ usual swagger flooded him once more. “I’d love to babe, but,” he looked to the watch she’d given him, “then we might be late.”</p>
<p>She ignored his cheek, walked up to him and pulled him down by the bowtie, kissing him soundly. “Sorry,” she said. “I’ve been wanting to do that for forever.” <em>Ever since the end-of-semester dance last year…</em></p>
<p>He smirked. “Is it because I look as dashing as Solo?”</p>
<p>“Ha, Solo ain’t got nothing on you, love.”</p>
<p>James’ eyebrows shot up as his arms settled around her. “Whoa, watch it, that man is like my personal hero now.”</p>
<p>Lily tilted her head. “Hm. Does that make Sirius your Chewbacca?”</p>
<p>James’ jaw dropped. “Evans! You’re brilliant! My trusty sidekick with marvelous hair and a gruff personality only <em>we </em>can understand. How did I not realize this sooner? I must mirror him at once!”</p>
<p>“I thought we were going to be late?”</p>
<p>“Well, unless you plan on going to the wedding in that outfit, you still need to change.” He motioned to the dress hanging from his bed’s canopy frame.</p>
<p>Lily noticed the garment for the first time: it was stunning. She walked towards it, mesmorized by the finest piece of clothing she now owned. It was a simply cut, long wine red dress that screamed timeless elegance.</p>
<p>“Do you like it?”</p>
<p>Lily let her hands explore the soft fabric wondering what it could possibly be. “Yes,” she answered unable to stop admiring it.</p>
<p>“Oh, he also sent those.” He pointed to a piece of delicate lace and a structured bustier neatly folded on his bed. “Seems he thought those specific undergarments would work best with it I guess.” An adorable flush was spreading across his cheeks.</p>
<p>“Did he now?” Lily teased.</p>
<p>“I swear!” James held up his palms. “I don’t know enough about women’s clothing to be so devious.” James considered this. “Maybe I should learn, there seem to be some fun benefits.”</p>
<p>Lily picked up the barely-there panties. “Yeah, like insisting wearing <em>this </em>will somehow complete the look.”</p>
<p>James’ smile could light up the sun. “Hey now Lily, let’s defer to the professional on this one; don’t want to insult the <em>tailor’s</em> clear expertise on the subject.”</p>
<p>Lily cocked an eyebrow. “Mmhm.” She walked into his bathroom to put on the lingerie.</p>
<p>James called to her. “If you don’t like it, you could always go commando!” He chuckled to himself flipping through a magazine as he casually leaned against his desk. “I know at least one guest who really wouldn’t—” his sentence stalled as Lily stepped back out in only the little thong that seemed to have been painted onto her curves and the red strapless bustier that was all but spilling her breasts, “—mind.” He swallowed hard.</p>
<p>“James, you got a little,” she pointed to the corner of her mouth miming drool.</p>
<p>James closed his mouth, not realizing it had been agape in the first place. He stepped up to her, unable to keep his hands to himself. “I make no apologies.”</p>
<p>She swatted him away and reached for the dress, unzipping it and delicately stepping in. It fit her body like a glove. She looked over her shoulder to her lovestruck boyfriend. “James, could you please help me?”</p>
<p>She looked like an angel, but in that moment, James knew she was anything but. He let out a tortured sigh, but dutifully stood behind her, moving all her hair over one shoulder, lightly trailing his fingertips over her sensitive neck. He relished in her shiver and gave her a little kiss behind her ear. Then, he slid the zipper up her back at a torturously slow pace.</p>
<p>Lily knew she loved it when James undressed her — but she was in no way prepared for how sensual she’d find it when he did the opposite. All the skin he’d brushed tingled and suddenly she was finding it rather hard to breathe in a way that she knew wasn’t due to the tightness of her clothing. She turned to face him, a haze of lust clouding her eyes.</p>
<p>His eyes scanned her face, the sudden sexual tension in the air hanging over them like a thick cloud. “We should go… we don’t want to be late.”</p>
<p>“We should.” Neither of them moved.</p>
<p>Her lips were painted ruby red and he couldn’t stop staring. A small part of him registered that if he were to snog her senseless, then <em>he</em> would also be wearing ruby lipstick. This realization tempered his desires. “I got you something,” he said breaking her from the spell.</p>
<p>“Something else?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He smiled and pulled out a small box with flowers inside: it was a corsage. “I read that Muggle men give women flowers to ask them to dance with them.” He pulled it out and took her hand. “May I dance with you tonight?” He hovered the flowers above her wrist before she gave him permission to attach them.</p>
<p>He was looking at her so earnestly that she couldn’t bring herself to tell him that not <em>all </em>Muggle cultures followed this tradition, and it most certainly <em>wasn’t </em>done at weddings. “Yes, I hereby grant you all my dances tonight,” she replied dramatically.</p>
<p>He secured the little bundle of white flowers proudly. “Wicked.” She realized they were jasmine flowers.</p>
<p>“Where’d you read that anyway?”</p>
<p>James pointed to his nightstand. “Some book I took out from the library.” She saw the title: <em>Guess Who’s Coming Home for Dinner: My Time Assimilating into Muggle Culture</em> by Gilderoy Lockhart. She made a mental note to read it for laughs later. “All right, enough dilly-dallying. I’d like to take my drop dead gorgeous girlfriend out in public, on <em>my</em> arm, and show her off to the world.”</p>
<p>Lily smirked. “Really?” She knew he was thinking about having had to morph into Sirius last time.</p>
<p>“Yes.” He pulled out his Invisibility Cloak. “But first, put this on.”</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes but donned it; they’d have to leave the castle to Apparate.</p>
<p>☆☆☆</p>
<p>The ceremony was mercifully quick since it was unbearably uncomfortable for both Lily and James sitting in the back.</p>
<p>Uncomfortable for James as his clothing was more constrictive than he was used to and he was on edge trying his best to act in a ‘normal’ totally-not-magical way for the sake of his girlfriend’s new extended family. And yes, he was also trying to control his slight flare-up in temper upon seeing the pair who’d mistreated his Lily so badly over Christmas.</p>
<p>Uncomfortable for Lily as all of Petunia’s gossipy friends could not stop staring and whispering at this unknown harlot who had shown up to a wedding in ‘whore red’ and dared to look more beautiful than the bride. It wasn’t James’ fault that he’d chosen the attention grabbing color of her gown — she knew he was partial to it being a Gryffindor. After all, how would he know the unspoken etiquette of estranged sisters or appeasing insecure brides? Lily just thanked her lucky stars her dress wasn’t white.</p>
<p>When Lily saw Petunia walk down the aisle with a large man who was clearly not their father, a sharp jolt of pain sliced through her. Her heart went out to her sister for not having their dad to hold her arm on her special day. Lily’s heart also ached fully realizing for the first time that her father wouldn’t be there to walk <em>her</em> on her eventual special day. <em>My parents won’t ever even meet my future husband. </em>Lily couldn’t help but picture James in this scenario.</p>
<p>The man in question noticed her sudden sadness and gave her hand a little squeeze. Not for the first time that day, and definitely not for the last, Lily couldn’t stop thinking about how lucky she was to have him.</p>
<p>Eventually, after some very unoriginal vows, everyone moved to the cocktail hour outside of the ostentatious country club while the bride and groom were taking photos with his family. Lily knew better than to think she’d be asked to join.</p>
<p>A group of skinny, perfectly manicured women descended on Lily like vultures when she excused herself to go to the bathroom.</p>
<p>“Why hello there, I don’t think we’ve met.” The ringleader stuck out her hand like a dead fish for Lily to hold awkwardly for a long beat. “I’m Gertrude, Petunia’s <em>best</em> friend. And who might you be?” Her blue eyes scanned Lily up and down appraisingly.</p>
<p>“Just her sister.” Lily felt like she was on trial.</p>
<p>“Hm.” Gertrude looked disturbingly happy with this. “Funny, she’s never mentioned having a sister.” <em>Oh great, this bitch thinks I’m crashing the wedding.</em></p>
<p>“That’s not true!” one of the women chipped in. Lily’s relief at this statement was short-lived. “She told <em>me</em> that she had a sister at a boarding school for…” her eyes cut in Lily’s direction, “… <em>troubled</em> youth.” There was a small gasp.</p>
<p>“Yep. That’s me.” Lily, in absolutely no mood to be messed with considering all her nerves were already so frayed, pulled out her lipstick and reapplied it in front of the mirror. “I’m a recovering sex addict.” She had no idea where the joke had come from, but this was often the case when her temper flared like this. She almost laughed at the women’s horrorstruck faces reflected before her. <em>This is too much fun. </em>“Petunia probably kept me a secret from you Gertrude out of <em>respect </em>for me. She’s very proud of my progress, you see.” Lily knew it was childish, but she was honestly sort of pissed that Petunia would pretend like she didn’t even have a sister — or had a deranged one.</p>
<p>“Wait,” Gertrude said, “if you’re a sex addict… you’re <em>not</em> sleeping with that handsome, tall bloke?”</p>
<p><em>Fuck. </em>She’d underestimated this horny harpy. <em>Damn irresistible Potter, especially in that suit. </em>“Oh no, he’s mine,” she recovered. “We’re allowed cheat days.”</p>
<p>“Cheat days?” Gertrude repeated skeptically.</p>
<p>“Yeah,” <em>oh fuck, you’re a fucking idiot, </em>“like… on a diet. To treat yourself for being so good.” <em>Abort! </em><b><em>Abort! </em></b>“Anyway, nice to meet you ladies!” She gave a spastic wave and bolted.</p>
<p>Lily practically ran back to James, but before she could tell him about her encounter from hell, she noticed he was struggling with a gigantic, gift-wrapped present.</p>
<p>“Where’d that come from?”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t matter, but have you seen where I should put it?” James replied struggling under its immense weight.</p>
<p>“I saw the gift table in a back room,” Lily said leading the way. “Thanks for getting a present, I completely forgot. Best sister ever I am,” she grumbled, already feeling kind of guilty over her stunt in the bathroom.</p>
<p>“It was no problem. I read in that book it’s customary to give Muggles kitchen appliances at their wedding.”</p>
<p>Lily nodded, pleasantly surprised the book was right about this. “True. So what’s this?”</p>
<p>James grunted, finally able to put it down on the gift table that seemed to buckle slightly. “A sink.”</p>
<p>Lily did a double take. “A what?”</p>
<p>“A sink. You know,” James motioned washing his hands, “like a kitchen sink.”</p>
<p>Lily’s hand flew to cover her mouth, trying (and failing) to stifle her laughter.</p>
<p>“What?” James asked cutely befuddled. Lily couldn’t contain herself and bent over howling. “What?” he repeated, joining in with a chuckle; he found her mood contagious.</p>
<p>Lily wiped her happy tears away as her shoulders slowly stopped shaking. “Nothing.” She gave him a peck. “It’s perfect.”</p>
<p>James narrowed his eyes at her. “Excuse me if I don’t believe you.”</p>
<p>She cupped his cheek. “Well, believe me this: no one else will have been so thoughtful as to gift them an <em>entire</em> sink.” Her cheeks puffed out trying to swallow another giggle.</p>
<p>“You’re taking the mickey out of me, aren’t you?” His eyes were twinkling.</p>
<p>“Nooo…” Lily mocked, dragging him back to where they were serving hors d’oeuvres.</p>
<p>Before they reached one of the waiters passing apps, James spun her around for a kiss, catching Lily off guard but completely willing. The far-off sound of a glass breaking kept their hands from wandering too far across each other’s bodies as things heated up.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” he panted when they broke free from one another. “Your ass just looks lethal in that dress.” Lily grinned wickedly.</p>
<p>James looked around at all the stares they had attracted. “Do Muggles not approve of PDA?”</p>
<p>Lily grimaced. “I guess not these Muggles.” She fidgeted a little bit. “I may have also told some of them I’m a sex addict.”</p>
<p>“What?!” James chuckled taking both her hands. “Why?”</p>
<p>Lily sighed. “Honestly, I have no idea.” She shrugged. “Maybe because you make me feel like one?” she joked.</p>
<p>James looked insanely cocky as they each reached for a tray of crab cakes that was passing them by.</p>
<p>A little later, the bride and groom rejoined the party and made their way through the crowd to say their welcome and thank you’s. Lily wouldn’t have been surprised if her sister skipped saying hello to her altogether. She had no such luck.</p>
<p>“Lily,” Petunia said curtly when it seemed as though she’d gone through every other guest. Her gigantic ballgown’s skirt was doing an awfully good job at keeping a buffer between them. “Some of my friends mentioned you were here.” Her smile said, ‘Isn’t that nice,’ but her voice said, ‘I’ll cut you, bitch.’</p>
<p><em>Oh shit. She hates me even more now. </em>“Congratulations Petunia. You look gorgeous.” And it was true. Sure, she could stand to eat something, but her sister had looked truly happy at the altar.</p>
<p>“And you wore red.” <em>Well. Least I tried.</em></p>
<p>Lily ignored the taunt and turned to James. “You remember my boyfriend, James?” James sheepishly raised his hand, clearly thinking about the last time they’d met.</p>
<p>Petunia gave him a flustered once over and sneered back to Lily, her voice still sickly sweet. “Boyfriend, huh? We’ll see if that lasts.” Before Lily could react, Petunia grabbed Vernon’s arm and walked off with a, “Enjoy the party.”</p>
<p>Lily snorted.</p>
<p>James stared. “What just happened?”</p>
<p>Lily let out an exasperated sigh. “Petunia’s friends asked her about me, which pissed her off, because she likes to pretend I don’t exist, and remember, she was hoping I wouldn’t show up, so she’s blaming me for ruining her perfect day by being a selfish freak, like she thinks I usually am, so she insulted my dress, because she’s always told me ‘Gingers can’t pull off red,’ because it clashes or something, which honestly has kinda stuck with me, because I almost never feel confident in it, and she knows that.” Lily took a big breath. “Oh, and she thinks you’re hot.”</p>
<p>James blinked at her a couple times. “You got all that from a few words?” Lily nodded. “Let’s elaborate on this me being hot thing.” Lily snorted. “Everything else was too utterly ridiculous. You look crazy fit in red.” He pulled her hips toward him. “Positively radiant in red. Ravishing. Rad. Remarkable.” He looked up pondering. “<b>R</b>eally, <b>r</b>eally fuckable.”</p>
<p>“Romantic,” she said slapping his chest.</p>
<p>“Oo, that too.” She rolled her eyes amused as he continued. “On the plus side, I don’t think they remembered me.”</p>
<p>“Oh, they did. Didn’t you see how her husband’s mustache was quivering as he slowly turned purple?”</p>
<p>“Whoops. Maybe I should have gifted them a chimney.”</p>
<p>Lily giggled, loving that James was keeping his promise to entertain her.</p>
<p>For dinner they were seated at a table in the back near the kitchen with all the other misfits, but Lily didn’t mind — James was already attracting far too much attention as it was with all the single ladies. Lily noticed them furtively glare at her hands and then smile, as if the lack of ring there meant he was fair game.</p>
<p>“Is it always like this for you?” She pointed at some girls giving him ‘come find me’ looks. He smiled at her innocently, tilting his head. “How has your head not inflated to the size of the Giant Squid’s?”</p>
<p>“Oh, it did at one point,” James admitted with a smirk. “You probably wouldn’t have liked me in school.”</p>
<p>“I <em>did </em>like you in school.”</p>
<p>“Okay, but we barely ever talked. Talking is what got me in trouble.”</p>
<p>Lily laughed. “Well, I love you the way you are now, James Potter.”</p>
<p>He leaned in for a passionate kiss, and a couple girls groaned and turned away.</p>
<p>Shortly after, speeches started and James and Lily played a drinking game: James had to drink every time someone said the word ‘destiny’ and Lily had to drink every time someone mentioned drills. They were both feeling <em>pretty</em> tipsy by the time dancing rolled around.</p>
<p>Having already danced with James raunchily at her own party, Lily absolutely adored slow dancing with him on the edge of the dance floor here. The feeling of his strong arms wrapped around her waist as they swayed was suddenly everything she could possibly ever need. Well, as long as she could keep her rising horniness at bay. She might be a witch, but she was still only human.</p>
<p>His eyes were honey as he asked, “Do you ever think about your own wedding?” He watched her cheeks tint pink by his champagne-fueled boldness. She clearly hadn’t expected a question like that; it was cute.</p>
<p><em>Here I am thinking about how I want to dip his body in chocolate and then lick him from heel to forehead, and he’s being romantic. </em>Lily couldn’t hold his gaze; his look was too intense and she was slightly embarrassed. “Um, not really. Not yet, I guess.” Her blush intensified. “Well, not before today.” <em>And I pictured you standing at the end of the aisle waiting for me, looking at me like </em><b><em>that</em></b><em>.</em></p>
<p>James grinned but didn’t push; however Lily’s curiosity got the best of her. Emerald came back up to hazel. “Have you ever thought about yours?” <em>Ours. </em>They were both screaming <b>ours</b> in their heads.</p>
<p>James’ smile grew. “Not before today.” He didn’t have to say anything else: she knew, he had pictured her too. Her heart was hammering against her ribs so hard she thought it was getting bruised and her stomach did somersaults. She bit her lower lip and let out a small sigh. How did he always make her feel so airy and free but queasy and naked at the same time and… alive? She couldn’t quite explain it — she just knew it was love.</p>
<p>“You know, you’ve destroyed me,” he pivoted the conversation.</p>
<p>“How so?”</p>
<p>He unexpectedly swung her around and dipped her in his arms, bending in to feather a kiss on her neck. “Because even being seen out with you, in my own body, is somehow now an aphrodisiac,” he whispered, then pulled them back to standing.</p>
<p>Lily smirked. “You sure it wasn’t just all that talk of drilling?”</p>
<p>James snorted, impressed by their ability to go from heartfelt intimacy to deplorable sexual innuendos in the blink fo an eye. He loved it. He loved <em>them: </em>together, like this.</p>
<p>“Lily, drilling is very serious,” James teased.</p>
<p>She started pulling James off the dance floor by the bowtie. “Uh huh.”</p>
<p>He let her lead him down an empty hall to a closet. “We mustn't make fun of the noblest of professions.”</p>
<p>Lily pushed him into a rack of fancy, fluffy coats. “No, we mustn’t do that.”</p>
<p>“Think of what Vernon would say.”</p>
<p>Lily’s lips halted her assault on his neck, leaving a red smear in their wake.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe you just mentioned <em>Vernon,</em>” Lily chastised horrified.</p>
<p>“And I can’t believe you just dragged me into a <em>closet.</em>”</p>
<p>Lily tugged off James’ jacket. “Really? Well, I can’t believe my restraint lasted so long with how fucking sexy you look tonight,” she purred in his ear as she rubbed her hand up and down his zipper. “I need you <em>right</em> now.” It might have been the champagne running euphorically through her veins, but Lily knew the words were true: her body <b>ached </b>for him.</p>
<p>James stiffed when he saw the way her eyes were feasting on him. His own darkening irises were only turning her on more; he saw it. Their bodies were now fine-tuned to drive each other to the frenzied edge of sanity. Her breathing was shallow and tasted sweet in this stuffy little room.</p>
<p>His hands flew up to his buttons, ready to strip for her, but Lily stopped him. “No, I want you to take me in the tux.”</p>
<p>James grunted at her words, kissing her roughly as he pushed his tongue into her mouth. Lily moaned at his intensity, knowing this time would be a little wilder than their previous sexcapades — and she couldn’t wait. They had both been (almost) so good tonight despite being entirely unwelcome and needed a reward of sorts.</p>
<p>James spun her around so she faced the wall and pushed her hair to the side — like when he’d dressed her — so he could bite and nip at her neck while he hiked up her gown to gather at her hips. He groaned at the sight and spanked her bare cheeks. “Lily, I’ve been thinking about this ass all night.”</p>
<p>Lily pushed her measly knickers down and arched her back out to him. “Then take it.” Her voice was guttural.</p>
<p>She heard his belt come undone as he whispered several familiar spells and one new one. Then she felt his lubed up cock sheath itself into her cunt. “<em>Fuckkkk</em>,” she moaned as she finally felt that delicious pressure she’d been fiending for all damn day fill her up completely.</p>
<p>He panted in her ear as he pounded into her, hitting a marvelous new spot inside of her that they hadn’t yet discovered. Lily’s hands clutched at the wall the side of her face was pressed into, looking for something to hold onto.</p>
<p>James teased her earlobe between his teeth. “This okay?”</p>
<p>The words barely registered as he snaked his fingers around to her clit and rubbed as he kept jerking his hips mercilessly into hers, breaking her with intense novel sensations. “Y-yes,” she breathed. He hit the spot again and her body trembled.</p>
<p>“Fuck Lily, I’m so <b>deep</b>,” he whispered, his hand still holding on to her hip for dear life. He slowed his rhythm and pushed in a little further, seeing just how much of him her body could take. The tightness around him was sinfully heaven like.</p>
<p>Lily whimpered, losing her goddamn mind as he enticingly stretched her. She rolled her hips back and he hissed at the different angle. “Please don’t stop,” she begged.</p>
<p>He obliged her request, pulling out and slamming himself back into her. James wasn’t sure how much longer he was going to last. It was a lot: taking her naughtily in a closet like he was a teenager again, seeing her ass bounce every time his body collided with it, watching Lily’s lips part with curse words as she moaned, pressed up against the wall in this red dress, <em>with that fucking lingerie underneath</em>… “I’m sorry Lily, I’m about to come,” he muttered into her hair.</p>
<p>Lily looked at him over her shoulder, her eyes flashing with trouble. “Come for me, James.”</p>
<p>And that was all it took. She felt him twitch inside of her as his hand cupped her chin sideways so he could capture the corner of her mouth in a strained, breathless kiss as he came. “Fuck, you feel good.” He rested his forehead against her cheek as he tried to catch his breath, unwilling to untangle himself from her yet. He didn’t think he would ever be able to comprehend how this woman, his Lily, could make him feel like this. She took over his body, his soul, his every waking minute. He would gladly devote his every remaining breath to making sure she was happy and knew she was loved. He smiled goofily, <em>Damn the post sex haze is strong tonight.</em></p>
<p>Suddenly, the door opened and all hell broke loose as two women screeched (Lily and Gertrude), and as fast as it had been opened, the door was slammed back shut.</p>
<p>James pulled out with wide eyes, waving his wand to clean up the mess so Lily could pull up her thong and lower her skirt. “Did that really just happen?”</p>
<p>Both embarrassment and a sex glow colored her face. “Yes!” she cried out. “We need to leave. <em>Now.</em>”</p>
<p>James pulled on his jacket. “Well, the good news is,” he wasn’t sure if she’d be ready for a joke quite yet, but he figured he’d risk it to help her take the edge off, “you’re a supposed sex addict. So, this tracks.”</p>
<p>Lily stared at him for five seconds, perfectly still, and he was starting to get worried she was about to murder him in this (<em>wonderful, truly noteworthy</em>) closet. Then she burst out laughing. “I hate you,” she managed to chuckle.</p>
<p>He took her hand and kissed her nose. “I love you more.”</p>
<p>He pushed open the door and they snuck out toward an exit with their heads down as if worried McGonagall would round a corner at any second to yell at them for sneaking out past curfew. “Now let’s get you to bed so I can eat you out in that lingerie.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Now What?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I still can’t believe we did that,” Lily groaned into his pillow the next morning, hair crazy, long after last night’s buzz had worn off.</p><p>Clothes were strewn all over the floor from their frenzied homecoming and James had stayed true to his word and more than made up for coming before Lily in the closet. When she closed her eyes, she swore she could still feel her clit tingling.</p><p>“Stupid, stupid Lily,” she berated herself groggily.</p><p>He leaned in and kissed her shoulder, pushing some of her hair back so he could see at least half her face. “I’m sorry, I probably should have been the responsible one, huh?”</p><p>Lily huffed. “Not your fault. I blame the tux.” There was a beat. “And Petunia’s ability to get under my skin and make me into a spiteful person.”</p><p>James grimaced nervously. “Did you have a little fun at least?”</p><p>Lily looked up at him surprised. “Of course I did, I thought that much was obvious. And dancing with you was magical.” She smiled sweetly at the memory and he relaxed a bit. She continued, poking him, “Way to hold out on me that you’ve clearly taken lessons. I was referring to the rather bad sister move of getting caught having sex at her wedding.”</p><p>James couldn’t hide his little smirk as he looked to the ceiling. “I don’t know, I think I’d be disappointed if I didn’t catch Sirius shagging at ours.” Lily’s body subtly jerked at his casual slip up but James carried on as though he’d said nothing earth-shattering that would send Lily’s mind into a tailspin. <em>He must not have caught it himself. Play it cool Lily, play it cool.</em> “Might think the whole thing was a bust.”</p><p>Lily told herself she’d unpack his admission later when her clearly thinking about it wouldn’t embarrass the shite out of him. “Ha, well, you’re not Petunia. She’ll probably never speak to me again.” Lily pushed her face deeper into the down feathers — half in actual shame over what she was talking about, half because she knew she was still blushing over what <em>he’d</em> said.</p><p>James weighed his words carefully, being none the wiser about Lily’s mental freak out. “And that’s... a bad thing?”</p><p>Lily put an arm out to start pushing him towards the edge of the bed, but he held on to her. “You are the <em>worst</em> influence, Potter!” It was becoming an all out wrestling match. “You’ve ruined me! <em>Ruined</em> me, I say!” she sang, needing a good distraction.</p><p>They were a mess of limbs and giggles, tangling in the sheets until James ended up victorious and perched above her as she panted, arms pinned next to her head.</p><p>“Care to get ruined some more?” His voice was a low, husky velvet as he pushed his hips, and other bits, into her.</p><p>Her gaze lingered on his lips she loved so much for everything they did and said to her, then snapped up to his dreamy eyes, currently unobstructed by glasses. He looked so roguish with his hair falling onto his face as he waited impatiently for her answer. The corner of her mouth pulled up naughtily. Thoughts on marriage could wait. “Yes, please.”</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>Lily entered her common room in a daze later, finding her best friends huddled around a desk. She sank into a chair next to them.</p><p>“How was the wedding?” Dorcas asked lazily, looking up briefly from her homework.</p><p>“It was fine,” Lily responded. Truthfully it wasn’t <em>that </em>wedding she was currently obsessing over.</p><p>Beth raised an eyebrow. “Really? That’s all we get? You know, our other dorm mates <em>have </em>started noticing how often you don’t sleep here anymore—”</p><p>“Yeah, we deserve some dirt for all the times we have to cover for your sorry arse,” Dorcas finished.</p><p>Lily smiled. “Thank you guys. But, honestly,I was kinda preoccupied with what,” she looked over her shoulders to make sure no one else was in eavesdropping distance, her friends leaned in closer, “James just said to me.” She broke down what he’d just let slip during their pillow talk.</p><p>“He definitely did that on purpose!” Dorcas squealed while Beth’s mouth remained open. “There’s no way. He was trying to gauge your reaction.”</p><p>“I don’t know, I don’t think so. I think it just kind of slipped out. Which makes it cuter because that means he was thinking about it like it was no big deal, or obvious, or…”</p><p>“Inevitable.” Beth had finally found her voice.</p><p>“Yeah,” Lily cooed as they shared an adorable<em> my-heart-is-melting</em> look.</p><p>Dorcas sighed. “I still think he did it on purpose. How could he not?”</p><p>“Dor, he’s just like me, he blushes, <em>a lot. </em>Even if he was dropping a hint, he would have been embarrassed by it. We’re a pair of blushing bandits.”</p><p>“That’s really sweet,” Beth said, grabbing Lily’s hand on the table. As if to prove her own point, Lily felt her face heat up.</p><p>“So would you?” Dorcas asked.</p><p>Lily startled. “Would I what?”</p><p>“Would you marry him?” Dorcas clarified like it was obvious.</p><p>“Yes,” Lily replied in a knee-jerk reaction. A second later, a hand clapped over her mouth like she couldn’t believe she’d just thought this, let alone admitted it out loud.</p><p>“<em>Really?!</em>” Dorcas said astonished.</p><p>“Oh my god.” Lily panicked. “<b><em>Oh my god. </em></b>I don’t— I didn’t, I can’t believe—”</p><p>“Oh no, you know she’s losing it when she reverts to Muggle-speak,” Dorcas said to Beth.</p><p>“I’m not losing—”</p><p>“It’s okay, Lily, just breathe,” Beth soothed, throwing Dorcas an admonishing look. “It’s not like you have to sort anything out now. You’re 18. You have your whole life ahead of you.” She gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.</p><p>“You’re right.” Lily took a deep breath, calming down considerably.</p><p>“It’s just nice to know how crazy in love with him you are. And to know he’s right there with you.” Lily’s face hurt; she knew she was smiling too hard for it to be healthy. “And honestly, it’s also kind of a relief.”</p><p>“A relief?” Lily questioned.</p><p>“Yeah,” Beth started timidly. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, we love to see you this happy.” She motioned to Dorcas, silently asking for backup. “But we can’t say we weren’t a little nervous for you.”</p><p>Lily’s face scrunched up confused. “I don’t follow.”</p><p>Beth gave Dorcas another look that she pointedly ignored. ”I mean, don’t get mad, but he <em>is </em>your professor, Lily. We were kind of scared that you’d fall a little harder than he would, and you’d end up really hurt. That’s all.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Dorcas finally jumped in, “but we knew telling you this would only make you dive in face first sooner. Or at least that’s what I’d do.” She grinned.</p><p><em>Huh. </em>It was strange, Lily had never thought of James using her, and his position of power, like that. It was a weird and uncomfortable thought, and she had no desire to linger on it. She knew this relationship had only blossomed because <em>she </em>had ruthlessly courted him. And Lily had absolutely zero regrets about any of it.</p><p>☆☆☆</p><p>“What are you thinking about?” James asked her after the last day of classes while she lay in his arms in bed. The moonlight from his windows was bathing them in a subtle blue light, and the near darkness was making Lily give in to her nostalgic musings.</p><p>Lily grinned. “You.” It was almost always <em>James.</em></p><p>James nuzzled into her shoulder. “Good things?” She could feel him smiling. “Or since today was your last day of classes, and I’m technically no longer your professor, have you decided you’re done with me?”</p><p>She knew he was joking, but she didn’t like him saying such things either way. She turned to face him, drawing their naked bodies together under the thin sheet as she intertwined their legs. Lily traced her fingers behind his ear and caressed his lips against hers, lovingly parting them and flooding him with her affection. “I’ll never be done with you James Potter.”</p><p>James’ gorgeous eyes flickered between hers as they lay on the same pillow. “Move in with me.”</p><p>“W-what?” Lily let out a shaky breath, searching his face for anything other than the pure sincerity she found there.</p><p>“Move in with me,” he repeated, this time with a cocky little grin that made her heart flutter. “I know you’ve been worried about finding a place, and you don’t have to be.”</p><p>“James.” Lily looked to his lips as she outlined them with her pointer finger. “<em>Need</em> is not a good reason to ask someone to move in with you.”</p><p>“Bullshit,” James scoffed. “I <em>need</em> to see you every day. You think I can go from having easy access to you daily to needing to <em>knock </em>on a door that’s not anywhere near me? Preposterous.”</p><p>“Hey. Not that easy,” Lily defended.</p><p>James’ smile got so wide she saw all his pearly whites. “You’re right. Not easy, it involved mind invasion, home invasion, and body morphing.”</p><p>“Don’t forget the hippogriff.”</p><p>“I could never forget the best <em>wing</em>man of my life.”</p><p>“You know, I should say no just because of that pun.”</p><p>James wrapped his arms around her frame. “But you won’t… will you?” He wanted this. He wanted this so damn bad.</p><p>Lily bit her lip, looking back into his earnest eyes. “I want to.” How could she explain that she wasn’t sure if she could ever feel at home in his gargantuan mansion instead of like a glorified houseguest? She didn’t want to spit in the face of his hospitality, but that was just it: her living there would be at the mercy of <em>his hospitality.</em></p><p>As if reading her thoughts, he continued, “I’ve been thinking of getting my own place, and it could be <b><em>ours</em></b>, if you want.” His words were dripping vulnerability. “It’s been a year, I think it’s time I let the manor go. It just doesn’t make sense anymore.”</p><p>“What about Sirius?” she brought up.</p><p>“Ha. He’ll be fine. Working with me all day and some nights will be more than enough to satisfy his Prongs cravings.”</p><p>Lily smirked giving her boyfriend’s collarbone a kiss. “So we only have to worry about my Prongs cravings, huh?”</p><p>“Yes. Precisely.” He gave her a squeeze. “Damn you made that sound hot.” She giggled. “We can pick a spot close to your apprenticeship if you’d like.”</p><p>“James, you know I can’t afford that,” she said guiltily.</p><p>“Lily, you know I didn’t earn any of it either. We can <em>both </em>live off of another genius potioneer’s money while you work on your big break. You know, if this whole saving everyone from disease thing doesn’t work out, you too can invent something superficial and lucrative. Maybe <em>Lily’s-this-is-how-I-look-so-luscious-every-goddamn-day-elixir.</em>”</p><p>“Oh wow, well, that really rolls off the tongue.”</p><p>“Lily’s-Luscious-Elixir, Lily’s-Luscious-Elixir, Lily’s-Luscious-Lickzer.” James tilted his head to her. “See? Really not that hard.”</p><p>Lily laughed. “In that case, I’ll get right on it.”</p><p>“And you know, if you really are uncomfortable, I can just charge you rent!” James joked. “I’d go from your professor to your landlord. A little less sexy, but it’s still got a nice power dynamic to it, if it turns out you miss it.”</p><p>Lily stuck out her tongue as she slapped his chest. “All this cheek. It’s enough to drive a girl mad.” James opened his mouth, causing Lily to roll her eyes and hurry on. “Yes James, mad for you.”</p><p>James nodded satisfied.</p><p>She played with the hair falling over his forehead, continuing softly, “Do you really want to live together?”</p><p>Not breaking their devoted gaze at each other, he captured her hand and brought her wrist to his lips. “Yes.”</p><p>Lily sucked in her lower lip. “Okay.”</p><p>“Yeah?” James cried out way too loudly for how quietly they’d just been whispering to one another. “You mean it?” He’d rolled her so she was laying on top of him.</p><p>“Yes, James, I’d love to move in with you.”</p><p>James eagerly tangled his hands in her hair, crashing his mouth into hers to absorb her hearty laugh. “You won’t regret this, I promise.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>Still beneath her, his eyes glazed over. “Hey Lily?”</p><p>“Yes, James?”</p><p>“ I love you.”</p><p>“I fucking love you, too.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Fin.</em> </b>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>People on FF seemed to want a sort of epilogue - and honestly, I normally hate those, but never say never. I would feel like I'm doing a disservice to this story writing it now (as my heart's already in my next Jily fic), but if I write it, I'll add it here too. It won't be soon though! </p><p>Thanks for reading &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>